Courting Anne
by LizzyEastwood
Summary: This is an AU story for Anne of the Island…. What if Gilbert never proposed in the Patty's Place orchard? How would things have unfolded when Gilbert and Anne are still very much friends when Anne meets Roy Gardner? What happens when Anne has both Gilbert and Roy vying for her affection?
1. Gilbert Doesn't Speak

_Hello all! I just couldn't stay away for too long from these two! This story has been brewing in my brain, screaming to be written. So here is it…. This is the journey of what might have happened had Gilbert decided against proposing that night at Patty's Place. What happens to their friendship and Gilbert's hopes when Anne meets the handsome Royal Gardner?_

 _I always have inspiration for my stories and this time is no different. As this is my third Anne/Gilbert story, I have gotten to know many of you through your reviews and through your own stories and I have enjoyed all of it. You're all so great, and I wanted to share this with you. I have to confess I have particular inspiration from some of the very recent stories I have read here (Katherine-with-a-k, Catiegirl, and hecalledmecarrots come to mind)... These stories have intrigued me so much that I was inspired to write this one based off of some of the ideas that hit me while I was enjoying their work_

 _I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think..._

When Gilbert Blythe had the good fortune to come upon his Anne, sitting alone in the Patty's Place orchard, he could hardly believe his good luck. _Perhaps tonight will be the night,_ he thought.

They talked lightly for several minutes, Gilbert letting her know he would not be in Avonlea over the summer. He could tell that thought unsettled her. Thinking it would bring her comfort; he inched closer to her on the boulder. As soon as he did, Gilbert could see her posture stiffen slightly and her face form a slight frown.

It was a simple reaction, one that anyone who knew Anne would take to mean she was uncomfortable.

"You've studied very constantly this winter." Anne spoke absently. "Isn't this a delightful evening? Do you know, I found a cluster of white violets under that old twisted tree over there today? I felt as if I had discovered a gold mine."

"You are always discovering gold mines," Gilbert said – also absently. _What inane conversation is this?_ His mind was otherwise occupied. Her conversation troubled him, maybe not her words, but the tone of her voice. Something was not right, he could tell. Then all of a sudden her felt rather unsure of himself. _Am I about to make a big mistake?_ He quickly reassessed his thoughts of the past few weeks. His heart sunk as he realized just what had been thwarting his efforts to be alone with her… Anne. _She_ was the one finding the excuses to leave his company; _she_ was the one who made sure their evening walks always included a third or fourth. _How had I not seen it?_ As if to punctuate his thoughts, now she was constantly looking at the door to the house, as though wishing for someone to walk through it and rescue her.

"Let us go see if we can find some more," suggested Anne eagerly. Eagerly enough for Gilbert to realize that Anne and most likely discerned his intentions as was doing her best to avoid it. "I'll call Phil and she can help us." Anne looked at Gilbert with pleading eyes, almost begging him not to continue on as he had in the past few weeks. He had been so sure, but her body language, her eyes, her words were telling him otherwise.

He wanted to tell her to never mind Phil and the flowers. He wanted to tell her he loved her and wanted to marry her. But he listened to the voice in the dark recesses of his mind that told him if he spoke in that moment, their friendship would be ruined. She would say no – so he did the only thing he could.

"Sounds fine, Anne. I would be happy to pick flowers with you and Phil." The sigh of relief that escaped Anne's lips broke his heart.

Anne was quite relieved. _Perhaps I have been imaging his intentions_ , she thought. She ran in to get Phil, leaving Gilbert with a few moments to himself. What had just happened? Had he really only imagined that there was more between them then friendship? Had he truly been this foolish? That he loved Anne was not to be doubted. He had thought she felt the same way

Gilbert Blythe was not a vain man; at least he endeavored not to be. What vanity he had as a boy was quickly beaten out of him with one thwack of a slate, followed by five years in exile at the hands of Anne Shirley. If he were being honest, Gilbert would not have had to look too far or try too hard to find a girl who would be happy to have him court her or hang on his arm at dances. Finding girls interested in him was never a problem. He had spent two years avoiding the fast set at White Sands, not always an easy enterprise. But Gilbert was interested in none of them. He had only ever had eyes for Anne. She had intrigued in from the very beginning. Perhaps she first intrigued him because she never flattered his vanity like so many of the other girls in Avonlea. That fact alone made her different and that made Gilbert determined to make her notice him. And boy had he succeeded, beyond his wildest imagination, only not in the way he wanted. If he thought hard enough about it he could still feel the crack of the slate as it broke across his head, his astonishment had mitigated the pain. Nine years had now come and gone. His intrigue had given way to love. His heart had been irrevocably hers for those nine years. In the beginning it meant little, for they were young and she had refused to speak to him for the first five of those years. But the moment she offered her hand in friendship at the Blythe gate, Gilbert fell even harder for the orphan girl from Bolingbroke who finally gave purpose to his life. Gilbert had given up the Avonlea School because he thought it was the decent thing to do. He thought perhaps he could finally make amends for their first encounter. But the moment her hand reached for his, he knew he did it because he loved her. He would have done anything to make her happy… even if it meant sacrificing his own dreams.

His reverie was broken by the sounds of Anne, accompanied by Phil and Stella stepping into the orchard. Gilbert laughed bitterly at the sight. _What Anne? Was Phil not enough company for you to be comfortable with me?_ He stood as the ladies made their way to him.

"Good evening ladies," Gilbert said with more cheer than he felt. What he really wanted to do was leave. But he knew if he did that it would look strange. He would only have to endure a bit more before he could leave with his self-respect intact. "I hear we are flower picking."

"Yes, Gilbert," said Stella, "Anne just can't get enough of these white violets. Apparently we are urgently needed to pick more with both of you." Stella said it in all innocence, a jest at Anne's determination that Phil and Stella join them. If she knew she was twisting Gilbert's heart with her words, she would have stopped talking immediately. "Honestly Anne, we have two full arrangements worth inside."

Anne looked at Gilbert and saw a look on his face she could not recognize. Whatever it was, he looked like he was in pain. Her heart broke a little. But she could say nothing, for she knew not what to say. Luckily Phil, who noticed the awkwardness of the situation, was there to lighten the mood, "Well, I for one can never get enough white violets. We can pick some for my room."

"Whatever you say Phil. It beats the Latin homework I was doing so count me in," said Stella.

Gilbert smiled at Phil while doing everything in his power not to look at Anne. _Why was this so awkward? Nothing happened? Come on, Blythe! Pull it together before you do or say something stupid!"_

"Well it's been my experience that a lady can never have too many flowers," Gilbert finally managed to say with a smile. "And it would be a shame if Anne had to leave her goldmines with treasures undiscovered."

Phil and Stella looked at Gilbert quizzically, assured he was speaking in that language he and Anne often did that only they understood. Gilbert finally found the courage to look at Anne, who rewarded him with an appreciative smile. Anne thought in that moment that one of her greatest treasures was standing before her smiling. Her stomach fluttered slightly at his intense gaze. Her relief was great as she shuddered to think what might have happened to their friendship. He must have understood it too. They both stood staring at each other for several moments. Gilbert could only think about what a terrible fool he had been until thoughts of just how beautiful Anne was overrode everything. Finally he sighed and looked away, accompanying the ladies to the tree.

They made small talk for another half an hour before Gilbert gladly took his leave. As he said his goodbyes, Anne had a moment of panic. While much of the awkwardness had dissipated, she was still unsure where they stood now.

He turned to leave as the other ladies went inside. He heard Anne call his name gently.

"Gil, are we still on to study tomorrow evening?"

Gilbert turned around and smiled at her, "Of course, Carrots. I'll be here at six o'clock sharp. Don't forget to read the study sheet."

"I won't, thanks Gil!" Anne responded with a relief at his appellation of endearment. Gilbert only nodded as he walked away from Patty's Place.

Anne knew not what to make of the evening. She had been sure he had been about to declare himself. It would have been dreadful indeed. But perhaps she had been wrong. It was all so confusing to her. The prospect of breaking his heart was a terrible thought. But the prospect of losing his friendship was even worse. She was glad she had to do neither. _Oh why can't he just be sensible? I don't care for him like that!_ She sighed as she walked inside. She could tell Phil had picked up on the tension but Anne said nothing to her about it. It was all speculation anyways. Whatever he may have wanted to say, he didn't. Anne didn't let herself think that just because he said nothing didn't mean he felt nothing. Because to think that would alter everything. Nor did she analyze the queer flutter in her stomach when Gilbert's intense gaze bored into her soul.

Anne declined Phil's invitation to a slice of her own lemon pie and went to bed. She knew Phil would want to talk, but there was nothing to say. She went up to her room where her sleep did not come easy. Shockingly, it wasn't thoughts of Gilbert's feelings for her that kept her awake but rather the unsettling prospect of a summer in Avonlea without him.

Gilbert walked home a bit unbelieving of what had just happened. _Had I been about to propose marriage to Anne?_ He had thought about it hundreds of times before, knowing it was something he would do in the future. But tonight, when he saw her sitting in the moonlight, his heart ached for her. But he had been foolish. While he was more than ready to declare his love, she was simply wishing him gone.

 _How could I have thought she returned my feelings? Am I really such a blind fool that I saw something that wasn't there?_ Evidently he had. He was worried that it would be hard to see her now. But perhaps he could act as though it never happened… Although, he would know! Gilbert wished he knew the reason for her reluctance to hear him out. But at the same time he didn't, for it could only mean she did not love him as he did her. The thought tore at his soul as he realized just how much of who he had become was wrapped up in his dreams for a future with Anne. He hardly knew himself now. What was he working for if not for a future with the woman he loved? Did he now have to construct a future that didn't include her? Perhaps he had been foolish to build his future around their friendship, but how could he not when he knew in the deepest parts of his heart that Anne was the only woman for him? He could not imagine loving another. Simply put, Anne Shirley was the tether that bound Gilbert to happiness.

At that thought, he laughed bitterly to himself as he almost wished he had proposed. Had she rejected him he would have had an excuse to put some distance between them. But he quickly realized that was the last thing he wanted. He wasn't sure he could survive without her in his life. His heart was being pulled in too many directions. But one thing he knew for certain, he needed Anne Shirley. Life without her was not an option – it would be endless torture. But he had to admit that a summer apart – just a bit of distance between them – would be good for him. Perhaps he could work to put his feelings for her behind him.

By the time he made it home to the boarding house, Gilbert had resolved to pretend this day never happened. He would bury his feelings for now and continue has if nothing had changed. And nothing really had changed. Gilbert still loved her and they were still friends. It would have to be enough for now. Her friendship was too important to him; he had fought for her regard for so long. He refused to give it up, no matter what happened or didn't happen between them. They had two more years at Redmond and so much _could_ happen. Gilbert would not give up on her until he heard her tell him that she could never love him. But how he would proceed from this moment would be different indeed. He would have to guard his heart more carefully. It was a futile thought for one so completely lost to her. He sighed as he fell on to his bed. As confused as he was about everything, one final thought marked his brain before he fell into a restless sleep, _Thank goodness I kept my stupid mouth shut!_


	2. Enter Prince Charming

_Hello all! This is a faster update than I would normally post because I was going to post this as part of the first chapter but decided it was better to break them up. I will do my best to post once every week or two for this story. I am still working out some of the details in my head. Hope you all enjoy chapter two! Thanks for reading!_

The day had been chilly and the unexpected rain had made for a muddy football game. But after the rain ceased, the sky gave way to a beautiful November day. Gilbert walked to Patty's Place slowly. He was tired, but also strangely anxious. It had been the same since he returned to Redmond in September. Anytime he was about to see Anne, he felt oddly uneasy. Although their separation over the summer was good for Gilbert's short-term well-being, it did nothing to remove Anne from his heart.

After the night that Gilbert had dubbed 'the dream-killer,' things had not been quite the same between them. They were of course still friends, and as close as ever. Over the summer they exchanged several letters and upon returning to Redmond they picked up naturally enough. To any outside observer, things were fine. But, to Gilbert, it didn't feel fine. It felt off – like even though he had said nothing, the genie could not be put back inside the bottle. He could not just go on pretending he only felt friendship for her. It was only after weeks of rehashing the dream killer over in his head did he find that he regretted not speaking.

His regret wasn't because he now thought she would say yes, but because it would almost be easier for him now if he had asked and she said no. If he had heard her say no, heard her say she didn't love him, it would have hurt badly. But he would have had his answer. He would really know that there was no chance for them. But to have not even taken the chance haunted him. What he thought he knew, he didn't really. Given her reaction that evening, it was unlikely her reply would have been favorable. But he didn't know if he had read the situation correctly or not. He honestly had no idea if Anne even knew how he felt, nor did he understand her true feelings. If she had rejected him would it have been because she wasn't ready, or because she was scared, or simply because she didn't love him and never would? For now, here he was still hopelessly in love with her with no idea whether or not she could ever really be his. _But hasn't everyone always said we would make a match of it?_

These questions haunted him for months since that day and no answers revealed themselves during their separation or their reunion. They had both eased back into the comfortable and easy way they had always been. Only Gilbert was now plagued by the persistent thought that he made a mistake. For better or worse, it would have been better for his heart. If he needed to get over Anne Shirley, he wished he could have gotten started six months ago. He didn't let himself dwell too much on the fact that nothing was stopping him from speaking now. He could march over to Patty's Place at any time and rectify his mistake. _Could her rejection really be worse than all this uncertainty,_ he thought. He knew the answer to that, which was why his mistake continued on unresolved.

He sighed as he walked on, the crisp air causing him to tighten his jacket around him. He arrived at Patty's Place on Phil's suggestion he stop over after the game to meet Jonas. He found it quite funny that a woman as fickle as Philipa Gordon was falling for a poor would be minister. Gilbert was actually quite intrigued to meet him. He was additionally relieved by the prospect of male company.

The door opened before he knocked, "Gilbert!" Phil grabbed him and practically pulled him inside. "I saw you coming up the walk. I just can't wait for you to meet Jonas! Gilbert, he has no idea how silly I am, so please don't tell him. But he's really a dear and I know you two will get along famously!"

"Well hello to you too, Phil," he managed to say after taking in her torrent of words. She barely gave him the chance to remove his jacket and hat before the introductions were made.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Jonas. I have heard quite a bit about you. You're really quite famous around Patty's Place."

Jonas chuckled, "Please call me Jo. Philippa will paint an interesting picture of me I am sure," he said smiling at Phil. "Gilbert, you are quite the football player! I confess I don't know much about the sport, but from what we saw today, you're one of the best on the team."

Gilbert gave a slight bow and muttered a thank you. Their easy conversation continued for a few minutes until Anne entered the room. Gilbert's eyes flew to her.

"Hi, Gil," said Anne with a timid smile.

"Hi, Anne. We missed you at the game today."

"Yes, well I confess I wasn't in a football mood today. I decided to take a walk instead." She did not mention that no one had asked her to go to the game, well unless one counted that horrid Dan ranger, which she most certainly did not!

It was then that a knock came at the door.

"Who could that be?" Phil asked as she walked to open it. On the other side was a delivery man with a large rectangular box. "I have a delivery for Miss Shirley."

Anne stepped forward, "I am Anne Shirley."

"Here you are, Miss."

"Thank you," was all she said in her confusion, even forgetting to tip the man a small something. It was Gilbert who reached into is pocket for some coins to slip into the man's waiting hands.

"Anne, what in the world is this?" Phil asked.

"I have no idea!" Anne replied as she placed the package on the table and opened the card. She gasped when she saw the name of the sender, Royal Gardner. Phil grabbed the card as Anne opened the box, revealing a dozen magnificent yellow roses.

"Royal Gardner!" Phil exclaimed. "Why Anne, I didn't know you were acquainted with Roy Gardner!"

Anne looked around the room briefly at the amused faces of Phil and Jonas. Gilbert's face registered something else – something she had not seen before - something unsettling.

"I met him in the park this afternoon in the rain." Anne explained. "My umbrella turned inside out and he came to my rescue with his. We waited out the rain in the pavilion."

"Oh!' Phil peered curiously as Anne and could not help but steal a glance at Gilbert. She read nothing from his face, so she continued. "And is that exceedingly commonplace incident any reason why he should send us long-stemmed roses by the dozen, with a very sentimental rhyme? Or why we should blush divinest rosy-red when we look at his card? Anne, thy face betrayeth thee."

"Don't talk nonsense, Phil. Do you know Mr. Gardner?" said Anne doing her best to remain indifferent.

"I've met his two sisters, and I know of him. So does everybody worthwhile in Kingsport. The Gardner's are among the richest, bluest, of Bluenoses. Roy is adorably handsome and clever. Two years ago his mother's health failed and he had to leave college and go abroad with her - his father is dead. He must have been greatly disappointed to have to give up his class, but they say he was perfectly sweet about it. Fee - fi - fo - fum, Anne. I smell romance." Phil knew she might be baiting Gilbert, but it was high time the gentleman did _something_ as far as Anne was concerned. Perhaps Roy might push him to act!

"You goose!" said Anne loftily.

Gilbert stood looking stoic at the whole scene playing before him. He watched as Anne blushed at Phil's teasing as she read whatever poetry Roy Gardner wrote to her. He said nothing because all the air had left his lungs. Gilbert was no fool, he knew there were plenty of men on Redmond campus who would love a chance with Anne. But he also knew that their own names had been linked together for some time on campus. He had done nothing to refute it. So most of the other guys steered clear of Anne. But apparently not anymore.

"Well, Anne you must have really been something to catch Roy Gardner's attention. He's quite handsome. And conveniently rich, I might add." Phil then turned to Gilbert, " You must have seen him before, haven't you Gilbert?"

Gilbert reacted as he thought he should, "Umm, yes, I know Roy. We have a class together. He's a nice enough guy. "

"Oh I am sure he is!" Seeing the looked on Gilbert's face, Phil reigned in her praise of Roy Gardner.

Anne avoided Gilbert's gaze for a reason she could not fathom and quickly excused herself to find a suitable vase.

Alone in the kitchen, she couldn't help but smile at the thoughtfulness and sweetness of Royal Gardner. _Was this not part and parcel of my childhood dreams? A chance meeting with a handsome stranger?_ She shivered just thinking about it. _I wonder if he is a kindred spirit? He certainly seemed like one._

Anne reread the note he sent. She didn't recognize the poem and thought he must have written it himself. Yes, Anne Shirley was impressed. She was reluctant to return to the others so she lingered for several long minutes in the kitchen. What she really wanted to do was put herself to bed and replay the events of the day in her mind. She wanted to remember every handsome feature of Roy's face as she imagined him smiling at her as he did when they parted ways this afternoon. Yes, that would do quite nicely.

She arranged her flowers prettily and left them on the table. Walking back through the door she only saw Phil and Jonas sitting and chatting away innocently.

"Anne, Jo and I are thinking about going for a walk before he has to make it back for the last train. Would you like to join us?" Asked Phil when she noticed Anne.

Anne looked around; certain Gilbert would pop his head in any moment to escort her. But he didn't

"That sounds nice Phil, but three would be a crowd. What happened to Gilbert?"

"Oh, he had to leave. He said he forgot about a paper he had due next week and was way behind," said Phil.

"Oh," was all Anne said.

"Come Anne, walk with us and tell me all about what happened with Roy."

"Maybe tomorrow, Phil. It's been a long day and I think I am going to turn in early. I also have some school work to do."

"Suit yourself, Anne. But don't stay up all night day dreaming!" Phil teased.

"I won't, you goose," said Anne playfully. "Now go!"

"Goodnight, Anne," said Jonas.

"Goodnight, Jonas," she returned.

The pair got up, put on their jackets and left Anne standing in the solitude she had craved only moments before. She did not know when Priscilla or Stella would be home. She suddenly felt rather alone. _How silly of me, isn't this just what I wanted?_ She retrieved her flowers and took them up to her room, content to reread Roy's poem over and over again. It did cause her heart to flutter just a bit.

It started only as a hollow thought, one that barely reached her conscious mind. But for a split second she thought that her price for the flowers that evening was that something more precious walked out her front door. She could have one but not the other. The thought flashed so quickly that she dismissed it, assuring herself that one night of good company was worth the fulfillment of 13 year-old Anne's fantasy.

She lay long awake that night, nor did she wish for sleep. Her waking fancies were more alluring than any vision of dreamland. Had the real Prince come at last? Recalling those glorious dark eyes that had gazed so deeply into her own, Anne was content to think that perhaps he had.

Anne did not let herself analyze the reason for Gilbert's sudden departure. Nor did she analyze the still fleeting thoughts that things were about to change.

Back at the boarding house, Gilbert tried to begin writing a paper he had three more weeks to finish. He truly wanted his excuse for leaving Patty's Place to be true. It wasn't. Putting down his pen he walked over to the bed and sat in contemplation. During the walk home he had managed not to think about Anne. He filled his thoughts with ideas to research for his paper while he still labored under the delusion he cared a wit about the paper at all. But in the silence of his room he could no longer deny that another man had sent Anne flowers. Gilbert groaned, _how did I let this happen? How could I have been so stupid not to realize that eventually this would happen?_ Gilbert recalled Roy Gardner in his mind. He knew him to be a pleasant sort of fellow, kind to everyone as far as he could tell, even if he did seem a little stiff and boring. _But he's romantic, I have to give him that!_ He clearly had admired Anne in their first meeting. How could he not?

Anne practically beamed when she opened the box and read whatever ridiculously pompous words Gilbert was sure Roy wrote on that card. But whatever it had said it was enough for Anne to blush beautifully. The memory caused Gilbert to smile and frown at the same time. Seeing Anne blush was still one of the most amazing things he had ever seen. But seeing her blush at the pretentious poetry of another man made him almost sick. _Just my luck that the first time Anne meets Roy, he is saving her from a rainstorm. He's like prince charming! What story would you rather tell your kids? The first time I met your father he rescued me from a rainstorm in a beautiful pavilion by gallantly offering me his umbrella. Or, the first time I met your father he insulted me so terribly that I cracked a slate over his head and brutally ignored him for five years._ Gilbert knew he was being irrational by letting his mind jump too quickly from admiration to love and then from love to marriage in a single moment. He had to stop himself from getting too ahead things or this would drive him absolutely crazy.

But what was he to do? In his irrational mind he wanted to walk back to Patty's Place, kiss Anne on the mouth, and propose to her before anything else could happen. But he of course wouldn't do that. If proposing to her in the spring would have been a mistake, proposing now would be an unmitigated disaster. Anne wasn't ready to hear what he wanted to say any more now than she was then. So Gilbert would continue on as her friend. He would do so until the time came when he felt right about her, until he felt that she might welcome his suit. Over the past several months he had given substantial thought to what would happen if Anne never returned his affection. But even in his darkest moments of self-doubt, he couldn't bring himself to believe it was a possibility. _Except that it is. She's not mine for the taking!_ He all of a sudden realized that this was the reason he had let himself prattle on in his mind about the injustice of uncertainty. It was far better to be uncertain but still hope than to face the reality he now did. _Oh what an idiot I've been! What have I ever even done to deserve her?_ In defense of Gilbert, he had done much over the years to be worthy of Anne's love, except perhaps the one thing he knew not how to do… become the man of Anne Shirley's dreams.

Gilbert threw himself backwards on the bed, landing with a thud on the soft pillow. There was nothing to be done about it, he decided. The only thing to do was to see what happened. He knew he occupied an important place in Anne's life and he wasn't going to give that up because some smug Bluenose sent Anne flowers. In spite of himself he chuckled, Roy Gardner had everything in life, money, class, looks, a good family, and from what Gilbert could tell he had brains. He had many qualities to envy. But all it took for Gilbert to envy him was the look of happy surprise on Anne's face when she opened a bouquet of beautiful flowers.

Gilbert fell asleep with more questions than answers. The biggest question that loomed over him was how exactly a fellow was supposed to court a lady when that lady might want to be courted by someone else? _You've really made a mess of things, Blythe!_


	3. A Meeting of Minds

_So I brought a little Shakespeare into this chapter, I hope no one minds. Honestly, what you need to know about the play I reference if you're not familiar with it is boy loves girl, boy listens to the wrong people and believes terrible things about girl, boy publicly shames girl, girl pretends to die, boy realizes his mistake and publicly repents for his actions, girl reveals she's still alive, girl forgives boy, and boy and girl live happily ever after (may Shakespeare forgive me for that!)._

 _Thanks to everyone for your reviews and favorites! I hope this chapter begins to show a bit of where I am going with this. I hope it will be an enjoyable ride, but it won't be exactly easy for our dear couple._

* * *

Tuesday afternoons had been standing study sessions for Anne and Gilbert since fall term began. They had Junior British Literature together and took turns quizzing each other about passages and helping each other write homework essays. They both had a love for reading, which made the class enjoyable, made better by the fact that they spent time together.

They had seen one another several times since Roy's flowers arrived over a week ago. But Roy was not a subject they discussed. Gilbert asked nothing about him and Anne offered no further details. She did not tell him that Roy had stopped over only the previous day with an invitation to a poetry reading.

For the first time in many years, Anne kept details of her life from Gilbert. Likewise, for the first time in his memory he cared not to ask about them as the pertained to Roy Gardner. Gilbert had quietly decided that he would stay away from that topic as long as he could.

"Oh Gil, why do we have to read Romeo and Juliet? I can hardly read it without crying," Anne said with an exaggerated sigh.

"Anne honestly, you're such a goose sometimes. You must have read this play at least dozen times," Gilbert replied with a laugh. "I confess it's one of my least favorites."

"I know, but no matter how many times I read it, it just gets to me every time," Anne frowned.

"Well, I always thought you preferred the comedies anyways, you know, A Midsummer Night's Dream or Much Ado About Nothing. Those are the ones that won't make you want to jump in the river after you read them." Gilbert and Anne had read much Shakespeare over the years, and far too much Romeo and Juliet for Gilbert's tastes. _How many ways can we dissect this play anyways?_

"Oh, I can't reconcile the ending of Much Ado about Nothing," said Anne as she sat up straight and squared her shoulders. "I mean how can Hero forgive Claudio after suffering such a public shaming?"

Gilbert shrugged, "He repented very publicly, did he not?"

"Maybe so, but there's just no forgiving it. It didn't seem like enough."

"What else could he have done, Anne? He was made to think she died at his words. Don't you think that was punishment enough?" Gilbert loved these conversations with Anne. Once he found he could disagree with her and have it turn into a delightful debate, he sometimes provoked her into a discussion where he knew they disagreed.

"I don't question his contrition, just that even if I still loved him, I don't know if I could forgive him," Anne stated with conviction.

"Well, I do have first hand knowledge about your reluctance to forgive Anne, so I do see your point. I guess Claudio is lucky he shamed Hero and not you. Perhaps five years in exile would do the trick!" Gilbert laughed and Anne rolled her eyes.

"Perhaps five years wouldn't be long enough," she countered sarcastically.

"But," Gilbert added, "I would counter your argument by saying that if Hero could not find it in her heart to forgive him, then perhaps she didn't really love him in the first place."

"Gilbert, how could you say that?" Anne was incredulous at his statement. "He hurt her terribly!"

"Yes, but it was on a mistaken premise. He made a huge mistake based on manipulation. Can't there be an allowance for what he suffered? Hero forgave him in spite of his foolishness because she loved him."

"But that makes it worse. It's more painful when it's someone you love. He was supposed to know her better." As Anne spoke she couldn't help but think of Gilbert and wondered at it.

"Perhaps you have a point there. But he loved her deeply and lashed out. A man who felt less might have acted more reasonable."

"So you're saying I should wish for a man to love me so much that he says and does hurtful things when he's upset and angry at me for things I didn't do?" Anne's tone was smug, certain her question would end the debate in her favor.

But to her surprise, Gilbert took no time in answering, "No, Anne. You should hope that a man loves you so much that the mere thought of losing you crushes him so completely that he sees his whole world crumble before him. Might _that_ man deserve your forgiveness for acting so stupidly?" He was half way through his thought when he realized those thoughts were his own about Anne. He swallowed hard as he finished, attempting to maintain an unaffected countenance. _It's the way I love you, Anne!_ Looking at Anne he saw her color rising. She was never so beautiful as when they were arguing over various topics, _or was she blushing?_

At his words a sudden shudder went through Anne. For a moment she thought they might be talking about more than Shakespeare. In Gilbert's mind Shakespeare should have no part in this conversation!

"You are making it very difficult for me to disagree with you," said Anne shyly.

"Well I did get an A in my debate course last term," he replied with a disarming grin.

"Maybe so, but I just can't let you win this one, Gil. You make a good point, but I just can't see forgiving him, despite the kind of love you describe."

"Fair enough." He meant to stop there, but couldn't stop himself from adding, "But when you fall in love one day, let's have this conversation again and see if you agree with me then." Gilbert spoke with levity.

Anne laughed at his playful words. "And when some girl breaks your heart, Gil, we can see how eager you are to forgive her!" she said as she playfully threw a pillow at his head.

Gilbert dodged the hit and grabbed the pillow next to him as a shield. "Anne, don't start something you can't finish!" he warned.

"You wouldn't dare start a pillow fight in a house full of knick knacks, Gil!"

"I believe you started it, Miss Shirley," said Gilbert as he threw the pillow at her lightly, allowing her to catch it in her arms. "We really should be getting back to the topic at hand, which is, unfortunately, Romeo and Juliet."

"Well at least we have no argument there. I can confess it makes me cry, but I can't truly be in sympathy with suicide for love, especially after knowing each other such a short time. I may have thought differently when I was younger, but now all I can think is that they are fools!"

 _Fools indeed they were_ , thought Gilbert. "That's an understatement!"

They continued to read and study for another hour before Gilbert was ready to leave. "Hey, Anne, the Lambs are having a fundraising dance on Saturday. It's really no big thing, but I promised I would put in an appearance. Would you be interested in going with me?"

Anne looked at him uncomfortable for a moment before she said, "Oh, I wish I could but I have plans on Saturday.

Gilbert did not appear too disappointed. "Oh, okay. Are you going to opening night at the play? I forget the name of it but I heard the dramatics club really outdid themselves this year."

"Yes, I heard the same thing. It should be a great play," Anne replied.

"Well have fun. See you in class on Thursday." Gilbert stood to leave. "Bye Anne."

"Bye, Gil."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Anne chastised herself inwardly. _Why did I let him believe I was going to see that play?_ She wasn't seeing the play. She had plans to attend a lecture with Roy Gardner. As was her wont, Anne found that she didn't want to analyze the answer to that question too deeply so she shook off the unsettling feeling and began to think about spending what would be her another day with Roy. She was all anticipation. He had proven himself a gentleman and she was eager to know him better. He was certainly smart and well read. There was no question he was handsome. But more importantly, in the short time she had known him Roy just made Anne feel like some one she had never been before. When he was with him, Anne never felt like the orphan Anne Shirley. She felt like with Roy she could finally be who she had always dreamed of becoming, a sophisticated and intelligent woman; one who had caught the eye of the one of the most eligible bachelors in Kingsport. It was as though he had been made exactly from her childhood fantasy. In addition to handsome, he was kind and thoughtful, serious, and quite charming. Anne smiled in anticipation, putting all the unsettling thoughts of whatever she may have told Gilbert aside. All her thought and energy went into imagining just what it was that made Roy Gardner tick. She briefly thought back to her conversation with Gilbert. _I wonder if Roy could ever love me enough to be that foolish?_ What only an hour ago struck her as unconvincing was now quite enticing when she thought of Roy. _With those eyes and that smile, I might just be able to forgive him anything._

Anne sighed – and but for the hollow feeling that persistently popped into her brain that that she would never read Much Ado About Nothing in the same way ever again – Anne was quite content to continue her daydreams, however premature and silly they may be. She felt it odd, however, that try as she might she could not get Roy to appear in her castle in Spain.

Gilbert arrived back at the boarding house, and was immediately bombarded by Charlie Sloane and Rex Carlson. They had all agreed to study for their Latin exam together and Charlie needed the help. Gilbert managed to get him to agree to dinner first. Afterward, he went to his room to retrieve his Latin book. As he opened the door he was surprised to see a letter sitting on the floor, obviously left under his door, the preferred mail delivery system at the boarding house. He had just heard from home, so he peaked curiously at the return address – Ronald Stuart. Ronald had graduated the previous year and they had maintained a causal correspondence since. Gilbert had to laugh as he thought of Ronald. He had been a fellow Lamb and the person most chiefly responsible for Gilbert traipsing around Kingsport in a sunbonnet and apron. Gilbert wanted to read his letter, but he put it aside for later perusal. Whatever Ronald Stuart had to say would have to wait until Charlie Sloane learned the difference between the first person singular of the present indicative active and the first person singular of the perfect indicative active. Gilbert sighed as he picked up his textbook; it was going to be a long night. His only consolation was the thought when he did finally sleep that night, he would have the pleasant task of replaying his conversation with Anne in his head until sleep finally took him. That thought would indeed be enough for him to survive the Sloanishness that was sure to make this particular study session more tedious than most.


	4. An Evening with Roy

_Here is the next installment. Many thanks for all the reviews and follows, they are much appreciated! Things are about to get interesting, but first we have to lay the groundwork with Roy. I wanted to give him some depth as I always found it hard to believe Anne could have put up with him for two years (as she had in canon) otherwise. I am interested to hear what you all feel/think about my version of Roy and Anne's initial reaction to him. Enjoy!_

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On the Saturday evening that Anne did _not_ go the play she had led Gilbert to believe she was attending, she and Roy walked from the lecture hall side-by-side, perhaps a little closer than propriety would dictate. Anne reveled in the closeness; sure she had never been as taken with anyone as she was with Roy.

"So Anne, what did you think about the lecture? Do you find early Roman architecture as fascinating as I do?" Roy spoke as soon as they found themselves away from the small crowd and headed home.

Anne smiled, "Not knowing the degree of your fascination, I can't say, but it certainly was interesting." Anne was only stretching the truth a bit. The first half had been interesting enough. But the lecture had carried on so long, and it had been such a beautiful day, that her mind began to wander and she longed to be outdoors.

"I am glad you enjoyed it, Anne. It's nice to be able to share this interest with someone." Roy spoke with such feeling that Anne was led to believe his fascination ran rather deep.

"It's amazing to think of what civilizations that went before us were able to accomplish with none of the modern conveniences we enjoy," said Anne.

"The human mind is a beautiful thing. We've built our own society on their knowledge and improved upon the human condition. Looking at their ornate structures its hard to believe some of them are still standing today," Roy said.

"It's quite a feat of engineering and architecture," replied Anne. She was quite done talking about this topic. "So Roy, we spent the whole time together last time discussing poetry." Anne recalled their conversations and remembered being quite stimulated by it, even if it had lacked a certain quality she shared with Gilbert when they were having discussions. She attributed that difference to her level of comfort with Gilbert. Roy was obviously well read and intelligent, however. He had just the sort of mind she had always imagined of a perfect gentleman. 'Tell me about yourself. I know you hail from Kingsport. And Phil tells me you have sisters."

"Yes, I have two, Aline and Dorothy. They are both younger than me." He stopped rather abruptly.

"Are you close with them?" Anne asked, hoping to draw Roy out a bit.

"As close as any brother, I suppose." Roy talked briefly about his family, mentioning what Anne already knew, that his father had passed away.

"I am sorry to hear that," said Anne with feeling. "It must have been very hard for your family." _Oh Anne, what a dumb thing to say, Of course it was hard on them,_ she thought as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

But Roy seemed unbothered by her remarks, "Yes, I am afraid my mother became very sick after. It's why I left Redmond and went abroad with her for some time. But time has lessened the pain for all of us."

"I am glad to hear that. Were you two very close?" Anne somehow saw a picture in her mind of Gilbert laughing with his father. She had always felt that theirs was the gold standard of father son relationships.

"I loved my father, very much. But business took him away a good deal more than I would have liked. But when we did see him, we were very happy. He was a good man and a good provider."

"I am sure he was. It's nice that you have those memories of him." Anne pictured Roy as a young boy sitting on his father's lap, learning the finer points of business. A smile crept across her face at the thought.

Roy spoke eloquently about his father thereafter, though Anne noticed he spoke nothing of the details of their memories, but did compile a list of his finer qualities. _It must be hard for him to talk about it,_ she thought. In truth, it was hard for Roy. He was not an emotional man and speaking of his father was difficult. He had never truly talked to anyone about what it meant for him to lose him. But he was trying, really trying, to open up, even if just a little, to Anne.

As they walked, Anne's arm was resting in the crook of Roy's as he escorted her. She noticed his other hand had several times covered hers as he spoke. He never left it there long but Anne fluttered a bit at his innocent touch.

They had been together three times and been in each others' company several more times when Roy called at Patty's Place during the week. Anne could hardly sleep but for thinking about him. They were generally easy with one another and conversation flowed with little awkwardness.

In the two weeks they had known one another, Anne wondered exactly what her feelings towards him were. He was everything she had ever imagined he would be and Anne only had to convince herself very slightly that she was attracted to him. She could see herself one day falling very much in love with him.

Roy, for his part, was quite smitten with Anne from the very first moment he met her. Her beautiful eyes had captivated him and he was pleased to find that she was as smart as she was beautiful. Roy thought very early on that this young woman might just be the one he would marry.

Anne was blissfully unaware at the rapid turn of Roy's mind. "Sorry, Anne. I have been talking about myself this whole time," he said in his deep, melodic voice. "Why don't you tell me about your family. I am interested to hear about this Avonlea I hear you speak of with such praise."

Anne brightened at the mention of home. "Oh, Avonlea is the dearest place in the world! I know probably everyone feels that way about their home, but Avonlea is just such a part of me since my childhood."

"Oh, you haven't always lived there? Now that I think of it, I do remember Philipa saying you both hailed from Bolingbroke."

"Yes, well I am an adopted islander. Unfortunately both my parents died when I was just a baby. I never knew them. When I was eleven, I was adopted by Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert. I have lived there ever since. It's the first place I ever felt like home."

Roy was silent for a moment, searching for something to say. "I hadn't realized you were adopted Anne. I am sorry if I brought up an unpleasant topic." What Roy knew about adoption wouldn't have filled a scrap of paper, but he could not imagine being an orphan could be an easy life. He hated to think Anne had lived through unpleasantness. She deserved nothing but the best life could offer, or maybe more accurately the best that a life with him had to offer.

Anne looked sideways at him, "Oh no, Roy, it's not at all unpleasant. Finally being adopted into a loving, albeit, unconventional family was the best thing that ever happened to me."

Roy was visibly uncomfortable as Anne saw his free hand fiddle with the buttons on his jacket. "I am glad then, that it's a pleasant memory for you," was all he said.

Anne thought it was an awkward thing to say, boiling her life and adoption down to a single memory, but she said nothing. His nearness was wreaking havoc on her senses in a way she could not understand. "I have many pleasant memories Roy. But if this conversation makes you uncomfortable we can talk of something else."

Roy stopped and turned towards her. "I am sorry Anne. I have never known anyone who was adopted before so I was worried the memories may be unpleasant.

Anne thought for a moment, lost in the his deep inscrutable eyes before she replied, "Roy, none of us are immune from unpleasant memories. I have many of them to my name. But I am happy to say that was a lifetime ago. I regret nothing of my childhood as all those experiences shaped me to who I am today." Anne spoke with more conviction than she felt. In truth she had many regrets, things she had only shared with two other people. Things that as she thought about them, that she might one day feel comfortable sharing with Roy. But she had moment of doubt about whether Roy could ever really understand her. But the thought flashed in and out of her mind as she realized she didn't know enough about him to make that determination. Roy could be the one to whom she could open her whole heart.

Roy nodded at her reassuringly; happy he had not needlessly stressed her. She was clearly okay with her situation in life and now was not the time for deep conversation. He could get to know Anne Shirley slowly, he would not make the same mistakes he had with women in the past.

"Well then, why don't you tell me about the Cuthbert's," he said as they resumed their walk.

A wide smile formed on Anne's face as he regaled Roy with stories for the remainder of the journey. Roy seemed intrigued by Anne's stories and he listened attentively, asking appropriate questions and the appropriate times. Anne gave an abbreviated history of her life and included several names in her narrative that were familiar to Roy when she brought up Charlie Sloane and Gilbert Blythe.

"So that's why your Avonlea sounds familiar. Now that I think of it, I do remember Gilbert talking about it a time or two. He and I have a class together you know."

"Yes, he told me."

"So you and he are close then?" He asked so innocently that it was apparent to Anne that it was no innocent question at all. Roy was no fool. He had heard around Redmond enough how Anne and Gilbert were linked in gossip.

"Yes, Gilbert is a very dear friend." She tried to emphasize the friend part. "It was very hard to come to Kingsport all alone. I suppose I had Stella, we met at Queens, but I guess its just not the same as someone from home to make you feel home in a new place. Having a friend like Gilbert definitely helps to get through the homesickness."

"I can understand that. I have lived in Kingsport my whole life. I have been fortunate enough o travel extensively, but on this past trip, being gone for so long was definitely a challenge. I almost felt as though I didn't belong here when I came back."

"Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel that way when I go home after long absences. So much stays the same in Avonlea, yet the little things that change are what sometimes make me feel a bit out of place. Like when Marilla changes where she keeps the sugar or Mrs. Lynde has learned a new crochet technique." Anne spoke wistfully with feeling. "It's the little things that make home isn't it?"

"I suppose it is," replied Roy, thinking Anne had said some thing of importance to herself but he had a hard time deciphering the significance of her attachment to the location of the sugar jar. "I remember my father used to say that coming home for him was like having his heart beat in its natural rhythm again."

"Oh Roy that is a beautiful thought!" beamed Anne. "Your father seems like someone I wish I could have known. My friends would tell you that's just the sort of poetic thing I would say, only I would take a good deal more words to say it!" She laughed at her own expense, expecting Roy to join her. Her didn't.

Instead he merely nodded and changed the subject. "So I understand Gilbert Blythe hopes to be a doctor one day. That's quite ambitious of him."

"Oh yes, well Gilbert is nothing if not ambitious. He's been that way since I have known him. But I have no doubt he will be a fine doctor one day. He certainly has brains enough. But more than that, Gilbert has such heart and an 'Island sprit.' Those attributes will take home far whether he's a farmer or a doctor." Anne was happy to talk about Gilbert but thought it odd that Roy kept bringing him up.

"He will have long tough road ahead of him for sure. From what I understand, the medical courses at Redmond are some of the most rigorous in the country."

"I believe he's been told the same. But Gil always rises to the challenge and succeeds in everything he does," Anne thought for a moment about the years of persistence trying to win her friendship, "eventually!"

"Well that's good for him then." Roy relaxed a little, it was obvious to him that Anne cared for Gilbert Blythe, but he saw nothing for him to worry about in terms of it being more than friendship. It wasn't that Roy thought he had a claim on Anne so early on in their acquaintance, but he had been fooled several times before about a woman's affections when all of sudden they were in love with and engaged to other men before Roy even knew what happened. He was quite determined not relive that particular embarrassment and heartache. Although, whenever he looked at Anne, he could honestly believe he had never really cared for those girls before anyways. Perhaps fate had saved him from disaster, and now he was being happily recompensed.

"So, Roy, what are your plans after graduation?" asked Anne, trying to change the subject that had her thinking of Gilbert, which although not unpleasant to do so, prevented her from attending to the conversation and getting to know Roy better.

"Well, once I graduate I will take over my father's business here in Kingsport. His company has been run by the board of trustees since his death." Roy continued on with his post graduation plans the rest of the way to Patty's Place. "I just hope I can one day I can live up to my father's legacy."

"Roy, you speak with such conviction about your hopes, I have no doubt your father would already be proud of your hard work and dedication to his legacy," Anne said.

"Thank you, Anne. That means a lot to me." They were at the gate of Patty's Place. "And may I also say thank you for accompanying this evening. I had a wonderful time with you."

Anne blushed, "Thank you for taking me Roy. I had a nice time as well.

"Well then," said Roy as he took her hand in his and removed her glove slowly, "until we meet again." And with that he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her hand, lingering a second longer than necessary. Anne tingled all over at his closeness and the feeling of his warm lips on her hand. At that, she smiled at her and big her goodnight.

Anne stood for a moment at the gate, watching him walk away. She signed heavily. _What a charming gentleman his is,_ she thought. Suddenly realizing how cold it was getting, Anne turned and walked inside.

The next day, another bouquet of flowers found its way to Patty's Place. Yes, things with Royal Gardner were going very well indeed.


	5. A Better Understanding

_Here is the latest installment. I am glad people like my characterization of Roy in the last chapter, or at least that I gave him little more depth. As always to everyone who has reviewed and followed, thank you! Your reviews are so thoughtful and they really help me along in this process. Here is where things start to get real and hit home for our characters. Its hard to write these characters sometimes when so much uncertainty surrounds them. So I hope this comes across as I have intended, which is to show the bond between Anne and Gilbert and their understanding of one another. But also at the same time, we have to deal with the elephant in the room that they won't address...enjoy!_

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Gilbert stood by the side of the red brick building waiting patiently. Anne's class ended at the same time and they usually walked back together towards their respective lodgings. Gilbert had lately been staying late after class to talk with his professors as it was early December now and terms exams were upon them. Gilbert had spent much of the past two weeks finishing final papers and studying. To that end, other than one shared class, he had seen little of Anne in the past two weeks. Even their Tuesday study session had been cancelled due to Gilbert furiously meeting with folks from the scholarship committee.

The committee chairman had met with Gilbert several times regarding his grades. It seemed that even without knowing it was possible, Gilbert was in the running for the prestigious Cooper prize. The college had not awarded it in several years, and the committee thought that with Gilbert's grades and concentration in medicine, he had an excellent chance at winning it. Winning that scholarship would guarantee he could go to medical school full-time after graduation. It would be the biggest the achievement of his life, thus far.

But it would also mean he would have to hunker down and concentrate even harder on his studies for the next year and a half. He wasn't the only one in the running for it, however. He would have to beat out a fellow Junior. He could do it, but it wouldn't be easy. He smiled as he thought about telling Anne. She would be the only one he would tell. It was an enormous undertaking and he didn't wish to broadcast it to all of Redmond. But Anne was the one person he wanted to share it with; she would be there to encourage him as she always had.

After five minutes, Anne emerged from her class. Her face brightened immediately upon seeing Gilbert waiting for her.

"Hey Gil!" she said brightly.

"Hi Anne!"

"I thought you would be waiting for me inside," she stated, surprised to see him standing alone outside as the snow came down around him slowly.

"Well, I was but with this fresh snow all around, I couldn't resist the urge to come out and watch the frosted trees for a few minutes."

Anne laughed. "Gil, I think I must be rubbing off on you after all these years. That was a very Anne Shirley thing to say."

"Well, I'll consider that a compliment! Can I carry your books?"

Anne smiled, "No thanks, I have my bag today. You know, every time you ask me that I feel like we are leaving the school house in Avonlea together."

"Well that's odd considering I don't think we ever left the schoolhouse together as classmates," he replied.

"True, but I think it all the same," Anne shrugged. Gilbert just laughed. Anne was always surprising him like that.

"Well, if we ever had walked out together, I would have carried your books then too," said Gilbert.

"I am sure you would have," Anne replied. "We haven't seen much of you at Patty's Place in a couple of weeks. How is studying for exams?" Anne had found herself a bit lost for Gilbert's company and found she did not like going too long without seeing him.

"It's been fine. The boarding house has been a bit loud lately, or maybe I am just trying to concentrate too hard so I have spent a lot of time at the library."

"Well thankfully all the girls have been studying pretty diligently, so it's been quiet enough at home."

"Are you entertaining on Friday's still during exams?"

"Oh, yes, a little, anyways. Jonas is always there. Almost every week he comes to see us. Or rather he comes to see Phil." Anne did not mention Roy's frequent visits.

"Jonas seems like a nice guy. But definitely not the kind of man I would have pictured for her." Gilbert spoke honestly.

Anne laughed, "I don't think she would disagree with you there. But she's crazy about him already and I am pretty sure he feels the same way about her."

"Well good, I hope it works out."

Anne looked at Gilbert quizzically, "I see no reason why it wouldn't work out."

Gilbert just shrugged, "There's lots of reasons a person may not get to be with the one they love." He stopped but did not look at her. Then he added, "But I am sure it will work out for them."

"They are very different." Anne said.

"And that's bad?" asked Gilbert.

"Not bad, but it will just take them a good while to know one another." Anne thought of Roy in that moment, noting how different they were.

Gilbert laughed, "Anne honestly, I think they will enjoy getting to know one another." Gilbert said it in a cheeky tone that conveyed his jest and Anne blushed.

"I am sure they will. It's just hard to believe it of Phil. Jonas is the last person in the world I would have expected her to fall for."

"Anne, we can't always help who we fall in love with." Gilbert's voice all of a sudden had an edge to it that did not go unnoticed.

"Perhaps not. But that's what makes it so funny in Phil's case. She has two rich, handsome men vying for her affection and she cares nothing for them. She falls for a poor preacher." Anne's tone was amused.

"So I gather you don't feel the same disappointment with Phil that you felt for Diana when you found out she was engaged to Fred?" Gilbert wondered expectantly. He was always a touch irritated by Anne's disappointment about Fred Wright.

"Oh, Gil, I will admit I was disappointed when I heard that. Fred is certainly not the kind of dashing young suitor Diana used to want to marry."

"Anne, all that is book talk nonsense. Fred is a terrific fellow and he's crazy about her." Gilbert said defensively.

Anne rushed to defend herself, "Gil, I didn't say I still felt that way. I do like Fred a good deal and it's obvious they love each other and I am happy for her. It's just…"she trailed off.

"Just what?"

Anne tried to search for the right words. It was hard for anyone else to understand why she held so fast to those ideals of her childhood. Letting one go was difficult. Her life up to age eleven was in a constant state of flux and agitation. Her dreams and ideals were all she had to hang on to in a world where nothing was certain except for disappointment. It had been many years since she felt that way, but that part of her that longed for her dreams, in her way, in her time, exactly as she imagined was as much a part of her as her red hair.

"I don't know how to explain it without sounding like a silly girl. It's not really even about Fred or Diana," said Anne thoughtfully.

"Anne, its me, you can sound as silly as you want and I promise I won't laugh," Gilbert said sincerely, but with the hint of a smile.

Anne instinctively knew she could say anything in that moment and Gilbert would somehow understand. "When Diana and I were younger we used to talk about our ideal suitors. I know it sounds silly, but when you're a girl whose whole life had been uncertain, the only thing you have to cling to is your dreams sometimes. When they change, it's hard to accept it. When you spend half your life with no home, no parents, no love, no friends, your imagination tends to run away with you. I have invented so many worlds in my mind, Gilbert, so many wonderful things that helped to get me through the loneliness I used to feel before I came to Avonlea. I've let so many of those ideas go, and rightly so. While Marilla and Matthew were never the parents I had always dreamed about, they were the ones I needed, the ones who made me feel loved for the first time. They were everything I could have ever hoped for and more." Anne stopped, not knowing how to continue. How could she explain that she wasn't complaining about the things she had in her life or wishing for better than she had, but rather trying to reconcile the dreams that shaped her as a person and the reality that she lived in as that person.

Gilbert didn't hide the sadness from his face as Anne spoke of a life alone. It broke his heart to hear that his sweet Anne ever had to endure what she had. "I think I get it Anne. Your dreams and imagination have acted to protect you your whole life from unpleasantness and heartbreak. You almost wear them as armor from disappointment. And when they change, they unsettle you a little bit. Is that right?"

Anne was shocked he understood so fast and so easily. What he had said would have taken her much longer to put into words. But of course Gilbert would understand, he usually did. How was it that he was always the one person who truly understood her? She glanced sideways at Gilbert and gave him a shy smile, "Am I that obvious?"

"Not at all, Anne. I just know you that well. And to be honest, it makes sense given your history."

"You think so?" she asked surprised. Not that she expected him to judge her harshly for her feelings, but that he believed they were somehow sensible given her life was a bit of a surprise.

"Of course Anne. I know we don't talk a lot about what life was like for you before Avonlea. I know it wasn't easy for you to share the things you have with me. I understand what you had before Avonlea was unpleasant to put it mildly. I can't blame you for imagining a different life to escape it. Your imagination protected your heart. Not many people could have come through what you did with as much courage." Gilbert stopped speaking when he saw Anne's eyes riveted to his own. "Besides, your imagination and whimsy is something I have always loved about you." _Liked! Liked, you fool, not loved! Why can I all of sudden not think straight today! Quick and say something else!_ "But you know, sometimes reality can be better than dreams, Anne. I mean just look at Fred and Diana. Fred may not be what you ever thought for your best friend, but Fred loves Diana, very much. And if love carries any measure with you, which I know it does, you can be sure Diana will be rich in it always."

Anne didn't miss his slip, but passed it off to think on later. "I know he does Gilbert, and you know I like Fred, but what's more, Diana loves him and she's happy. I guess for me though, I might want to try to hold on to my ideals and dreams a little longer. There's a part of orphan Anne Shirley that needs to for while, at least until…" she trailed off. "I guess until I don't need them anymore."

"As you wish, Anne." Gilbert was a touch disappointed, but more than that his heart broke for her. She may have been his wonderful Anne, but there were still parts of her soul that needed healing. He would not push her. So he merely shrugged. "So it will be some sort of castle in Europe for you then one day?"

Anne stopped and looked at him. How did he know that? How could he know that? _I swear it's like he's in my head sometimes!_ "And just why would you think a European castle would be in my dreams?" Anne asked, remembering the many times she had constructed it in her mind with Gilbert stubbornly stuck there too.

Gilbert laughed, "Well it's just such an Anne thing to dream, isn't it?"

Anne huffed, "It's a castle in Spain if you must know. And if you don't stop laughing at me, I won't ever invite you for a visit!" She was somehow annoyed that he knew her so well.

"Sorry Anne, I did promise I wouldn't laugh didn't I?" Gilbert was only half contrite, as a smile still pulled at his lips that he could not hide.

"Gilbert Blythe, stop smiling!" At this his smile grew wider and he could not help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he saw Anne's fiery temper flare for a moment. But he also saw the makings a smile on her lips.

"Anne," he managed between laughs, "I'm sorry. Your Spanish castle is safe from me." Anne couldn't help but laugh at his merriment. But she meant to punish him for it anyways.

Anne stopped walking and bent down abruptly. Before Gilbert knew what she was about, a snowball came flying at his head. He had no chance to dodge it and it hit him square in the side of the head, knocking his hat to the ground. Momentarily stunned, he looked blankly at Anne who was now laughing so hard he saw a tear in her eye.

"Oh, Anne Shirley, I don't think you know what you just started!" Gilbert was now grinning mischievously as he dusted the snow from his head and retrieved his cap.

"That will teach you to laugh at me Mr. Blythe!" said Anne with satisfaction. But Gilbert was already gathering snow for his retaliation and Anne found she needed to do the same. It wasn't long before both were lobbing snowballs back and forth at each other, each in rapid succession. Anne managed to find a bunker behind a nearby bench while Gilbert stood out in the open, completely unprotected by the hail of snowball fire. Hoping to flush Anne out of her hiding spot, he flanked around the bench and began throwing furiously. She was surprised and rose to run out of her spot, away from Gilbert's fire. Unfortunately, the bottom of her dress caught on the foot of the bench. She was falling before she could stop herself. Gilbert reached out to try to catch her, but it was too late. They both went down and landed with a thud on the snow laden ground. They were both still laughing as Gilbert asked, "Anne, are you hurt?"

Anne, who could barely compose herself, replied, "I am fine, Gil. The only thing broken is perhaps my pride."

"What happened?"

"I think my dress got caught on this bench. Are you alright?" It took a moment for Anne to realize that Gilbert had reached her faster than she thought because his arms were around her, cradling her body. The warmth of his arm seemed to block out the cold from the snow and for a second Anne was quite content with the situation.

"I'm fine, just a little wet I think. Well, Miss Shirley, I guess that will teach you." Gilbert also noticed his arms around Anne as they lay in the snow. His hand was wrapped around her waist. He dared not move it an inch.

Anne turned her head, and they were now facing each other, just inches apart. They were both breathing a little heavy from the excursion and the fall and for a moment Gilbert just looked into her eyes. Never would an opportunity to kiss her be more perfect than it was now, and with every fiber of his being he wanted to. _Stop it, Blythe! Don't be a fool!_ He steeled himself and instead settled for whisking the hair that had fallen over her face away with his free hand.

Anne felt a slight tingle go through her as his hand grazed her face gently. She knew she needed to say something but words would not form. _What's wrong with me?_ she thought. Finally, she stuttered out, "And what exactly am I supposed to be learning?"

Gilbert blinked and remembered himself and where they were, effectively breaking whatever trance they had been in at the moment.

"You, Miss Shirley," he began as he pulled himself up to a sitting position and assisted Anne up as well, "should learn that it never pays to start a snow ball fight with me. I am pretty amazing."

Anne only rolled her eyes before she said, "Well Gil, being a gentleman will be your undoing I see because no matter how amazing you might be, you are just as soaked through as I am." It was lost on both of them that even though they were sitting in a pile of snow and were pretty well soaked through, neither of them was cold.

"Thank you for at least trying to catch me."

"My pleasure Anne. Sorry for not succeeding." Again they locked eyes with one another for a few seconds. Anne tried to will herself to look away but his eyes held hers again. Gilbert finally pulled his hand away from her waist and Anne instantly felt the spot go cold on her body. Gilbert saw a flash come over Anne's eyes and wondered at it. As they stared at one another, Anne could not help a bubble of laughter slip out of her mouth. Gilbert smiled instantly at her chuckle and began one of his own. It was only a few seconds before both were laughing uncontrollably at their childish behavior.

How long they sat there they knew not, it was only the sound of a familiar melting, musical, sympathetic voice that sounded behind them that either of them looked up from their spot.

"Anne, what in the world is going on here?" Roy stared incredulously at the pair sitting in the snow. Anne's hair was positively wild and Gilbert clothes were disheveled. Gilbert could only roll his eyes at Roy's pompousness. _Of course he shows up now!_

"Roy!" Anne was just as shocked to see him and quite instantly embarrassed that he should see her in such a state. Gilbert sensing her unease stood abruptly and helped Anne to her feet. "Roy what are you doing here?" Anne asked, still surprised.

"I suppose I could ask you the same thing?" Roy was still quite perplexed. "I was just walking back from my history class."

Anne smiled, "Gil and I were just having a little fun with a snow ball fight that's all. My dress caught on the bench and I fell."

Roy looked horrified, "A snowball fight? I don't understand."

Gilbert couldn't help but smile, "A snowball fight, Roy. You know, where people throw snowballs at each other and generally have a good time doing it." Gilbert's tone was sarcastic and Anne shot him a small smile, before turning it on Roy.

"Roy, don't tell me you've never had a snowball fight before?" she asked.

"Not since I was a boy, I surely haven't! Two grownups lying in a pile of snow is hardly what I would call a good time." Roy was quite stern. Anne wasn't sure if he was upset or not, but certainly looked like it. Was he upset about their lack of dignity or because he came upon her in such a situation with Gilbert?

"Well, I guess you had to be there, Gardner because it was actually quite fun." Gilbert looked at Anne again as saw she was now shivering. "Anne you're freezing! Here take my coat," he said as he attempted to remove his jacket to give to her.

"No, I am fine Gil, really." But nonetheless Gilbert removed his jacket and put it around her. "It's a little wet, but it should help you."

"Gil, you'll freeze yourself. I can't take this." Gilbert held up is hand. "I'll be fine Anne. Besides my sweater is quite warm."

"Thank you, Gil." Anne was grateful, as she was quite cold now. The heat had gone out of the experience entirely.

"All this nonsense, Anne is going to get sick standing out here shivering like this," Roy said. Gilbert grew increasingly annoyed with Roy's pretensions and the assumption that Anne was some dainty flower who couldn't handle a bit of cold weather without risking her health.

"Roy, I am really fine," replied Anne before Gilbert could respond with the sarcastic comment she knew was forming in his brain.

"Nevertheless, Anne we must get you home." At that Roy offered his arm to her, which she graciously accepted. "Gilbert, will you not walk with us?" she asked. Gilbert looked at them and sighed. He had no intention of interfering in this particular walk. "No Anne, you two run along. I'll come by later for my jacket." Roy, who until this point had not even thought to consider offering his own coat to Anne, so stunned he was at the scene before him, was suddenly struck with the idea.

"Here, Anne, take my coat and I can walk you home," he said as he removed his outerwear. He then quite presumptuously removed Gilbert's jacket from her shoulders and handed in back to him. Gilbert had a smile plastered on his face the entire time and took his jacket back without a word.

"Now then, that's better. Gilbert won't have to make a trip to Patty's Place just for his coat now."

"Great, thanks Roy, that's quite thoughtful of you." Gilbert put his jacket back on and wrapped it around himself; it was still warm from being around Anne's body.

"Roy, I was planning on walking with Gil," said Anne, slightly annoyed that Roy was trying to order an otherwise unordered encounter.

Before Roy could respond, Gilbert replied, "No, Anne, it's fine. You two go, really. I might just head over to the library anyways and start studying." As much as Gilbert wanted to accompany them, he actually wanted Anne to spend time with Roy. It would take really getting to know him for her to realize what ridiculous bore he truly was. Maybe then he could shatter her fantasy and make her see what was right in front of her. _Could she really be serious about Roy Gardner? He is handsome and rich, to be sure. But would Anne see past that? Of course she would._ But only a moment later he was unconvinced of his own argument.

"Are you sure?" Asked Anne, wondering at her disappointment at Gilbert leaving and then in the next moment excited about the prospect of a walk alone with Roy.

"Absolutely! But, I do hope you learned your lesson today, Miss Shirley."

"What, that you are a superior snowball thrower?" She asked cheekily.

"Well, yes, that but that's not the lesson I am talking about."

"Well then just what are you talking about?"

Gilbert looked at Roy, his hand possessively around Anne's shoulders. They did make a handsome couple he had to admit. Although, the stark contrast in their appearance amused him. Roy was impeccably dressed, with nary a stray crease in his clothes while Anne's hair was still in disarray and her dress was caked with snow and mud. Gilbert sighed to himself, _could Roy really appreciate everything that Anne had to offer_. "On second thought, I will just leave you to figure it out for yourself."

Anne rolled her eyes at him before he continued, "Oh and next time I see you, I want to hear all about the play, Anne. I haven't heard anything but rave reviews. Some of the guys at the boarding house who took their ladies were quite disappointed about that. They couldn't steal a single kiss the story was so riveting." Gilbert winked, causing Anne to blush.

"I hardly think kissing during a play is dignified!" stammered Roy, unable to control his outburst. Although, if Roy were being honest with himself, he would have admitted that even though he would never act upon such base thoughts, the idea of kissing Anne in a dark theater was not without its appeal.

Gilbert only smiled and Roy's outpouring of concerns on proper behavior, _Could Gardner really not realize a joke when he heard it_? "Well then, Gardner you should be happy to hear the play left everyone's dignity in tact." Anne smiled shyly at Gilbert but dared not laugh out loud after Roy's outburst. Gilbert was disappointed to see Anne hold herself back in Roy's presence.

"What play are you talking about, exactly?" asked Roy before Anne could respond. Roy possessed enough self-awareness to realize he was acting rather like a jealous fool. But he had seen the way Anne and Gilbert had looked at each other only moments ago. He had stood watching them for several minutes before he made his presence known. Of Gilbert's regard for Anne he was now certain. But part of him began to fleetingly question whether his initial assessment of Anne's feelings for Gilbert was correct. But what Roy may have lacked in humor, wit, and certain extraneous social graces, he more than made up for in the belief of his own superiority. It was how he immediately convinced himself his rash thought was unfounded. It was odd of him to pass the thought off immediately, given his wretched romantic history. But a fool Roy was in love and romance. Had he not already convinced himself of Anne's growing regard for him over the past weeks, he might have begun to question what he saw. But convinced he already was, and convinced he would remain… at least for now.

"The Drama Club put on an original play, the name of which escapes me, written by a friend of mine. I have yet to see it but Anne went the night of the Lambs fundraiser," said Gilbert.

Again, before Anne could speak Roy chimed in, "I don't believe Anne did see that play. That was the Saturday we went to the lecture, remember Anne?"

Anne's eyes were cast down at the ground. Understanding dawned instantly on Gilbert and when she looked up at him, she saw him looking directly at her. "Oh, I see," he said. "Sorry, I was under the impression… never mind. If I want a review I will just have to go see it myself, I guess." He recovered well, but there was no humor in his voice this time. "Good afternoon to both of you." Gilbert touched his hat to them, turned and walked away.

Anne got tenser the farther Gilbert walked and she knew she owed him an apology. She hadn't lied, but she had let him believe something that wasn't true. She had regretted it instantly, but thought it was harmless nonetheless. _Wasn't I just trying to spare his feelings?_ Seeing his expression now she knew otherwise. "Excuse me for a moment, Roy." Roy was stunned as Anne let go of his arm and ran after Gilbert. "Gil!" she called. "Gil, please wait a second!"

Gilbert stopped at the sound of her voice and turned around. Anne was running towards him. Anne wasted no time in apologizing. "Gil, I am sorry. I just… I… I am just sorry. I didn't mean to-." But Gilbert cut her off, "It's fine Anne. But you could have just told me you know. I don't have a claim on all your time, despite what gossip around here says." Gilbert's voice again had a slight edge.

"I know, and I don't know why I didn't," Anne said a little rattled.

Before he could stop himself he said, in a low voice, "Come on, Anne, we both know why." He said nothing else and just searched Anne's eyes for any sign she understood him. He could see his words affected her but before he could respond, he added, "You can make it up to me by going with me this weekend. There's a matinee on Saturday. What do you say?" Gilbert was still a bit hurt, but he realized Anne was only trying to spare his feelings, which indicated she might know more than she thought he did. He saw her momentary reluctance and immediately put her at ease when he smiled widely and said, "If you're worried I may compromise your dignity I can assure you will still be the dignified redhead who cracked a slate over my head and almost drowned in Barry's pond." He winked at her again, "And don't worry, Roy won't ever hear about those things from me!"

Anne laughed and swatted his arm, "Gilbert Blythe, you are insufferable!"

"I am, but you're going to come to the play with me anyways aren't you?"

Anne was grateful for his easygoing manner and that he had not held her foolishness against her. "Well that depends."

"Anne, when asking for forgiveness I don't think you get to set the terms, because if that's the case I was doing it all wrong with you for many years." Anne only laughed. Gilbert took the bait. "On what, exactly, does it depend?"

"That you accept my apology and you're not angry with me."

"Of course, Anne, we're friends. And _I_ am not the one who holds grudges, remember?" Although in that moment the word friends sounded an awful lot like the death of his hopes.

"Good, then I will see you this Saturday then."

"Okay Anne." Gilbert saw an impatient Roy walking towards them. "Roy is waiting for you, you should go."

"Bye, Gil!" With that, Anne walked off with Roy, leaving Gilbert standing in drift of snow. His feelings on the whole were quite confused. Change was coming in some form and something told him it would be a most unwelcome change. He had a lovely time with Anne that afternoon, but the sudden appearance of Roy, which had honestly amused him at first, had now beyond irritated him as he watched Anne walk away on his arm. And then to find Anne had lied to him, well maybe not lied exactly, but close enough. True, it was nothing of any importance, but that almost made it worse. They both knew why she did it, even if neither of them were going to admit it. Gilbert wasn't hurt by her omission, just sad about what that omission probably meant for his hopes. Anne either didn't want to talk to him about Roy because it was a private matter or Anne didn't want to talk to him about Roy because she feared hurting his feelings. The latter seemed more logical and Gilbert had to conclude that that he either made the biggest mistake of his life back in the spring by not speaking when he had the chance, or he had saved their friendship from a more painful breach. _Well that just clears everything right up doesn't it,_ he thought bitterly. He tried to put his unsettled feelings aside in any case and concentrate on the fact he would see her in a couple days. He didn't let himself remember Anne's blushes and long gazes only minutes ago. He didn't let himself remember her tremble ever so slightly as he held her in the cold snow. To remember them would give him hope he did not quite feel. What was he to do? He tried to ignore a sick feeling that began in the pit of his stomach; he tried to push it far down. It was a feeling that told him a crack had just formed in their friendship. A tiny fissure now worked at its foundation, only waiting patiently for the chance to widen and break it. A sudden shudder went through Gilbert at that thought and it frightened him. He determined to never let that happen.


	6. A Dream Shared

_Chapter six awaits... I can't say enough of a thank you for the time people take to read this. It's quite an honor for me to have your time for my little story and your reviews have been great. I am always intrigued about what people take away from the different chapters. Hope you all in enjoy this installment!_

* * *

The matinee was not at full capacity, typical of some of the daytime performances. Anne and Gilbert had seats towards the front of theatre, yet off to the side. The play was absolutely delightful. Anne was perfectly riveted by the story that spanned three generations and followed one family and their flight from Europe to the America's, surviving hunger, war, and eventually starting a legacy in the New World. Anne couldn't help but think it was a bit like her life, only hers existed on a much smaller scale. Her New World was Avonlea, but the things she survived were not unlike the heroes and heroines of the play. Perhaps not war, but definitely hunger, loneliness, even disease. She had seen people, some of them babies, die. So it was no surprise to her that when the final curtain dropped, Anne had tears in her eyes. She could not help letting one roll down her cheek as she clapped wildly.

Gilbert was similarly impressed with the play, but perhaps less affected emotionally. He looked over at Anne and saw the tears in her eyes. _Is there ever a time when this woman doesn't look beautiful!_ He immediately reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, handing it to her. Anne took it gratefully and wiped her eyes.

"Thank you!" she said.

"Are you alright, Anne?"

"Oh yes, I am fine. It was just such a beautiful story. There was so much richness and realness. Thank you for bringing me, Gil!"

"It was my pleasure, Anne. I am just glad that it lived up to all the hype. It was very well done indeed."

Gilbert offered her his arm and escorted her out of the theater. They were held up for several minutes as they conversed briefly with several fellow Redmond students of their acquaintance, everyone expressing nothing but admiration for the play and relief that finals were almost over. When at last they broke away Gilbert heard his stomach groan. "Is it too early for dinner? I am starving!"

Anne looked at the clock on the wall in hallway. "It's a little past four o'clock, perhaps a little early, but still respectable, I think. You don't have to walk me home if you want to get back to the boarding house for dinner," Anne replied, slightly disappointed.

"Actually I was thinking we could go get a bite to eat together. How about the café on Main?" The café was where most of the Redmond students went when the occasionally dined out.

Anne hesitated for a moment. She had no other plans for the evening. And what she meant by that was no plans with Roy. He had stopped by last evening, but it wouldn't be unlike him to surprise her. _I would hate to miss his call._ But it was still early enough that she had time to eat with Gilbert.

"Sounds good to me, Gil."

It wasn't long before they were seated at the café, taking a few minutes to warm themselves by the fire that roared. Before too long, a waitress brought over their menus. Anne looked across the table at Gilbert as he perused the menu. His dark curls were unruly on top of his head and he looked every bit the mischievous boy who pinned hair to desks and pull braids all those years ago. Anne could hardly believe nine years had come and gone in that time. She quietly remembered what she had said to Diana that fateful day, "Your Gilbert Blythe is very handsome." She had to admit that her first impression still stood firm, Gilbert Blythe was indeed a handsome man. _Why am I thinking about how handsome Gilbert is right now?_ Then, as if to correct her thoughts to the proper direction, she quickly compared him to Roy. _Roy has more classic handsome features than Gilbert, and his voice! It's like he's singing to me! Roy is also slightly taller and just carries himself with such poise. Roy also has lovely dark blue eyes, they shine like the sea after a storm. But Gil's hazel eyes are so playful and sweet… Wait, what am I thinking?_ Anne was unsettling herself and all of a sudden thought it had been a mistake to agree to dinner with Gilbert. But as that thought tore through her mind, Gilbert looked up from his menu and caught her staring at him. They locked eyes for only the briefest of moments before she looked away, blushing. Gilbert was completely oblivious to her thoughts and momentarily struck by her blush. But he recovered in time to tease her gently.

"Didn't Marilla ever teach you it's rude to stare, Miss Shirley?"

Anne looked back as his teasing eyes, "Well Gilbert, I apologize, but your hair is just an unruly mess from all the wind walking over here. I was merely trying to come up with a gentle way to tell you." In truth Anne thought the unruly mess made him look even more handsome and she was slightly disappointed when he ran his hands through his hair, taming it as best he could. "Oh sorry, Anne. Unruly hair is sort of Blythe curse! I often think I might just have to cut it very short and be done with it," he replied self-consciously.

Anne's eyes went wide, "Oh don't do that, Gil!" She said with more feeling than she meant to.

"Why ever not, Anne?"

"Well, because you just wouldn't look like Gilbert Blythe any other way!"

"Is that so?" Gilbert replied with a smirk.

Anne squared her shoulders and looked at him challengingly, "Yes it is so." She was daring him to disagree with her. Gilbert felt a surge go through him at the sight of her defiance. _If only I could kiss that smug look off of her face!_ "Well Anne I won't disagree with you if you can agree that the same can be said for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well at the risk of bringing up your hair, Carrots, how many times have I heard you wish your red hair away? Well sorry, you just wouldn't look like Anne Shirley any other way!"

"Oh you would just bring my red hair into this. That's very ungallant of you!" Anne quipped. "However, I promise I learned my lesson years ago on that score. I will never dye my hair again!"

"Fine then, we agree," said Gilbert.

The waitress then came over to take their orders and while they waited they chatted lightly about the play and finals. There was only one more week to go before they would be back in Avonlea. The food arrived and Anne realized she was quite a bit hungrier than she thought as she looked down at her food. As they began eating, Gilbert thought it was as good a time as any to tell her his news.

"So, Anne, it was more than just hunger that I wanted to bring you out to eat." Gilbert's tone was apprehensive. For some reason he was nervous about sharing his news with her. Not because it was Anne, but because voicing his dream would make it very real.

Anne took his tone quite differently and was worried for a moment in the same way she had back in the orchard in the spring. She panicked slightly, but short of abruptly leaving the table, there was little she could do about it. She steeled herself and hoped she was wrong.

"Are you not going to ask me the reason?" Gilbert's voice broke into her thoughts.

"Oh, of course, sorry. What brings us here?"

"Well actually I have something I want to tell you. You and only you." Gilbert stopped and waited for her reaction. But there wasn't one. Anne sat completely still, mouth slightly agape, color drained from her face. "Anne, are you alright?"

Anne hardly knew what to say, her heart was beating so fast she thought he could hear it. _Please, please don't let him say it!_ "I'm fine Gil, it's just a little warm in here, that's all."

"Do you need some air?"

 _Yes, yes I need air!_ But running away was not an option, whatever Gilbert was about to say was going to be heard. This nonsense would have to stop.

"No, Gil, I am fine. Please, what do you have to tell me?"

Gilbert looked at her for a moment, she certainly was acting strange, but his eagerness to tell her overrode his concern.

"Alright, here goes. Do you remember last week when I had to break our study plans?"

"Yes, you said you had a meeting."

"Right, but what I didn't tell you was that the meeting was with the committee members who award the Cooper Prize. Do you know what that is?" Gilbert was beaming by now.

Anne, who was so thoroughly confused, thought for a moment, "Isn't that the scholarship they give for students with concentration in Sciences?"

"Yes, but it hasn't been awarded to anyone in five years. The board members wanted to meet with me because I am one of the students they think has a shot at winning it!"

"Oh… Oh Gil! That's tremendous!" Anne smiled so widely and completely forgot whatever nonsense she had entertained only moments ago. "Wow! You must be so proud! I mean, I am so proud of you!" Anne's excitement matched his own.

"Well don't be too proud, I haven't won anything yet! It's going to be a tough year and half from here on out. But if I can win it, it will guarantee I can go to medical school full time after graduation."

"Gilbert if anyone can do it, it's you! You are the smartest, hardest working man I know."

"That's high praise coming from the winner of the Avery and the Thorburn!" said Gilbert proudly. "But Anne I will need your help. I need you to keep me focused."

"Of course Gil! Wow, what a wonderful surprise. Have you told your parents?"

"No, not yet. And I am not sure I am going to. You're actually the only person I plan on telling."

"But why, Gil? Everyone would be thrilled for you?"

"That's just it. I don't want all the pressure that would come with that. If I am going to do this, I can't have the stress of my parents and everyone on campus weighing down on me." Gilbert imagined how proud his parents would be for him to even be in the running. But if he didn't win, that was disappointment he couldn't bare from himself if he had to tell them he had come so close and failed.

"I understand. I remember competing for the Avery and how intense it was. You have my word I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks, Anne. I knew I could count on you."

"But I do wonder, if you want to keep this a secret, why tell me?"

"Well, you're the only person I don't have any secrets from." _Oh that's unless you count the fact that I am hopelessly in love with you as a secret._ "I can't keep this all to myself or I would go mad. After all we have been through together academically, I wanted to share it with you."

Anne was touched by his words, instantly sure that if she lived for another hundred years, she would never find another friend like Gilbert Blythe. "Thanks, Gil. That means a lot to me. And I promise I will do everything I can to help you." It was then that Anne noticed the tears that welled in her eyes. Thankfully, she still had Gilbert's handkerchief, which she quickly used before the tears escaped down her face.

"Anne, are you alright?" Gilbert saw the moisture in her eyes and was immediately concerned.

"Oh, I am fine. I am such a fool! But believe me when I tell you these are tears of happiness. I am just overjoyed at this opportunity for you. It's everything you have been working for so long."

Now it was Gilbert's turn to be touched. "Anne, I would never be here if it wasn't for you."

"Oh, Gil, stop, this has nothing to do with me!"

"Of course it does! Without you there to push me and compete with me, who knows where I would be right now."

"Nonsense, you've always been so smart and driven. I didn't create that in you."

"Maybe not, but you helped me channel my drive into actual purpose. You knocked more than just humility into me with that slate, Carrots!"

Anne didn't know what to say. Never had she suspected she had had that much influence into the man the Gilbert had become. For him to believe that made her oddly proud and humble. "Gil, I don't know what to say. It's very kind of you to say that. But, when you win the Cooper Prize, it will be all your accomplishment. It will be from your brains and your ability." She looked into his eyes again and searched until she found the words she was looking for to finish her thought. "But, when you do win it, I will be the one clapping the loudest and cheering wildly for you, telling everyone I know that my best friend won the most prestigious honor at Redmond!" Anne finished her thought by reaching over and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Words would not form on Gilbert's mouth. Shockingly, it wasn't her touch that silenced him, but her words touched him deeply. _Her best friend!_ And for the first time, the word 'friend' didn't sound like a platonic reference. Finally he was able to stutter out a quiet thank you, while not being able to take his eyes form hers. There they sat for several minutes, at long last interrupted by the waitress, refilling their water glasses.

Gilbert wasn't sure what to say next. His heart was bursting with love and admiration for Anne. She had reacted just as he thought she would, with support and encouragement. If he needed any more incentive to win the scholarship, the thought of Anne sitting in the crowd cheering him on, smiling beautifully as she shared in his success provided it easily enough.

Anne took the momentary interruption to chastise herself inwardly. _Here Gil was trying to tell me his wonderful news, and all I could think was that he wanted to talk about his feelings_. She was somewhat embarrassed, but never the less relieved it had all come to nothing. She was thrilled for Gilbert beyond words. She had no time for more introspection at the moment as the waitress left and they were alone again.

"Well, now that we've covered that big news, when are you leaving for Avonlea?" Gilbert began,

Anne smiled, "Oh I am catching the Wednesday afternoon ferry, so should be home by nightfall."

"Lucky you, I am stuck here until Friday. Professor Davenport wants to meet with me Thursday to go over scholarship requirements and expectations. I asked him to do it earlier but he said he wanted me to concentrate on my finals. You would think if he really meant that he would have waited until term was over before mentioning in the first place!" Gilbert shrugged, "Such is life I guess."

"Will to you be attending the New Year's Eve dance this year?" asked Anne.

"I plan on it. My mother has been on the planning committee so I think I pretty much have to."

"Oh I didn't know your mother helped with that." Then Anne frowned, "How does she manage to put up with Josie, she's been on that committee for a few years."

Gilbert laughed, "My mother can handle the likes of Josie Pye well enough. I think she joined because she wanted some things to do outside the house. She claims it's too lonely with me not at home."

"I bet Marilla wishes she had that problem. It's a full house with the twins and Mrs. Lynde!" They both laughed heartily.

They talked on for some time, not realizing exactly how late it was getting nor how long they had been sitting there. Anne began to notice the other diners leaving. And glanced at the clock that hung on the wall. It was nearly nine o'clock.

"Oh, wow, Gilbert do you realize we've been here for almost four hours?" Anne asked. _Well if Roy did stop, I surely missed him now!_

Gilbert looked at his watch, "Oh shoot, you're right. Geez sorry, Anne. I didn't mean to monopolize your whole day. We should get going."

Gilbert took the check and Anne reached into her handbag to give him some money. He stopped her, "This one's on me, Carrots."

"But Gil -" he cut her off, "When I win the Cooper Prize you can buy me dinner then, how does that sound?"

Anne smiled, everything was just so easy with him. "Deal!" They shook on it.

Gilbert walked Anne home through the cool December night. Most of the walk was made in silence, not an awkward one, but one born from a comfortable and easy friendship that didn't always need words. When at last they reached the gate at Patty's Place, Anne invited Gilbert in for a warm beverage.

"I really should get back Anne." Gilbert was quite literally willing himself to leave. "I have one more final that needs to be studied for, but thank you!

"I understand. We can't have the future Cooper Prize winner getting anything less than A's and I certainly don't want to be the cause of it." Anne replied merrily.

Gilbert smiled, "Good night, Anne."

"Goodnight, Gil."

Gilbert turned to leave and was only a few steps off when he turned around abruptly. "The New Year's dance, will you save me a dance or two?"

Anne's heart did a queer flutter before she responded, "Of course."

Gilbert gave her a nod then without another thought, he bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Thank you for tonight, Carrots." With no other words, he walked into the night, silently remembering her blushes and shivers at his touch only days ago, silently replaying her reaction to his news. Yes, he would be competing with a fantasy and no, he wasn't sure Anne even knew her own heart on the matter. But he was now convinced that friendship was not all she felt for him.

Anne sighed, touched the tingling spot on her cheek, and walked inside. She barely made it in the door before Stella pounced on her. "Anne thank goodness you're home."

"Why Stella, is something the matter," asked Anne in confusion.

"Where have you been all this time?"

"Out with Gilbert. We saw a play and then grabbed dinner?" Anne said innocently.

"Well I know you went the play but I expected you home hours ago. And I wasn't the only one!" Stella smiled coyly

"Sorry Stella, Gil and I just sort of lost track of the time. Who else was looking for me?"

"Roy stopped by a couple hours ago. I told him I didn't know when you would be back, but he insisted on waiting. He stayed for over a half hour. Now there's a tough man to entertain. Is he always so serious?" Stella asked.

Anne felt a touch defensive, "Roy is a very proper gentleman and he barely knows you, Stella. Give him a break if he didn't warm up to you instantly. He's just not that kind of person." At least Anne didn't think he was.

Stella heard the edge in Anne's voice and decided to keep her opinions about Roy Gardner, which were not in the least bit favorable in regards to him being suitor for Anne, to herself. "Well your proper gentleman made me promise no fewer than three times that I would tell you he paid you a call. And apparently because he didn't think I would remember, he also wrote you a little note." Stella handed Anne a folded piece of paper. It was all she could do not to roll her eyes.

"Thank you," said Anne. She tucked the letter to her side, wanting to wait until she was alone to read it.

"Why aren't you out Stella?"

"Oh Anne, my mathematics final is Monday. I have been doing practice quizzes for hours." She frowned. But I am finally done in. I know it's still early but I am going to bed." _My practice quizzes were more interesting than my half hour with Roy, no doubt,_ thought Stella. Then she quickly chastised herself for her ungracious thought. "I am going to up to my room. Aunt Jimsie went up already, she was not feeling well. I have no idea when Phil and Pris will be back either. It seems everyone deserted me today," Stella laughed. She said goodnight to Anne and made her way upstairs.

Anne thought Stella had the right idea. She was tired, too tired to focus on her paper. She made herself a cup of tea and went up to her room. She sat down in her bed and replayed the events of the day in her mind. She had a lovely time with Gilbert and his news was so exciting! Anne couldn't help but smile as she thought about the nervous way he rubbed his hands together when he told her. Seeing Gilbert Blythe unsettled, however slightly, was a sight.

She again felt like a fool for her ridiculous thoughts about Gilbert declaring himself. _Why do I keep imagining his intentions? Do I just think so well of myself that I believe men are just waiting to declare their undying devotion to me any chance they get?_ Anne could hardly make sense of her own feelings enough to know that what she felt wasn't exactly relief, but an odd sense of anticipation.

And then there was Roy. She had missed him, but oddly she was less disappointed than she thought she would be. Perhaps it was because he had left a note. Remembering the note, she quickly took it out of her pocket. She looked at her name in Roy's elegant script. _It's like he was meant to sign important documents or something._

 _Anne,_

 _I had hoped to see you this evening. I suppose it's my fault for not telling you yesterday I intended to call on you. I hope you will agree to see me at least once more before you leave for home this week. I have something I should like to discuss with you. I know we have only known one another a short time, but I feel quite certain I will miss you over the holidays. Kingsport will be a sadder place for you having left it, however briefly. I will miss your smile, Anne. To me, your smile is like the first peak at a sunrise, enchantingly beautiful and elusively perfect. I have not time to write more as I fear I am disturbing your housemate, and unfortunately your cat does not seem at all pleased that I am here. When you read this, know that you will be the one I am thinking of when I lay down to sleep tonight._

 _Until we meet again,_

 _Roy_

Anne reread the note several times and thrilled from head toe. _Roy will miss me!_ Oh what a beautiful little note he wrote. It wasn't poetry, but it was every bit as lovely for the compliments it paid to Anne and she could not help but smile like a fool. Anne was so taken with the note that she didn't even have the thought to wonder about just what Roy wanted to discuss with her.

She quickly rushed over to her desk, intent on putting Roy's note, along with his cards from both bouquets of flowers in the small sewing box that sat there. In this box she kept trinkets of sentimental value. What were these notes if not sentimental? She would certainly remember these lovely words for the rest of her days. She walked over to it and opened the lid. A quick survey of its contents revealed a bundle of letters, a worn cap, a recipe card, and a picture of Matthew. This box did not contain _all_ of Anne's most treasured possessions, only the ones she wanted to keep close to her while at school. The others were in a similar box on her dresser in her white room at Green Gables. Anne took out each item one by one and held them in her hands. The picture was explanatory enough, the recipe card was the first one Marilla had ever given her as a child when she thought Anne could be trusted enough with her famous lemon pie recipe. The cap belonged to Matthew. He wore it nearly everyday working in the fields. And then there were the letters. These weren't just any letters, they were the ones written by her parents to one another. Anne had treasured these immensely since the day she was lucky enough to receive them on her trip to Bolingbroke the previous summer. What luck that they had been kept all this time! Anne had read them so often when she first received them that she was sure she had committed most of them to memory. Overcome with the sentimentality of her box of treasures, Anne had to admit that Roy's note's had no place in it. Placing the treasured items back in, she closed the lid.

Roy's notes were placed in the drawer of her nightstand, a fitting place for a suitor's romantic declarations. Anne sat back on her bed and smoothed her skirt, she felt a small bulge in her pocket and tucked her hand into see what she had left in there. She pulled out Gilbert's handkerchief. She smiled, _of course I forgot to give this back to him_. Anne turned the fabric over in her hands. It was no longer wet from her tears. As she ran her the fabric between her fingers, she was suddenly struck with an image of Gilbert's unruly hair and hazel eyes nervously looking at her as he voiced his dreams allowed. Anne would be there for him in word and deed. Suddenly, without thought to what she was doing, she got back up and walked to her desk, taking the lid off the sewing box once again. Her fingers grazed over Gilbert's initials and she folded the scrap of fabric and placed it gently in her box, closing the lid. Gilbert would not be getting his handkerchief back, at least not yet. Anne determined that this was the handkerchief she would use to dry her happy tears on the day she cheered Gilbert for winning the Cooper Prize.

It was only fifteen minutes later when Anne laid in bed, waiting for sleep to claim her. She jumped between proud thoughts of Gilbert and romantic thoughts for Roy. Roy won the contest for Anne's thoughts and she fell asleep thinking about his deep melodic voice. The battle for her dreams, however, was not as easily won and had Gilbert been privy to them, he surely would have had no cause to repine.


	7. Divergent Interests

_Hello all! Okay well it's been a fun ride for these two so far, right? But we all had know it was going to start to get rocky... and so it begins._ _Anne needs to hear some things here and who better to say them than Diana._ _I hope you enjoy! Sorry if this chapter got a little long. I wanted to break it into two but it just wouldn't be split, sigh...My posting schedule might be a bit delayed next week with the Thanksgiving holiday so if I don't have an update it's because pies and turkey are taking over:)_

* * *

Anne sat in her room at Green Gables and sighed contentedly. It was exactly what she needed, to be home. The last few weeks of the term at Redmond had been quite unsettling for her, due mostly to the strenuous finals schedule. She had studied quite hard. But school was only part of what had stressed her in those final days before came home. Anne knew desperately that something was not quite right. She could not put her finger on exactly what it was, but the unsettling feeling in her stomach had lingered for some time now. She had put off thinking too much on the personal matters that affected her mood, but sitting alone in her small room, with no Phil to chatter in her ear, no Gilbert to make her laugh, and no Roy to pay her romantic compliments, Anne had the open mind to begin to realize the reason for her disquiet. She could not deny that it had everything to do with Roy Gardner and Gilbert Blythe.

There was no question that Roy was sweeping Anne off her feet. Just before she left Redmond on break, Roy had asked to court her. Anne was not shocked that he made the request. But what did shock her was the fact that she hesitated for several moments, in truth she panicked a bit, before she hastily consented. She knew she was beginning to care deeply for Roy, of that she was certain. He was everything she had ever dreamed of, her perfect suitor. He brought her flowers, recited poetry, and was a perfect gentleman in every way. He was also exceptionally handsome and it was clear he was taken with Anne from the very beginning. So why had she acted so uneasy about it? He was quite adamant that they would suit well, and on paper Anne quite agreed. His words that evening had almost made her swoon at the time.

 _"Anne," he said as he took her hand in his, "I know we have only known each other a short time, but I am finding myself falling for you quite desperately. You are like no woman I have ever known. You are perfect and lovely. I would be honored if you would allow me to court you."_

And then he had recited Lord Byron. Anne still shivered as she remember the sound of his voice as he recited those beautiful words

 _'She walks in beauty, like the night_

 _Of cloudless climes and starry skies…'_

Her heart practically leapt out of her chest at the sound of his melodious voice. No one had ever spoken to her like that, with the possible exception of Paul Irving, although his were the poetic ramblings of a child. Anne had always dreamed of being admired the way Roy admired her. However, it wasn't enough for her to consent to Roy's request immediately. That Roy was surprised and a touch put off by her momentary indecision he could not hide. But she could tell he was overjoyed when she finally did accept, _At least as overjoyed as I think Roy can be!_ She might have been making too much of a simple courtship, after all no one proposed marriage. Of course courting Roy would allow her the time she needed to get to know him better. What she already knew, she liked very much. So why was she so unsettled about the whole thing?

Anne didn't let herself understand the true reason until she could no longer deny it. Gilbert was the reason for her disquiet. Something in the deep recesses of her mind understood that she could not have Roy's romantic engagement along side Gil's chummy friendship. Anne could not help but thinking that she would be hurting Gilbert if she courted Roy and she could barely stand the thought of it. But she had consented to Roy anyways. And that's what bothered her.

She had no basis for this opinion other than the feeling in her heart that told her Gilbert thought of her as more than a good friend and had for some time. He had shown his preference clearly in days passed, although if Anne was honest about it, since that night in the orchard, when she thought he might declare himself, there hadn't been a hint of it showing. It was almost as if he had sensed her reluctance to hear it and took it as a sign. _Or,_ she thought, _I made it all up in my head and am worried over nothing. Perhaps we both just caught up in listening to Redmond gossip._

She wished she knew for certain. She almost wished Gilbert had declared himself to her that night. At least then she would know where they stood, however unequally she returned his regard. At least then there would be nothing left unknown. _But surely I can't go on my entire life not courting anyone for fear of hurting him? How is it that my perfect suitor asks to court my in the most romantic terms and my first thoughts are about Gilbert Blythe._ Suddenly Anne was perturbed. She was angry with herself and angry with Gilbert for whatever feelings he might have for her, if he had any.

But her anger quickly dissipated. Her confusion was not Gilbert's fault. She could hardly blame him for her failings. But what was she to do? She said yes to Roy so that she could see where a relationship with him could lead. But now she was scared that she said yes and the price she would have to pay for her happiness was losing Gilbert. But was she so certain she would? The unknown was maddening.

Anne had no clearer picture about her unsettled state then she had a week ago. In her defense, things were quite busy at Green Gables in the run up to Christmas. When she wasn't knitting with Mrs. Lynde, shopping with the twins, or baking with Marilla, Anne spent the bulk of her time with Diana, hearing every delightful detail of wedding plans. Diana would be the perfect bride, Anne was sure of it.

It was on one of these visits that Anne finally told Diana about Roy. She hadn't written about him. Anne wanted to tell Diana about him in person so they could laugh and talk for hours about Anne's romantic dreams, just as they had in their girlhood.

Diana could not hide her surprise at hearing Anne's news. Diana was among the many folks in Avonlea who expected a match between Anne and Gilbert. Despite her friend's persistent denials over the years about her feelings for Gilbert Blythe, Diana had never really believed her. She felt Anne was only denying her feelings to hide the disappointment that Gilbert had not yet declared his intentions. And Diana was positive Gilbert had intentions.

So as she listened to Anne relay every detail about Royal Gardner, she was quite taken aback by it all. Anne seemed quite taken with him.

"Oh Diana, he's everything a gentleman should be, he's charming and handsome, kind and considerate. He has a bit of mystery to him. By all accounts he's a good brother and son. Just a good man."

Diana noted the list of Roy's traits. "Wow, Anne this is so exciting! He really must be something. What color are his eyes?"

"They are the deepest shade of blue, Diana. I get lost in them when we are talking sometimes."

Anne was flushed when she spoke of Roy, and Diana noted that this was the first time that Anne had ever colored when talking about a boy, unless of course that boy happened to be Gilbert.

"Anne, I haven't seen you this worked up over a boy since Gilbert." The smile instantly faded from Anne's lips and Diana Barry quickly learned that there were two kinds of words, outside words and inside words. These words relied on the speaker to express them in their proper forum. Her words were meant as inside words, which just somehow popped out.

"Diana Barry, whatever do you mean by that?" Anne's voice held that 'danger ahead' tone that told Diana she would need to tread carefully, even if she had no intention of walking back her slip.

"Oh Anne, I just mean that Gilbert was always the one boy who got to you, in a different way than Roy of course," although Diana wasn't so sure it was all that different. "But you can't deny that for better or worse, Gilbert Blythe holds company with Roy Gardner in that respect."

Anne was quite instantly annoyed with Diana for suggesting such a connection. "Diana, I am going to pretend you didn't say that. And Gilbert Blythe doesn't 'get to me,' as you say."

"Oh Anne, please. You can't expect me to let that one slide can you? I am not trying to pick a quarrel, but even you can't deny that over the years Gil got under your skin."

Anne ignored this last comment. "Gilbert and Roy are nothing alike. In fact, I am not sure you could find two men with less in common." Anne stated quite convincingly. Diana was already convinced, however.

"I am not suggesting they are, and I didn't mean anything by bringing up Gil. It's just… you know what, nevermind. Tell me more about Roy."

Anne was quite happy to oblige Diana. It was a that point she told her of Roy's request to court her, and her subsequent response.

"Well, Anne from what you said Roy seems positively perfect! I am so happy for you. If this is what you want I really am so pleased!" Diana hoped she was being convincing. For it wasn't that she wasn't happy for Anne. She truly was. But she knew what this would mean for another dear friend and she didn't relish Gilbert's disappointment.

"It is Diana, at least I think so. It's all a bit confusing, that's all."

"What's confusing about it? Are you not happy about it?" Diana could honestly not see the problem if Roy was everything Anne described him to be.

"Diana I wanted to say yes and I meant it! I am very happy about it. It's just…I hope everything works out." Anne stammered out.

"What do you mean, Anne, is there something you haven't told me about Roy?"

Anne hesitated. She had never brought this up before and she felt like voicing her concerns out loud would make them all too real. But she needed advice from someone, who better than the only other person who knew her as well as Gilbert did. "I am afraid that by entering into a courtship with Roy, I might lose Gil's friendship."

It only took that one sentence for Diana to understand the totality of what Anne was feeling. She knew, more than probably Anne did, what Gilbert felt for her. Diana remembered quite vividly Gilbert's robust congratulations to her and Fred when they announced their engagement. Fred had jokingly asked Gilbert if he planned to take the plunge one day…

 _"You know, It's not as scary as it seems, Gil!" Fred had said._

 _Gilbert had laughed as he looked at their smiling faces, "I am sure it's not when you know the lady will say yes! Diana, you should have made him beg you a bit, ya know! He's too smug!"_

 _"Oh Gilbert, don't you ever let my mother hear you say that! A 'proper lady' would never make a man beg!" Diana laughed. "Besides, I would never let Fred suffer through that sort of degradation. I said 'yes' immediately."_

 _"And put an end to months of suffering I am sure!" laughed Gilbert._

 _"You just wait until your time comes, Gil! We will see who is laughing then!" chuckled Fred._

 _"You two will be an old married couple by that time, I think. If one wants to marry, one requires a willing bride!"_

 _Fred and Diana had just looked at one another. It was Fred who spoke first, "Oh, well we thought you might have a red-head all picked out already." Gilbert's wide smiled faded to a shallow smirk at Fred's words. A slight laugh escaped his lips before he answered, "Maybe when the time is right." Gilbert's voice was wistful and distant, almost dreamlike. "In the meantime, send all the red-heads you know my way, and I will see if I can get one of them to fall in love with me."_

 _It was only several days later, when Diana's mother had thrown a small impromtu engagement celebration that Anne approached Gilbert. "Diana and Fred tell me that I need to be 'sent over' to you, they were very specific about that. Would you care to explain?" Gilbert shot Diana and Fred a look before turning his gaze on Anne's confused face. "Fred and his betrothed talk too much, have you ever noticed that?"_

 _Anne laughed, "No, I can't say that I have!"_

Gilbert had then whisked Anne off to parts unknown, Diana never did know where they went or what they did. But certainly no proposal or declaration came of it.

Diana didn't know quite what to say to Anne. The truth was, it was likely there would definitely be fall out now that Anne had accepted a courtship with Roy. But it was not for Diana to speculate what might happen, so she played dumb.

"What makes you say that, Anne? Do they not get along?"

"Oh no it's nothing like that. They are acquainted with one another. From what I have seen they get along fine." Anne wasn't sure how to continue. But the truth was all she could say. "Diana I know you are going to think I am terribly wicked for thinking so well of myself, but I can't shake this feeling that Gilbert feels more for me than friendship." There, it was out.

"What makes you say that?" replied Diana, even keeled.

 _What makes me say that? I don't know the longing looks, the gentle touches, the feeling in the pit of my stomach!_ "Oh that's just the thing Diana, I don't know! He's never said a thing about it, but just the way he acts, the way he is, that's what's torturing me that I don't know for sure. I could be making something out of nothing, but if I am not, I don't think I could hurt him like that."

Diana was at a loss for what to say? How could she possibly counsel Anne in this situation? It was true Gilbert never specifically said to anything to her about his feelings for Anne. But she had thought for a while that he had indeed said something to Fred. Fred only ever said he hoped they would make a match one day. If Fred knew for sure, he never betrayed Gil's confidence. But Diana knew anyways.

"Why don't you start from the beginning? Tell me everything that's happened with Gilbert."

And Anne did, starting really at the beginning of their time at Redmond and ending with the strange evening in the Patty's Place orchard. "I don't know what could have happened, really. I just know that it was tense, and strange, and I was silently begging him not to say anything. And then he just didn't. And since then, it's been so great between us. We are really closer than ever, Diana. I can't bear the thought of losing him or hurting him." Anne was becoming increasingly agitated the more she spoke.

"Anne, stop, your going to drive yourself mad!"

"But Diana, what should I do?"

"I don't know what to say, Anne. Now that you've accepted Roy, can't you just tell Gilbert about it? He will certainly know then that you only see him as a friend. Whatever Gilbert may be feeling for you, he will just have to get over it."

"Oh Diana, that sounds so callous!" Anne was incredulous at the suggestion. "How would I even tell him, what would I even say?"

"Calm down, Anne, you're getting worked up over this. Just tell him you are courting Roy, what else do you need to say? He should hear it from you before he hears it from someone else."

"Oh, Diana you make it sound like I am telling Josie Pye or Charlie Sloane. It's Gil!"

"Yes, Anne, it is Gilbert. You don't owe Gil or anyone else any explanation for courting Roy. But if you're right, and he does have feelings for you, there's no way that it won't affect your friendship, it simply has to."

Anne bristled. "I hardly think that's fair, Diana! I have never encouraged him!" Anne said, suddenly turning on Gilbert when she didn't want to hear Diana voice the truth she already knew.

"Oh don't be like that! Gilbert can't help the feelings he might have for you anymore than you can help not feeling the same way for him. I don't imagine that it's easy on him to see you with Roy if that's the case." Diana wanted to be sure Anne was listening, "Gil's always been special to you, even when you hated him. There's no reason he shouldn't receive special consideration now." Then Diana pushed Anne as far as she could in her next sentence. "And besides, I think you at least owe Gilbert that much!"

"Why Diana Barry, whatever does that mean?" Anne stared wide-eyed at her friend.

Diana hesitated. If the past years as Anne's friend had taught her anything, it was that risking Anne's anger was always to be avoided. But in this case, the risk needed to be taken. "Look, Anne, you might be mad at me for saying this, but I just have to. I know your first encounter with Gilbert was hurtful and that you felt justified in treating him the way you did back then. He fought for a long time for your forgiveness before he gave it up."

"Why are you brining this up, Diana? This is ancient history, Gil and I have put it behind us a long time ago!" Anne was confused about the direction of the conversation. She did not need or want to be reminded of her past mistakes and quite failed to see why any of this was relevant.

"Have you, though?" Diana asked knowingly.

"Diana, I don't understand why you are talking about this!"

"Because I don't want to see you make the same mistakes again. I don't want there to be another lily maid rescue incident that you end up regretting but are too proud to admit. You deserve better and so does Gil. And for that matter, so does Roy."

"Whatever you are trying to say Diana, I am afraid I am completely lost. Please just speak freely." Anne was quite annoyed at this point and regretted talking to Diana at all.

"Fine, you want straight talk, here it is. Gilbert Blythe has never done anything but put you first, and try to be a good friend to you, even when you resisted. You literally dashed every hope he had at friendship, but he still cared enough about you to give up the Avonlea school. I know you have been so grateful to him for that, considering what he gave up to do it. But look beyond the what and see the why, Anne. Why did Gilbert do all those things. Yes, it's because he's a good and decent man. But more importantly he did it because you are you, not because you are me, or Josie Pye or Jane Andrews or any other girl. He did it for Anne Shirley. You certainly don't owe Gilbert your love in return for his generosity or his continued friendship over the years, but I think you do owe him the honesty of your current understanding. He deserves to know where he stands. He's earned it."

Anne just looked at her friend for a long minute. She wanted to defend herself, she wanted to say Diana was being unfair to bring up ancient history. But she couldn't. Diana was right. Whatever there was or wasn't between her and Gilbert, she owed him honesty. Not because what happened between her and Roy was Gilbert's business, but because the history between the two of then demanded it of her. She realized if he did love her that hurting him could not be helped. But letting him twist in the wind and then callously let him find out about her courtship from someone else was certainly not the way she wanted to handle things. Either way, the friendship was at risk. She could no longer help that. Her throat constricted at that thought, _Can I really risk our friendship? Do I even have a choice? If it's not Roy it will one day be someone else!_ Anne all of sudden felt rather sick. But that's when it hit her. She was uneasy because right or wrong, she felt like she was deceiving Gilbert by not telling him about Roy. It was the one thing they could not share.

Diana could no longer stand her silence, "Anne, I am sorry-"

But Anne cut her off, "No, Diana, don't apologize. You're right. You're absolutely right. Gilbert does deserve my honesty. All these weeks I have been trying so hard not to bring up Roy in his presence, thinking that I was sparing his feelings. And he's never once asked about him either. It's almost as if we both know what's coming and are trying to delay it as long as we can."

"Anne what are you saying?"

"I am saying that things will likely never be the same with us again Diana. Even if he doesn't care for me the way I think he does, we have a peculiar relationship. I can't imagine Roy being all right we me gallivanting around Kingsport with Gilbert night and day like we do now. It would be somewhat scandalous wouldn't it? But that's just our way. And now it won't be." Anne suddenly had a very ugly insight into herself, _I have taken him for granted! I have always just expected Gil to be there, ever as much a part of my life. I have taken him for granted and now it's likely we won't have this easy way anymore._

Diana felt Anne. There was no easy solution to this situation. Someone was going to get hurt.

Anne said nothing more. Her heart was torn in two.

"Anne, talk to him. Things will sort themselves out. I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you didn't upset me. You just made me see what I have been trying to deny for too long. I have been quite selfish where Gilbert is concerned. Honestly, I don't even know why he bothered with me back then. I still owe him an apology for that." Anne was talking rather absently, almost as if Diana was not even in the room. Diana did feel a bit bad about upsetting her, even if Anne claimed otherwise.

"Anne, you're not selfish, no one would ever say that about you. I only brought up the past because I care about Gilbert and I don't want to see him get hurt either. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you didn't care so much about his feelings in the first place. Not to mention you should be over the moon happy right now about Roy, and instead your upset about possibly hurting Gil. That alone shows your very unselfish regard for him. I just wanted you to see what you already know, which is that Gilbert deserves more than most do from you."

"Tell me honestly, Diana, do you think I was terribly wicked to Gil all those years ago?" Anne was perfectly serious, but Diana could not help but chuckle. "Maybe not terribly wicked, Anne. But there's no question you probably gave him more grief than he deserved."

"I regretted it almost instantly you know…. That day at the pond, I regretted not forgiving him when he asked me to. But I was too proud to admit it, just like you said. I was a fool back then."

"So don't be a fool now, Anne. Talk to him. It will be okay, you will see."

"And maybe I am making something out of nothing. Maybe I am wrong about how he feels about me." Anne looked at Diana with a hopeful expression.

Diana could only nod slightly before she said, "Maybe, Anne. Maybe this is all much ado about nothing." Diana sounded infinitely more hopeful than she actually felt.

* * *

It was only by sheer unlucky coincidence that at around the same time Anne and Diana were discussing Gilbert and Roy, Gilbert stared rather blankly at the sheet of paper in front of him. He had yet to put his pen to it. It had been months since he had penned a similar missive. Not since the previous summer, when he hadn't seen Anne in months and she slowly invaded his thoughts as the days wore on, had he written Anne this kind of letter – one she would never read, one he only dared to write and then quickly destroy. Over the years he had penned just north of a dozen similar letters to her. They started in the weeks after they first met. Beginning with Anne's eternal resistance to even speak to him, he had penned a letter of apology with the hopeful thought she might be willing to read it and forgive him. He tried countless times to give it to her, but it just never seemed to be the right time, and perhaps he has been just a bit of a coward. But after she had ground his pink candy heart peace offering to dust, one could hardly blame him for being slightly wary.

It was only after the day she again refused to forgive him after rescuing her that he had finally burned that first letter. He gave up on Anne Shirley that day. Or so he had thought. He told himself she wasn't worth the trouble anymore. It was his turn to be angry with her. If Anne wouldn't accept his sincere apology after all that time, then she wasn't worth the effort. And so he had put her out of his mind, concentrated on his studies, and told himself he would never bother her again. And he didn't, although when urge would strike him, he would write her a letter. It was a cathartic and rather ironic exercise to purge Anne from his thoughts. After he wrote her, he was able to stop thinking about her for some time, at least in his conscious mind. It wasn't exactly his fault on those times she invaded his dreams. And then he heard that Anne had requested the Avonlea school, that for reasons he did not yet know, she wasn't accepting the Avery scholarship. At first he was upset with her for giving it up, incensed that she was letting such an opportunity pass her by, an opportunity he had competed for and lost. Had he won it, his dream to go to Redmond immediately, instead of spending two years teaching to save money, would have been fulfilled

It was only when it leaked through the gossip mongers of Avonlea the reason why Anne was giving up the Avery that he understood. He understood the lengths she would go to take care of Marilla. He had done the same for his father years ago. His heart did break for her, not only for what Marilla was going through but also because he knew what she was giving up. He could only wish for that opportunity. So when he heard Anne had requested the Avonlea School he quickly contacted the trustee at White Sands. They gave Gilbert the school immediately and he withdrew his application for Avonlea. If you had asked 18 year old Gilbert Blythe just why he did it, why he made his life infinitely less easy, put his dreams just that much farther out of reach, he would have said because it was the decent thing to do, even for a girl who one could make a decent argument didn't deserve it from him of all people.

But the second Anne held out her hand in the gesture of friendship at his gate, Gilbert realized only then that he did it because he loved her. It was odd for him to know it at that time, for in truth, he didn't really know her. Yes, he knew she was ambitious and smart, she was pretty and full of life, he knew he had always wanted to know her better. But having never had a real conversation with her, she was still as much a mystery to him as ever. He was eager to know her, eager to begin a life loving her, if only she would let him in. And let him in she had, although not to her heart. He knew Anne had shared things with him that she had never shared with anyone else. Their friendship was fast, eager and rather unconventional, which gave the gossips in Avonlea even more to talk about.

But neither of them seemed to mind the gossip. Gilbert did his best to build a foundation with Anne, a shared history on which they could build a future. But there was a wall still between them that he had yet to break down. He thought he had come close a time or two, leading him to the Patty's Place almost debacle. But it was clear then that the wall remained.

But alone in his boyhood room, staring at a blank piece of paper, Gilbert wasn't so sure that wall existed anymore, at least not in its previous form. He was no fool, he could see, he could feel they way Anne had of late been reacting to him, to his touch, to his gazes. He had tried to tell himself he was imagining her reactions. He knew sometimes the lines between love and friendship could blur, and he didn't want to give himself false hope. But remembering her shiver as he held her in the snow was enough for him to conclude that Anne was not indifferent to him, even if she didn't even realize it. For the first time in a long time, he had hope. He prayed that here at home, away from the bustle of school and finals, away from the charm of Roy Gardner, he might have a chance to convince her, to win her. All he needed was the chance. He was hoping the New Year's Eve dance would provide it for him. He would tread carefully, he would be subtle, but he would find a way to let Anne know that he wanted more from her than friendship. If he could make her understand with out scaring her off, maybe she would be open to seeing where it could lead. And Gilbert meant to show her that it could lead to something amazing, better than whatever fantasy she had cooked up in her head. She wouldn't have to protect her heart from him. There would be no need for fantastical armor to safeguard against disappointment. All he needed to do was convince her of that. Convince her to let herself love him, for he knew she would fight it, that she was fighting it. How he was going to do it was still a mystery to him. But he meant to court Anne Shirley properly and with eager anticipation of being the man she could always count on, the man who would love her until the end of his days, and the man who would make her reality better than any fantasy she could hope to dream of. It was a tall order, daunting actually. But such was the measure of his regard and love for her… now willing to brave it for a chance at happiness for both of them.

Inspiration struck him rather suddenly; he carefully crafted his letter to Anne, this time pouring in everything that was in his heart. It was another letter she would never see, but when he was finished he did not immediately consign this particular note to the fire, rather he folded it and tucked it reverently in the pages of his Shakespeare anthology. She would never see it, but until he had the chance to speak with her, he would use its existence as inspiration. He knew what was in his own heart; it was time for Anne to know as well. But more importantly, it was time for Gilbert to know what was in hers.


	8. Mixed Emotions

_Hello, dear readers! Sorry for the_ _Holiday delay._ _As you all might suspect, we are headed to the New Year's Eve dance. I had to break this into two chapters because there was just too much to include and I wanted to make sure it all got the proper attention. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!_

* * *

Christmas came quietly to Green Gables. The twins were still as excited about Christmas as ever, even if they had grown out of the magical part of it just a bit. Anne was quite content to spend the holiday in the first place she ever called home. She woke well before the sun on Christmas morning, earlier than anyone else, except Marilla. The two spent almost two hours baking together before the rest of the house was awake.

"So Anne, tell me more about this Royal Gardner," said Marilla as she was kneading bread dough. Anne blushed slightly, "What would you like to know?" Marilla was the only other person Anne had told about Roy so far.

"Whatever you would like to tell me about him. I understand he's quite a wealthy fellow from the brief descriptions in your letters."

"I honestly couldn't say, Marilla. I suppose it's generally known that he comes from old money, but you know that doesn't impress me."

"Oh? So what does impress you about him?" Marilla wanted to know about the man courting her girl. That she was as shocked as Diana had been to hear the news, she didn't hide. But unlike Diana, she was able to hide the disappointment that the man Anne was courting wasn't Gilbert Blythe. But Marilla reasoned that as long as Anne was happy she could get over her disappointment and give Royal Gardner a chance.

Anne read off the litany of Roy's finer qualities. Marilla couldn't say she was too impressed with the flowers and poetry but she did realize that made her quite different from young women of marriageable age. To her it was stuff and nonsense. But Anne seemed pleased with all Roy offered. Listening to Anne talk though, Marilla had her doubts that Roy would be able to truly appreciate Anne's rather special personality. It made Marilla a bit sad that she heard none of the playfulness and whimsy in Anne's voice as she spoke, which was odd considering she quite literally living her fantasy.

"He sounds like a nice man, Anne. I would like to meet him one day," Marilla said because she thought she ought to.

"And one day you shall, I am sure." Anne tried to think of Roy visiting her little island and stepping in the parlor at Green Gables. She chuckled; _he would be positively out of place, wouldn't he?_ Then she had the horrifying thought of him meeting Mrs. Lynde. _What in heavens name would he think of her? No doubt he has never met such a woman before!_ The thought made Anne laugh, which was rather rare when thinking in the context of Roy. He was generally not a man who inspired humor.

"What's so funny?" asked Marilla.

"Oh nothing, I was just thinking of Roy meeting Mrs. Lynde. For such a proper gentleman it would be quite a sight." Anne mused.

"Well Rachel could scare off anyone with that tongue of hers." And with that, Anne and Marilla spent a wonderful Christmas morning together until the house stirred and the rest of its occupants greeted the day.

Presents were hastily opened and admired and Anne was able to put aside her previous months long unsettled feelings, to make this morning a very treasured Christmas memory.

After church that morning, the day settled into a peaceful stillness. Dora and Davey had both hurriedly ran out the door after church to try the new sled the received from Marilla, despite Rachel's warnings of broken body parts. They were to be back in time for Christmas dinner. Marilla didn't expect them a minute sooner.

"You won't be seeing Diana today?" asked Rachel.

"No, not today. She has two families to fit in now. But we promised to make time for one another tomorrow. And I am driving with her and Fred to the New Year's Eve dance."

"What about Gilbert, is he going with you as well?"

Before Anne could answer, a knock came at the front door.

"Who could that be?" ask Marilla.

Anne got up to open it and there stood the Gilbert. "Gilbert! What are you doing here?" Anne asked expectantly. "We certainly didn't expect to see you today!"

"Yeah sorry, Anne. I was hoping I would catch you at church, but well with all the people there, you were gone before I could make it over to you. My parents and I got tied up with the Reverend and then I stopped to talk with Charlie and Fred."

"Well, please come in," said Anne, happy to see her friend.

"Thanks!" Gilbert walked in and removed his jacket and his hat. His hair was the same unruly mess Anne remembered from the day of the play. And she had the same feeling of disappointment when he ran his hands through to tame it. They walked into the parlor where Marilla and Rachel were sitting.

"Why hello, Gilbert. Merry Christmas!" said Marilla.

"Thank you, Miss Cuthbert, Mrs. Lynde. Merry Christmas to both of you. I am sorry to disturb you."

"Oh nonsense, Gilbert. You're always welcome here," said Marilla with genuine affection. "I have to say it's a surprise though. Aren't you eating with your parents this evening?"

"I am, but my aunt is visiting and its not exactly harmonious with both my mother and her in the kitchen fussing over Christmas dinner so I thought I would take the opportunity for a quick visit, with the weather being so fine and all."

"Well we are happy to have you. Why don't you have a seat. I can get us some tea," said Marilla, getting up from her seat.

"Oh, please don't trouble yourself, Miss Cuthbert. I can't stay long. I just stopped by to give Anne something. And to give you these, compliments of my mother with a Merry Christmas wish for everyone." Gilbert handed Marilla a tin of cookies.

"That's awfully kind of you, Gilbert. Thank your mother for me. Stop in the kitchen before you leave, I have plate for your family I meant to send Davy over with tomorrow, but you might as well take it with you."

"Thank you, I will." Gilbert looked at Anne's amused face, as she was still surprised he was there.

"Well why don't we leave you to it then. Rachel, I could use your help in the kitchen myself if everyone wants to eat on time today," said Marilla, in a well-recognized attempt to give Anne and Gilbert a moment alone.

"I suppose you're right, Marilla. I told you to put the turkey in sooner. It will be a wonder if we eat before midnight," retorted Rachel. Marilla only rolled her eyes as both ladies left the room with rumblings of a small argument brewing.

Gilbert laughed as they walk out, "I guess my mother and aunt aren't the only ones who might have a less than harmonious dinner."

Anne laughed, "Oh that's just Marilla and Rachel. I suppose it comes from two women who have run their own houses too long to be thrust together into too much harmony. I am actually surprised there aren't more arguments around here."

An awkward silence fell over the room for a moment before Gilbert finally spoke, "Well, listen, I won't take up too much of your time, I just stopped by to give you this." Gilbert held up the small package he had in his hand and held it out for Anne. "Merry Christmas, Carrots!"

"Oh, Gil, thank you. I have a gift for you too. I thought we wouldn't see one another today so I left it up stairs, let me run and get it." Anne flew out of the room, leaving Gilbert waiting patiently. He had hoped he hadn't been too presumptuous stopping over on Christmas, but he just wanted to see her. He was anxious to give her his present. It was only few minutes before Anne returned with a package of her own. "Here, Merry Christmas, Gil!"

"Thanks, Anne. Go ahead and open yours." Anne unwrapped her gift carefully, intrigued by what Gilbert may have thought get for her. She opened the box to reveal what looked like two items, one was covered in tissue paper. Anne looked at the item she could see carefully before she took either of them out. On the left side of the box, carefully laid on a small pillow was a beautiful fountain pen. She finally took it out to look at it, not saying a word.

"I know you haven't done much writing since Averil's Atonment, or maybe you have and I don't know about it. But in any case, I thought this new pen might inspire you a bit. It has free flowing ink. No dipping or messy inkwells. The shopkeeper I bought this from said that they are beginning to mass produce these and they are becoming quite popular." Gilbert was rambling and he knew it, Anne didn't need a history of the fountain pen or be to be told how to use it. But he couldn't stop speaking. "I know you're rather particular about your pens and need the exact right one for being creative, so I thought you might give this one a try and maybe we can see some new writing from you." Gilbert finally made his mouth stop.

Anne just looked at the pen and turned it over in her hand, examining it the craftsmanship, instantly inspired to write a poem or maybe a short story. Gilbert took her silence as disappointment. "Anne, it's fine if you don't like it or if I am being to presumptuous, I know how personal your writing is…" Anne held up a hand to stop him, "No, Gil, I love it! I am sorry I haven't said that yet, it's just when I opened it and you were talking I was instantly inspired with so many ideas. Thank you, this is really wonderful. I can't wait to try it!" Anne beamed and Gilbert could clearly see that she was genuinely pleased with his gift.

She put the pen back down and pulled out the other gift that lay in the box. She removed the paper to reveal a hand carved and painted bluebird Christmas ornament. "Oh Gil, this is beautiful! Oh where did you even find this? I am sure I have searched in every Kingsport shop for an ornament for Marilla before I came home and I never saw anything like this. It's really quite gorgeous!"

"You won't find that in any shop, Anne." Gilbert blushed and looked away, self-conscious for a moment. "I carved that myself."

Anne looked up from the ornament to meet Gilbert's soft hazel eyes. "No, you didn't! Really!? I had no idea you had this kind of talent!"

"I am an island farm boy, we know how to whittle," Gilbert replied modestly.

"Oh Gilbert, this is more than whittling! This is art! It's just amazing, look at this detail! Did you paint it too?" Anne asked, incredulous that she never realized Gilbert had so much ability.

"Uh, no, painting is not my strong suit by any means. I asked one of the art students I have been tutoring to help me out with that. He did a great job, didn't he?"

"He did, he had the perfect canvas Gil. I am just amazed." Anne could not take her eyes off the exquisite details. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Was this always meant for me?" she asked.

"Yes, of course."

"Then why a bluebird?"

Gilbert smiled, _why a bluebird indeed, Anne._ "Bluebirds are supposed to symbolize happiness, Anne. What better symbol to carve into something than that for the happiest person I know. Whenever I see a bluebird I think of you, so it just seemed natural to me.'

Now it was Anne's turn to blush. "Thank you, Gil. These gifts are just so thoughtful and beautiful. I really can't believe you're so talented."

"I am glad you like them, Anne."

"Now it's your turn. Open your gift," said Anne, changing the subject so she could put the fluttering feeling in her stomach to rest.

Gilbert did as instructed, pulling off the paper to reveal a brown leather portfolio. Gilbert ran his hand across the cover, where his initials were engraved in a metal plate, and flipped through the pages. "Wow, Anne, this is great!"

"I thought you could use this to stay organized. If you're going to win the Cooper, you can't do it with that dreadful, ratty notebook you carry around. Look, it has a calendar, a place for notes, and if you'll look at the very end, I took the liberty of adding in a small section from me."

Gilbert flipped to the last pages until he found what she was talking about. "Inspirational Quotes from Anne," he read aloud.

"Yes, I added those for you, most of them are from various writings, but there's a few Anne Shirley originals in there too."

He stood staring at her gift, saying nothing more for several minutes as he read through some of her citations. He was amazed at the thought she put behind them. But he finally found the words to say, "Anne, I love it, this is really great. I knew I could count on you to help me, this is amazing! It's extremely thoughtful and exactly what I needed. Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Gil."

"And these quotes you wrote back here are wonderful," he said flipping to the back once again.

"Yes, those are for inspiration. I imagine the Cooper Prize finalist will need a pick me up every now and again."

"Yes, well let's not hope too many, right? No, these are really great, Anne." They both spent the next few minutes looking over their gifts from one another and chatting lightly until Marilla and Rachel returned with the tea. Gilbert stayed only long enough to have a quick cup and then rose to leave. "So Anne, I hear you are going to the New Year's Even dance with Fred and Diana."

"Yes, I will sort of be their third wheel."

"Oh no, I believe that honor goes to me. Fred asked if I wanted to ride with them as well. You can be the fourth wheel and round us all out." Gilbert joked. "Fred said we would be here for you around six."

"Sounds good, Gil. Thanks!"

After he left, Anne took his gifts to her room. She couldn't help herself from getting out a sheet of paper and trying out her new pen. She was three paragraphs into her creative musings when she determined this writing implement would do just perfectly. _Who knew a pen could inspire me! Well, I guess Gilbert knew it!_

Anne took another look at the bird Gilbert had carved from nothing but a plain block of wood and wondered how she never knew the depth of his abilities. It thrilled her to learn something so personal about him. It was the same way she felt when he told her about the Cooper Prize. Anne found she liked being Gilbert's confidant. Instead of placing the ornament on its intended spot on the Christmas tree, Anne placed it on table next to her bed for now. She wanted to admire it a little longer.

Likewise, when Gilbert arrived home he went to his room and laid Anne's gift reverently on his bed. Anne and he had exchanged gifts before, but something about this time felt oddly personal. Perhaps it was because Anne gave him a gift meant to help him reach goal that only she knew was a possibility. That thought alone made him smile. He wouldn't be alone working towards that scholarship. He had made a wise choice in confiding in her.

* * *

By 6:00 on New Year's Eve, Anne was almost ready to go. She wore a dark blue dress with white lace trim at the neckline, her pearls around her neck, and was just finishing placing several gold pins in her hair, when she heard voices downstairs that told her was running behind. She looked at herself in the mirror, satisfied with what she saw. She felt a moment of sadness that Roy was not with her tonight. What a lovely time they would have had dancing together.

Down in the parlor, Fred, Diana, and Gilbert waited patiently for Anne. Diana was about to go up and help her finish when she came down the stairs to greet them. It was no surprise that when Gilbert saw Anne he almost couldn't breath. This was not a new sensation for him. Over the years he had seen her dressed up for many dances, and at every one of them she managed to take his breath away. Gilbert never even wondered at it anymore, just accepted it as a not-unpleasant consequence of his affection for the woman.

While Anne was filled with longing for Roy, she also held a feeling of melancholy as she realized that this might be the last night of her and Gilbert the way they had always been. It was an unsettling thought, one that she tried to determine would not come to fruition. But even in her most optimistic thoughts, the ones where she thought perhaps Gilbert only thought of her as a friend, she could not help but be sad and maybe a little angry. To her it was unjust that she should have to change her behavior simply because she was courting Roy. She acknowledged the reason it would need to be so, and in her rational mind she knew it made sense. But she was not in the mood for rationality as she sat in the buggy, listening to Diana chatter on. Gilbert must have picked up on her disquiet, because at the first opportunity he turned to her and asked, "Anne, are you alright? You seem awfully quiet."

Anne sighed, "I am fine, Gil. I suppose I am just tired from all the holiday festivities."

"Oh, and here I thought you were speechless in anticipation of dancing with Charlie." Gilbert smirked and Anne burst out laughing. And then, just like that, her melancholy mood was gone, replaced by the anticipation of having a lovely evening with her dearest friends.

"Gil, I doubt Charlie Sloane will ask me to dance." Anne didn't know whether or not Gilbert knew of Charlie's ridiculous proposal, but she suspected he did.

"Really, I can't imagine why not!" Of course he knew! "I thought you two had returned to civil relations of late."

"Well, yes, I suppose since he met his blue-eyed little sophomore he's a bit more civil to me now. Although, I think patronizing would be more accurate. But in any case, he's a Sloane as Mrs. Lynde would say, and as such I suppose patronizing civility is all that can be expected."

Gilbert laughed heartily, "Yes, we must make allowances for Sloane's."

The foursome talked gaily the remainder of the way with Anne silently grateful for Gilbert's ability to pull her out of her mood and Gilbert silently nervous about what it was he would say to Anne before the night was over. If nothing else, the evening promised to be quite interesting one way or the other.

The hall was really done up quite beautifully, a fact that Josie Pye never once failed to take credit for whenever anyone complimented the committee on the decorations. But Anne had to give her credit, even if she embellished her role. The hall looked lovely, done up with bows ribbons, a giant Christmas tree, and enough glitter to make it feel just magical enough. It was the perfect atmosphere for a dance.

The first hour was spent catching up with people Anne and Gilbert had not seen since summer, but they spent the bulk of their time with Fred and Diana. When the dancing finally opened. Gilbert took Anne to the first set. Anne had danced with Gilbert many times before, after all he had been her escort to almost every Redmond function the past two and half years. So it surprised her a little that when Gilbert took her hand and pulled her close to him, that she felt suddenly that this dance was different. She could not understand just why, but for a moment she thought she felt rather nervous. Her stomach had strange butterflies. She must have been flushed because as soon as Gilbert looked at her he asked, "Anne, are you alright? You look warm, do you need some air?"

Anne recovered enough of herself to reply, "Oh, no, Gil. Thank you, I am a little warm but I am fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am fine."

Gilbert for his part was more than a little out of sorts himself. Knowing what he was hoping for this evening had him nervous himself as soon as he had walked in the door. Unfortunately, it seemed that Anne noticed when she said, "What about you, Gil? You seem a little distracted since we got here. Is something the matter?"

The time for conversation was not now, so he replied the only way he could, with humor. "Yes, well you've caught me Anne. I promised Josie a dance and I can't say I am looking forward to it."

Anne laughed and shook her head, "And after all the trouble she went through to pull this together, that's not very kind of you, Gil."

"Believe it or not Anne, I did compliment Josie on the hall tonight in very sincere, and I might add gallant terms. But as no good deed goes unpunished, I then had to accept a dance with her."

"Gilbert!"

"Oh come on, Anne, it's not that I don't like Josie. I do. But she's always grated on me a bit. She's one of those friends that I think I have grown out of because it has always seemed to me that she's refused to grow up."

Anne thought on that for a moment, now a little distracted at the small circles Gilbert was tracing on her back as they danced. "I suppose you might be right about that. I used to enjoy sparring with Josie, but it's just not that fun anymore. Even tonight when she told me that I "almost looked pretty," I couldn't even bring myself to care about her barbs."

"She's always been jealous of you."

"I can't imagine why."

"Well I can think of about a million reasons, starting with her own insecurities. For some reason she's always put herself up as your rival. Too bad for her that she can't compare." As he said that he unconsciously pulled Anne in just a little closer.

Anne suddenly felt a little heavy, like her feet might not move again. "Let's not waste this time talking about Josie Pye. I can't think of more wasted conversation."

Gilbert laughed, "I couldn't agree more. But that doesn't change the fact that I still have to get through a dance with her."

"The perils of being a gentleman, Mr. Blythe." Anne smiled a little mischievously and Gilbert wanted, not for the first time that evening, to kiss her. But instead he said, "Yes, well never let it be said that Gilbert Blythe was anything less than a gentleman. Especially if my mother is around!"

"I don't think anyone who knows you would suggest otherwise," replied Anne. Their conversation suddenly ceased as the dance continued and Anne found that she had to look away for a moment. Something about Gilbert's gaze was unsettling her even further. She was such a mix of emotion that all she could do was hope the dance ended soon. She was hoping Gilbert would continue their small talk, but he didn't. And she found that for once in her life, she could think of nothing to say. _Talk about Redmond, talk about books, talk about Josie again!_ But no words formed in her brain, at least none that she could make come out of her mouth.

Gilbert could tell Anne was unsettled, even in his own less than serene state. Now that their conversation had ceased, she would not even look at him. Just like the day of the snowball fight, he could feel the way her body was reacting to his. He felt her shudder as he pulled her in closer; he saw her blush when his hand went around her waist. _What does any of it mean?_

So hard he wished that Anne would look at him and answer that very question, that he could not help himself from removing his hand from around her waist, bringing it to her chin, and gently lifting her head until her eyes met his gaze. Anne's eyes, tonight more green than gray, suddenly bored into his hazel ones and time stopped for Gilbert Blythe. He was not imagining this!

Anne was similarly affected and wanted desperately to look away. She was slightly angry with him for insisting she meet his gaze and utterly confused about the swirl of feelings that surrounded her. It was a simple gesture on his part, but one that removed all doubt from her mind as she immediately softened towards him. Gilbert Blythe loved her. She might be able to convince herself otherwise five minutes from now, but in this moment she was absolutely certain. She would never be able to put into words, even if you gave her a hundred years to do it, how she knew it, but she did.

How long they looked at one another neither of them knew, the music was a distant thing, a trivial nuisance that suggested time might stop whatever was happening between them. And both of them felt it rather keenly, even if quite differently, that something was indeed happening between them. Suddenly, with no deference to the feelings of the two people who in that moment cared nothing of their surroundings, they heard clapping around them.

Shockingly, Gilbert looked way first, gently released Anne, and began clapping. In the split second Anne continued to look at him, she realized how much older he looked. How much like a man and how less of a boy he now resembled.

Anne wondered at herself, immediately convinced that her foolish thoughts and reactions to Gilbert holding her were more her missing Roy than really a response to Gilbert's feather light touch on the small of her back. But she could not ignore the feeling of disappointment she felt when he let her go. That she understood, or so she thought. Gilbert would likely never escort her to a dance again, and as much as she loved the idea of attending a similar occasion with Roy, She would miss Gilbert's confident and comfortable presence by her side. _Yes, I have taken him for granted. He deserves so much better than me!_ But she had to admit to herself that she had never felt quite like that before when dancing in Gilbert's arms.

What Anne didn't know was the reason Gilbert had released her so quickly was because when she looked at him he came dangerously close to leaning in and kissing her. It only would have taken a simple movement of his head. But it would have been the ultimate fools errand. Whatever he might say to Anne tonight, starting it by kissing her in public would only lead to disaster. So he pulled away quickly, removing the temptation that stood before him.

He had no further time for reflection for as soon as the dance was over Fred and Diana came over to insist they swap partners. Gilbert was grateful to stay his dance with Josie for while longer. He couldn't dance with her when his mind and heart were so full of Anne. The very thought was revolting to him.

"What do you say, Gil?" he heard Diana saying.

"Of course, it would be my pleasure, that is if Fred can spare you!" Gilbert smiled.

"Only for you, Gilbert. For anyone else, Diana is off limits," Fred joked.

Gilbert took Diana to the next set as Fred did with Anne.

Equilibrium had returned to both Anne and Gilbert and, as the night waned on, they were both the gayest of revelers. Anne was a much sought after partner, with even Charlie condescending to ask her for a dance. It was fitting that she danced with him at the same time Gilbert danced with Josie. Anne knew not what Josie and Gilbert might be talking of, but watching them she reasoned Josie was doing most of the talking. Charlie likewise carried on his share in the conversation, which mostly consisted of talk about his blonde little sophomore. Anne had the pleasure of meeting her once or twice, but she confessed only to herself she could barely remember much about her.

It was barely a half hour before midnight that Anne finally had the opportunity to talk with Gilbert. In truth, she had been putting it off for as long as she could. But she harkened back to Diana's words and she knew she could not put it off any longer.

So when Gilbert left the hall briefly to get some air, Anne followed him outside. She found him standing around the side of the building, leaning against a large oak tree. He turned around at the sound of his name being called.

"Anne," he said surprised, "What are you doing out here, it's freezing!"

"I could say the same to you, you know," she replied. "Here, I brought this for you." She handed him his jacket. "You know you're supposed to wear these outside in this weather, Gil."

"I only came out to get some air for a minute." In truth, he had needed to think.

"I know, but it is cold. What would your mother say?"

"Ah, the things we might do but for fear of what our mother's would say!" Gilbert smiled shallowly. "What about you, Carrots? What would Marilla say to you being out here in the cold?"

"I imagine she wouldn't be at all surprised and would be happy that I had more sense than Gilbert Blythe and wore my jacket," Anne sternly.

"You win, Anne. I can't let you go around having more sense that me now can I?" he said with a smirk, taking his jacket and putting it on slowly.

In both of their minds they knew it was the moment they needed. Both having so much to say neither of them were able to say much of anything at first. It was unfortunate for Gilbert that Anne seemed to find her voice first. For when she spoke, Gilbert began to hear what could only be described as the silent death of all his hopes.

* * *

 _AN: Okay I know it was touch wicked of me to end on a semi-cliff hanger, but I really did need to break this up. The next chapter will pick up where this one leaves off and I promise it will be worth it, well at least i hope you think so when it's posted:)_


	9. Fire and Ice

_Okay, here we go... I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long! This was a hard chapter to write. The challenge in writing and publishing chapter by chapter is that you have to make sure you are pretty darn sure that this is the direction you want to go, because you can't really go back and change it (although I have seen it done quite successfully on here before! Catiegirl, you were the master!). For my first story, Last Days at Redmond, I had that all written before I posted. For Courage to Try Again, the ending was already provided, I was merely filling in the gaps in the story. So this time has been challenging for me to merge where I first intended this story to go with what came out when I actually sat down to write these chapters. I think anyone who writes can relate to that feeling. That said, this is a seminal chapter. It most strongly influences the rest of the story. I have always tried to be very purposeful in my writing and I hope this has come through. Another note is that I expect the story to come out somewhere between 15-20 chapters, probably closer to 20. As a fellow writer pointed out (KWAK i mean you:)), it is important for you have an expectation of the length to enjoy the story fully. Let me know what you think. And as always, you all are great and I appreciate the follows, and favs, and reviews very much!_

 _So without further ado..._

* * *

Anne was very nervous, an off feeling connected to Gilbert because, in truth, it had always been easy for her to talk to him about anything. That this time was different gave her an odd feeling of grief. They continued looking at one another, while Anne tried desperately to decide how to begin. Having gone over the conversation multiple times in the past several days, she had already determined there would be no easy or really appropriate way to start it. So she would just have to say it.

Gilbert's heart was pounding in his chest and he tried to get words to come out if his mouth. How was he supposed to ask Anne to give him a chance? Could he honestly put into words how he felt about her? And then he thought of his letter, the one he had most recently written, the one that contained all the feelings and emotions he had never dared to say allowed. But could he say those things out loud? He would have to, the time for cautious and patient waiting was over. So he breathed deeply, calmed his nerves and opened his mouth to speak. But the words never reached the surface as Anne's voice broke through the still air.

"I am actually glad I caught you out here. There's something I wanted to tell you." Anne spoke shyly, almost reluctantly.

Gilbert's own words died on his lips and a feeling of foreboding cast over his countenance. He swallowed hard, not sure what to expect. "Sure," was all he managed, before adding, "This sounds serious."

"Oh well, I don't know about it being serious, but it's important I guess." Anne began to fidget and Gilbert could tell she was nervous.

"You seem nervous, are you sure your alright?" Gilbert closed the distance between them and took her hand in his. "Anne, you didn't bring your gloves, your hands are freezing." The warmth of Gilbert's hands on hers sent a warm wave through Anne's body and she immediately stepped back from him and removed her hands from his. Gilbert was now beyond perplexed, but he was beginning to have a Patty's Place orchard kind of feeling that settled the doubt even further in his mind.

Anne just smiled and emitted a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry Gil, I don't know why I am acting so strange. All I wanted to tell you is that before we left Redmond for break…" she paused and took at deep breath before continuing, "Roy asked to court me, and I said yes." There it was out. But her words did not stop there, "I just wanted to share it with you before you heard it from someone else. Once Rachel finds out it will be all over Avonlea!" Anne tried humor, but nothing in Gilbert's face suggested he thought anything she said was funny.

Gilbert was silent for a several moments as the words registered in his brain. Anne was courting Roy Gardner! He felt like he had been punched in the gut. How did he not see this coming? He knew he had to say something. "Oh. I guess I hadn't realized things with Roy were that serious." _Because I am a foolish idiot who refused to even ask about him!_

"Yes, well we have spent a good deal of time together and we both hope this will give us a chance to know one another better."

"Yes, I guess it will." He looked at Anne and she looked as miserable as he did. "Can I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"I assume you are happy about this?"

"Of course!"

"Then why do you look so sad right now?"

Anne was slightly shocked he would say that. "I am not sad, Gilbert." But then how could she explain her nervousness and reluctance? "Like I said, I just wanted to share this with you before you found out about from someone else. I thought you deserved to know."

"And that makes you sad?"

"It isn't sadness you're seeing on my face, Gil."

"Then what is it? Because I have to confess Anne, if the girl of my dreams had just consented to a courtship with me, I would be slightly happier than you are right now." Gilbert's tone was neither jovial nor stern, it was firm and even.

Anne bristled at his words, for him to suggest she was unhappy angered her. But knowing that this must be hard for him, she determined to keep her temper in check. But she would do her best to explain; even if it meant saying things she would rather not. "Would you be happy telling someone about it if you knew that person, who you cared about more than anyone, might be hurt by it?" After the words were out she regretted them instantly. It was too close to the truth she knew was in his heart.

Understanding dawned on him instantly. "I see," was all he said. _God, I am a fool! She knows how I feel and is trying her best not to hurt me!_ The pain that cut through Gilbert was so deep that it almost took his breath away. Could he even deny it, should he? What difference did it make at this point anyways? But what about her blushes and trembles? Did that all really mean nothing? _I know I wasn't imagining that!_ But he could see the pain on her face and could not bear that she was upset because of him. It almost hurt more than hearing her say she was courting Roy, almost. So in true Gilbert Blythe fashion, he would do what he always did, put Anne first and put her at ease.

Finally he said, "I think I understand you, Anne. You don't need to be sad on my account. Congratulations!" _Idiot! Congratulations, is that even something appropriate to say at this moment in time? Fix it! "_ Roy seems like a terrific fellow."

Anne was surprised by his words. Was it really that easy?

"Do you mean it, Gil?" She asked hopefully.

Gilbert swallowed hard and for the first time in his acquaintance with Anne, he lied to her. "Of course, I do. If you're happy, I am happy for you." He hoped Anne would not further question his sincerity because he seriously doubted that he would be able to keep up the pretense of false joy for any longer. Luckily, Anne's entire demeanor changed in an instant and he saw her relax and smile.

"Thanks, Gil." _Their friendship was saved_. But Anne almost pushed too far when in her next sentence she said, "It would really be great if you could get to know Roy. I am sure you two would get along well." She saw the look on Gilbert's face and realized her mistake immediately. His eyes flashed in a bit of anger, and before she could retract her stupid statement, Gilbert managed to sputter out, "I am afraid Roy will have to settle for getting to know you, Anne. My focus will on other pursuits by the time term begins."

"Right, the Cooper and all," she said foolishly.

"Yes, the Cooper." He said stiffly. "You found your dream, Anne. Now I have to go get mine."

Anne started at his statement, angry for a reason unknown. "Gil, Roy isn't my dream. When you say that it just makes it sound childish, like a flight of fancy."

"Isn't he though, Anne? I don't know, from what you told me about your tall, dark, and handsome, Roy seems pretty well made to order." His tone was slightly sarcastic and it did not go unnoticed.

"Are you making fun of me for dreaming?" Anne matched his tone.

Gilbert sensed the danger he was in and the last thing he wanted was to fight with her. Not here, not now. But that she would really ask him to believe Roy was not fitting her fantasy was too absurd to ignore. "I won't respond to that because you know that I am not. But isn't Roy exactly the kind of man you've waited since you were thirteen for? Maybe it is a childish flight of fancy, but that doesn't make him any less real. I was really just making an observation that you've no doubt made yourself." No, Roy Gardner was definitely very real. He was flesh and bone. He might just be the man Anne was to marry, the man who would love Anne as a husband, the man who would be the father to her children, the man she would confide in all her life. Gilbert suddenly felt sick.

Anne didn't know what to say. She likewise did not want to fight and it as clear this conversation was headed in a less than friendly direction.

"Maybe we should head back inside. I think it's almost midnight," Anne finally said.

Gilbert ignored her request and instead brazenly asked her, "Do you love him?"

Anne's voice caught in her throat. _Is he trying to torture both of us?_ At that question she could have lost her temper. She wanted to lose her temper. She wanted to tell him it was none of his business what she felt for Roy. But his eyes demanded her honesty, "I don't know, Gil. That's why I want to know him better. To see if, someday, I might. I am beginning to care deeply for him though."

Gilbert just shook his head, but said nothing. At this point, Anne was trembling. He didn't know if it was because she was upset or because she was cold.

"You're right, we should really go back in. It's freezing out here." Then he added quickly, "I am sorry for asking that, it's really none of my business and you don't owe me an explanation. Can we just forget I ever asked and go back inside and have our last dance?"

Anne hesitated for a moment as Gilbert held out his hand to take hers and walk back inside. Something about the way he said last dance made her heart drop to her stomach. He obviously meant it in reference to the last dance of the evening, but she knew there was a more sinister depth to that statement, even if Gilbert hadn't intended it. What she should have done was said yes to him, taken his hand, and walked inside. But Anne Shirley had a long history of doing things she shouldn't so instead, as she reached out and took Gilbert's hand and as he turned to walk her back inside, she stood rooted to her spot. Not knowing quite what she was doing, but knowing she needed to say something she blurted out, "He's not you, you know."

Gilbert froze and his grip on her hand tightened. He did not turn to look at her because the anger and loss that coursed through him at that moment was too fierce, he feared one look at her beautiful face would melt his righteous anger and he didn't want that.

"Anne, please don't…"

She ignored the anger in his voice, "But, Gil, I might not have another chance. Please look at me." She needed to explain to him that he was still so very important to her and that he always would be. No one could take Gilbert's place.

"I can't."

"Why?"

 _Does she really not get it?_ he thought. "Because of what we have been dancing around for the last half hour, but neither of us have had the guts to say out loud. Do I need to say it more plainly for you?" His tone was angry, an anger she had never heard from him before. And in the next moment he seemed to soften, and quietly said, "I can't hear you say I am not him, and if you care about me at all you won't make me listen to it."

Just then, in the distance of the hall, they began to hear the loud clatter of voices from inside. The count down to midnight had begun.

30-

"Okay, Gil."

He heard the sound of her gurgled reply and knew she was crying. At that his resolve broke and he looked at her, pulled her closer to him and came face to face with her.

25-

"Are you sure Roy is what you want, Anne?" Gilbert asked

"I'm sure, Gil. But I want us to go on being good friends. Can we please do that?" She pleaded.

At that moment, seeing her tears, Gilbert would have promised her anything. "Yes, Anne. We can go on as friends."

19-

"Do you mean it?" She said with a small smile.

"Have I ever lied to you, Carrots?" He asked as he stroked her cheek.

Gilbert was then struck that this was likely the last time he would be this close to Anne again. That he would try to maintain her friendship was the truth, but he also knew it would never be the same and not just because of his feelings. Anne's heart and mind would lie elsewhere. He would never hold hands with her again, he would never sweep away a lock of her hair when it came loose from her pins.

14-

"It's almost the New Year, do you want to rush inside?" he asked, praying she would say no.

Anne intended to say yes, but she could not speak. Gilbert was now holding both of her hands in his and their eyes had locked in an intense gaze . Her mind screamed at her to leave, to walk back inside. All was settled now, all was well. She had done what she came out here to do. _Go inside!_ But her feet stayed bound to the ground below.

7-

"Anne, if you keep me here, I don't know if I can be responsible for what happens at midnight." Gilbert said passionately. But she again made no reply.

 _4, 3, 2, 1…_

They heard the party inside erupt in a glorious celebration of laughter and music.

"Happy New year, Gilbert Blythe," Anne said, a little breathlessly as she squeezed his hand gently.

And at that small gesture, his mind was made up. "Forgive me, Anne!"

"For what?"

"For this..." Slowly, gently, giving her ample time to pull away, Gilbert lowered his face to hers and softly kissed her lips. He meant to only brush them, for he expected her to turn her head away at the first moment and scold him. He expected her resistance, he planned on it. and when it didn't come he was lost on what to do next. So he kissed her deeper and to his surprise and utter joy she responded to him.

Anne had realized Gilbert was going to kiss he probably before he did. She meant to stop him. But again her unwillingness to move or speak took over and she found herself not only _not_ pulling away from him, but she was most definitely kissing him back! _What madness is this?_

But the feeling was too powerful, for what she felt when his lips met hers was like nothing she had ever felt before. A strange mixture of anger and pleasure coursed through her. It scared her and thrilled her all at the same time and she lost herself in Gilbert's embrace as he pulled her in closer to himself.

Gilbert was experiencing a torturous dichotomy of blissful happiness and utter despair. The sweetness of Anne's lips on his was pleasure that could not be named. But knowing that it was all about to crumble around him at any moment was excruciating. It was then he knew he had made a huge mistake. Finally, after he knew not how long, he somehow found the strength to pull away. He looked into her eyes and saw her confusion and anger and he was filled with regret.

For Anne was confused and angry. Confused at the feelings that swirled inside her, feelings Gilbert had unleashed in her, and angry with herself for not putting a stop to this nonsense.

Gilbert knew he had to apologize. He had crossed a line. And although he hated himself for his actions, he knew that it would always be the most treasured of bittersweet memories. "Anne, I-… I am sorry. I should not have done that, it was unforgiveable." Gilbert stuttered out. He suddenly let go of her as though she were on fire and Anne felt her whole body grow cold. "You should go," he said flatly.

"You- you want me to leave?" Anne said, bewildered.

"I think that would be best."

And that's when she got angry with him. How dare he! He was dismissing her! All the anger she had work so hard to subdue during the first part of their conversation now bubbled to the surface. She shot daggers out of her eyes as she stared had his forlorn face. They were only standing a few steps apart now. "So Gilbert Blythe isn't gentleman enough to want to talk to a lady he just kissed about why he did it. I didn't know you were such a coward." Anne said it, and quite instantly wished she could take it back. But it was done and she was too angry to apologize now. She wanted to make him as angry as she was.

It worked brilliantly, for now he was quite angry with her. But he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't fight with her. He would walk away. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Anne. I am sorry for everything." He looked at her beautiful, flushed, freezing face one last time before he turned and walked away. He walked away leaving that part of his heart standing with her in the snow. The part that only she would ever touch.

Left alone in the cold, tears now streamed down Anne's face. She stood there for some time before she found herself too cold to remain. She slowly walked back inside the hall, the very last place she wanted to be. It was fortunate for her that Fred and Diana were about to look for her at the same time and found her standing in the hallway.

One look at Anne's face told Diana everything she needed to know about how Anne's conversation with Gilbert had gone. "Anne, are you alright? Oh geez look at you, you're freezing!"

"Diana can we please leave?" was all she said in reply.

"Of course, just let Fred and I get our things." Diana scurried off, with Fred in tow, and they returned shortly and left the hall for Orchard Slope. Anne had before decided to stay the night at Diana's since it had promised to be such a late evening. The ride home was painfully silent. Diana tried her best talk about the dance, but with Anne practically catatonic and Fred instantly worried about not only Gilbert's mental state, but also his well-being in this cold weather, could not be made to say much.

Fred pulled up to Diana's house and helped both ladies out of the carriage. Anne waited for Diana at the porch steps to say good night to Fred. Though they spoke in whispers she could hear their conversation.

"I am going to go out and look for Gilbert. If he's not home I am going to find him and make sure he gets there alright."

Diana gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "Be careful!"

"I will, I love you."

"I love you too."

In the next half hour, Anne and Diana changed and were ready for bed. Anne tried to say she didn't want to talk about what had happened. But it only took a little coaxing before Anne relayed every detail of their conversation. Diana was properly disturbed at what happened and how they left things. But she could not believe Gilbert had kissed Anne! "What did you do, Anne, did you pull away?"

Anne just laughed bitterly. "You are going to think me very terrible indeed, Di, but I didn't! I-I kissed him back."

"Anne! No, you didn't!" Diana exclaimed, shocked even further.

"I did! I kissed him back and then he just dismissed me! He couldn't wait to get away from me!" Anne relived that painful moment and tears once again came to her eyes. Diana was truly at a loss for what to say. "This is all just so unbelievable!" But Diana realized statements like that were not at all helpful. "So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to talk to him?"

"He made it pretty clear he didn't want to talk to me."

"But Anne you can't just leave it like this."

"I don't think I have a choice, Diana!"

"Why did you do it?" Diana got to the heart of the matter.

"Do what?"

"Kiss him back, Anne… Why in the world did you kiss him back?"

Anne looked at Diana with fresh tears, threw up her hands and shook her head. "I don't know!"

"Anne you can do better than that. Why did you kiss Gilbert Blythe back?" Diana demanded an answer.

It only took Anne a second to realize why she did it. It was really quite simple. She lifted her head and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Because I wanted to…"

* * *

It took Fred a half hour to find Gilbert, walking slowly through the path that went by the Haunted Woods. Gilbert stopped as Fred pulled up beside him. Seeing Fred was alone, Gilbert wordlessly got into the buggy. Neither of them said a word for several minutes as Fred drove along.

Finally Gilbert broke the silence, "So I suppose you heard what happened?"

"Nope, not a word. Anne wasn't much for conversation on the way home."

"I am sure she wasn't." Gilbert said absently.

"So are you going to fill me in or are we going to pretend this is just a normal New Year's Eve?"

Gilbert looked at Fred, instantly grateful for him.

"Are you sure you want to hear about it, it's pretty dreadful."

"Oh I can imagine it is! When Anne Shirley doesn't want to speak, I know something isn't right," Fred quipped.

In spite of himself, he smiled at Fred's joke. "Alright then, brace yourself."

And for the next ten minutes, Gilbert relayed every detail of the evening, leaving nothing out.

"And then I did something really stupid." Gilbert steeled himself for Fred's censure.

"You kissed her didn't you?" Fred asked as though this was an everyday occurrence.

"I did."

"And what happened, she slapped you? Yelled at you?"

"Not exactly," Gilbert said, torturously remembering the first and last time he would ever feel Anne's lip on his.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that's what I expected her to do. But she didn't. Fred, she kissed me back." If Fred expected Gilbert to be happy about that bit of information, he was sorely mistaken. Just rethinking the whole thing made Gilbert's shame increase immeasurably. For all his talk, he was no gentleman at all.

"Wow, what happened after that?"

"I apologized, and told her she should go back inside. Then she called me coward and I left."

"Wow…" was all Fred said again.

"Wow? That's all you have to say?" Gilbert was desperate to hear Fred's reaction. He was desperate for Fred to be angry with him for the liberty he had taken with Anne, desperate for his censure for his total breach of propriety.

"What can I say, Gil, this is all pretty amazing."

"I really messed up, Fred. I ruined everything before I even had the chance to fight for her. And now I have nothing." Fred heard the dejection in Gilbert's voice and felt for him. Gilbert had practically bent over backwards for Anne Shirley for the last decade and seeing him still back at the same square he started was heartbreaking. But Fred wasn't so sure all was lost.

"Am I right in guessing that that you've spent the last hour beating yourself up for your behavior that you haven't had the time to think that maybe all is not lost?"

"Fred, did you not hear my story? Trust me, it's lost."

"What I heard you say was that you kissed Anne and despite her courting some handsome Kingsport millionaire, she kissed you back. Are you telling me that doesn't mean something?"

Gilbert thought for a moment. And that's when the horror of what he did hit him with its full force. It had meant something, to both of them. The entire evening had been nothing but small touches, shy glances, and beautiful blushes. It's why he had been blindsided by her news about Roy, even when he shouldn't have been. Before this evening had ended, he did have a chance with Anne. He had had a shot to win her; because he knew deep down she felt something for him. She felt something she didn't even realize and because of his foolishness he now had lost her forever. He couldn't see through his own despair long enough to think through any of it before he made that mistake. All he could think of at the time was how he would never kiss her like that, how another man would take his place. It was as much about him saying goodbye as it was his greatest desire.

"You might be right Fred, maybe it did mean something. But that doesn't matter anymore. I should not have done that. Anne hates me now. And to be honest, I hate myself a little too."

Fred felt for his friend, but the self-indulgent despair was beginning to be too much. "Gil, honestly, you are acting like you strangled her cat or something. You kissed her! Was it a breach of propriety? Sure. Should you have done that when you know she's courting another guy? Probably not. Is she likely mad at you? Yes. But there's something there, something that neither you nor her are willing to admit."

"Fred, I think I have admitted my feelings rather freely?"

"Have you? Maybe to me, and maybe even Anne knows how you feel. But from where I sit all your doing now is hiding behind your guilt about what happened to avoid admitting that you're just as scared and confused as she is. You've loved the girl since you were a kid. No one would question whether or not you're worthy of her, but what have you done to win her, Gil? Other than sit on the sidelines and wait patiently for what you thought was due to you, have you even really fought for Anne?"

The truth of Fred's words hit Gilbert like a blow. At first he was angry, how dare Fred suggest he thought Anne was his for the taking! But then he slowly realized the reality of Fred's words. It had only been recently that Gilbert had learned the same thing himself, and it was an ugly insight that he was embarrassed his best friend also knew to be true. Until recently he had taken her for granted. And when Roy showed up, all those insecurities surfaced of Anne's many rejections over the years. That's why he hadn't declared himself, that's why he had refused to see the feelings she openly yet unconsciously displayed when they were together.

"You're right. I haven't done anything to win her. I have been so selfish."

"No. Not selfish, just insecure and with good reason. Anne's led you on a rather merry chase for a decade. You're up against the dreams she's held onto for half her life. That's daunting."

Gilbert was amazed at Fred's insights. "How do you know so much about Anne?"

"You do remember I am marrying her best friend, and well, engaged people talk!" Fred laughed.

"That's funny, Fred, I never would have taken you for a gossip."

"You call it gossip, I call it information that right now you are benefitting from," Fred replied smugly.

"Fair enough! So what do I do up against a dream?"

"Simple, you show her a new dream," Fred said plainly. By now they had reached the Blythe gate and Gilbert was simply freezing.

"A new dream… just like that?"

"Yep!"

"And how do I do that?"

"Beats me!" Fred returned with his usual tone. "But I think it probably starts with a conversation with Anne that ends in an apology." The words Anne and apology made Gilbert shudder. Those two words together had not been kind to him over the years. It would take more than a pink candy heart and a 'don't be mad for keeps' attitude.

"I don't know, I think I went too far this time."

"Well then, by all means, wallow in your misery. That does seem like the better plan."

Gilbert smiled and acknowledged his poor plan, or rather lack of one. Fred was right. "Thanks, Fred. You're a good friend." Gilbert said sincerely.

Fred just laughed slightly. "Happy New Year, Gil!"

"You too! Do you want to stay? It's pretty late and you have to be freezing."

"No, it's not far. Besides if I don't come home my mother will make a beeline to the Barry's tomorrow morning, demanding answers," Fred quipped. "So long, Gil. And remember that the self-indulgent wallow-er almost never gets the girl!"

Fred drove off and Gilbert hustled inside. The house was quiet and Gilbert stoked the fire to warm himself. He hadn't truly realized how cold he had been. His conversation with Fred had calmed him down considerably. He could now think a bit more rationally. He lay down on the couch and covered himself with a blanket. He should go change and go to bed. But he knew his sleep would not come easy and that his mind was already in overdrive. He considered a glass of his father's brandy, but dismissed it when he was too tired to move anymore.

He began to think, really think, about what he was going to do to fix the situation he had created. With so much at stake, how was he supposed to win Anne's forgiveness, much less her affection? He knew Fred was right about everything he had said. Gilbert had been scared and confused – but probably not for the reasons Fred thought. The consequence of only ever loving and longing for one woman for half your life made it so that Gilbert knew no other way to exist. In his mind and heart, it was Anne or no one. That was terribly frightening; so frightening that living life in limbo had become preferable, safer.

But that was over now. He had kissed Anne, fully and passionately. He could not, he _would_ not take it back or cheapen it by pretending to her or to himself that that it meant anything less than it did. And that's when his mind was made up. It all became clear. He would still tell Anne how he felt after all, even after the disaster of this evening. Yes, she already knew, but not the depths of his feelings. But what would he say, what could he say?

And then it hit him.

Shaking off the tired feeling that gripped his body, he jumped off the couch, ran to his room, and took his Shakespeare anthology off his desk and plopped it on the bed. Opening the front cover, he saw his letter to Anne, her name scrawled across the front in his large loopy script. It was letter number 14. The 14th letter he had ever written her. He had poured everything in this one, his heart and soul. If anything could convince her of the depth of his feelings, this was it.

His course was set – For better or worse, Anne Shirley would hear what she had long tried to avoid. Neither of them could run from it anymore. His future lay in that letter, a letter she was never meant to read, a letter he would leave just as it was because the honesty it contained could not be rewritten or retracted. It was honesty that could only come from knowing that the truth he revealed was never meant to be seen.

Of all the emotions he could feel – anticipation, fear, apprehension – the feeling of peace quite surprised him. Perhaps because his course was set, a plan formed. Whether it would be the grand gesture that finally won Anne's heart or his last stand in a battle he would ultimately lose, he knew not. But Gilbert realized one thing after all this time, this was how to properly court a woman and win her affection. This was how one fought for the woman he loved. And Anne Shirley deserved nothing less.


	10. Fallout

_Hello again, dear readers! So the feedback from the last chapter was so amazing. I think I shocked some of you with that kiss! Well this chapter deals with the fallout... I have to warn this is where it gets hard for them... but it has too. I am not big on angst and I am not the type to string it along needlessly as a plot device either. Trust me when i say its necessary to the story. What some might call angst here, I would prefer to think of it as drama and feeling. Whatever it is, I hope you will forgive it/enjoy it just a bit here and in the coming chapters, as I hope it will all be worth it in the end. I wish I could express my gratitude at all the favs, follows and reviews better than mentioning it every time I post, but it can't be overstated how much I appreciate it._

Enjoy!

* * *

The New Year rang in rather quietly at Green Gables, with the flip of the calendar doing little to change the everyday hum of life. Anne would be going back to school in a week and though she would miss everyone dearly, the bloom had come off the rose of being home since the awful incident with Gilbert. She was ready to go back to Patty's Place, desperate to lose herself in philosophy and literature.

Anne had now had several days to process all that had happened on New Year's Eve. She found the longer she thought about it, the angrier she became. It wasn't enough that she allowed Gilbert to kiss her, it wasn't enough that she reacted to him like a silly schoolgirl, it wasn't enough that he was brazen enough to do it, for all those things she could muster enough anger with him and with herself to put the fear of God into the devil. But the fact that angered her most was that he left her. He left her standing there in the cold and snow, alone and upset. Anne's reason didn't let herself understand what it must have been like for him in that moment. She was not ready to grant him any clemency.

But while she was full of anger at Gilbert, she had to acknowledge that she was not blameless in the whole mess. She was the one who refused to walk inside with him, she was the one who could not bring herself to move from her spot, she was the one who not only allowed him to kiss her, but most definitely responded to him with equal passion.

Anne was not yet ready to admit, however, that passion was what she had felt. The fact was, she didn't know how she felt, or why she had done it. Sitting alone at Green Gables finally allowed her to remember her conversation with Diana...

* * *

 _"_ _Because I wanted to!" Anne's face went white when she said the words and Diana could hardly believe what she was hearing._

 _"_ _Anne, I don't understand, why did you want to kiss him? What about Roy?"_

 _Anne began to sob at the mention of Roy's name, "I don't know Diana, it all just happened. I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to."_

 _Diana meant to be a little harsh on Anne. But seeing her in tears melted her resolve. She hugged Anne for several moments, allowing her to cry until she was spent._

 _"_ _Anne, what does this mean? Do you having feelings for Gilbert after all?"_

 _The visceral reaction was immediate, "As if I could have feelings for him! Diana, he left me, he wouldn't talk to me. He's ruined our friendship!"_

 _"_ _Oh, Anne don't say that! You two have to talk through this. Please don't punish him so harshly again. I am sure left because he was ashamed of himself and thought you would be angry with him. What he did was a complete breach in propriety."_

 _Anne said nothing after this statement. Truth be told, she couldn't bring herself to give a lick about propriety at the moment. She might later on, after she had time to feel anything other than anger and loss. The vision of Gilbert walking away from her was in the forefront of her mind. It was exactly the image she had tried so hard to stop from happening. "I couldn't let him walk me inside." Anne suddenly said in a whisper._

 _"_ _What?" asked Diana._

 _"_ _Gilbert, he wanted to go inside and finish the dance, but I couldn't let him go. I knew that if we had that last dance, then it would never be the same. If I could keep him there with me, keep him close, then it wouldn't change. That's why I stayed. It's why I let him kiss me. I couldn't…"she stopped._

 _"_ _Couldn't what, Anne?"_

 _"_ _I couldn't say goodbye!"_

 _"_ _But I thought you said he wanted to remain friends. It wouldn't have been goodbye, Anne." Diana was at somewhat of a loss. She had never had such a close male friend before. In fact, Gilbert was her closest male friend if she didn't count Fred. She had a hard time wrapping her brain around exactly the kind of relationship Anne had with Gilbert._

 _"_ _Diana, you don't understand. It would have been goodbye in the only way that mattered. The only way that we've ever been." Diana had no idea what to make of that statement. But it was clear to her that Anne was feeling more than anger and loss._

 _"_ _So what was supposed to happen after the kiss?" Diana asked boldly._

 _"_ _What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _I mean, if Gilbert had stayed to talk to you, what would you have said or done? How was that all going to end?"_

 _Anne had though about it for a moment. She honestly didn't know and it didn't really even matter. So all she could say is, "I guess we'll never know, will we?"_

 _Diana replied, "But what we can know is how you feel about this kiss? You've told me why you did it, even if I am not sure I understand. We know why Gilbert did it. And now that it happened, how do you feel about it?"_

* * *

And that was the thought that brought Anne back to the present. She could not explain to Diana how the kiss made her feel because she wasn't quite sure herself. Even now, days later she could not put into words the feelings that had coursed through her in response to the touch of his lips to hers. Or perhaps she didn't want to. That it was the first time she had been kissed was not lost on her. She could not help but think, however, that what she may feel about it was now was rather clouded by her anger with Gilbert.

Until that was dealt with, Anne was hopeless to unpack whatever other feelings were lurking beneath the surface of her tormented mind.

So, with all those thoughts swirling in her mind, she should have been surprised that in the next moment she heard a knock at the door. But she wasn't, for she knew it was him, she knew he would come. Whether she was happy or angry that he would show up now she could not say. That is until she opened the door to his repentant face. Or was it uncertainty? In that moment she felt relief. Relief he hadn't decided to walk out of her life.

Gilbert had thought of little else in the past two days than about what he would say to Anne when he saw her. In fact, he had rehearsed his apology so many times in his head that it was all he could do not to blurt it out the moment she opened the door. But he managed to restrain himself enough to say, "Hi, Anne."

Anne said nothing. But she merely swept to the side to let him walk in. She noticed immediately that he only removed his hat and gloves, but left his jacket on, as though his visit would be brief. Anne became rather annoyed very quickly.

"Is there some place we could talk…privately?"

Anne led him into the parlor, "We can talk in here. There's no one else here. Marilla and Rachel are at sewing circle and the twins aren't expected home for awhile yet." Gilbert looked around the room that now seemed somehow smaller than it ever did. He was glad they were alone. Then he shifted uncomfortably as he realized she was waiting for him to speak. "I guess you probably know why I am here."

She said nothing; evidently she would not work to make this easy for him. As though he should have expected she would. "Anne, I-I'm sorry for the other night. I got carried away and I never should have –done that. You came to me to tell me something as a friend and I made it all about me. It was wrong and I've been sorry ever since. I had no right to kiss you." He swallowed, "I hope you can forgive me."

Anne wanted to speak, but she didn't know what to say. He was apologizing for the wrong thing! Several moments passed in silence. He could read nothing from her face.

"Anne, won't you say something?" He pleaded with her, but Gilbert already resolved he would not beg her. The fault was his and he accepted that, but he had groveled enough at Anne Shirley's feet. Still she said nothing. Her silence angered him. He was trying his best to be calm, to put her needs first. But the reversion back to childish silence was too much.

In truth it wasn't childishness that Anne was entertaining, it was emptiness. Anne was empty at the moment.

"Fine, Anne, I'll go. I can accept that you won't forgive me. I guess I should have suspected you wouldn't." What he had meant was that what he had done was so terrible that he did understand her reluctance to accept his apology, but what Anne heard was entirely different.

Empty no more, she finally spoke, "And just what is that supposed to mean Gilbert Blyhte?" Her tone left no doubt that she angry.

"Anne, I just meant-"

"Don't try to explain anything, I understand what you meant!" _He means to throw the past in my face!_

"No, I don't think that you do, Anne." To try to counter act her anger, Gilbert spoke calmly, evenly. "I can understand you won't forgive me, but can't you at least talk to me?"

"Oh, so when Gilbert wants to talk, we can talk? Is that it?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Her meaning was not entirely lost on him. He recalled her calling him a coward. She was angry for more than he thought. _What have I done!_ "I am sorry about the other night. But I wasn't in any condition to talk."

"Yes, you couldn't wait to get away from me!" She spoke rigidly, her body stiff.

"Anne, that wasn't it!"

"So then what was it? Why did you leave me standing by myself in the cold and snow?" It was entirely lost on Gilbert at this moment that Anne was chastising him for walking away from her, but not one word of censure crossed her lips about his kiss. He could not think of that for now, he was fighting against showing his own anger. "Because I thought that's what you wanted!" he tried to hide his bubbling emotions, but it was becoming harder. "Anne, I kissed you minutes after you told me you were sure you wanted to be with Roy, I was ashamed and angry at myself and I couldn't bear to look at the pain I caused you. I needed to get away."

"With no thought to what you left behind?"

"To what I… what?" Now he was angry. She was deliberately baiting him. "Anne all I did was think about what I was leaving behind! Not just that night, but forever! Do you really not get it by now!" He was exasperated. This was not going at all how he planned. He was stupid for believing she would give him a fair hearing. She meant to punish him.

He saw tears form in her eyes and he steeled himself. Making her cry was not on the list of things he wanted to accomplish with this visit. But her silence continued to frustrate him. He gave momentary thought to leaving abruptly. But he felt in his pocket for the letter he meant to put in her hands. Was this yet another foolish thing he was about to do? It wasn't meant for her. It was therapy for him, but it remained a jumbled mess of words that would probably only make sense to him. Could Anne see passed the confusion? On the way over to Green Gables, he had serious doubts about whether he would be able to give it to her. But now there seemed to be little to lose. With the reception he had just received, it would be the very definition of a last ditch effort.

"I won't keep you, Anne." He made every effort to keep his voice even. "I just came to apologize and to leave you this," he said, holding out his letter. She made no motion to take it just yet. "I am leaving today to go back to Redmond."

"What? But we aren't due back for another week!" she said shocked.

"Yes, but I have a lot to prepare for before term begins. I need to get a head start on my studies so I decided to go back early." It was mostly the truth.

"So you're leaving." It wasn't a question. Anne just needed to say the words to know they were real.

"Yes, I have to meet my father very shortly."

"When did you decide to leave early? Was it before or after New Year's Eve?"

"Does it matter?" he asked, confused.

"It does to me."

"Alright, well it was always an option. But I thought maybe it would be better to give you some space after what happened."

"So you're leaving because of me?"

 _Yes!_ "Anne, I am trying here to do what I can to salvage something from this wreckage. Can you meet me half way?" He pleaded again.

"So what's this then?" she asked, pointing to the letter in his hand, now down at his side.

"This?" he held it up again. "This is everything I need to say to you, everything I should have tried to show you from the day we became friends. And maybe some things that you don't want to hear."

"Can't you just tell me what you want to say?"

He only shook his head. _Certainly not now_!

"Why not?"

"Read it and you'll understand. Those are things I can't say out loud. Things I wrote before New Year's."

"And what I am supposed to do after I read it?" she said, taking the letter from him.

"That's up to you." The finality in his voice was clear. "I know what I hope you will do. But it's your choice. I have to go Anne, my father is waiting for me."

Yes, he was leaving! How could she forget? "Of course," she said tersely.

"I'll see you when term begins." He was dismissing her again!

He turned to leave, and Anne absently called after him.

"Gil, what happens if I don't want the letter, if I don't want to read it?"  
Gilbert whirled around in an instant stare at her in utter disbelief and Anne did not miss the look of pure pain that crossed his whole countenance. _Was she really being this cruel?_ He just stared at her for several minutes, still unbelieving of the words that came out of her mouth. And then, in the next moment, he gave in to his anger again. He took several steps towards her, until he was only inches from her face. He lowered himself only slightly and then spoke in an angry whisper. "I know I made a mistake Anne, but what your saying now is cruel. I came here to apologize, maybe it wasn't perfect, but it was real. I am sorry for everything, more than you know. That mistake may have cost me the only thing I've ever wanted. So if you don't want to read the letter, fine. But do me the decency of at least waiting until I leave before you condemn it to the fire. Perhaps it's where it should have gone from the beginning, along with all the rest!" And with that he was defeated. He had no fight left in him. Despite his anger, despite his hurt, looking into her fiery eyes sent another urge to kiss through his body. He would never love another.

Anne stared unwillingly into his eyes. She knew she had hurt him, she had meant to. She wanted him to experience the same pain she was feeling. But she realized instantly it wasn't worth whatever split second of satisfaction she had received from it. In fact, like so many other things she had said to him over the course of the past week, she regretted it almost instantly.

It was Gilbert who finally looked away, turning again to leave. She knew she needed to say something. That if she didn't there would be no chance of ever fixing this breach. As angry as she was at him, that possibility frightened her. He was almost to the door, putting on his hat and gloves. He opened the door and rush of cold air came through. But before he could step out, Anne's voice called him. "Gil! Gilbert, please wait." He heard the urgency and stopped. But he did not turn around. "I am sorry I said that. I will read it, I promise." Her tone was still cold, but contrite.

Gilbert still did not turn around, but Anne saw his shoulders slump slightly. A wave of relief spread through him momentarily, until it was quickly replaced by doubt and fear. He didn't trust himself to turn around so he merely looked back over his shoulder briefly, "Do what you want, Anne. It probably doesn't matter anymore." And then he walked out in the cold January wind, leaving Anne in tears once again.

He cursed himself almost as soon as he was outside. _How have I a made such a complete mess of things?_ And a mess it was. Not only did she not forgive him, they argued again. He knew it was a mistake to leave, but he had to. His plans were set. He couldn't stay. And though it was clear Anne wanted him to, he feared nothing good could come from that right now. They were both too emotional, too angry, too hurt, too everything. As much as it pained him, as much as he wished it otherwise, they needed time apart. He needed time apart! She would read the letter, she said she would. And then he would know for sure whether he even had a chance at winning her. If the smallest chance existed, he would not give up. The wait would be torture, although his hope had dimmed considerably. Of all the women in the world Gilbert Blythe could have fallen madly in love with, he had to pick Anne Shirley. The girl with the temper, the girl with spirit and fire, the girl who had no qualms about doling out unjust punishments, the girl who would not be told what to do or how to act, the girl could and had taken such control over his heart that it was absolutely terrifying the power she held over him. But she was his Anne, even if she wasn't. She might never be… That was precisely why he had to leave… his letter needed to speak for him now.

Anne stood in the hall, staring at the closed door in front of her, hoping he would change his mind and come back. But he didn't. How long she stood there she could not say, it could have been five minutes or a hundred. He walked away again.

In her hand she held his letter. What it contained she could guess. Her first instinct was to throw it in the fire. Her hurt and anger all wanted her too. But she knew she could never. She promised she'd read it, even if by that time Gilbert no longer cared.

Anne slowly climbed the stairs to her room. Whatever Gilbert had to say would be told to her in the privacy of her own space. Anne thought she was perfectly prepared for what his letter would say. It was likely an apology and perhaps Gilbert would tell her how he felt about her. She hardly needed the letter to know either of those things anymore. So when she broke the seal on the envelope Anne thought she was prepared for what she was about to read. But Gilbert Blythe was not just any love-struck fool. And therefore, such a letter he did not write.

 _Dear Anne,_

 _That's not usually how I start these letters to you. For a long time now, I have always used, 'Dear Carrots.' Not for the first letter though. Calling you Carrots was what got me into so much trouble in the first place, doubtless you remember. That first one I addressed to 'Anne with an E.' I thought emphasizing the E would give me the edge in getting you to forgive me for calling you 'Carrots.' But I never gave you that letter, just as I won't ever give you this one. You would probably think me a terrible fool if you even knew I was writing these and had been for a decade. Perhaps 'Perceval' could get away with that, but certainly not me. I am no romantic hero, am I, Anne? No, I am just your chum, Gil, aren't I? I should just be happy to be that, for long ago I had lost all hope of ever getting you to forgive me. But I am not just happy with that, Anne. And I don't think I could ever be. I can't go back to the boy I was before I fell in love with you. I can't go become a different sort of man who doesn't love you. I wish I could. I wish I could will myself not to love you. But then I think to myself, if not Anne, then who? And there's never an answer. Well maybe there is, the answer to the question 'who if not Anne' is simple. It's no one._

 _Sometimes I think back on our history together and I try to piece together just how and when I started to love you. If I were a hopeless romantic fool, I would tell you that the second I saw you I was desperately and irrevocably in love. But that wouldn't be true. I was certainly intrigued by you when I first saw you. Then you had the audacity to try to ignore me. Me, Gilbert Blythe! The handsome young boy with a rather cocky disposition who never had any trouble getting girls to look at him. But you didn't, Anne. That's how I knew you were different, that's when I knew you were special. But that's not when I fell in love with you, although of course that's where it all started. But there was no doubt I wanted to know you. But you wouldn't forgive me would you? I tried everything I could. I even wrote you a letter, just like this one, albeit that one was much shorter, with none of the emotional drama. That was the first one I ever wrote you, to apologize. I always waited for the right time to give it to you. But it never came. I finally burned it the day I rescued from the pond. I don't mind telling you, Anne, that I was mad that day. Convinced you didn't deserve another single minute of my time. Was I only so angry that day because I knew I loved you then? Maybe I was, but it was nothing I would have admitted to myself or anyone else. In truth, I was more than mad, I was furious. You would not be happy if you read the letter I wrote you on that occasion, Anne! Thankfully, I had sense enough to burn that one too. I managed to convince myself not to waste anymore time on you. But anyone who knows you must know how impossible it is to get you out of his or her mind. I tried not thinking of you so much, that all I did was think about you. Ironic, isn't it? That's when the letters really started. I was trying to purge you from my mind and from my heart. When I write these it's a chance to unburden my soul and then I feel renewed again, like I can face another day not knowing what the future holds._

 _But that doesn't satisfy the question does it? The truth is maybe I can't fix on the exact moment I fell for you, but I knew I was in love with you the second you took my hand at our gate all those years ago after I gave up Avonlea school. You wouldn't believe the flack I caught for that, Anne. People kept telling me I was a fool, I would never get to college that way. They asked me why I was doing it all for a girl who wouldn't give me the time of day. My parents never said that of course, I think they've always understood. I used to tell the busybodies I did it because it was the decent thing to do, the Christian thing to do. Think about my eternal reward for this grand gesture! It's what I tried to convince myself was the reason I did it. But the truth was, it was the easiest decision I have ever made. Giving you happiness, making your life easier was balm to my soul, Anne. It was as if my life finally had a greater purpose… to make you happy and to take care of you, even if from afar. I knew what I was giving up, I knew it would make my life harder, my dreams that much farther. But that all meant nothing to me that minute you held out your hand at my gate. Who needed any eternal reward when the touch of your hand gave me the greatest pleasure I had ever known?_

 _And when we finally became the friends I always knew we could be, that love just grew. I guess I can tell you that when I first decided I wanted to be a doctor do you know what I thought? I wondered how you would feel about being a doctor's wife? Would you be proud of me? How would you feel if I had to leave our home in the middle of night to deliver babies or tend to the sick? Would you wait up for me until I got home and then come kiss me passionately? Or would I come home to a sleeping Anne, hair sprawled out on my pillow, peacefully dreaming? I thought I could get used to either of those images just fine. Those are the sorts of things I can never say to you. It's certainly not proper. Although, when have you and I really been considered proper anyways? But since you won't see this letter, I can indulge my fantasy a bit and not worry what's proper._

 _I bet I can guess what you're thinking now. I was pretty full of myself wasn't I? Fantasizing about being married to you… well I will confess that for along while I thought you returned my regard. Well if I am being honest, I thought I deserved it. After five years in exile at your hand and five more spent in kindred friendship, wasn't that just the natural conclusion? There, isn't that awful? That was the last vestige of cocky Gilbert Blythe! That Gilbert died that night last spring in the orchard at Patty's Place. Do you remember that night, Anne? I was going to propose to you that night. I had little doubt of my reception. But you were acting so strange, like you wished me gone. In no time at all I was forced to think back on all our recent time together. I quickly realized speaking then would have been a fool's errand. So I didn't. I try not to regret it and I don't since I am still convinced you would have said no. But it pretty well shattered my dream I will admit._

 _But it never shattered my feelings for you. If anything, it brought me the clarity I needed to realize just how much you mean to me and just how much I was likely unworthy of you. I had taken you for granted, something I always promised myself I would never do. Not after I worked so hard to gain your friendship. I realized the perils of being in love with your best friend meant that the stakes are that much higher, the risks too great. After Patty's Place, I meant to regroup, to figure out what to do next._

 _And then Prince Charming showed up! Yes, Royal Gardner! I get it, I know he's your fantasy realized. I know he's everything you've ever dreamed of. I wanted to tell you it was all an illusion, this fantasy of yours, because you know that it is right? But I knew I wouldn't. I would never want to be responsible for spoiling one of those dreams you had to give up from childhood. I want my Anne to dream and to believe her dreams can come true. But then, you're not my Anne are you? Are you Roy's Anne now? Can he really appreciate the woman you are? I know what you're thinking right now… you're nobody's Anne, are you? You know how I know that? Because I know the independent spirit that lives in your heart. You wouldn't be Anne Shirley without it. She's as much a part of you as your beautiful red hair. Roy Gardner will never understand that about you, not in a million years._

 _But now I am rambling…. I guess none of this answers my original musing does it? When did I fall for you? Well, it was minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Each encounter with you carved a new feeling in my heart. I was dead gone on you before I even knew what it really meant to be in love. Thirteen-year-old Gilbert loved you in the only way he knew how. But today, looking back on everything, the seed was planted that day that grew into what I feel for you now. I guess I can't boil it down to one moment… It was the slate as much as it was the whole Avery rivalry. It was the day at the pond as much as it was the day you forgave me. It was your stolen dance card as much as it was the day I took you to the apple tree. It was you trusting me enough to share those terrible memories of your childhood as much as it was me trusting you about the Cooper. All those things have written the unfinished story of my love for you. Because each one of those moments taught me something new about you or showed me a part of you that I knew you didn't let many others see. Or perhaps those moments taught me something about myself. Those moments all showed me a new way to love you._

 _You're not the only one with dreams, Carrots. You are my dream… I dream of being able to hold your hand and kiss you, to one day marry you and make love to you, to have children together, to build a life together with you. I dream of all that. But mostly I just dream of the day I know you can return my love. Because no other dreams can come true if I don't have that one._

 _Can I ever have that, Anne? I wish I could be the kind of man who could be happy as long as I knew you were. I want to be that man. But, sadly, I am not. Maybe its because there's a small part of me that believes that even though you don't want to admit it, you might have feelings for me. Do you even realize how sometimes you shiver at my touch or blush under my gaze? I see it, I feel it, I know it because I've waited and hoped for it for years. I've waited to touch you and to have you feel the way I do when you are simply near me. You have no idea the effect your touch has on me, Carrots. Snowball fights will never be the same again. Now they will always be a reminder of the romance that can blossom out of friendship. Holding you as you shivered and blushed in my arms is now a treasured memory._

 _Do you remember when we talked about Miss Lavender and Mr. Irving? You thought it quite romantic that they should come together after so much time and misunderstanding. I remember I said I that I thought it would be better if they had come through life hand in hand, with no memories behind them but those that belonged to each other. That was the first time you blushed under my gaze. Did you know I was speaking of us? Something started between us that evening didn't it?_

 _From the beginning, all my memories, all my work, all my future, all my love has belonged to you. And whether you can admit it or not, yours all belong to me. We belong to each other, Anne. It's the most sincere truth that I know. It's the truth I wish I could share with you…if only I thought you were ready to hear it…if only I had the courage to say it…if only you loved me the same way…_

 _~Gilbert_

Anne finished the letter in utter disbelief at Gilbert's words. That she was never meant to read it was clear enough. His jumbled, disconnected, almost rambling thoughts were all the evidence she needed of that. This letter was not meant to woo her-this letter was meant to purge her. Is that not what he said he had meant these letters for?

But then why give it to her?

And then it hit her. He could have written her another letter, filled with flowery declarations of undying devotion that pleased her vanity. He could have written her lines of poetry that she had once been sure were the pinnacles of romance. But instead he had invited her into his private thoughts, into his heart to see the unvarnished truth. This letter was never meant to flatter her, it was meant to show her the depth of his feelings. It was meant to show the blinding truth that she could not ignore. It was meant to show her the love that had consumed him for a decade. A love he was hopeless to remove from his heart. A love that they both at one time or another had taken for granted.

She couldn't look at it another second.

And then in the next instant, she would quickly reread various passages, trying to make sense of it all. Finally, she put the letter down in the bed, as though laying it there would remove it from her mind.

Anne could barely begin to unpack all the feelings that now tugged at her from every direction. It was a countless assault of emotions that ranged from anger to joy and love to hate and they all coursed through her violently and relentlessly, throwing her into further emotional unrest.

With nothing else to do, no one to talk to, no imaginative thoughts to transport her elsewhere, and no possible way to discern anything she was feeling in that moment, Anne Shirley laid down upon the bed in her pretty white room, pulled Gilbert's letter to her chest, and cried.


	11. Time Apart

The week alone at Redmond had not exactly been the respite from Anne that Gilbert had so badly sought. As much as he had tried to throw himself into the work for the new term that his professors had given him before break, he had a hard time concentrating on any of it. The boarding house was a desolate place, with only the quiet work of Mrs. Jenkins and one or two other fellows who didn't go home over break because of either distance or desire. Gilbert knew neither of them well and kept to himself. He said a quiet prayer for Mrs. Jenkins who made sure he was fed daily, even though he had insisted he could manage on his own. She insisted on taking care of all the wayward boarders, it was just her way. Gilbert was grateful, for without her, it would have been the longest week of his life. He remembered on his way home from the library to stop and buy her a small appreciative gift. While in the shop, he did a customary walk by the jewelry case. It was still there. The last two times Gilbert had been in this particular shop he had seen a necklace he wished he could buy for Anne. It was a pink enamel heart pendant on a gold chain. He usually laughed at it as he walked by, thinking of his candy heart peace offering. He never purchased it because it always seemed like one of those things he wanted to do but never would. He had often thought of doing something as joke, just to make her mad, so he could plead for peace with the trinket. But now, looking at it, he considered it again. Only now it wouldn't be a joke. Perhaps he could offer her this as an apology, maybe one she would accept this time. Maybe she wouldn't grind this one into dust. He pictured the pendant sitting in the hollow of Anne's throat. It would look beautiful. _But when would I even give it to her? Would she even accept it?_ With no more thought than that, he added it to his purchases. Gilbert left the shop and began the cold walk back to the boarding house.

He had had nearly a week to think about all that had passed between him and Anne back in Avonlea. The mixture of emotions he felt about all of quite surprised him. In the beginning he felt nothing but guilt for his behavior, anger at himself for his reaction, a little angry at Anne for her unwillingness to forgive him, and second (and perhaps third) thoughts about giving her the letter. It was only in recent days that Gilbert had allowed himself to remember what it felt like to kiss her. And when he did that he could not help but smile at the treasured memory. Gilbert imagined it wouldn't have been half as rewarding had she not responded to him. That was the part that made him smile the most. _Can she really claim indifference after that? Can she really claim she feels nothing for me but friendship?_ But Gilbert knew the answer to that. Anne Shirley could claim anything she wanted.

He wondered more often than he cared to count just how she felt about his letter. If he knew Anne, she had read it. Even if she had said she didn't want it, Gilbert knew her curiosity would demand she read it. It was the truth he wanted her to know. It was the truth he needed her to know. He wasn't sure what to expect when she returned to Kingsport. In his darkest thoughts she would come back and ignore him for the rest of eternity. Or worse yet, she would say in definitive tones that she didn't love him and never would. In his more serene moments, when he thought back to the kiss, and the dance, to the snowball fight, and to the radiant blushes he let his mind fly to the place where Anne threw herself into his arms and told him he was the only one for her.

In reality, he was confident in none of those scenarios. But just what middle ground would be he knew not. It was very likely she would still be angry with him. For kissing her and possibly for the reference he had made to her regarding Roy. But he couldn't regret any of it. The only thing he did regret was that it had come to any of this. But just what he could have done to avoid it he did not know. He was in a mess of events out of his control as much as it was of his own making. Frustrated by that thought he tried to decide what he would do once Anne was back in town. He needed to decide soon, as she was due back tomorrow. Every fiber of his being wanted to arrive on her doorstep as soon as possible to demand to know her feelings. But that he knew that would be a mistake. He had left to give her space, to give her time. He would not rush her. He had put the ball very squarely in her court. However torturous the waiting was, he would wait. He would wait a day, a week, or a month. He would wait a lifetime if he had to.

That all sounded very well in Gilbert's mind of course, after all patient waiting was sort of his stock in trade. But his heart screamed differently, very differently. All that remained was to see just what part of himself he would listen to, his rational mind that had stopped him from proposing, or his love-struck heart that gave into the temptation to kiss her.

* * *

Anne had been back at Patty's Place for an entire day before her housemates returned as well. The solace was good for her, but she was quite glad it only lasted a day. The reunion was a happy one and the ladies of Patty's Place spent a fun first evening back talking over all that had happened on Christmas break. Anne left out some rather key details of her own and wished she had the courage to tell someone about the letter. She hadn't told Diana, which she had began to regret almost as soon as she left Avonlea. She wanted to tell her, she almost had. But honestly she knew Diana would ask her questions that she had no answers to just yet.

For even now, more than a week later, Anne was as confused about Gilbert as she ever was. She had read his letter countless times by now. She had committed parts of it to memory. She would be lying if she said it hadn't touched her. It had touched her in ways she hadn't even yet realized. But what she had realized was that depths of Gilbert's feelings for her were more than she could have ever imagined. More than she perhaps thought possible of anyone. She would also be lying if she didn't admit there were parts of his letter that stung and hurt her. When he spoke of his will to stop loving her, he made it sound like loving her was punishment for him. That would have made her sad enough had she not had the insight to realize how right he was. Anne had not made herself easy to love, that she knew. But that he would speak as though it was a torture unnerved her.

She found herself completely lost on the conversation her friends were having and all of them noticed that Anne was not attending them as she always had. She tried to concentrate on what Phil was saying, but she couldn't.

"Is something the matter, Anne?" She heard Pricilla's voice cut through her thoughts. Anne snapped back to reality.

"Oh, sorry. No, Pris, my mind was wandering. Nothing is the matter." Anne lied convincingly enough.

"I bet you're thinking about how you will see Roy tomorrow!"

Roy! The truth was that Anne had barely given a passing thought to Roy in the past week, except for to think of him as his name was mentioned in Gilbert's letter. She remained incensed that Gilbert had even mentioned him, let alone called him a ridiculous fantasy! _Why does he think he knows me so well?_

"Yes, we do have plans tomorrow. He wrote me over break that he would like to take me out when I get back and settled."

"Did you miss him, Anne?" ask Stella, wondering if anyone ever really missed Roy when he was away.

Anne had missed Roy. But if she were honest with herself, she missed him less after New Year's when he was banished to the far part of her mind.

"Of course, I missed him," Anne replied a touch defensively. She had told the girls of their official courtship and they were all very happy for her. "How could I not?"

"I bet he brings you flowers tomorrow, Anne!" said Priscilla with a wide grin.

"I suppose he might," was all she replied.

Priscilla's grin faded as she saw Anne was not in the least bit excited to see Roy, at least she wasn't acting like it.

Aunt Jamesina had already gone to bed, wanting to give the girls time to catch up with one another, Anne decided to follow her lead. "I'm sorry girls, but I am really quite tired this evening. Do you mind if I go up to bed?"

Phil spoke first, "Not at all honey. Get some rest so you look your best when 'dream suitor' comes for you tomorrow."

Phil hadn't meant anything by her innocent and playful statement. So she was quite surprised when Anne reacted angrily. "I wish everyone would stop referring to Roy as a dream or a fantasy. He's a real person, not some childish vision in my head."

"I-I am sorry, Anne. I didn't mean anything by it," said Phil, not hurt by the outburst, but rather curious as to what would make Anne react like that.

Anne was immediately contrite as well. "I'm sorry too, Phil. I don't know what's come over me. I guess I am just tired."

"Go get some rest Anne. You'll feel better in the morning," said Stella.

Anne only nodded, said good night, and left the room. None of the other threes ladies said anything for some minutes after she left, each varying degrees of concerned for Anne. Priscilla legitimately thought Anne was just tired, Stella was convinced there was a good deal about her holiday break than Anne was letting on, and Phil only knew that whatever was bothering Anne that it was big enough to warrant further investigation.

An hour or so later, when the remaining three mutually agreed it was past the point of decency regarding bedtime, they all retired to their respective rooms. Phil saw the light under Anne's door and wondered if she were still awake.

Knocking gently, there was no answer. Phil knocked again just to be sure, but again, there was no answer. Gently opening the door, Phil peaked inside to find Anne asleep in her bed, with her writing desk and a sheet of paper lying to the side. As Phil got closer, she noticed Anne still had a pen in her had. _Oh the poor dear fell asleep writing a letter or one of her stories. How very Anne of her._

Phil was now at her bedside, attempting to put Anne to bed properly. She reached to take the pen from her hand when she happened to look at the piece of paper on the desk. It only read two words, "Dear Gilbert."

If Phil's curiosity had been peaked before, now she was positively intrigued what exactly Anne might be writing to Gilbert Blythe, especially considering her emotional state.

Putting her intrigue aside, she removed the desk, the paper and the pen from Anne's bed and placed them on her dresser. Covering Anne with blankets, Phil kissed her forhead gently, turned down her lamp, and turned to leave the room. She didn't quite make it out the door when she heard Anne's quite, tired voice call her name, "Phil, is that you?"

"Yes it's me honey. I was just tucking you in. You fell asleep in the middle of writing something."

Anne sat up immediately, looking around. "Don't worry, I put it all on your dresser. Get some rest, Anne." Phil again turned to leave.

"Phil?"

"Yes?"

"Did you see who I was writing to?" Anne asked expectantly, all traces a sleepiness already gone from her voice. She found she was hoping Phil would ask her, she wanted to confide in someone after all.

"I did."

"And you don't want to know why I am writing a letter to Gilbert?"

"Oh Anne don't be ridiculous, it's taking all my restraint not to ask you ceaselessly until you tell me every detail of why you're so upset and why you are writing a letter to Gil. And while I can't say I will be happy to wait, I can still respect you enough to wait until you're ready to tell me."

Anne was immediately exasperated! "Philipa Gordon! You pick now of all times to have boundaries! Now, when I am practically begging you to ask!"

Phil smiled at her frustrated friend. Walking over to Anne, Phil sat on the bed, crossed her legs and put her hands under her chin. "Out with it, Anne! I am not leaving here until you tell me what's bothering you!" She gave Anne her most serious look, but could not hide the smile that played at her lips. "There, was that pushy enough?" she asked.

In spite of herself, Anne smiled. "I think you were just pushy enough. But are you sure you want to hear? It's rather dreadful."

"Judging by your mood, I suspect it is. But come on tell me. What's got Anne Shirley so upset and exactly what does it have to do with Gilbert Blythe."

Anne swallowed hard and resigned herself to full disclosure. It would be difficult, but if the last week had taught her anything, she could not sort through any of this on her own. She had already regretted not confiding in Diana when she had the chance. Phil was her next best option. And something told her Phil would understand.

"Gilbert kissed me on New Years Eve!" she blurted out before she could stop herself.

Phil's eyes went wide, "What do you mean he kissed you? As in he kissed you on the cheek at midnight in a room full of other people?"

"No, as in he kissed me on the lips, alone, outside, in the dark."

"What!"

"And that's not the worst part!" Anne hesitated; loathe to admit her own reaction. "I-I didn't stop him, in fact, I kissed him back."

Phil shook her head as though she had been startled awake and stared at Anne, unbelieving of what she was hearing. Finally she broke out into a wide grin, "Oh honey, you need to start at the very beginning."

And so for the next half hour, Anne regaled Phil with every detail of what had transpired between her and Gilbert. Phil listened intently, quite surprised by all of it. But she understood this was hard for Anne to talk about and didn't want her to have any cause to regret confiding in her. She remained mostly silent, only intervening with small clarifying questions.

As Anne was talking, she found that as she verbalized the truth to Phil, she could hardly even believe what she was saying was real.

Anne finally got to Gilbert's letter. She would not let Phil read it, but she did relay some of the details, well most of them. Some of them were too private and would remain that way. Anne blushed crimson when she remembered some of Gilbert's words… " _I dream of being able to hold your hand and kiss you, to one day marry you and make love to you, to have children together…"_ Yes, those parts would most definitely remain private!

"And that's it. That's what has been on my mind for the last week."

At first Phil said nothing. She was actually trying to decide which question to ask first, for she had many.

"Wow, Anne. If you didn't look so positively serious and miserable right now I would think you made this whole thing up to play a prank on me."

"Phil!" Anne whined.

"I mean I just can't believe he kissed you! Anne that's pretty incredible! He must have been quite desperate."

Anne rolled her eyes. "I don't know about desperate but it was my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"He asked me to go back inside with him to finish our dance. I didn't go, I was the one who stood standing there. Part of me knew if I stood there he would kiss me and I stood there anyway, Phil! He even tried to warn me, but I ignored him completely." Anne's voice was getting shaky and Phil could tell she was about to cry.

"Oh Anne, please don't cry! Let's just talk this through." Phil took Anne's hand in hers and rubbed it gently. "Now that you've told me everything, how do you feel about it all?"

"Oh Phil, you wouldn't believe me if I told you! I don't even know how I feel about it. I am so angry at Gilbert and myself. But…" her voice trailed off.

"But what?"

"I've tried for days to feel guilty about it, the kiss I mean. But I just can't. Perhaps it was a fitting way to say goodbye to Gil."

"Goodbye? Anne Shirley are you crazy?" Phil was incredulous.

"Philipa Gordon, how dare you!"

"I'm sorry Anne, but do you mean to tell me that after letting Gilbert kiss you, kissing him back rather passionately, and then reading a letter from him that detailed the feelings he's had for you for a decade, you're telling me that you are going to say goodbye! Do you hear yourself?"

"I don't want to say goodbye to him, Phil! He's my best friend."

"Yes, my dear, he is! Are you still too blind to see it?" Phil stared wide-eyed at Anne. She had expected her to once and for all acknowledge that she had more than friendly feelings for Gilbert Blythe. But apparently Anne Shirley would continue down the path of most resistance for a little while longer.

Anne looked back at Phil and said nothing, she was getting a little angry.

"Has the thought not even crossed your mind yet that you might feel something more than friendship for Gilbert?"

At this candid question, Anne started. She had never considered it. Not anytime in the past week and half had she taken time to consider the question with anything more than dismissal and angry denial. She was still too mad to considerate a possibility. She was too mad at him for leaving her not once, but twice. She was mad at him for wishing he did not love her. It wasn't rational. But nothing in the past two weeks had been rational, nothing at all.

Phil saw the wheels turn in Anne's mind and realized rather quickly the answer to the question. But she wanted Anne to answer her honestly.

"Anne, will you please answer me. Can you honestly say that friendship is all you feel for him?" Phil's relentless stare bored into Anne, demanding answers she did not have. Finally she couldn't stand it anymore.

"I don't know, Phil! I don't know what or how I feel. I am so confused about everything. All I know is that the thought of Gilbert walking out of my life sickens me. I could no sooner cut of my right arm and cast it off. I don't know what that amounts to. I don't know if that's love, but I just know I can't bear the thought of it." Anne spoke frantically; as though she would lose the bravery to admit what she felt if she did not say everything in one breath.

Tears glistened in Anne's eyes and Phil's heart broke for her. Any fool could see that Anne loved Gilbert. Any twit with half a brain could see the magnetism that existed between them. Anyone with eyes could see the bond they shared. When Anne and Gilbert were together it was always like they were alone, even in a room full of people. Meeting Jonas may have made Phil admit out loud that she could never marry Alec or Alonzo, but she had already silently realized it many months before, when she finally saw what existed between these two friends. That was the kind of love she wanted, the bond of friendship. It was hard to imagine Anne could not bring herself to realize what was so plain as day to the rest of the world.

"And what about Roy?"

Anne released a long breath. "I've barely had time to think about Roy."

"Do you still want to be with him?"

How was she to answer that? "I – I think so… I don't know, Phil. Before all this happened I was so excited to come back from break to see him and now I am dreading it. I don't know how I feel or what to do. Roy is everything I have ever dreamed of. Am I really willing to throw what we have away before I even know what it is? And for what?"

Phil had finally had enough of Anne's dreams. "Anne, this is going to make you angry, but I am about to say something sensible for once, so pay attention. I get that with the life you had before you were adopted you need to make up these dreams and fantasy's to survive. I would never have been able to come through the ordeals you had as a child. You are the strongest person I know. But isn't it time to give up on these dreams? You got upset with me earlier for calling Roy a dream and then you just referred to him as the same. You were right before, Roy isn't a dream or a fantasy; he's a real person in the real world. He is flesh and bone. You can't make Roy fit into any dream you have Anne, because there just that, dreams. Roy deserves to stand or fall on his own merits. Not on some predetermined set of fantastical notions you've held in your head for years. He deserves to be judged by your feelings for him and nothing else. Anything less is unfair to Roy. The only place he will have to go is down, because there is no way he can ever be as perfect as your dreams." Anne thought Phil was done speaking and was surprised when she continued, "And frankly, it's not fair to Gilbert either. He can't compete with the impossible. You either have feelings for him or you don't. But at least figure that out while they're both on a level playing field. Judge your feelings by what's really in your heart, Anne, not by some impossible set of standards that no man on earth could ever really reach. You might just find a new dream, one you didn't even know you had. One that's real."

Anne was speechless. Phil's words hit her at her heart. She forced herself to see past the budding resentment of Phil's insight to the actual truth she spoke. _Is she right? Is that really what I have been doing?_ And then she remembered her conversation with Gilbert the day of the snowball fight. She had as much as admitted that she held on to her dreams because she had already had to let so many of them go. They were armor against her disappointment. Even in his letter Gilbert had called Roy a ridiculous fantasy. She had been angered by that. But was he right?

"Phil, I…" What could she say? She closed her mouth and opened in again only to close it once more. She wanted to tell Phil she was wrong. That what she felt for Roy was for the man he was, not the man she put on a pedestal. But in the pale light of all that had been revealed to her, she was no longer sure. She wasn't sure of anything. "Phil, how am I supposed to sort through all these feelings? How am I supposed to determine what is a flight of fancy and what is real? How do I know the difference?"

"Deep down, you already know Anne. You just have to admit it to yourself. Once you do, you'll realize that the choice isn't between Roy or Gilbert. It's really not a choice at all, Anne. Can you do that? Can you for once admit what's in your heart without wrapping it around a fantasy?" Phil didn't expect and answer to what was a rhetorical question.

"Am I really so blind, Phil? Have I been so blind all these years?" Anne was talking to Phil, but it was more like she was talking to herself.

"You're not blind to anything, Anne. You were just completely blindsided by all this." Phil gave Anne a reassuring hug. "You and I, we're not so different. It took meeting Jo for me to realize I could never marry Alec or Alonzo. But I would have. It's what my parents wanted. It's what the society I have been raised in expected of me. And I would have done it. And I would have been miserable. Maybe Jo loves me, maybe he doesn't, but I'll always be grateful for him for what he has showed be about myself. I am more than just a spoiled rich girl destined to live a spoiled rich life. But don't think I didn't fight that knowledge tooth and nail even after I realized how I felt about him."

Anne gave a half laugh, "Trust me, Phil. Jonas loves you!"

"Oh let's not talk about little old me right now, Anne. You can listen to me whine about Jo another day." Phil turned to the desk and motioned towards Anne's writing desk and letter. "Maybe if you finish that letter you started it might give you some answers."

"It's not really for Gil, Phil. When he wrote me that letter he said he had done so a dozen times. And he had burned all of them. He meant to burn this one too. But he said that when he wrote them it was a way for him to purge me, to get me out of his head. How horrible is that?"

Phil considered it, "I admit it doesn't sound all that flattering. But think of how hard it must be to love someone the way he loves you. Think of how hard it was for him to put that letter in your hands, knowing the honestly it contained."

Anne didn't respond.

"So your going to do the same thing, write a letter never meant to be seen to purge Gilbert from your mind?"

To her surprise, Anne laughed a bit. "I would if I thought it would work. The irony in all of this is that the one person I want to talk to about it more than anything is Gilbert. And I can't talk to him. So I thought if I put my thoughts down on paper, like I was talking to him, it might help me sort out some things."

"Actually, I think that makes a lot of sense. But you know what makes more sense? Talking to Gilbert in person."

Anne shook her head, "I know, Phil. But I am not ready to do that yet. Not until I have some answers for myself."

"Are you afraid?"

"Terrified! I'm terrified I will lose my temper again, terrified we will fight, terrified I won't be able to forgive him, terrified he hates me for the misery I have caused him, terrified I can't return his feelings, terrified that I do return his feelings, and terrified that when I see him I won't be able to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him and kissing him the way he kissed me!"

Phil was surprised and impressed Anne could admit such contradictory feelings. But before she could respond, Anne added quietly, "but most of all, I am terrified he will walk away from me again."

"Oh, honey!" Phil hugged Anne again. "It's okay to be scared and unsure. But it's not okay to hide."

"I know. I just need some time."

"I understand. Where does this leave Roy?"

"I suppose it leaves him in exactly the same boat as Gil and I, unsure."

"Yes, but he doesn't know that. You did just consent to a courtship, remember?"

"Yes, Phil, I remember perfectly well, that's what started this mess in the first place!" said Anne, exasperated.

"Oh, silly Anne! This mess was started long before you even knew Roy existed."

"I know what you're trying to say, Phil. And I promise I won't lead Roy on if I realize I don't see a future with us. But I know that I do care for him."

"I know you do, Sweetie," Phil replied gently. "You need some sleep." Phil pulled the covers over Anne and turned off her lamp.

"Phil?"

"Have you ever, I mean, well have you ever been kissed?"

A coy smiled spread over Phil's lips. "I have."

"By Jonas?" Anne would have been shocked had she answered in the affirmative.

"Unfortunately not! Alonzo kissed me at a party at my parent's house one night. We were walking in the moonlight. It was all very romantic. Or, rather it should have been. It was a rather chaste kiss on the lips, and it was over fairly quickly." Phil remembered thinking what a sad state it would have been to be kissed like that for the rest of her days.

"And what was it like?"

"Honestly, it was forgettable. I don't think I would have remembered it had you not just asked me."

"Oh," was all Anne could say. She could no sooner forget her kiss with Gilbert than she could her own name.

"But when Jo touches me, holds my hand, accidently sits too close to me, it's like I lose my mind a little. I flutter from head to toe and I just know I am blushing like a fool. In those moments, I want him to kiss me more than anything." Phil knew as she spoke even without Anne telling her, that this was how she felt when Gilbert had kissed her. It was written all over her face.

"And that's love?" Anne couldn't help the shiver than ran through her as she remembered the feelings of Gilbert's lips on hers. Then almost instantly she forced herself to think of Roy's subtle touches. She had once or twice blushed and shivered with Roy, hadn't she? It was as if her other sensations had obliterated the memory completely.

Phil shrugged, "That's passion. That's a connection that I have with him. Part of it is love, and it's the part you can't fake. I tried faking it with Alec and Alonzo, tried to force myself to love one of them, to feel passionately for one of them. But it was no use. There was no spark, no depth of feelings. I knew because when I thought about spending the rest of my life without either one of them, it didn't bother me at all."

"And Jonas?"

"With Jonas, when I think about spending my life without him, I feel like there would be a part of me that would never be whole again." Phil was perfectly serious.

"You really love him, don't you?" asked Anne.

"I do!"

Anne smiled, "Jonas Blake is a lucky man, indeed!"

"Ha, yes, I believe he is!" Phil laughed. "Hopefully one day he will tell me he loves me, already!"

"You don't need words to see it, Phil. He's crazy about you!"

Phil only smiled. "Get some rest, Anne."

"Thanks, Phil, for listening. I am glad to have gotten that all off my chest." Anne's mood was indeed lighter.

"Anytime, Honey. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!"

"And, Anne?"

"Yes?"

"I know you're scared and confused. But as you sort this all out just remember to ask yourself this one question… What would be so terrible about waking up in the morning and realizing you were irrevocably in love with Gilbert Blythe?"

And with that bold question, Phil left and closed Anne's door behind her. Anne stared at her door rather blankly, taking much more time than was traditionally necessary to understand Phil's meaning.


	12. Enter Christine

_Sorry for the posting delay over Christmas. I hope everyone is having a great holiday season! So now... She's here! I have been thinking for along time about how to write Christine. LMM gave her own conflicting views of her. In Anne of the Island, Gilbert calls her one of the nicest people he has ever known. But if you read further into Anne of Ingleside, Christine is not very nice all. So what's a fanfic writer to do? Was she faking her kindness to Gilbert? Did years an unhappy marriage make her bitter? Who knows right? That's the fun part... but anyhow here's my first Christine impression. Hope everyone enjoys! Thanks again for all the reviews and follows, they make my day!_

 _Happy New Year!_

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

More than a week had gone by in an alarming hurry. As classes began, Gilbert found he had little time to think about Anne in his waking hours. He fought his every impulse to seek her out. He knew she needed time. But he would be lying if he said it worried him immensely that she had not yet come to see him. Unfortunately, this semester they had no classes together, although, they did happen to have a class at the same time in the same building. And this he only knew because they had discussed their class schedule together before the end of last semester. He had only caught a glimpse of her that first day classes began. She was walking out of Williams Hall, her red hair peaking out the sides of her winter hat. He almost called out to her, he wanted to, but he didn't. He wasn't sure why other than he was afraid of her reaction. He had told himself she needed time, and that was true. But it also scared him to death that at the first opportunity she had, Anne would tell him it could never be, they could never be. Something about his usual penchant for patient waiting irked him. He found it nearly impossible, even with his robust schedule and difficult course work.

Gilbert was now officially in full chase after the Cooper and with that meant all of the attendant work to earn it. He was not generally one to doubt his intellectual ability. He knew he was smart and he knew he could do it. But listening to the committee talk about the prestigiousness of the award was a bit daunting. Gilbert Blythe was not a prestigious man. He was just an island farm boy, built for a simple life. Could he do this? And then he thought back to the tender touch of Anne's hand on his as he told her about the possibility of the Cooper. He let his mind wander to that day when he might see her smiling face shining up at him as he accepted the award. It was all the encouragement he needed to allay most of his fear and doubt.

Gilbert stood smiling at the memory when a voice broke through his thoughts. "Gilbert, there you are!" Walking toward him was a tall, handsome girl with dark hair.

"Oh, hi Christine." He smiled at her.

"Oh thank you so much for waiting for me! Honestly, I got lost twice this morning on the way to my classes! How do you ever find your way around here?" she asked, clearly exasperated.

"You'll get used to it eventually. It just takes some time."

"I certainly hope so. I hate feeling so lost. I mean, Ronald told me it was a large campus, but I guess I just wasn't prepared for it."

"We all felt the same way at one time or another." Gilbert replied, sympathetic to her plight.

Gilbert had met Christine a or so week earlier. As they had planned in his letters back and forth with her brother Ronald, Christine came to the boarding house the day before classes started and her and Gilbert hit it off. Gilbert found her to be a pleasant girl to talk to, even if not all that interesting. But, in her defense, he found every woman lacking when he inevitably compared her to Anne. But Christine had a passion for music, which Gilbert knew little of and was happy to learn. They also shared affection for her brother. So there were several things on which to form a fast friendship.

"I suppose you're right. I just feel so out of place. I have met some very kind girls from our boarding house though so hopefully I will make more friends before long."

"I am sure you will. Unfortunately, you came at an odd time in the second semester. There won't be too many new faces that are going through the same thing. Most students start in the fall."

"I know. That's why I am so happy I have you to help me. I would be completely lost otherwise!" Christine gushed sincerely. Gilbert felt she was being a bit on the dramatic side, but realized how out of place she must feel. "I am happy to help. Do you have another class now?"

"Yes, it's in the music building though and I know where that one is!"

"Good! I will walk with you over there. It's on the way to the science lab." He offered Christine his arm, which she took eagerly. Gilbert Blythe was one of the most handsome men Christine Stuart had ever seen. Not that she had any intentions towards him, as she was quite happily engaged. But she had no aversion to going around with a kind and handsome man who just might help her pass her time in Kingsport with a little more fun and excitement. It was clear that Gilbert was a popular man on campus, even Ronald had told her that. Being away from home for the first time on her own might prove to be more interesting than she thought.

"Thanks, that would be great!" she said of his offered escort.

As they walked on they spoke about classes and Christine admitted she was already having some trouble in a math class she was taking. Gilbert was surprised to hear her say she was taking a mathematics course.

"I didn't realize you were taking courses other than music."

"Well that was the plan, but my father suggested that while I was here I may as well take a full load and get the most out of my time here. I suppose I could hardly disagree with him when I had to beg for him to let me come in the first place."

"You're father didn't want you to further your education?"

"Well, not exactly. I guess he just didn't see the point in higher education. He thinks because I am engaged to a wealthy man that I won't need to worry my pretty little head with book nonsense." Christine spoke slightly bitterly, but with an air of humor that she had learned to have when dealing with her father sometimes.

"Oh." Gilbert was unsure what to say. He remembered the reasons that Diana had not been able to attend Queens and he understood Christine's issues as much as he could. "So then why would he care that you took more than music?"

"Oh well that's the other thing about my father. If he's in for a penny he's in for a pound as they say. Once he agreed to let me come here, he insisted I make the most of my opportunity."

"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that."

"Me either. I just wish I wasn't already struggling in my mathematics course. It's going to be a long semester." Christine let out a heavy sigh.

Gilbert felt for her instantly. If he offered to help her a bit it might be another good way to keep his mind occupied from thoughts of Anne. "If you bring over your coursework to the boarding house tomorrow, I could probably help you."

"Oh, really Gilbert? Are you sure, I know how busy you are."

"I am busy, but I am sure I could spare a half hour."

"Oh Gilbert, you're too good! Thank you!" Christine leaned in sideways and gave him a half hug as they walked. Gilbert wasn't too sure he liked being touched that way by her, but he kept their arms linked so as not to appear he was throwing her off.

"It's no problem. I am happy do it."

They walked on through the sea of Redmond students, with one student in particular who was paying close attention to the pair walking way from his general direction. Gilbert and his raven-haired beauty made a handsome pair. And as he watched them walk away, Roy couldn't help the smile that lit his face that Gilbert Blythe may have just found someone other than his Anne with whom to spend his time.

* * *

"Anne, Anne are you listening to me at all?" Anne's head snapped up from her meal and she stared into Roy's eyes. His look and his tone had held an odd mixture of concern and annoyance. Anne immediately apologized, "I am sorry, Roy. I was lost in my own thoughts. What were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to come with me to the new art exhibit at Radley Hall?"

 _Oh, yes, the exhibit! He's only been talking about it since I've been back in Kingsport._

"Yes, of course I would like to go. I thought we already settled that fact yesterday."

"Yes, but we did not set a date for it. How about Thursday evening?"

"Thursday sounds fine," Anne replied absently.

Roy shifted in his chair as Anne chased food around her plate with a fork, seemingly disinterested in her food and her company.

Roy had taken Anne to eat at one of the nicest restaurants in Kingsport to officially celebrate their courtship. Given the time they spent apart over the holiday, Roy was thrilled to see Anne after such a long separation. He had arrived at Patty's Place two days after Anne with a bouquet of roses and a sonnet he had written her. It had all been very romantic and it was clear Roy missed her. What had been less clear to Roy was whether or not Anne had missed him. At first he thought it was because she was sad about being back in Kingsport and missing home. But as several days passed with Anne still in a rather melancholy state, Roy could no longer ignore her mood. Now they were at the nicest and most romantic restaurant in Kingsport and the look on Anne's face suggested to Roy that Anne would rather be anywhere else.

"Anne, if you don't want to go to the exhibit, we don't have to."

"What makes you think I don't want to go?" asked Anne, confused.

"Well, forgive me, Darling, but you haven't exactly been acting like yourself since you've been back at Redmond. I am just wondering if something is the matter?"

Anne was not surprised that Roy noticed a change in her. She laughed a little to herself that Roy would say she was not acting like herself. It wasn't his fault of course, but she wasn't sure Roy knew her well enough to say one way or the other that she was out of character.

The truth was she knew she had not been acting like herself since she returned. Poor Rusty had paid the price her mood on more than one occasion. Her friends were either good enough to pretend otherwise or oblivious to her new mood. Of course Phil knew the real reason. But she had chosen not to disclose anything to Stella or Priscilla. It wasn't because she didn't trust them or want to confide in them. But the fact that she still had no answers to all the questions she knew they would ask of her caused her to keep her mouth shut.

How was it that more than two weeks had passed since she had read Gilbert's letter and she still held no clearer understanding of her feelings than she had that day he walked out of Green Gables? Anne tried to logically sort out all she had felt in the entire span of their friendship. But it was hopeless. It wasn't that Anne could not be logical about things, even if that wasn't always her first choice. But so much of this situation defied any logic at all that she was hopeless to put it in terms she could weigh and measure.

And now, here she was, having to answer to Roy for her mood. "No, nothing is the matter. I am just feeling a bit off that's all."

"As in sick?" Roy asked concerned.

"No, not sick, just not myself I guess. I am sorry for being such poor company."

"Did something happen over your break? You've been a bit different ever since you returned." Roy would appreciate some answers, but he didn't mean to push her.

Anne thought about what to say. She could obviously not tell Roy about what was truly bothering her. But she did feel she owed him some sort of explanation.

"I guess I am just missing home more than usual this time around." Anne hoped her reasoning would put an end to the inquiry.

"I can understand that. But did you not miss home before as well? I wouldn't think it would affect you this much having been away so many times before."

Anne was instantly annoyed with his statement. "Roy, I am allowed to miss home to whatever degree I choose, whenever I choose." Her tone was mildly irritated.

Roy was instantly taken aback by her reaction. "Darling, I didn't mean to upset you or to imply you weren't permitted to miss your family. I only meant to ask why this time in particular is so different."

Anne felt instantly foolish for her riled reaction. "I'm sorry Roy. I didn't mean to jump down your throat."

"It's alright, Anne. I just want to know what is bothering you. I want to know if there's anything I can do to help you." Roy reached over the table and took Anne's hand in his own, gently caressing her fingers as she spoke. As he touched her, Anne waited for the reaction she knew by now was not coming. She waited for the tingle she had felt when they first met, for the blush to rise on her cheeks as his fingers glided gently over hers, for the shiver that would run down her spine as he gazed deeply into her eyes. When it didn't come, her first reaction was anger. Anger at Gilbert for yet one more thing he had ruined because of his foolishness.

"Roy, you're very kind to worry about me. But I am really fine. I just had a small disagreement with a friend over break and it's just been on my mind."

Roy looked at her, still holding her hand in his, seemingly trying to discern if that was really all there was to this story. "I am sorry to hear that? Would you like to talk about it?" Anne again laughed to herself. _Yes, Roy, let me tell you all about how I kissed another man and how now I either think it was a horrible mistake or the best thing that's ever happened to me!_

"I really can't talk about it Roy." Anne felt her cheeks go red and she thought back to the feeling of Gilbert's lips on hers and she immediately pulled her hand from Roy's.

"Why not?"

"Well, because it's a private matter, one I would like to keep to myself." At this statement Roy's curiosity heightened dramatically.

"I understand, but don't think it might help to talk about it with someone. I am here for you Anne. I want you to share what troubles you with me."

Anne looked at him again and saw the concern in his eyes. She could not help but feel guilty. She felt guilty not only for all she allowed to happened in Avonlea, but for the secrets she now kept for him and for the obligation she felt to him as the woman he was giving his heart to. Roy Gardner was a good man. He deserved better than she was giving him.

"Roy, I appreciate your concern. I really do. But I think this matter is better left private. It won't bother me so much soon and I promise I will try not to let it affect my mood." She was pleading with him to drop the subject.

Roy acquiesced, not because he wanted to, but because when a lady says she doesn't want to talk about something he knew it was wise not to push. "Very well, Anne. Consider the matter dropped." Then he gave Anne a wide smile, revealing this most handsome feature. "As long as I can have the charming girl I rescued from the rain who captivated me with her beautiful eyes and her love for poetry back, then I am happy to say no more on it."

At this, Anne did smile and blush slightly. "Thank you, Roy. And I promise I will be as charming as ever from now on."

"Wonderful! Then how about we order some dessert?"

"I was thinking perhaps we could skip dessert and go for a stroll by the water. It's a full moon tonight and the water will look beautiful like with the night's lights.

Roy frowned at her suggestion. "Anne it's freezing out there! We would catch our death walking around in this weather. I would much rather stay here where it's cozy and then take the carriage to Patty's Place."

Anne looked at Roy and realized he had the same look on his face now that he had when Anne had asked him if he had ever had a snowball fight. It wasn't quite a look of disgust, but more of amused indignity.

Anne attempted to be amused and tease him bit for his reaction, "Well, heavens Roy, we would not want you to catch a chill now would we? How would I ever be able to face your mother one day if I allowed that to happen?" Anne chuckled as she spoke.

Roy, however, kept his impassive demeanor. "I am pleased you see it my way, Anne. Shall we order dessert?"

Anne's smiled faded and she looked over the menu. _Does he ever laugh?_ Apparently, instead of brisk walk to lighten her mood and clear her thoughts she would need to settle for chocolate cake.

Some time later, Anne and Roy were seated comfortably in Roy's carriage as it rolled through the streets of Kingsport. They began to chat lightly about classes and schedules.

"The only one of my housemates I have any classes with this term is Stella."

"Do you have any classes with any of your Avonlea friends?" It as an innocent enough question and Anne answered honestly. "Yes, I do have my humanities course with Charlie Sloane this term," Anne said with slight groan.

"That's doesn't sound as though it pleases you. Are you not good friends?"

Anne laughed, "I'll just say we have a rather interesting past, but for my part we are friends. If you were from Avonlea all I would have to say is that he's a Sloane and you would understand." Roy looked at her confused. "And these Sloane's are bad people?"

"No, not at all, there are good, fine, upstanding citizens. They're just Sloane's that's all."

"I see," said Roy not all understanding Anne, nor hearing the humor in her voice. Changing the subject Roy said, "I did happen upon one of your Avonlea chums today."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I saw Gilbert Blythe today." Roy's arm was linked with Anne's and at the mention of Gilbert Blythe he felt her whole body tighten. "Actually, I've seen him a few times so far, we have another class together. He appeared to be waiting for someone, but before I had a chance to go speak with him he had already walked off with her."

Anne felt her throat constrict. " _Her?"_ Only after did Anne realize she said the word out loud.

"Yes, he had a rather pretty dark-haired girl on his arm. They appeared to be getting along very well. Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to speak with him…" Anne knew Roy had kept talking, but she heard not a word he said.

She felt her heart begin to race a bit as she wondered just what dark-haired beauty Gilbert Blythe was escorting around Redmond. _Oh why am I being such a fool? What does it matter to me who he walks with? Gilbert has many friends. It's doesn't matter to me._ But it did matter to her, very much. Anne never realized until that moment what jealousy truly was. She had always known that she didn't like it when she found out that Gilbert had corresponded with Ruby Gillis, or when he paid attention Josie Pye. But in that moment she had insight into herself she had never had before. _I've been jealous all this time! How could I not see it? How could I not realize that's what it was?_ Anne reigned in her unrestrained thoughts quickly and attempted to pay the proper attention to whatever it was that Roy had been saying. Whatever he had said, he was clearly waiting for her to respond. She merely looked at him with a repentant face and she saw Roy scowl a bit as he realized she was once again not attending the conversation. For the first time since they spoke about it, Roy began to wonder just what friend back in Avonlea that Anne had quarreled with and about just what did they quarrel over?

Minutes later, Roy's carriage pulled up to Patty's Place and Roy helped Anne out and walked her to the door.

"I had a lovely time tonight, Anne," Roy said sincerely. Roy said everything sincerely. He managed to put the last few minutes out of his mind and remembered the lovely time they had together.

"Me too. Thank you for dinner." Similarly, Anne gave Roy all the attention he was now due and smiled at him sweetly and quite sincerely.

"My pleasure," he said as she kissed her gloved hand. Not stopping there, Roy bent down slowly and placed a feather light kiss on her cheek. Anne again waited for the feelings to flow through her, for the reaction she longed for. Other than the slight tickle of his lips on her cheek, no other sensations coursed through her. "I will see you Thursday," she heard him say.

"Goodnight, Roy," was all she replied.

"Good night. Darling." Roy walked down the lane, into his carriage and was gone quickly. Anne gave a heavy sigh and walked inside.

Bracing for people, Anne was surprised to see the house rather empty. Apparently it had gotten later than she thought. She found she was rather glad to be alone. After making herself some tea, she made her way upstairs, stopping when she saw the light from under Phil's door. She thought about knocking and talking to Phil. But she decided against it when she remembered that Phil had early classes on Wednesday's she did not want to keep her up.

Finally in her room and dressed for bed, Anne forced herself to think back on the evening with Roy. It was a pleasant time and could not say she didn't enjoy herself. But it was as if a cloud had been hanging over their time together since she returned. Roy had obviously noticed and Anne realized that she could no longer go without speaking to Gilbert. The situation between them was affecting more than just the two of them and it needed to be resolved. The problem was that Anne still didn't know exactly what she _wanted_ to say to him, what she _should_ say to him, what she _needed_ to say to him.

Anne walked over to her notebook and pulled out the letter she had started to him. All she had still managed to write was 'Dear Gilbert.' She wanted to write more, but she was afraid of what would come out on the paper if she did. What was a cathartic exercise for Gilbert felt like a leap off a bridge with no tether to Anne. How did he have the courage to be so honest?

But Anne did have courage, at least courage enough to talk with him, courage enough to face the uncertainty. She owed it to him and to herself. She also owed it to Roy. But what would she say? What did she know? Could she honestly say she felt nothing for him? For that was what she knew she wished she could say. But she knew that would be lying to herself and to Gilbert.

What she did know was that she missed him terribly. But that wasn't all she knew. She knew that not a night had gone by since she had returned to Kingsport that unwanted dreams had invaded her nights where Gilbert's arms were around her passionately. They sometimes felt so real that she woke and needed several minutes to realize it was all an illusion.

In her waking hours she tried to fill her thoughts with other things, books, classes, Roy – But Gilbert would not be so easily cast aside. She was tired of thinking, tired of trying to make her head decide what her heart already knew. As a character flaw stubbornness was not an uncommon trait. But Anne had perfected it masterfully over the years. It was a stubbornness that even she found daunting at times. Trying to work through it was difficult.

Anne thought about what she would be giving up if she gave up Roy – another childhood dream gone… But did that even matter? Could Roy make her happy? Did Roy make her happy? Could she survive a life without Gilbert? Of course she could, but did she want to? Could she really have feelings for him? Did passion equal love? Was the quiet, uncomplicated love Roy could offer her all she would need? Was she trying to talk herself out of being in love with Gilbert?

More questions than answers all led her to one conclusion. Phil was right, she needed to talk to Gilbert and she needed to do it soon. Tomorrow. Whatever she might say, whatever might happen she did not know. But the uncertainty was untenable. She told herself the image of a raven-haired beauty on Gilbert's arm did nothing to sway her decision. It was the right time. He would need to face her without walking away. She would need to face her own feelings; feelings she was beginning to admit were more than friendly. But did everything she felt for Gilbert Blythe amount to love? The whole idea was ludicrous! Wasn't it? It was a question that could not be answered in any other way than by seeing him face to face. Something told her she that would know when she saw him, that one way or the other she would have her answer.


	13. A Book of Revelation

_It's getting interesting...and a little too real for some of our characters! I endeavored to not make Christine here in this story to cause trouble. As Catiegirl put it in her review, Anne and Gilbert have enough going on with out that (indeed!) and I completely agree. But that doesn't mean her presence doesn't present some problems. This was a hard chapter to get right and I hope i did! Enjoy!_

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

Anne woke up with a strange energy the next morning. She had slept rather poorly, which didn't surprise her in her conflicted state of mind. As she dressed for the day she couldn't help but anticipate seeing Gilbert. Her resolve from the night before remained strong. She needed to talk to him. Having several hours lying in bed awake gave her little clarity about what she wanted to say so she tried desperately to put him from her mind. But when she managed to do that momentarily, thoughts of Roy quickly took their place, giving Anne an even greater burden to bear. There was no easy solution, no way of resolving anything in her mind or heart that would not result in someone getting hurt. The bitter part of it for her was that in either case, hers would not be the heart to be broken. That would almost be easier if it were the case. Perhaps she was considering that Roy may have felt more for her than he really did this early on in their relationship. But she was also struck with the notion that Roy was the type of man who fell fast and hard. Perhaps Roy did not yet love her, but that he was on his way to it she had little doubt. A man of his wealth and stature wouldn't waste time flirting with a practically penniless orphan from a tiny nowhere town if his affections were not engaged.

And then there was Gilbert. The man who had loved her for a decade. Could she break his heart? Would she have to? Could she forgive her anger towards him? Would if even be possible not to?

Her thoughts were interrupted when a knock came at her door. "Come in."

Phil peeked her head in. "Good morning, Sunshine!"

"Good morning, Phil."

"You're up awfully early!" Phil replied eagerly.

"Or up rather late when you've barely slept a wink."

"Uh oh. What's the matter?" Phil gave her a sympathetic look. "How was your date last night? You were out quite late."

"Yes, everyone was asleep by the time I got home. It was a very lovely evening. Just as it should have been. Just as every time out with Roy is."

Phil looked slyly at Anne, "But?"

Anne released a sigh, "Oh you know Phil! You know what's bothering me."

"Yes I do. And I guess that means you're no closer to having things figured out than you were a week ago?"

Anne shook her head. "What are you waiting on Anne Shirley?"

"I am not waiting on anything Phil. I am just confused and I don't know how to figure this all out."

"Well Anne, you can't exist like this forever. Eventually you have to know how you feel. How long do you expect Roy and Gilbert to wait for you figure all this out?" Phil was a trifle exasperated with Anne. Over a week had gone by and she was still carrying on with Roy as though nothing had happened.

"I know! But I don't even know how I am supposed to sort through this?"

"Anne, haven't you been thinking about this for the past nine days and before?"

"You know very well that it's all I have thought of!" Anne cried.

Phil did not doubt the veracity of that claim. Anne had been in her own little world in the past days and it was not unnoticed by anyone. "I don't doubt that's true. But what good is all this thinking? When are you going to start to feel?"

"What?" asked Anne confused.

"Feel, Anne! You can't think your way out of this one. Your brain doesn't get to decide who your heart wants to be with. You have to let yourself feel it. If you did that, you'd already have your answer."

"And I suppose you don't have a preference for who that answer might be?" Anne asked a touch irritated at the thought that Phil was trying to steer her in a certain way.

Phil laughed. "Anne, my preference means nothing. I know what I think, but that's as irrelevant as what you think. It's not about that. It's about how you feel. Nothing else matters. I can tell you what I think if you want to hear it. But that won't change one thing that's already in your heart."

"You think I should be with Gilbert, don't you?"

Phil smiled, "Why would it matter if I did think that? It's not my life."

"But you still think I should be with him. Everyone seems to." Anne was a quite defensive and that's when daylight began to glimmer for Phil.

"Oh Anne. You're such a goose! Honestly, is that what this is about?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know I am not the only one who has always thought since I have known you that you and Gilbert would make a splendid match. We've all talked about it before. But you're Anne Shirley and you just delight in doing the opposite of what people expect you to do. Everyone expects Anne to marry the island boy next door so instead she snags a handsome Kingsport millionaire." Phil wondered she hadn't seen it before. It was as though Anne was determined to prove everyone wrong.

Anne was silent for a moment, somewhat hurt by Phil's words, but not quite able to be angry with them. "Phil I rather resent the picture you paint of me. I haven't snagged anyone. And I don't want to live up to anyone else's expectations except for my own. Why is that so hard for people to understand? I would think you of all people would."

"You think I am not marrying Alec or Alonzo because everyone expected I would and I wanted to prove them wrong?" Phil was a bit exasperated at Anne's obtuseness. "Anne, hear me when I tell you that both of them are good and decent men. Yes, I was expected to choose between them. But I didn't delight in making a fool out of them or myself. I made a decision that I knew would bring me the most happiness. Had I been irrevocably in love with either of them, it wouldn't have mattered one jot to me if it was what everyone expected. I would have happily gone along with conventional thinking."

Anne said nothing, but just looked at her friend with confusion and a little irritation. Before she could say anything, Phil continued, "It seems to me that you're trying to talk yourself out of loving Gilbert. And if that's the case, and Roy makes you happy, then I support you. But make the decision for your own reasons based on your own happiness, not because you're afraid of someone telling you they told you so. That's all just noise, Anne. Being right might make you smugly satisfied, but it surely won't make you happy if you choose incorrectly."

Phil heard the house clock chime eight o'clock. "Oh shoot, if I don't leave now I will be late for class." Phil rushed out the door leaving a bewildered and flustered Anne looking after her.

* * *

Several hours later, Anne was walking between her classes when she ran into Stella, who had her arms full of boxes. "Oh am beginning to wish I never signed up to help with this dance!" Stella said exasperated when she saw Anne walking toward her. The junior class was hosting a dance for the senior class in February. It was an annual event that the upperclassman always looked forward to in years past. However, Stella had made the mistake of volunteering to help.

"Oh, dear, what seems to be the trouble?"

"You have to ask? Myra Russell is the committee chair and you know she's just about as horrid as they come. She's insisting on being 'different' this year, so that basically means any work from previous years is out the window. She actually wants me to sew new curtains for the hall windows! Can you even believe it?"

"That's absurd. I hope you told her no."

"I did, but she didn't listen and sent me on my merry way with this box of fabric. I don't plan on doing anything with it, but I couldn't listen to her carry on another second. I just wanted her to stop talking." Stella sighed. "I hope the seniors appreciate what I am going through for them!"

Anne laughed, "I am sure they do. But I am also sure they don't care a thing about new curtains."

Anne and Stella walked among other Red's across the quad, chatting lightly along the way. Anne heard him before she saw him. She could never mistake the sound of his laughter. She looked slightly to her left at the sound of his voice, and there, handsome as ever, was Gilbert. His laughter all but died on his lips when he saw Anne. Only a few steps separated them, but looking at the raven-haired beauty on his arm, Anne couldn't help but think they had never been farther apart.

Gilbert's own breath hitched a bit as he saw Anne in front of him. Seeing her after almost three weeks of lonely torture was balm to his heart. She was every bit as lovely as he had always thought. But one look in her eyes told him she was as uneasy as he was.

He managed to speak first when they were at last face-to-face. "Hi Anne. Hi Stella."

"Hi, Gilbert." said Stella. "Where have you been hiding since we've been back? We haven't seen you at all over at Patty's Place."

Gilbert colored slightly and Stella wondered at it. "Yes, well I am afraid the semester got off to a busy start." He was talking to Stella but could stop his eyes from wandering over to Anne's, who kept her gaze to the ground.

It was at this point that Stella was sure Anne would jump in the conversation, but her silence still reigned.

Just as she was about to say something else, the pretty girl with the rose-leaf complexion spoke up. "I am afraid I have to apologize for keeping your friend from you. Gilbert's been such a dear helping me get acclimated to campus." As though breaking through a fog, Gilbert finally remembered Christine was standing next to him. "Oh, my goodness, how rude of me. Ladies, allow me to introduce you, this is Christine Stuart. Christine this is Stella Maynard and Anne Shirley."

"How do you do," Christine said shyly

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Christine," replied Stella. Anne had finally looked up and managed to choke out a reply. "It's nice to meet you."

"Thank you! It's nice to meet new friendly faces. I am still feeling a bit out of place."

At their confused looks, Gilbert explained Christine was new to campus and was having a hard time finding her way around.

"Oh, well you won't find a better guide than Gilbert. Did he tell you he's pretty much Captain or President of everything around here?" Stella asked with mock seriousness.

Christine laughed, a beautiful, perfect laugh. It grated on Anne's nerves instantly. She remembered Roy's word, _'They appeared to be getting along rather well.' Indeed they did!_

"No, he did not! But I can't say I am surprised," Christine replied.

His natural modesty taking over, Gilbert interjected, "That's quite enough about me. How are you ladies? Did the semester start off alright?" He was again looking at Anne, wishing she would say any words at all.

"Oh, it's just fair. Have you had professor Drummond? He's tough!" Stella whined.

"Oh, yes, I had him for Classics last year. He _is_ tough. Good luck." Conversation flowed in the same manner for several more minutes before Anne silence began to be noticed by more than just Gilbert. Stella was having a hard time wondering just why the normally talkative Anne was all of sudden rendered rather mute. Anne could feel the tension in her shoulders and looked up to see Gilbert looking at her concerned. Although not concerned enough to release Christine's arm. A twinge of something went through her violently as she realized what a dolt she was making over of herself with her silence. Finding her voice, Anne addressed Christine. "So, Miss Stuart, what brings you to Redmond?

Christine smiled sweetly, "Oh please, call me Christine. I am here for some music and arts classes."

"Oh what instruments do you play?"

"Well as many as I can, but I prefer the piano and the violin. Do you play?"

"Oh heavens, no! I fear I lack that talent." Anne replied, instantly sorry music was one subject she never excelled at.

"Anne is a very talented writer, though," said Gilbert coming to her aid. Anne looked at him with a grateful smile.

"Oh writing, how interesting!" Christine exclaimed.

"I am not exactly a writer, I just like to dabble here and there." In regards to her writing, Anne had been afflicted with a certain crippling modestly after the Averil's Atonement debacle. It was as if Christine could read her thoughts when she next asked, "Have you ever published anything?"

Gilbert saw the look on Anne's face and knew the last thing she wanted to discuss was something in which she was embarrassed and disappointed, even if he was sure she was the only one who saw it that way. "Actually, Christine, we should really get going if you are going to make your class."

"Oh yes, of course. I am sorry. I just lost track of time."

"It was very nice meeting you, Christine," said Stella sincerely.

"You too."

"The pleasure was ours, really," Anne added.

"I have to run too if I am going to make my study session. I'll see you at home, Anne. Take care, Gil."

"Bye, Stella." And with that, Stella walked off; leaving the awkward threesome standing there with only two of them knowing anything was amiss.

Christine did need to get going and when it became clear that Gilbert was not quite ready to part with this red-haired beauty named Anne, she released his arm and said, "I know my way by now, Gilbert. You don't have to walk with me."

Gilbert gave an inward sigh of relief. "Are you sure?"

"Positive, it's out of your way anyways. We can link up later."

"Sounds great. Thanks, Christine."

"It was nice to meet you, Anne," Christine said as sweetly as all her other words.

"You too!" Anne managed, giving her a slight awkward wave and wondering just what 'linking up' later meant. _I bet Gilbert would never call her Crow!_

Christine Stuart walked off, wondering herself if she would ever get the story behind those two. She bet it was a good one. Their connection was quite obvious. She sighed contentedly, another college diversion from her unexciting life, perhaps.

This left Gilbert and Anne alone, standing face to face with one another. It was exactly what he had wanted, but now that it was happening, the awkwardness increased and he had no idea what he should say. Anne seemed to take pity on him when she spoke first.

"Your friend seems very nice. Looks like you've been busy since you've been back." Surprised by the iciness in her voice, Gilbert had a first thought Anne was still quite angry with him. He swallowed hard. This was going to be difficult. Then he saw Anne glance quickly at Christine's shrinking figure and for a moment he thought he saw a twinge of jealousy on her face. But it seemed quite ludicrous to him that after the letter he had given her that she would ever think he had eyes for anyone else, so he dismissed the thought as soon as he had it.

"Well, yes, it's been quite a fast couple of weeks for sure. How have you been?"

"Just fine. It's been busy." Anne could think of nothing else to say, at least nothing that could be said in a quad full of people. Gilbert was slightly annoyed by the inane conversation, even if he realized why it had to be. But 'it's been busy' was a response he could not let go.

"Really, Anne? That's it? That's what our conversations are reduced to? Shall we talk about the weather next?" Gilbert rolled his eyes and a slight frown came to his lips.

"Gil, I don't know what you want me to say in a crowd full of people."

"Anne, I don't care if we are in the Coliseum with a crowd watching us. I just want to talk to you."

"I know. But not here."

"Where then? I have been hoping for days now that you'd come around to see me."

"I was going to come see you today, actually."

"You were?" he asked, his shock evident.

"Yes, after my classes this afternoon."

Relief flooded through him. "Then I will be waiting for you," he assured her. In an instant though, that relief was replaced with the hollow feeling in his stomach that for better or worse, in just a few hours he might know his future with Anne, whether or not he had one.

He stepped toward her and in one long stride they were face to face, almost touching. Anne's heart did a now familiar lurch forward.

"Promise, Anne? Promise me you'll come see me?" He took his hand and lightly brushed her cheek. He saw the rose color stain her already brightened face.

Anne's breath hitched in her throat. When had he removed his gloves? Then she managed to strangle out a reply, "I'll be there, I promise."

He dropped his hand and stepped back, a small smile on his lips. "I'll see you later then, Carrots."

Gilbert stepped back further, not taking his eyes off of her until he spun on his heels and walked away. Anne looked after him, her emotions on the familiar roller coaster they had been on now for weeks. She would see him soon. She would get the answers she needed. She turned and walked towards her own class, intent to put her focus on her studies at least until later. She could not, however, stop the thought that nudged her brain… When Gilbert walked away, had he walked away in search of raven-haired Christine?

* * *

Gilbert walked back to his boarding house practically forgetting Christine Stuart even existed. Anne was coming to see him! He would be ready for her. He knew he had at least a couple hours to kill before she would be there and the wait was already proving torturous. In his room, he unpacked his bag, began reading homework and did his best to concentrate. He had a measure of success for a while, lost in philosophy for the better part of an hour. A sudden knock jolted him from his senses. The only words he heard from the other side were, "Blythe, your girl's here!" as the footsteps retreated away. He would be laughing at their method of announcing visitors if all the air had not left his lungs. The messenger had to be Frank Orly, he was the only one who routinely said that about any lady who called on a fellow and the boardinghouse.

Gilbert jumped from his desk, ran his hands through his hair, and let out a heavy sigh. Anne was here.

A jolt of excitement mixed with terror coursed through him. He had already decided where he would take her to talk. The mostly unused study room near the kitchen should provide them with privacy. It was barely ever used in the winter months because it had a very noticeable draft that made studying rather uncomfortable. Most of the guys now just used it for extra storage.

Gilbert walked down the stairs with determined steps. As he walked around the corner to the front room, he stopped in his tracks as his heart sank a little. It wasn't Anne. It was Christine. _Oh how stupid of me, I forgot she was coming to study! Of all the times!_ He didn't have much time to foster more disappointment as she saw him instantly and waved. Looking at his watch, he should have known, Anne wasn't due for probably another hour. At least he could help Christine in the meantime. Perhaps it would serve to pass the time faster.

He greeted her with all the civility she was due and led her over to one of the only two open tables available. Unfortunately, neither directly faced the door, but he would have decent side view. He was afraid he might miss Anne when she arrived. Leaving nothing to chance, Gilbert excused himself for a moment from Christine and walked over to the table at the very edge of the room, the one in full view of the front door. Carl was sitting there. Carl was always sitting there. Carl had the unfortunate lot in life to be roommates with Everett Schultz, conceivably the most insufferable man on the Redmond campus. Carl found much comfort in his spot, and the other guys felt so badly for him that they let him call eternal dibs.

"Hey Carl, I have a favor to ask you."

"Oh, hey Gil, sure what is it?"

"Are you going to be here for while?"

"Aren't I always?"

"I am expecting Anne in a little bit. Can you just make sure she knows I am over there when she comes? I don't want to miss her."

Carl nodded, "Will do."

"Thanks!"

Gilbert walked back over to Christine and so began a lesson in quadratic equations. Gilbert found her a pretty quick study. She just had some trouble organizing the problems. A half hour went by rapidly and after she finally worked through several problems on her own, she finally felt like she got it.

"Oh thank you, Gilbert! You are such a lifesaver! I would have been completely lost without your help!"

Gilbert gave another quick glance towards the door before answering. "It's my pleasure, I am happy to help."

Christine noticed his distraction and could help by ask, "Are you waiting for someone? You keep looking at the door."

Gilbert did his best not to blush, but it was futile, "I am actually." He said nothing more.

Christine smiled widely. "Oh I see by that look that it's a female we are waiting on is it?"

He could not help but smile back widely. "It might be."

"I see. And might it be one of those lovely ladies we met this afternoon?"

Gilbert looked at her astonished that she read him like a book. "Oh please, Gilbert, don't look so surprised. It's the red-head isn't it?"

"Anne, yes. Is it that obvious?" He asked sheepishly.

Christine laughed, "Only to anyone with eyes!"

"Wow! I didn't realize I was so obvious."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You weren't the only one who gave it away," she laughed again.

Gilbert was speechless for a moment. But before he could say anything, Christine began arranging her things. "I should leave you to your lady." Without warning Christine's hand shot up to his hair and tousled it. "But, please don't meet her with whatever this is stuck in your hair!" What looked like part of a dead leaf floated to the ground.

"Oh geez, thanks!"

"No, thank you! I really do appreciate all your help. I would never be able to make it around here without you. Bless you and my brother for this!"

"I am happy to help," he said taking her hand and giving a gentle squeeze. She responded by leaning in and giving him a small hug. Gilbert was surprised for a minute, but responded quickly enough to reply with a gentle pat on the back. They separated and spent a few minutes packing away Christine's belongings. Gilbert had forgotten to look towards the door for some minutes.

Had he looked, he probably would not have seen Anne, peeking her head out from almost behind a wall in the next room, surreptitiously watching the scene unfold before her. In an unfortunate turn of events, Carl had left his post for parts unknown, presumably for the restroom or perhaps for food. Anne could not hear their conversation, only the laughter from Christine. But she was able to make out the broad smile on Gilbert's face and she surely did not miss their rather intimate gestures in a room full of people. Gilbert had taken her hand and now they were hugging! As if Anne needed more reason to feel ill, she then heard voices on the other side of the wall behind which she was standing.

"Who's the new pretty face?"

"Not sure, Christy something or another. It's Blythe's new girl I hear."

"New girl? What about Anne?"

"Haven't you heard? She's courting some millionaire now. Maybe they were never official. Or I guess she must have thrown Blythe over. He can't compete with that."

"Oh, well he doesn't seem to broken up about it does he?"

"No, no he doesn't! They've been seen on campus everywhere together since term started."

"Well, Gil is a good guy, I hope this one doesn't jerk him around like Anne did if that's what happened."

Anne heard laughter, "Oh I am sure she will. Don't all the ladies jerk us around…" The conversation continued, but Anne heard no more of it. Slowly walking backwards, making sure she wouldn't be seen if Gilbert looked up from his table, Anne made her way towards the door. It was hard for her to breath and tears were welling up in her eyes when she took one final look at the Gilbert and Christine. She then turned the handle on the door and walked out into the cold January day.

Not a minute later Carl resumed his post with a fresh cup of coffee and a turkey sandwich.

Anne walked quickly, not quite knowing where she was headed. Home, I need to go home! With a destination in mind, she turned in the direction of Patty's Place. Her heart was heavy, her confusion and frustration overwhelmed her. _Why did I leave? He is expecting me! I promised him I would be there._ But it had all been too much. Too much to bear to see him with her. Too much to listen to thoughtless comments and supposed rumors. Too much to think thoughts she knew she shouldn't be thinking. But why? He loved her, did he not? His letter said he did. In each painstaking word he revealed his heart.

It took her some time to truly realize why she was so unsettled. For it wasn't only green-eyed jealousy. Yes, it took some time to realize that she didn't only run away because she found Gilbert in the arms of another woman, laughing with another woman, holding hands with another woman. Anne ran because she was frightened, frightened beyond words.

In what could have been ten minutes or an hour, she was almost to the very door of the home and comfort she had before longed for when she found that she would most assuredly rather be somewhere else. Not necessarily any other place. Just any other place where Gilbert would also be. With that thought, she almost turned back to go to him, for she knew he could make things right. But the image of him with his arm around _her_ changed her mind. I _never should have walked away, her thoughts swirled. And then in the next instant, But why was he with her like that?_ Doubt began to eat at her.

She needed to sit. Now only a block from home, Anne found a solitary bench on the corner and sat down, closing her eyes as she did so. It was all too much! Too much to think of anymore! She breathed in deeply and heard Phil's voice in her head. 'When are you going to start to feel?'

Start to feel… her breaths became steady and she shook her head, as though trying to turn off her brain. Feel, Anne! And feel she did.

Sitting on a bench at the corner of Spofford Avenue alone and cold, she felt it. It was as if the feeling had never occurred to her before and it hit her with all the force of a hurricane. It was a familiar feeling to her, one she had always known, but for so long had failed to recognize for what it was or perhaps she even had fought against it-

She loved Gilbert!

She had always loved him - she now saw it with perfect clarity.

It was in every memory, every touch, every spoken word, every blessed moment they ever shared together. He was the one who wouldn't leave her castle in Spain; he was the one who her heart had yearned for her in dreams! How blind she had been. How stupidly blind!

 _I am irrevocably in love Gilbert Blythe_!

And it frightened her, terrified her beyond words for a reason only her heart knew.

In a blur, Gilbert's words came rushing back to her… _'Your dreams and imagination have acted to protect you your whole life from unpleasantness and heartbreak. You almost wear them as armor from disappointment. And when they change, they unsettle you a little bit. Is that right?'_

He had been so much more than right! She knew it at the time he spoke the words, but to have it revealed in the reality of these feelings to which she had just admitted was too much for her mind to wrap around.

She was frightened because it was real. Because he was real. This was no fantasy, no girlhood dream come true, no whimsical suitor come to sweep her off her feet… Gilbert Blythe was all too real, all too already part of her every being, all too instantly the man she knew she had waited her entire life for, all too exquisitely necessary to all her future happiness!

It was this Anne, elated, confused, scared, in love, doubtful, and slightly tortured by her new revelations, that walked through the door to Patty's Place that late afternoon. It was this Anne, who in her stunned happiness and unsettled confusion still had so much to work out in her mind and heart. It was this Anne, that for reasons she prayed he would understand and forgive, could not bring herself to go back to see Gilbert as she had promised.

She could not know at that moment, that in the light of morning she would come to realize that not going back to see him had been a wretched mistake.


	14. Much Ado About Everything

_We are coming full circle here... but we have to go through a bit more to get there, for which I hope to be forgiven. I hope you all remember some earlier chapters and conversations between Anne and Gilbert because they definitely inform this chapter. I am sincerely hoping that I did justice to this difficult situation and made it all believable for you all. You might be surprised at the only one in this situation who is thinking clearly! Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement!_

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

At some point during the evening, Gilbert lost track of the time. He had already waited for hours. He knew it was getting late, judging by the lack of activity downstairs at the boarding house. Most had gone to bed already, leaving Gilbert sitting, looking rather pitifully stupid as he waited. At this point he knew Anne wasn't coming. There was a brief period of time when he thought perhaps something had happened to her. So convinced of that for a moment that he almost set out in search for her. But before he had the chance to act, reason pulled him back. It wasn't like Anne to go back on her word, but even Gilbert had to admit that this was no ordinary situation. Of course, allowing her that concession did not lessen his anger at her for not showing up. The only explanation could be that Anne had planned to tell him she did not love him and either she got cold feet about hurting him or she had been so blindsided by his presence that she agreed to a meeting she never wanted. _But she had said she was planning on coming today! But maybe that was just something she said because she was so surprised to see me._

Whatever the reason was, Gilbert could not understand any of it. Had he been less emotionally invested, he might have thought there could possibly be a very good explanation for her to break her word. But given his heart was near torn in two, all rational thought left him hours ago. Those were only the thoughts he entertained when she had been a half hour behind her time, and then an hour, and then two. By the time six hours rolled by, Gilbert had no more patience for whatever viable excuse she might have. _What could honestly be more important than this conversation in her mind?_

His friends floated in an out during the time, chatting him up and silently wondering why he remained so long in one place. None of them had ever seen him quite this out of sorts before.

For six hours he had sat there. For six hours he had waited in vain. For six hours he tortured himself between hope and despair. For the first time in many years, Gilbert was feeling the same kind of anger with Anne that he had felt the day he rescued her from the pond. It was such a strange sensation to him that he felt a burst of nervous energy. He was ready to march over to Patty's Place and demand answers. The only thing that stopped him was the finality of it all. Anne telling him she didn't love him was one thing, but him telling her in his current state of mind would leave no bridge unburned. As angry as he was, he wouldn't risk the end of everything.

So he did the only thing a reasonable man with a broken heart could do when nothing else could be done. He attempted to go to bed, as if doing so would erase the memory of Anne from his mind. The second he laid his head down on the pillow, he know it was a fruitless exercise. Sleep would not come no matter how hard he tried. As if Anne Shirley had not wasted enough of his time today, she was to invade the only escape he had. Although, he was kidding himself if he didn't think the second he was asleep would bring a fresh hell that invaded his dreams. It was as though he was surrounded on all sides by Anne, with no escape. And when he thought of it that way he got even angrier with her. Anne had never been to him a woman to escape or run from. She had always been the one he ran too, the one whose company he sought over all others. Now, they very thought of her threatened to choke him.

Gilbert was not a man built for anger. His was an existence where he has always been rather even keeled and even on those rare instances where he lost his temper, it had always been quick to flare out. So it did not surprise him that over the course of the hours he spent tossing and turning that his anger slowly gave way to a general sadness. In fact, in his more reasonable moments, he sought to exonerate Anne completely. Perhaps something had happened. He knew that to be wishful thinking but it did help to calm him a bit. A reasonable man needed reasonable explanations. Although he knew not what any reasonable explanation could be.

It was only a couple hours before dawn when Gilbert at last managed to find sleep after he had quite literally exhausted himself. It was only when he had resolved he would find Anne and talk to her the next day that some form a calm began to envelope him. It was the kind of calm that could only be brought on with a plan in place. It wasn't much a of a plan, but considering he had gone from dropping out of Redmond and moving to a remote land where red-heads didn't exist to finding the first eligible lady and marrying her as quickly as possible, the plan to confront Anne was wisely reasonable. He needed to talk to her, and it if happened to be in a quad full of people, so be it. She would need to answer to him one way or the other. He couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. Thankfully, he knew where she would be and when she would be there tomorrow. While he wasn't comforted by the thought, at least he no longer felt helpless about it. He finally drifted off to sleep where he couldn't say whether or not he dreamed of Anne, only that when he woke, he could not remember doing so.

* * *

At around the same time Gilbert was finally falling asleep, Anne awoke with a sudden start. Or was it a yearning? It was more like a burst of insane clarity.

 _Why?_

 _Why did I not go back to see him?_

 _Why did I convince myself I still needed more time?_

All the time in the world would not change the fact that she loved him! _Yes, it was messy and complicated. But why did that matter?_

What a fool she was to convince herself otherwise!

They had tried to convince her otherwise, her friends. Her dear, wonderful friends had tried to tell her to go to him but she wouldn't listen. She quickly thought back to all that unfolded since she returned home the previous afternoon...

 _When she had walked through the door in a daze, it didn't take any of her friends, who were loitering about lazily in the sitting room, long to notice all was not right. Her tears weren't even the first clue. Her slumped shoulders and freezing shivers told all the inhabitants of Patty's Place that something was very wrong indeed! Had Anne had more strength in her at that moment, she might have been able to put them all off, but she could no sooner fight their questions and concern than she could fight against the knowledge that she was in love with her best friend._

 _Freezing cold, tired, and emotionally worn, the moment Priscilla asked Anne what was wrong, a strange sound erupted from her throat. At first it was a small chuckle, the kind one sought to stifle. Anne brought her hand to her lips to quiet her outburst but she couldn't help another laugh escaping her lips. When she looked at the shocked faces of her three dear friends she began to laugh uncontrollably. It was as though her body needed an emotional reaction, but refused to let her cry at the knowledge she loved Gilbert._

 _Phil began to smile widely at Anne's outburst and Stella could not help but laugh as well. Before long all four of them of them were in hysterics and none of them quite knew why._

 _Stella was the first one to control herself and when she felt her breathing regulate she said, "Oh well thank Providence, our Anne is back!" Stella wiped a tear from her eye. "Pray, tell us Anne, just what is so hysterically funny and just why do you look so dreadful."_

 _Composing herself, Anne hesitated. The laugh had given her some strength, but she had no further stomach for lonely melancholy. "Oh Stella, my dear, dear, Stella… you won't believe me when I tell you."_

 _"_ _Try me!"_

 _Before Anne could preface her thoughts, before she could lay the groundwork for how this had all unfolded, her mouth beat her brain to the punch and she blurted out, "I am in love with Gilbert!"_

 _Silence followed and three sets of shocked eyes stared back at her yet again. Even Phil stood there stunned for a moment._

 _It was Priscilla who let out a small laugh first this time. And when that happened the rest of them could not contain themselves and they again all burst out into laughter. To Anne, it was as if a great burden had been lifted from her heart and mind. It was laughter she wished she could hold onto forever, especially in the wake of her still slightly tormented thoughts._

 _After a few moments the ladies were brought under good regulation. Phil walked over to Anne, stripped her of her coat and hat and led her to the fireplace._

 _And there, in the small sitting room at Patty's Place, she told them all everything, starting with New Year's Eve. Stella and Priscilla had vacillated somewhere between shock and horror at what Anne had endured over the past few weeks._

 _"_ _Anne, I just can't believe it!" cried Stella. "I mean yes, I can believe you are in love with Gilbert, but that he kissed you… it's just so unlike him!"_

 _Anne had only shook her head and shrugged her weary shoulders. Stella could not hide her how happy she was. Anne was wasted on Roy Gardner. It wasn't that he didn't deserve a good woman; just not if that woman was Anne._

 _Then she told them about the letter and the fight they had and how Gilbert walked away from her again. The story was relayed without any of the previous laughter and a serious tone took over._

 _Phil was silently elated and quite pleased with herself when Anne had shared how she had finally followed her advice. Priscilla was happy to know that Anne was not going silently mad based on her behavior since term began. She also held a small bit of sympathy for Roy that her kind nature would not let go._

 _They sat and talked for a long time. They all tried to encourage her to go to him. But Anne had determined it was all too new, that she still needed the time to process what she had learned of herself. What would be worse than going to Gilbert to tell him no was going to him to tell him yes and then realizing it was all a mistake. Because that's truly why she was afraid. Several weeks ago she was convinced she was falling for Roy and now she was convinced she loved Gilbert. How could she really be sure? The question haunted her and her friends telling her that what she was feeling was real did not help her. In fact, it unsettled her even more. She told them about Christine and the jealousy she felt when she saw Gilbert with her. She could not help but be affected by what she saw and a little angry at it._

 _The irony in all of it was that she might not have truly realized all she felt had the feelings of jealousy and loss not consumed her. But her friends at least managed to convince her Christine meant nothing more than friendship to Gilbert. Well, almost managed to convince her._

 _Then there was the question she knew not how to answer… Could Anne and Gilbert transition from best friends to infinitely more? It all sounded so strange but at the same time so right and obvious. Her friends were good enough to understand her reasons for needing some time. But Stella did try one last time to get her to go to him._

 _"_ _Anne, are you sure you're not making a mistake by not going to see him? You promised him you would. You know that Christine girl doesn't mean anything to him, don't you?" Stella pleaded a bit and as tempted as Anne was, she couldn't do it._

 _"_ _I know Stella, I really do. And I know I promised him, but I just have to pray that when we do talk he will understand my reasons and forgive me. I can't face him right now."_

 _Stella sighed, "I hope you know what you're doing Anne."_

 _Phil stepped in on Anne's behalf, "I am sure she does. She needs some time to come to terms with all this. Gilbert will understand."_

 _Stella smiled, "Yes, if anyone will understand Anne, it's him."_

 _"_ _Why are you so unsure though, Anne?" Priscilla asked. "Are you not confident in how you feel?"_

 _Anne thought for a long moment. The truth was, that even as she sat there, the truth became clearer and she became almost too confident. Yes she was fooled into thinking she had feelings for Roy, but this was different. Very different. The strength of her feelings surprised and frightened her enough for her to realize that this changed everything she ever thought about herself._

 _"_ _I am confident. Confident enough to realize that if I go to him and he's changed his mind about me I don't think I would recover. Confident enough that I realize I've made a complete fool out of myself chasing silly fantasy when my dream was standing in front of me the whole time."_

 _"_ _Anne…" began Priscilla, but Anne cut her off._

 _"_ _I know what you're going to say, Pris and maybe you're right. But I am not quite sure any of you understand just how much Gilbert and I have been through. He's not just some average suitor. He was everything to me before I realized how I felt. And now that I have stopped being such a blind fool I am even more afraid than I was before that I could lose him. And it would be my fault. It would be my own stupid, blind, fault."_

 _"_ _I understand, Anne. You have to do what feels right for you." All three girls looks from one to the other, silently communicating that a change in topic might be best for now._

 _"_ _So I guess this means if I need an escort to the Junior/Senior dance, Roy will be available?" Priscilla smiled at her joke as Stella joined her and then said, "Oh yes, Roy! Anne, what are going to do about him?"_

 _Anne hadn't given much thought to Roy in the last few hours other than how he fit in the story. But she would have to now. And it was another reason seeing Gilbert now was unwise. She at least owed it to Roy to end things with him before she even considered if she had a future with Gilbert._

 _"_ _I'll just have to end it. And soon." The prospect of that conversation did not make her feel any better at all._

 _Phil groaned, "No not soon, Anne. Now!"_

 _"_ _I know now, Phil! I didn't mean that I was going to put it off. We have plans tomorrow evening and I will just have to be honest with him." Anne sighed in resignation._

 _"_ _I am afraid he will be disappointed, Anne," said Stella._

 _"_ _I know."_

 _"_ _But it's the right thing. Roy's a great fellow and he's rich and handsome, but he doesn't fit with you, my dear. He will see the truth in that one day," Stella gave Anne a hug and then stood up. "Anyone up for dinner? Aunt Jimsie is out for the evening and I said I would take over."_

 _All three of them nodded in agreement and went to the kitchen where they cobbled together a meal that barely any of them ate between the continued conversation..._

As Anne came back to the present, she was now fully awake with no chance of falling back to sleep. But she was restless and not content to sit idly. She would go mad between now and daybreak. She simply had to see him today. She was foolish to think otherwise, she should have gone back, even if only to let him know she had kept her word. But at this hour there would be no undoing her foolishness.

She again began to ponder how she had gone on for so long without realizing just what he meant to her and her blindness continued to astound her. Even if she could convince herself that she could be exonerated for not realizing sooner than New Year's Eve, at the touch of his lips on hers she should have wanted to scream it from the rooftop!

Suddenly struck with inspiration, Anne lit her lamp and walked over to her desk, sat down and pulled out the sheet of paper that had stayed blank for days. Only the words 'Dear Gilbert' stared back at her. She picked up her pen and put it to the paper, suddenly inspired and a little in awe of how she felt. It was like for the first time she was seeing Gilbert in the way she imagined her had always seen her. Realizing the depth of his feelings when expressing her own moved her to tears. Not sad tears by any stretch, but happy, glorious, radiant tears that gave her the strength and inspiration to bare her soul to that blank paper. She gave no thought to if he would ever read it so she was able to put the honesty she had never allowed herself to admit into her efforts. It was wonderfully releasing, but at the same time terrifying. Her pen made her brave, for she knew she could scarcely say these words out loud, even if only to herself. She began to see how it was that Gilbert had written so many of his own missives to her over the years.

By the time she had finished, the sun had begun to creep up into the sky and gently flood her room. It was a new day. One filled with tremendous possibility, if only she could shake the nagging feeling that it would be a day filled with heartbreak.

* * *

Gilbert walked along campus eagerly waiting for the moment he would see Anne. His anger had unfortunately returned and coupled with the exhaustion of barely sleeping the night before or really any night since he had returned to Redmond, he was rather out of sorts and out of temper. His reason tried to tell him to wait to seek Anne out when he had better mastered his feelings, but his heart would not allow it. He stopped by a tree and stood, rather stupidly staring at the door to Miller Hall. As he waited for her to come out of the lecture hall, he began to replay the events of the previous day, striving to hold onto that righteous anger.

 _How could she just not show up like that? It could only mean one thing and she was too much of a coward to face him._ Just as a fire threatened to rage in his gut, just as his hurt threatened to overtake his countenance, there she was. She walked out of the hall and the second he saw her it was like the anger that overtook him instantly vanished, replaced by nervous fluttering and painful longing. Her mere presence brought him a sense of peace that betrayed his turmoil. She was beautiful, she was an angel, she was everything! He had eyes only for her and did not notice until it was too late to not be seen that Roy Gardner had joined at her side, possessively taking her arm in his. The wind was sucked out of Gilbert instantly and if he could have walked away he would have. But he remained rooted to his spot, unable to move in spite of his desire to do so, as the couple advanced towards him. When she finally saw him, their eyes locked in a gaze that held a thousand feelings, but only one that mattered.

When Anne saw Gilbert her heart nearly stopped. She was not ready for this, not now. But she realized that he saw her and he looked as though he had been waiting for her. She could not read his expression, which unsettled her, but there was no smile on his face. But it only took a second of looking into his hazel eyes to confirm her revelation. There was no question about it… this was the man she loved.

She had forgotten all about Roy until she felt her won grip on his arm tighten. _Oh dear! Of all the wretched days Roy should surprise me after class!_ _What must Gilbert think now?_

In a few more step they were face to face with. Gilbert had finally managed to plaster an insincere smile to his face. "Hello Anne, Roy." If he could have ignored Roy he would have. But it wasn't Roy he cared about.

"Hi Gil." Anne said shyly. But it wasn't from shyness that her voice faltered. Hearing his voice for the first time since her revelation released a wave of longing she had not anticipated. She had never before been at a loss for words in his presence and today she could barely string two coherently together.

"Hello, Gilbert," Roy tone was as it ever was, friendly with a note of condescension, at least to Gilbert's ears.

"We haven't seen much of you around this term. I trust your classes are keeping you quite busy." Roy remarked.

Gilbert had no patience for Roy, but replied evenly, "Yes, they are. I am taking full load again."

"And things are off to a good start I presume?"

"Um, yes, as well and can be expected, I suppose."

"Anne was telling me the other day you planned on some advanced courses."

Instantly irritated that Anne has the nerve to speak about him to Roy, Gilbert tried to school his rising temper. "Yes, she's right. The advanced courses count for extra credits."

Roy tensed a little as he saw Gilbert affected by his words. But what was more, since Anne had seen Gilbert, he had felt her grip on his forearm tighten, almost painfully. He realized quite instantly that he was missing something and turned to look at Anne's profile. Her face was flushed and she looked at Gilbert with an intense stare that he could not understand the meaning of. Feeling uneasy, it decided it was time to end the conversation.

"Well, we shouldn't keep you. I am sure you must be rather busy," said Roy

"Actually, I do need to talk to Gilbert, Roy," Anne chimed in. "Would you mind if we talked later tonight?"

"There's no reason for me to leave you, Anne. I can wait until you are through here." Roy refused to be dismissed.

Gilbert was unsure how much he should say at this point. "Actually, Roy, this is a private conversation if you don't mind. I promise I'll have Anne back to you for your evening."

Roy had never been quite so summarily dismissed before and he wasn't sure what bothered him more, the dismissal or Anne's private audience with Gilbert.

"Very well," was all he could say. "I will pick you up at seven o'clock tonight then, Darling?"

Anne's gaze finally faltered under Gilbert's when Roy addressed her as Darling. Every part of this was wrong.

"Yes, Roy. I will see you later." Anne finally had the sense to pull her arm out of his and back away, but not before Roy squeezed her hand reassuringly. He then turned back to Gilbert, giving him a skeptical look. A look that said he knew all he needed to. But instead of saying the unflattering thoughts that entered his mind, Roy said to him, "See you around Gilbert. And congratulations on being considered for the Cooper Prize. You must be very proud of yourself to even be in the running."

The reaction to Roy's words was immediate. Gilbert's face paled and his mouth hung open slightly. He looked from Roy's face to Anne, whose own countenance showed her shock at Roy's statement. He saw a horrifying look of something in her eyes. Something that looked rather like guilt.

 _She wouldn't have!_

 _Would she?_

 _No, not my Anne!_

But the look on her face he read to say otherwise.

 _I have to get out of here!_

It took all this strength not to show his anger and hurt that again coursed through him in the quick moment. He would not give Gardner the satisfaction of seeing him lose his temper. When he could master his anger, Gilbert said as evenly as possible, "Thanks, Gardner. I wasn't aware that that information was available for public dissemination." He spoke to Roy in a bitter tone, but looked at Anne, who now had a rather confused look on her face. "I guess there's no accounting for secrets and promises anymore, is there?"

Anne's confusion turned to horror as she realized the implication of his words. _He thinks I told Roy!_

"Gil," she began to defend herself, but she got no further as he held up a hand and cut off her speech with his own, "No really, it's fine. Listen, you two look so charming together and I just hate to break up the set so I am just going to go." He had to get out of there.

He turned to go when he heard her plea, "Gil, please don't walk away from me again. This isn't what you think. Please just talk to me!" She pleaded with him but she was angry that for even a second it crossed his mind that she had betrayed him.

A man less violently in love than he might have reacted differently. A man less tortured over losing not only her love, but her friendship as well, might have stayed to listen to her explanation. And he almost did, he almost turned around to listen to her when Roy's voice broke in with a crack, "Can someone please explain what's going on here." Roy had seen all he needed to see. Until this point he had great hopes at future with Anne. But as he looked at her face, it told him so much more than any words ever could.

All that seemed to enter Gilbert's mind was that every ridiculous hope he ever had was gone, the very bridges he had hoped not to burn were now in fire. Gilbert couldn't stand to hear any more words from either of them. With his back still turned, he said with all the bitterness he could muster, "You're smart enough, Gardner. I am sure you can figure it out. And if not, I am sure Anne can explain it to you in every painful detail."

And then he walked away, quickly, deliberately, painfully, leaving Anne once again in tears and Roy rather astonished and confused.

Roy turned to Anne to see her tear-stained face.

"How could he think I told you?" Anne spoke to Roy but she may as well have been talking to herself.

"Anne, what exactly is going on? What does he think you told me?"

"About the Cooper. He thinks I told you he's in the running for the Cooper Prize. He told me months ago but asked to keep it between us because he was afraid of all the pressure." She finally looked up, like she was seeing him again, "How did you know?"

"Anne, my family has been on the Redmond Board of Trustees for years. Gilbert Blythe has been the topic of more than one conversation among them. I've known he's in the running for weeks."

Anne only laughed bitterly. What else could she say? How could Gilbert think that of her?

When she didn't respond, he continued, "I apologize for any misunderstanding I caused, believe me it was unintentional."

"It's not your fault, Roy. I hadn't realized Gilbert Blythe has learned to think the worst of me."

"Anne this is just a misunderstanding. You should go sort it out with him." Roy was being a fool and he knew it. Gilbert Blythe had made a mistake and it was likely it would work in Roy's favor. But he would not capitalize on it at the expense of Anne's happiness.

Anne could have gone, she should have gone. But how quickly the lessons of only this morning were lost on her when she said petulantly, "I don't wish to speak to that stubborn, thoughtless man right now or maybe ever again," Roy doubted she meant the words even if as they left her mouth. But there was no denying she was hurt beyond words, perhaps even beyond reason.

Even as Anne thought about it, she came to realize that she was barely even angry at his careless assumption, she could see clear enough that after breaking her promise yesterday he might be angry enough to make such a mistake. But what she could not forgive was that for now the third time, Gilbert Blythe had walked away from her. He had again refused to face a hardship with her together, head on. He just kept walking away from her. As much as she loved him, as much as she wanted to be with him more than anything else she had ever wanted, she wasn't sure they could recover from it.

"Anne can I walk you home?" asked Roy, breaking her from her thoughts.

She wished him gone in that moment. "No, Roy. I think I would rather walk myself."

"Darling, are you sure. I hate that you're upset."

"I'm sure."

"Are we still on for tonight?"

 _Oh goodness, yes tonight! Tonight I have to end things with Roy!_ And for what?! No, not for what. They could never be in any case anymore. Whatever she had thought she felt for Roy had vanished instantly, almost like it had never been there. She couldn't think on any of this now. "Yes, Roy. I'll see you tonight."

He brought her gloved hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "It will be alright, Anne."

And then Roy watched her walk away from him. There was sense of foreboding that took over as Anne disappeared into the thinning crowds. He remembered the look on her face… a twisted look of pain and despair. He felt something deep within him that tore at his heart. Gilbert Blythe had upset Anne and in away he was likely to pay dearly for. While that thought should have given Roy a measure of reassurance, all he could think of was that he held no power to make Anne feel such pain. Thus, he reasoned it was beyond his power to bring her immeasurable happiness.

With a sad and determined desire, he set off to make things right. But it wasn't after Anne he followed. He turned to walk in the direction of Gilbert's boarding house, hoping his small gesture would be enough to wipe that awful look of pain not only from Anne's face, but also from his memory forever.


	15. Atonement

_And so it begins... Enjoy everyone! So happy you're all along for the ride here._

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

Gilbert walked with determined steps to the boarding house, anger running through every part of him. It was not only anger at Anne, but also anger at Roy for existing, and most perplexing was anger at himself. He knew not why he should feel that way about himself, but for the utter fool he had made out of himself in the past weeks. Actually believing Anne might one day love him only to find out she has betrayed him. It was too much to bear. But honestly, had Gilbert had any measure of clarity, the thought would never had entered his brain. Given his emotional state, he wanted to believe the worst of Anne, thinking that perhaps it would lessen his own pain. As he entered his room, he took off his jacket and haphazardly threw it on the bed. Then he sank into his chair and allowed himself to breath deeply. _What just happened,_ he thought _. How have Anne and I come to this? Why had she not kept her promise and to tell Roy of all people!_ Gilbert ignored the nagging feeling in stomach. The feeling that told him that Anne, no matter what she may have felt or not felt for him romantically, would never do what he had just accused her of. He pushed the thought down deep, instead remembering the other promise she made to him and broke only a day earlier.

Gilbert wanted to imagine that he could never forgive Anne. He wanted her to find him as intractable as she had once been. But the moment he thought that he knew he was trying to convince himself of total folly. He would forgive Anne almost anything. But that hardly mattered at this moment. At this moment he was trying to piece his life together and what that life looked like without her in it. It was a rather bleak future. It was a rather bleak tomorrow.

His anger and loss was threatening to boil over and sitting in that room was not helping matters in the least. But where else could he could he go, what else could he do? There was no respite from this hell he was in.

Suddenly he conjured up the memories of all those times in the past week he had let himself imagine she felt more than friendship for him. The day of the snow ball fight when she blushed in his arms, the night he told her about the Cooper and he had kissed her cheek, the New Year's Dance when she had trembled in his arms and her gaze faltered under his, when he had kissed her and she responded as he had only ever imagined. _How did I fool myself to believing it all meant anything?_ But the truth was that he couldn't bring himself to believe it all meant nothing. Because to do so would make him have to admit that he never really knew Anne at all. That he had spent the last decade loving a girl who would never feel that way for him. Trusting a friend who didn't deserve his trust. It was the worst contradiction of his life and he could not bring himself to believe it was true. What his brain had accepted as her betrayal, his heart was rejecting in full measure.

 _It couldn't be true... Anne wouldn't do that!_ Deep in the recesses of his mind, he remembered something… Something Anne had said. He could now vaguely hear her voice in a memory that evaded him. He was sure of its significance to his present state of mind, but he could not pull the words out fully from wherever they were stuck. They were on the tip of his brain, like if he only reached the smallest bit farther he would remember what was so significant.

The moment before his memory cleared, a knock came at his door.

Gilbert was startled out of his thoughts, the memory slipping back away from his consciousness. Annoyed, he heard himself ask, in a voice not quite his own, "Who is it?"

He was rather unprepared for the answer he received. "It's Royal Gardner, Gilbert. I wish to speak with you."

When Gilbert recovered from the shock of his visitor, he scrambled his brain to think of any reason other than Anne that Roy would seek him out. There wasn't one.

In the few seconds it took Gilbert to get up from his chair, walk over to the door and opened it, he had determined that he would not let Roy get to him. Whatever he had to say, Gilbert would bear it with dignity, he would not let Roy leave with whatever satisfaction he was seeking.

Opening the door, Gilbert greeted him, "Hello Roy."

"Hello, Gilbert. May I come in?" Roy was as formal as ever.

Gilbert stepped aside and allowed Roy in, "By all means."

Roy walked in and looked briefly around the small, but tidy room. He noticed the stacks of books on the desk and more stacked in the corner. If examining the contents of his room was any measure, everything Roy had heard about Gilbert Blythe's brains was true, at least as it pertained to academics. Time would tell if his prowess extended to women.

"I suppose you are wondering why I am here?" Roy honestly wondered a few times himself. He had almost turned back several times on the way over. But the look of pain on Anne's face drove him on to his task.

"Indeed, I can't account for your presence at all, Gardner. We have no classes together this term. Perhaps you wanted to discuss the weather?" Gilbert's sarcastic tone annoyed even himself. But he couldn't help it. "Yes, it must be the weather because there can only be one other reason you might want to talk with me and I can assure you I have no desire to discuss that subject with you."

Roy was a little surprised at Gilbert's bold statement. It was clear he was out of temper, but Roy hadn't imagined he would be so straightforward.

"Well then let's not talk about that, let's talk about me. Did you know my family has been on the board of Redmond College for three generations?" Roy paused, clearly expecting an answer.

"I can't say that I did," Gilbert replied.

"Yes, my great grandfather helped found the college."

"You must be very proud." Gilbert wondered at this pointless conversation and was still very much annoyed.

"I am, thank you. I only bring it up because there have been a number of events recently sponsored by the board, fundraisers and all that, at which your name has featured prominently."

"My name?" Gilbert asked surprised

"Yes, as a finalist for the Cooper Prize. I must say, everyone is rather impressed with you."

Roy's words took only a second to register with Gilbert and Roy could see the moment understanding dawned on him.

"You mean -" but Roy cut him off.

"I mean, that Anne didn't tell me about your being a finalist. I have known about it for weeks from the Redmond board."

The only word that Roy could use to describe the look that crossed Gilbert's face at his words was horror. And Gilbert _was_ horrified! In that instant, the memory he had worked so hard to recall only moments before burst into his conscious mind. It was the day of their Shakespeare argument…

 _"Gilbert, how could you say that? He hurt her terribly!"_

 _"Yes, but it was on a mistaken premise. He made a huge mistake based on manipulation. Can't there be an allowance for what he suffered? Hero forgave him in spite of his foolishness because she loved him."_

 _"But that makes it worse." Anne had said. " It's more painful when it's someone you love. He was supposed to know her better."_

 _"Perhaps you have a point there. But he loved her deeply and lashed out. A man who felt less might have acted more reasonable."_

 _"So you're saying I should wish for a man to love me so much that he says and does hurtful things when he's upset and angry at me for things I didn't do?"_

And suddenly it all made sense! That's why Gilbert couldn't reconcile what he thought she did with the woman he knew! He had jumped to a conclusion, a horrible, wrong, unforgivable conclusion that his heart had tried to tell him was wrong! And all because he let his anger blind him. She would never forgive him! He might never forgive himself!

Roy watched as Gilbert took in his words and he then felt painfully out of place. "I just came to tell you that. I only wanted to clear up this misunderstanding. I should go."

Gilbert finally looked up at him, saying blankly, more to himself than to Roy, "She will never forgive me!"

Roy searched Gilbert's face and saw panic and loss. "I am sure she will. I have never known Anne to be the unforgiving type." Although Roy was rather unsure he knew her well enough to make that statement.

In spite of the turmoil in his mind, Gilbert could not help but laugh at Roy's statement. "You clearly don't know our history then!"

"I suppose I don't, " Roy sighed. "But I know enough." It was that cryptic statement that made Gilbert look at Roy again. What he knew was written all over his face.

"Just what is it that you think you know?" Gilbert asked defensively.

"Do you need me to say it?"

"You brought it up."

"I know how you feel about Anne, Gilbert."

And looking at Roy, Gilbert could see that he did know.

"I see," was all Gilbert could respond.

"I've known since the day I witnessed your snowball fight."

"So then why are you here?" Gilbert was now getting angry. He did not want to talk to Roy about any of this.

Roy shifted uncomfortably. Why had he come? Could he honestly say why? "No other reason than my honor demanded it."

"Yes, your honor. And that has nothing to do with Anne?"

"It has everything to do with her. She was hurt by what you said and I don't wish to see her like that again." Roy wasn't trying to twist the knife, but he was all the same. Gilbert could not respond. In spite of wishing he didn't, he could understand why Roy came.. He would have done the same. He found he did not like having things in common with Roy.

"It seems there's much between you and Anne I don't know or understand."

"Roy, you seem to want to ask me something." It took Gilbert no trouble to read Roy, he was as obvious as Josie Pye had always been.

"How long have you loved her?" Roy asked.

Gilbert laughed bitterly again, "Does it matter?"

"It does to me," Roy answered. "Of course, you are under no obligation to tell me."

Gilbert had nothing to lose and for some reason felt strangely comfortable admitting his feelings to Roy, "I honestly couldn't say. Could be since I was thirteen, could be sometime after. But there's only two phases to my life, before I knew Anne and after."

Roy appeared to consider this for a moment. "Can I ask another question?" Roy knew he was pushing his luck and was honestly surprised Gilbert hadn't asked him to leave.

"By all means…"

"Did something happen between you two over the holiday break?"

Gilbert's eyes grew wide and looked at Roy rather astonished, but he then quickly schooled it and tried to remain impassive. But Roy had already had seen the answer. "Is that what Anne told you? That something happened between us?"

"No. I have noticed her low spirits since returning and asked her about it. She said only that she quarreled with a friend back home."

"And you're convinced that friend was me?"

"After what I saw today, yes, I am."

"Well if we did quarrel, I suppose that's between her and I, isn't it?"

"Fair enough," said Roy acknowledging the point. "And I am sorry, I am not trying to provoke you. I am trying help both of us."

"Look, Gardner -" But Roy again cut him off.

"Gilbert, I don't pretend I understand what is happening here. I am not sure myself why I am here. But I know the look I saw on Anne's face just now. It's a look I never hope to see again."

"And I put it there." Gilbert said absently. "I was supposed to know her better than that. I do know her better than that. I am an idiot! A jealous, stupid, idiot!"

Roy said nothing to refute Gilbert's assertion and an awkward silence fell between them. Gilbert was lost in hellish thought, while Roy was trying to determine his next course of action.

"Do you love her?" Gilbert heard himself asking. _Idiot! Are you not already tortured enough!_

Under any other circumstance Roy would have told Gilbert to mind his precious business. But considering he had barged into his room and practically demanded the same honesty, he wouldn't balk at this question. "I wish to know her better. But I do find myself caring deeply for her." It was as honest as he could be.

"So why then? Why, if you feel the way you do about her, did you come here to set this right if you knew how I feel?"

Roy smiled a sad smile, "Because I suppose you're not the only idiot in this room." At first Gilbert thought that the comment was Roy's attempt at a joke. But looking at him he saw no trace of humor in his face. Then Roy continued, "And for the same reason you would have done the same. I care about Anne. I don't want to see her hurting." He stopped, wondering whether he should continue, but now was the time to put it all out there. "Gilbert, I believe I could make her happy. But I only want that if that's what she wants. I've been taken in before by women who I imagined felt more for me than they did. But Anne is different, like no girl I've ever met really. Perhaps that's why I was so attracted to her at first. I will admit readily enough we don't always understand one another, but I thought we would get to know one another slowly. I've never wanted the type of marriage most in my class settle for, the soulless joining of two fortunes or a marriage of similar convenience. I won't settle for that. But I also won't settle for anything less than I deserve. I want mutual respect and affection. That's the only thing that will induce me to matrimony. I realize now that Anne would never settle for less either. If she loves you, I would never stand in her way. Or yours."

Gilbert wondered at Roy's words. This man was nothing like he thought. Yes, he was rich and stuffy and he had no sense of humor, but underneath that exterior beat the heart of a man Gilbert could understand. The heart of a man who, in any other situation, he might befriend. A man he had to grudgingly respect.

"Roy, I respect everything you just said. I feel the same way. I don't have the expectations you probably face from society about the woman you're supposed to marry and I imagine Anne doesn't exactly fit the bill of others expectations for you. But we are not that different. I am just an island farm boy who fell in love with the first girl who hadn't fallen for my line since I was four." Roy chuckled softly, for only a second. Gilbert smiled, _He can laugh!_ "If I knew Anne loved you and you her, if knew you could appreciate her for the radiant, dizzying, angel I know that she is, I would hate it. I would hate it more than I care to comprehend. But I would wish her all the happiness in the world."

"And you don't think I can? Appreciate her, that is?"

"You said it yourself, Roy, she's like no other woman either of us have ever met. She doesn't play by the same rules as other women, believe me. She's lively and bright and completely artless. But she's also entirely complex and intelligent. There's nothing artificial about her, there's nothing fancy, but she's always the brightest most beguiling thing in any room. But she doesn't even know it. She spent half her life thinking she was never good enough and the other half completely oblivious to just how too good she is."

Roy only understood parts of what Gilbert was saying about Anne. He knew their history was vast and deep. But he had not yet let himself admit that whatever he and Anne might be able to build, Gilbert would always hold a certain part of her past. "Do you think she loves you?" Roy asked.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Gilbert, I am not a man built for uncertainty."

Gilbert laughed thinking on all the history with the unpredictable red-head. "Then you're not the man built for Anne." Gilbert said the words in his mind before they left his mouth. He knew they were not kind, but they were the truth, and if he and Roy were being anything in this moment, it was truthful. But at the look of pain on Roy's face, Gilbert softened. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He changed the direction of the conversation in the next moment. "Roy, you said you came here because your honor demanded I knew the truth. And I appreciate that more than I can say. But if that's all you came to say then why are you still here? If you are beginning to question what Anne feels for you, why ask me? Ask Anne how she feels. Don't rely on me to sort it out for you. Mine isn't the heart you want to know and I can't tell you how she feels. It makes no difference to you what I feel for Anne. It only matters what you both might feel for each other." Gilbert's tone had no hint of his prior annoyance or anger, only a steady quality of reassurance that Roy found oddly calming as he let Gilbert's words soak in for a moment.

Was he right? Was Roy standing there asking Gilbert because he was too afraid to stand in front of Anne to ask her? It was that look, that look on her face that he could not get out of his mind. It had haunted him, driving him here. But why? Was it only because he wanted to spare her further pain? Or was her look something more? Roy had again the same feeling wash over him as he had before, that feeling of regret that for better or worse, he could not bring that kind of look of feeling to Anne's face. He did not doubt that Anne cared for him. But only a fool could look at the evidence he now had and not see where her heart led. He quickly mourned the future they could have had together, but felt a measure of luck that at least he had not let his feelings go too far for her. He did not let himself remember how he had already once dreamed of her as his wife. For she would never be. He was certain now that she loved another. The only question that remained was what was he prepared to do about it.

"Gilbert, the Anne that came back to Kingsport is not the same Anne who left. I don't know what you two quarreled about but I suppose I can guess. Her change in demeanor since then has almost made her a woman I don't recognize. And the pain I saw on her face just now was real. So real that I actually found myself a bit jealous."

"Excuse me?" Gilbert said confused.

"I don't have the power to make Anne feel that, at least not yet."

"I don't understand. Why would you want to?"

"It's not that I want to, it's that I can't."

"Oh I think you could, you haven't seen her temper yet!" said Gilbert, completely missing Roy's meaning.

"Oh I am sure I could make her mad. But I don't think I could hurt her the way you did."

Gilbert's annoyance returned as he said sarcastically, "I'm sorry, which one of us is this supposed to be making feel better about this ridiculous situation we are in?" Then he breathed deeply and said quietly. "I know I hurt her. Badly. I don't need you to keep reminding me."

"Have you stopped to think why she's so hurt?" asked Roy, unaffected by Gilbert's outburst.

"It doesn't take too much thinking to sort it out. I acted like a fool and accused her of something I should have known she would never even think of doing."

"Yes, but not just that." Roy paused and let out a deep breath. There would be no turning back from the next words out of his mouth. "She's hurt because it always hurts worse when the pain comes at the hand of someone we love."

Gilbert's head snapped back to Roy's face instantly, reading the words from it that Anne had spoken, _"It's more painful when it's someone you love. He was supposed to know her better."_ The words came back to Gilbert again now in a slow but eventual full understanding of what Roy was trying to convey. He dared not say anything because what could he say? Gilbert only looked at him with astonishment and a strange admiration.

He knew Roy was bowing out.

Roy looked back at him with a sincere look, but one Gilbert could not read at first, until a hard line set in his jaw. It was not sadness. It was determination.

"Gilbert, you'll forgive me if I take my leave of you. I have to see Anne and I would be remiss in taking up anymore of your time."

Words felt inadequate and stupid now, but Gilbert could not let him leave without saying anything. Gilbert swallowed, "I suppose I should thank you. You didn't have to come here and set me straight. It was as kind as it was unexpected."

"It was no trouble at all. Best of luck to you, Gilbert. The Cooper is a prestigious award, but I have confidence if anyone can manage to win it, it's you." Roy held out his hand and Gilbert took it, they shook hands, leaving unsaid the words both of them knew Roy meant with his statement.

"Thanks, Roy." And with that Roy Gardner was gone.

Gilbert could hardly believe what had just happened. Had someone told him the story, he would have thought it just that. That he knew Roy was stepping aside relieved him, however, only for a brief time. The horror and shame of what he had accused Anne of continued to consume him. He would apologize, beg Anne for her forgiveness and hope she meant not to punish him as she once had. As he thought about what he would say to her, he hoped that she would remember the rest of what he had said that day…

 _"You should hope that a man loves you so much that the mere thought of losing you crushes him so completely that he sees his whole world crumble before him. Might that man deserve your forgiveness for acting so stupidly?"_

 _Please, God, let her forgive me!_ His silent plea hung in the air as he tried to decide what he would do next. Roy was going to Anne now so he had no choice but to wait for a torturous while Roy said his what he needed to say. How strange that in the space of only an hour Gilbert's opinion of Roy had changed so dramatically. An hour ago he would not have given a lick about letting Roy have his time with Anne. Perhaps it was because he knew what Roy was about to do that he felt calm. But another part of him thought his calm had more to do with what Roy's actions said about Anne more than anything else. If before he could not bring himself to believe that his touches, his kiss, his letter had all meant nothing to her, he now felt rather certain they did. Somehow, Roy had felt it too.

* * *

It was two hours later when Gilbert arrived at the front door of Patty's Place, his heart pounding in his chest, that he felt strangely calm. Not calm for the conversation he was about to have, but a calm that told him if at the end of the day Anne loved him, he could make it through anything. Even if she punished him, he could endure it.

It was Phil who answered the door, knowing with absolute certainty who would be on the other side. She gave him a sympathetic look as she invited him in. "I imagine we know whom you're here to see," Phil said.

"Is she here?"

"She's here. She's in her room."

Gilbert looked around at the faces of Priscilla and Stella, it was clear the ladies of Patty's Place had no secrets between them at this moment in time.

"I'll go tell her you're here," offered Stella.

"Thank you."

Aunt Jamesina went to make tea.

"Gilbert, I suppose you already know Anne is upset. But you're not the first person to call on her today."

"Yes, I know."

"Oh, do you?" Phil asked innocently.

"Look, Phil, I know you're trying to be a dear and all that, but I can't chat right now. I can't focus on anything else, not idle conversation, not Roy Gardner, not anything else. I just need to see her."

Phil was not the least bit offended and she gave Gilbert a gentle squeeze on the arm and a reassuring smile. "It's going to be fine, Gil. I promise."

Stella walked back into the parlor very much alone. "She'll be down in a minute, Gilbert."

Priscilla finally spoke up, "We should all make our way to the kitchen so you two can have some privacy."

In a matter of moments, Gilbert was alone in the parlor, waiting a nerve-racking amount of time for Anne to appear. Just when he thought he couldn't stand it any longer, he felt her. Turning around, there she was standing over the threshold, looking at him with an expression he had never seen.

It took every ounce of restraint not walk over to her and take her in his arms.

Pity to Gilbert that that was precisely what Anne had wished he would do as soon as he turned his hazel eyes on her. They stood for several moments just looking at each other, neither one much able to speak.

Whatever words Gilbert had intended to say vanished from his mind when he saw her.

This was now the moment upon which his entire future rested.

Anne stood composed, waiting for him to say something, anything. She was dangerously close to crying and cursed herself when a lone tear escaped down her cheek. But she held her chin up defiantly, refusing to brush it away.

Gilbert saw the tear trail its line down her cheek and it snapped him into action. He walked slowly over to her and stood face to face. Ready to take any cue of hers that he should back away, he moved slowly as he raised his hand to her face, letting his thumb gently graze her face, wiping away the tear. At his gesture, another tear escaped down her other cheek and he repeated his movements. He could feel her once again tremble as he touched her. His heart soared. She would forgive him!

Anne was breathless at his caress and she needed to step away, although she had to will herself to do it. But she continued to look at him, silently trying to tell him she had forgiven him the moment she saw him.

Gilbert, who felt his whole body go cold when she stepped back, finally began with the words he knew he needed to say, although not quite said in the manner Anne had expected to hear them.

"I'm awfully sorry I made fun of your hair Anne," he whispered contritely. "Honest, I am. Don't be mad for keeps, now." He uttered the words with all the conviction he had when he had uttered them the first time all those years ago, hoping she would understand why he used them now.


	16. Love Takes up the Glass of Time

_We are finally here! I don't know what to say about this chapter other than I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I apologize for the small delay, but this is one I really needed to make sure I got as right as I possibly could. That included more than one rewrite. And before we get there, no, this isn't the end of the story (3-4 more chapters at least)._

 _Enjoy, everyone!_

 _Lizzy_

* * *

 _"_ _I'm awfully sorry I made fun of your hair Anne," he whispered contritely. "Honest, I am. Don't be mad for keeps, now." Then he stepped toward her, closing the distance she created and took her hand in his._

In the turmoil of the moment, Anne almost didn't connect his words. But as they sank into her heart, a small involuntary laugh escaped her mouth at the same time another tear rolled down her face. She was transported back to that day all those years ago when he had uttered them for the first time. She had ignored him, refused to give him what he desperately wanted. Refused to let the iron that entered her soul be replaced with anything else, convinced she was on the right side of justice. It had been a long five years that she now realized she regretted in full measure. She regretted what she had put both of them through. How much happiness in friendship it had been in her power to bestow, but she selfishly, rigidly, brutally rebuffed it. But he loved her anyways. Standing in front of her was the one man in all her acquaintance (with the exception of Matthew) whose love was unconditional. This love transcended all. This love, that was real and within her grasp, was not some idiotic childish notion that she clung to out of fear. It was not Roy spouting sonnets or some mystery man who could be wicked but wouldn't. It wasn't being swept off her feet or being rescued by a handsome stranger. It was real. More real than she had ever thought possible. _It's as real as what my parents had!_ she thought in a moment of insane clarity. She had read those letters dozens of times before, but only now did she understand their true significance in her life. They were more than connection to her past, they were a vision to her future, the future she could have with Gilbert! Her parent's love had been a great love, simple, but great, uncomplicated, but powerful! She could have that… She could have what she truly dreamed of but hadn't realized. But only if Gilbert still wanted it too. If only it wasn't too late. And only if they could get past the hurt they had caused one another.

It was mere seconds that these thoughts swam through her mind, mere seconds that she looked at Gilbert's earnest face as he waited for her reaction. He had not needed to speak for her to know how sorry he was.

It was with this nod to their past along with her laugh and smile that told him that she understood the memory as he did.

"Anne, there's an awful lot we need to talk about and I know you've had a long day and maybe you don't want to see me right now, but can we please talk?"

Anne was indeed emotionally spent. Between the agonizing night of sleep she had, the confrontation with Gilbert, and her break up with Roy, she was rather tired. "No, Gil, you're right, we need to talk."

"But not here," he begged.

"What?"

"As much as I love your roommates, we can't talk here, with everyone in the next room. Please Anne, can we go somewhere" and then he added, "alone?"

Anne thought for a moment. He was right. This conversation needed to be in private. And four sets of ears and eyes on the other side of the door were already unsettling her. She had already had one unnerving conversation in this room today, displacing several of her roommates to the kitchen or their respective rooms. It would be unfair to relegate them there for however long this conversation would take.

"You're right. Why don't we head out to the orchard? I know it's getting dark, but we can build a fire out there and stay reasonably warm."

It was not a perfect solution, but Gilbert realized the options were quite limited. Her bedroom was obviously quite out of the question.

* * *

Several minutes later, they both stood warming themselves in silence by the fire Gilbert had built in the pit, neither one looking at the other. Gilbert was wondering how to begin and what to say. With so much to say it was rather daunting. He had asked for the privacy and now that he had it, he knew not what to do. Fortunately for him, Anne spoke first, "So, Gil, I can only imagine that your point of reminding me about the day we first met was meant to provoke me or guilt me, which one is it?" Without looking at her, he heard the humor in her voice and he broke into a small grin. _God, she is wonderful!_ "So you did hear me that day then? Here all this time I thought I spoke too quietly."

His jest further disarmed and diffused the situation and Anne laughed.

"You know very well I heard you, Gilbert Blythe!"

"Are you sure though, because it really was a nice apology and the only one I had ever made to a girl, if we are not counting my mother. And you just ignored me and kept walking." Gilbert's tone was full of mirth

"And I suppose had you apologized to any other girl, she would have forgiven you on the spot."

"Precisely. I am glad you now finally understand!" He continued to smile and then he turned towards her, meeting her gaze.

The smile then disappeared from his face as he became rather serious. "I am certain you are as mad at me now as you were that day, but I am hoping that this time you will forgive me and that it won't take five years. This mistake wasn't the arrogance of a boy infatuated with the new girl in town, but the fear of man who should have known better. I am sorry, Anne. It's honestly all I can say. I was a jealous idiot and I know I don't deserve it, but I am asking for your mercy here. Please forgive me. I will spend my whole life making it up to you." His sincerity could not be doubted.

Though Anne had already forgiven him, he needed to know just how much he hurt her.

"Gil, I am not mad. I was never mad." Then she thought better of herself. "Well, I suppose I was a little. But more than that, I was hurt. More hurt than I've ever been." Although that wasn't exactly true either, it had hurt just as badly when he had walked away from her the first time.

"I know," he said quietly.

"How, how could you think I would do that? You of all people!"

"Anne, believe me, I have been asking myself that since I walked away from you. I don't have a good answer other than to say I was hurt and angry with you and when Roy mentioned it, I just let my mind go to the worst possible place. I don't have a better reason than that, honest."

"Why were you so angry, because you saw me with Roy?"

Gilbert bristled, remembering the forgotten anger he had had at her only a day earlier. It seemed so stupid now. "Anne, you promised you would come see me yesterday and you never did. I waited for you like a fool for hours. Not only did you break your word, but also I began to realize just what it meant that you didn't show up. I was angry and hurt and I wasn't thinking clearly. That's the Gilbert you saw today. That's the fool who accused you so stupidly."

Anne thought on his words. It was exactly what she had expected. Here he was begging for forgiveness when she should be doing the same. Yes, she had come, but she had been too big a coward to stay and face him. He didn't know she was there.

"Gil, I hurt you just as badly didn't I," she began softly, "when I didn't show up yesterday?"

Any feelings of levity Gilbert had from their initial exchange were gone entirely. Now he felt the true weight of this conversation. Honesty was the only way. "You did," was all he said.

"And what was it that you thought it meant when I didn't show up?"

At her direct question he turned toward her and looked into her eyes. "Do I really need to answer that question?" Gilbert's voice had an edge he had not intended, but could not hide. "You must know what I thought."

"But what if I told you I did come to see you yesterday?" Anne asked tentatively, upset with herself for hurting the one person she wished never to pain a single day.

"What? Anne, I waited for you for hours. Literally, hours. I had guys watching the door for me."

"But you didn't wait alone, did you?"

"No, I wasn't alone. There were people in and out all day. You weren't one of them." Gilbert was slightly exasperated.

Anne decided then to make a full confession. "Gilbert, I came to see you yesterday afternoon. I walked in the front door and saw you standing and talking to your friend, Christine. You were hugging her. I didn't want to interrupt, so I left. I felt very out of place. I am sorry." It took a few moments before Gilbert could process the scene correctly. She _had_ come.

"Anne, I don't understand." Gilbert was oblivious to all references to Christine and to why it should have mattered if he had he been sitting down with God himself. "Why did you leave without seeing me?"

Anne shot him a pained expression. She owed him an explanation. "When I saw you with her, I thought -" her voice trailed off. How could she explain when she had barely understood it herself.

"You thought what?" Anne could see Gilbert was agitated and for some reason it made her defensive.

"It was obvious I would be interrupting a private moment." Anne retorted coolly.

"A private moment? A private moment in a room full of other people? Anne, what's really going on here?" Gilbert was trying to be calm, but if the conversation was headed in the direction he thought, he wasn't sure he could maintain his equilibrium.

"It was made pretty clear that you and Christine were more than friends." Her own agitation escalated quickly and she could feel her face getting hot.

At this he stepped forward, his face just inches from hers. "And just who gave you that impression?" The earnestness of his question made her step back a bit.

"I overheard some of the boys talking about you both. How you had been seen everywhere together since term started. They seemed to think-" but he cut her off. "Anne, I don't care about what they think, I care about what you think!" But it was written all over her face what she had thought. She didn't need to say more. His heart broke a little.

"I see," he said quietly. "So after everything that has happened between us, after I finally confessed how I felt about you, after I kissed you on New Year's Eve," as he spoke he could feel the hurt go into his voice as it rose well beyond a whisper. "After I gave you a letter that painstakingly detailed how I felt about you, a letter that told I wanted to marry you, only you, or no one else… After all that, you're telling me that you believed even for a second that I suddenly started having feelings for a woman I just met only weeks ago?" Gilbert couldn't help but be hurt. It was something he couldn't understand. How had Anne even thought for a moment his feelings were so shallow that they could be transferred to another on a whim? _Or maybe_ , he thought, _that was exactly what she had hoped for._ Was it possible she was _hoping_ he had transferred his affection to another woman? A sick feeling ran through him at the same time that Anne felt a brief wave of relief wash over her. He had just confirmed his feelings for her. Feelings she was a fool to ever doubt, even for a second.

"Gilbert, I wasn't thinking straight. You can relate to that can't you? It all happened so quickly and before I knew I just had to get out of there." Gilbert listened intently, but he was having trouble understanding her, or maybe he wished he didn't.

But, Anne, I-"

"I haven't been myself since New Year's Eve. You have to see that! I have spent countless hours trying to figure out how I feel about you, trying to make sense out of everything that's happened between us. I've spent days vacillating between missing you so much that it's painful and being so angry at you that I can barely think straight. That's the Anne who thought that so recklessly!" She spoke with such conviction and assurance and he doubted nothing in her words. Both of them reacted out of unrepentant angst. His was fear. Hers was confusion.

He was instantlyy ashamed of his outburst. "I'm sorry, Anne. You didn't deserve that… it's just… I just wish I had known you came." He could have asked her if she now knew how she felt, he could have asked her if she could ever love him. But he didn't.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It seems like we've been doing a lot of that lately, hurting each other," he said sadly.

She gave a bitter laugh, but before she could respond he continued, "I know this is all my fault, Anne. I never should have kissed you on New Year's Eve. I've been sorry ever since. It was wrong and stupid. I wish I could regret it because I know you do, but I can't. I don't know how long the moment lasted. It could have been seconds or minutes." He hesitated before giving a resigned sigh, "I only know that it was the happiest moment of my life." Then he swallowed hard, waiting for her to respond this time.

Tears once again welled up in her eyes and Gilbert instinctively stepped toward her and took her hands in his. He couldn't stand it any longer. He had to know. "Please don't cry Anne. I am sorry, more than you can know, about everything. We've both been presumptuous fools, but I bear the lion's share of the blame. Please tell me you can forgive me, that I haven't lost what little hope I have of you ever loving me."

Anne almost melted at his words. She would have forgiven him murder at that point in time. All that remained was to tell him what was in her heart. But she needed to be sure first that he wouldn't walk away from her again.

"Do you remember, not long ago, you telling me that I should hope that a man loves me so much that the mere thought of losing me crushed him so completely that his whole world crumbles before him?"

Gilbert almost choked, and then a wry, tortured laughed escaped him. "Oh God, Anne that's all I've thought about all day!"

"Do you remember what I said in response?" She asked simply.

Gilbert tensed and his grip on her hand tightened. " _I just can't see forgiving him, despite the kind of love you describe."_ Those were her words. All his hope deflated in an instant. What a fool he had been. "I remember them, Anne," he choked out, not daring to repeat them to her. He looked to the ground; he could not look at her face when she told him his dream was dead, that he had killed it.

"Then you understand how hurt I was. But it wasn't because you kissed me or because we argued. Your kiss left me breathless, scared, and confused, but it didn't make me angry. You walked away from me though, that's what hurt so bad.

He looked up at her again briefly, "Anne, I walked away because I was ashamed and upset with myself for what I did! How could I even look at you let alone stay in the same spot?"

"But how do you think that made me feel?"

"I was asking too much, too soon. I had done too much too soon. I realized my mistake before I made it. Nothing good would have come from that conversation. You weren't ready or willing to give me what I was asking you for."

"What you were asking me to do was to let myself fall, Gil. To let me trust you with my heart completely. To realize what I must have known for years but never realized. And then you walked away. You kissed me, I responded and you walked away. You gave me your letter and then you walked away. You accused me of betraying your trust and then you walked away. You keep walking away from me." Anne's voice faltered and Gilbert could see the pain he had caused her.

If his heart had not already ached so terribly, this outburst would have surely made it. He had never in his life, not even when his father was sick all those years ago, had he felt so small and helpless as he did in that moment. In his own selfishness to preserve his feelings, he had hurt her. Now he understood what Roy had seen in her face that had haunted him enough walk away. Unfortunately for Gilbert, what Roy could only see, Gilbert felt. He felt Anne's pain as though it was part of his own. He hung his head down in despair, trying to form a response. Trying to find the right words to make amends. But before he could respond to her, she spoke again.

"You told me I might feel differently one day when I fell in love." Anne disentangled one hand from his grasp and removed her gloves. She gently moved her hand to his face, shocking his senses and making him now look at her. Her fingers explored the contours of his face briefly before she put her ungloved hand back in his and said, "You were right, Gil. So incredibly right! I would forgive you anything right now and I do! Because I know, I can feel, I can see how much you love me. I might have had a moment of doubt before I realized how I felt, but I don't anymore. When you stand in front of me, when you touch me, when you kiss me, I am home."

The shock that came across Gilbert's face was nothing short of astounding. He could not believe what he thought Anne was saying! _Was she really saying it?_

"Anne – what – I mean, what are you saying?" Gilbert was searching her face, as though he had heard her words but only her eyes would tell him they were true. An unbelieving smile tugged at his lips.

"I am saying that I forgive you." She stopped, looked into his eyes and drew herself close to him so that they were practically touching. "And I am saying that I love you," she whispered.

If Gilbert lived another hundred years, he wasn't sure he would ever again find the same mixture of complete shock and pure joy that he felt in that moment. He felt tears well up in his own eyes and he looked at Anne's beautiful face. "Anne, tell me you mean it, tell me I just heard you right?" he said earnestly as he removed his hands quickly from hers to take off his gloves. He brought his bare hands to her face and held it gently. A jolt went through both of them, suddenly, both feeling what the other felt in that moment.

"I mean it, Gil. With all my heart, I love you!"

Despite his best efforts to stop it, a single tear rolled down Gilbert's cheek. It was a tear of utter happiness. And it told more to Anne than any words he could possibly say. That was the moment that she knew he would never walk away from her again.

They did nothing but stare into each other's eyes for a moment, a moment they would remember forever as the instant their future was laid bare in front of them.

Anne's whole body was now trembling with a happy anticipation. She had seen that look in Gilbert's eyes before. She knew he was about to kiss her.

Gilbert's gaze drifted to Anne's lips and he slowly moved his head down. Within seconds, his lips captured hers, gently, tenderly, with all the love of a decade poured into it. The release he felt was unexpected and invigorating. It wasn't merely happiness or passion.

It was freedom.

Their kiss deepened, turning more passionate with each passing moment. Gone was the uncertainty from New Year's Eve, gone was the heartbreak of knowing it could not possibly last, gone was shame for his breach in propriety. It was all replaced with simple, uncomplicated, all-consuming, deeply passionate affection.

Anne's arms seem to move of their own accord, resting her hands around his back, just as he pulled her tighter into his embrace. And there they stayed, wrapped in each other for a time that neither of them could say for sure how long it lasted.

Gilbert finally pulled away only when the urge to say the words back to her was too strong to resist any longer. They were both rather breathless, as Gilbert continued with brief kisses that went to her cheek, and trailed a line along her face until her reached her ear. Before he planted a lingering kiss on her neck, just below her ear, he whispered to her, "I love you, Carrots."

Anne shivered from head to toe as his breath tickled her ear and heightened all her senses. After a moment, Gilbert simply gathered her up in his arms again and embraced her for a long time, her head resting one his chest, his arms wrapped around her with tender care. It was as if their closeness spoke words their mouths could not at the moment. Gilbert could only think how he never wanted to let her go, while Anne whispered a quiet prayer of thanks.

After a long while, Gilbert finally spoke, "Anne?" he asked.

He pulled back and looked in her eyes, "Yes," she replied.

"Would you allow me to court you? To do what I should have done from the beginning." His voice was soft but uncertain. Anne giggled slightly, "I suppose, I must say yes after letting you kiss me like that!"

Saying the first thought that came into his head, Gilbert replied, "If it's that easy Anne, I might just kiss you silly until you agree to marry me!" He felt her tense in his arms and he realized he spoke out loud.

"Gil," she began, but he cut her off.

"Oh, Anne, I am sorry, I didn't mean that. I- mean, well, yes I did, but not that way." He could see the confusion on her face. It gave him a blinding moment of clarity. "Make no mistake, Anne, I want to marry you. More than I have ever wanted anything. I want to love you the way a husband loves a wife. I want to build my whole life around our love. But first, you deserve to be courted properly, to be wooed and won. And then…" he trailed off, wanting make sure he spoke the words as exactly as he intended to, but Anne beat him to it.

"And then," she interrupted, "when the time is right, we will take the next step… together, Gil. As long as whatever we do, we are together."

Finally, standing face to face with one another, they both smiled widely. "Is this really happening?" Anne asked.

"As long as you're sure, Anne. As long as you're sure that this is what you want. That I am who you want…"

"Oh stop! Please don't doubt me. I may have been confused for a while, stuck on a fantasy. But everything became strikingly clear to me yesterday when I left your boarding house. _You_ are my dream! You are every thing I have ever truly wanted. I've let go of all that nonsense."

"Anne, your dreams and fantasies weren't nonsense."

"They were if they kept me from realizing what I feel for you," she said plainly. "And I am fine with it. Because standing here with you, realizing what we have, I've just created about a thousand new dreams and everyone of them includes you, Gilbert Blythe."

At that, Gilbert again swept her up in another kiss, this time passion overwhelming both of them for some time. Anne could not help but think the feel of Gilbert's lips on her was the most exquisite pleasure she had ever experienced. _This is what all the fuss is about,_ she thought.

After a long time, Gilbert pulled away. "Anne if you keep letting me kiss you like this we are going to have to call Aunt Jamesina out here to chaperone!"

Anne laughed, "I am starting to think your idea of coming some place alone was rather perfect."

Gilbert became thoughtful for a moment. He took time to release Anne briefly. She frowned and felt her entire body grow cold. He stepped away to put another log on the fire that seemed to be growing rather cold, although neither of them had felt it the last few minutes.

He wanted to give her something. Reaching into his coat pocket he pulled out a box and handed it to her.

"Gifts already? My, this courtship is going splendidly already," Anne laughed.

Gilbert chuckled in response, "This is just a little something I saw in a shop and for many months it's reminded me of you. Of us actually, of our past. I wanted you to have it. I wanted it to remind you of the connection I've always felt to you, even when we weren't friends."

Anne opened the box to reveal the pink enamel heart on a gold chain. It took only a moment for her to connect it to the memory he had intended. She laughed gaily as she admired the trinket. She was also quite touched by this thoughtfulness.

"Oh, Gilbert Blythe, you are a brave man to give me this necklace. What would you say if I ground this one in to dust right here and now?" Anne asked cheekily.

Her response nearly undid his composure. She was so delightful and perfect. He swept his arm around her once more and placed feather light kisses on her forehead, then traced a line down her cheek, slowly, almost torturously. Finally, when he reached the corner of her mouth, he said, "Go ahead, Carrots, but keep in mind that this time, I will retaliate." Anne opened her eyes to look in his, seeing the mischievous boy she had met years ago. His retaliation was withholding the kiss she had so desperately wanted

"Do you mean to frighten me, Mr. Blythe?" Anne smiled brightly, trying desperately to hide her disappointment

"If that's what it takes, Carrots!" she said, sweeping his hand across her flushed cheek. He was enjoying the affect he was having on her quite a bit.

"Well I hardly mean to provoke you so perhaps you could help me out this on?" she replied, trying to maintain her composure.

"My pleasure," Anne turned in his arms and Gilbert took the necklace from her hands and fastened in around her neck. When she turned to face him, he saw that it sat in the hollow of her throat and Gilbert had to catch his breath when he saw how beautiful it looked.

"Thank you, Gil. It's very thoughtful." She lean up to him and kissed him briefly on his lips.

"See, now if you had just accepted my peace offering all those years ago with this much gratitude, might we have saved ourselves a lot of trouble?"

Anne laughed. "I am sure we would have." She leaned in and hugged him again, and they stayed that way again for a long time. Gilbert again became rather thoughtful after a few moments. He was so inexplicably happy that it became hard form him to imagine that something would not ruin it all. He began to give in to those little doubts that always plagued those dark places in his mind. This was the time; this was the place to face them. He reluctantly broke the silence.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, my love," she said with assurance.

Gilbert almost went weak when the words left her mouth. He again felt the urge to kiss her breathless, but he restrained himself. "My letter, did you read it?"

"Every word, about a dozen times, Gil."

He shook his head in understanding. If Gilbert was afraid of one thing, it wasn't that Anne didn't love him as he thought, but that on some level their affection might be unequal. It scared him only because he knew the depths of what he felt and at times it frightened him. He could hardly believe that she could feel the same depth for him.

"So, do you- I mean, I don't know how to ask this."

"You can ask me anything."

"Anne, what I wrote in that letter was never meant to be shown to you. I said things I don't know that I ever would have had the courage to tell you in person. I bared my soul and I just want to know that you're fine with a man who feels that deeply for you. Because honestly, the things I wrote frighten me a bit. Not because I don't believe you when you say you love me, but because I do believe it, with every fiber of my being and my greatest wish is that you feel as deeply for me as I do for you. I am just scared that-" Her fingers came suddenly to his lips, silencing whatever words were ready to come out next.

"Gil," she said quietly, "Please don't finish that sentence." Her fingers continued to graze his lips gently. "Whatever you may doubt in life or the future, never let one of those doubts be about how I feel about you or the depths to which those feelings run."

"But, Anne…"

"No, no doubts." Anne reached down and into her overcoat, to the pocket of her dress. She took out an envelope and held it up. "Gil, when you go home tonight, I want you to read that. Read that and you'll understand my heart, just as I understand yours."

Gilbert took the envelop out of her hands and stared at it for a long time. He understood what it was. He silently put it in his own pocket.

Looking at Anne again, he could see she was shivering. "Anne, darling, you're freezing." He took his hands and ran them up and down her arms, attempting to warm her. "Let's go inside." He said it, even though it was the last thing he wanted.

"Oh, just one more minute, please?" Anne begged sweetly.

"Of course, Anne-girl, but aren't you freezing?"

"I am, but I am not when you hold me, so please just let us stay here together for just one more minute. We've both waited so long for this moment. And inside is questions, and commentary and that's all well and good, but right now, it's just us. And I'm not ready to give that up. Please?"

Gilbert wordlessly gathered her in his arms again and held her tight to his chest, gently caressing her with his arms. Neither thought of the cold or darkness that surrounded them. They were lost in the warmth of one another.

Later they would face their friends, later they would talk of Roy, later they would discuss all the other things they needed to say to one another. But for now it was just the two of them, alone in the freezing January darkness of the Patty's Place orchard, wrapped in a love that had taken a decade to fulfill, filled with nothing but hope for the future. And in his pocket, Gilbert held the letter that would seal is future forever. The letter that would tell him that whatever fears he might have about the future, one of them would most assuredly _not_ be doubts about the depth of Anne's feelings for him.


	17. Sinking In

_I can't thank you all enough for the wonderful response to the last chapter. I am so incredibly happy you all thought it was everything I wanted it to be. You all really are an amazing audience! 2-3 more chapters after this. I am already sad it's almost over! But I will tie up everything very nicely for you all. I am not one for loose ends._

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

It had been quite late by the time Anne had managed to tuck herself exhaustedly into bed. She could not remember a time when she had been more tired or more sure she would never sleep. She was too excited and happy for sleep. Had it not been for early morning classes, she was sure Phil, Stella, and Priscilla never would have left her room. But Anne found that being alone suited her quite well. The time was hers to reflect and dream and be grateful for all that had happened that evening.

When she and Gilbert had finally managed to make their way inside, there stood the entire household, giddy with anticipation. When they shared the news of their courtship, there was practically a celebration. She could not remember a time when she had been so happy. She thought back to the day Marilla told her she was to stay at Green Gables. Yes, she had been happy then. Happy to put her past behind her. Now she was excited to start her future. With Gilbert! It was still so surreal, all that had happened in the last two days. She could hardly believe the sensation she felt when she was near him. It was like nothing she had ever prepared for, but yet just like everything she had ever dreamed.

The day was not, however, without a bit of the melancholy. She could not help but think about Roy. It had been clear from their conversation that he was deeply affected by their break up. Anne wondered how much he knew. For in truth, their meeting had been rather brief. At least more brief than Anne had first imagined when he showed up at her door requesting to speak with her...

 _After asking after her from her encounter with Gilbert and assuring himself she was alright, he addressed her, "Anne, I think we need to talk." He spoke with his usual candor and melodic voice, but there was something missing from his tone._

 _"_ _Yes, Roy, we do," Anne replied. "Can I get you some tea?"_

 _"_ _Thank you, but no. I fear I won't be staying overly long." Roy had no desire to prolong the visit. What had felt so right at Gilbert's boarding house now seemed too hard to follow through. It was only then that Roy had to acknowledge that he had let his feelings for her go farther than he realized. He looked at her lovely face and let out a resigned sigh._

 _Anne was somewhat put off by his demeanor, but wishing the conversation over, she was determined to carry her purpose._

 _They sat down on the sofa in the parlor, both wishing they could be anywhere else. "Roy, I know you must think I have been acting rather foolishly lately," Anne began._

 _But Roy could not bear a round about breakup, with Anne attempting to soften the blow. He wanted to come to the point._

 _"_ _Anne, please, may I speak?" Roy asked._

 _"_ _Of course."_

 _"_ _Thank you." He cleared his throat. "I hope you will forgive me for saying this, but before I met you, I once or twice fancied myself in love. There was never formal courtships or proposals mind you, but I cared for them. At least at the time I thought I did, until…" he trailed off, leaving the words 'I met you' unsaid._

 _Roy looked at her startled face and gave her a half smile before he continued. "I was somewhat of a fool at the time. I thought they felt for me what I imagined I had for them. But, unfortunately, I was quite wrong in both cases. As it stands, I do not wish to be wrong a third time. It's possible that neither my pride nor my heart would bear it again." He suddenly stopped speaking and looked at her earnestly. His heart was waiting for her to jump up and tell him he was mistaken, to tell him she did care for him. But she just sat and watched him intently. She was too stunned and pained on his behalf to say anything._

 _"_ _I've learned to see the signs of a woman whose affections are engaged. And I can see yours. The problem is that I realize they are not engaged in my favor." He looked at her and hoped she understood what he meant, who he meant. It only took her a moment to realize that Roy knew more than she thought._

 _At this, Anne could not help by interject, "Roy, you must allow me to apologize! I never meant to hurt you, though I understand my intentions are little comfort to you."_

 _"_ _There's no need to apologize, Anne. I can not pretend I am not disappointed or that I wish things were different. But you don't owe me an explanation. These things can't be helped sometimes." The tone of melancholy in his voice caused Anne to fight back tears. He was being the most perfect of gentlemen and she could not help but think that she did not deserve it. Not after her blind foolishness had led her to consent to a courtship._

 _She reached out across the sofa and gently touched his hand, She felt him stiffen, but he did not pull away. "Roy, I just want you to understand that what you have come to see about my feelings, I only realized myself yesterday. I never want you to think I was toying with you or leading you on. Please understand, that was not my intention." Her eyes pleaded with him. He could not deny her._

 _"_ _I understand it, I do." As he spoke, he brought his free hand up and rested in on hers. "Reproaches are idle between us. I do not wish to leave here in anger. But only in gratitude for the time we shared together." He stood, his hands still holding her and she rose with him. "I wish you every happiness, Anne." He brought his hand up to touch her face, a liberty he had not allowed himself until this moment. "Your Gilbert Blythe is a very lucky man, indeed!" And at that he released her hand and dropped his own from her face._

 _"_ _Goodbye, Anne."_

 _Goodbye, Roy," Anne said in stunned amazement at the man before her. And then Roy had left Patty's Place for the last time. Anne did not see him stop on the other side of the door for the briefest of moments to collect himself. She did not see the pained look on his face as he walked away. She had only seen the gentleman who sought to put her feelings over his own and she could not help but think that one day Roy Gardner would make some woman a very happy one..._

When Anne now thought back on her conversation with Roy, she had to confess that she was extremely surprised he seemed to know her heart. _Had I really been that obvious even when I wasn't sure?_ she kept asking herself. However he knew, she was glad of it. She was glad he stepped aside so graciously. She hoped that some time down the road, when feelings weren't so raw, she and Roy could maintain a friendship. Roy Gardner was a good man who deserved much better than what Anne could ever give him. But she had been fooling both of them from the very beginning. Her heart had no longer been her own to give to anyone other than Gilbert.

Anne sighed as she thought about Gilbert again, wondering if he was having as restless a night of sleep as she was. She wondered if he was thinking about the kisses they shared. Anne could feel herself blushing and wondered if she would ever get over that particular sensation. She finally let herself realize how she had always reacted to Gilbert's gazes or touches. It was another wonder about how much of a fool she was to never realize it before. It was interesting to her how after she had realized what she felt how quickly the knowledge settled into her heart. It was immediate. No wondering about the depths of her feelings or how long she had felt that way. It was just a simple fact, she was irrevocably in love with Gilbert Blythe - full stop! It settled so quickly in fact that she had penned Gilbert a letter, a letter that he now possessed. A letter that she hoped would allay any doubts and fears he might be having about her feelings for him. Far from unequal in affection, Anne wasn't sure that she didn't feel more than she ought. But it mattered not. At the moment she had no doubts or fears. And the only thing that vexed her that evening was how much she already missed him when he was gone and how she would count the hours until she saw him again.

Lucky for Anne, she would not have to wait long.

* * *

Gilbert had slipped into the boarding house via the back door, hoping to avoid conversation with anyone. He knew it was getting late and many had already retired. But Charlie and some of the others had a habit of lingering late. The last thing Gilbert wanted was to get sucked into a frivolous game, pointless conversation, or worse yet, a tutoring session.

Sneaking up the back stairs to his room, Gilbert entered his room, took off his jacket and shoes, and fell backwards upon the bed. He could not believe all that had happened in the last several hours. It was like a dream. During the walk home he thought any moment would be the one he woke up and he would find himself back in the Patty's Place orchard last spring making a disastrous proposal.

It wasn't until he lay in the quiet of his room that reality started to settle in. Anne loved him! How, how had he ever been so lucky? Would he ever be able to put the feeling he now held over his whole being into words? Or would stunned silence need to convey his feelings to the world? For that's what he was, stunned. Stunned about his conversation with Roy, stunned that Anne loved him, stunned that he had kissed her, stunned that she agreed to a courtship, and stunned that she seemed just as desirous of building a life together as he was. It was almost unbelievable.

And that's when the doubt began to creep back into this mind. Was it really all to last?

He got up from the bed and walked over to his jacket, fishing out the letter from Anne that he had stuffed in it. His name was scrawled across the front in Anne's near perfect script. Tearing the envelope open, he felt his heart began to race steadily. Could this letter truly hold all he wished to put his fears to rest?

Sitting back down on his bed, Gilbert began to read:

 _Dear Gilbert,_

 _I do not think you would appreciate my sentiments at the moment if you knew them. I am a bit envious of you. Have you ever felt like you were hit by lightning? Like one moment you knew yourself and the next you felt like a different person? It has been but a few hours since lightning struck me, my love. It was when I finally realized what I felt for you, that I love you. And wouldn't you know that in true Anne Shirley fashion, the realization was born of out petty jealousy. But now that I know my heart, I can't help but think what a terrible fool I have been to deny it for so long. For I fell in love with you long ago, Gilbert. And in the words of Mr. Darcy, 'I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It was too long ago.' Even to say that to myself sounds rather ridiculous. How could I not know my own heart for so long? How could I not know the precise moment you became like the air I need to breath?_

 _So why is it that I envy you? You must own that it's quite unsettling to have one's feelings crash over them so abruptly. You have known for some time of your feelings for me. And while I can't say I envy the years of patient waiting and hoping you have endured, I do wish I had your understanding. Perhaps I would not have wasted so much time on fanciful dreaming. Perhaps I would not now be forced into realizing that I never knew myself._

 _You're not the only one who thought you were owed something for a time. Being an unloved orphan carries its fair share of baggage. I became an expert at hiding my feelings, pushing them down deep to where they couldn't hurt me. Coming to Avonlea was learning love and kindness, Gil. Such as I had never experienced before, at least in no consistent measure. I see now how love-starved I was, even if my imagination would not let me truly realize it then. Despite the wretched mistake, Marilla and Matthew decided to keep me. I suddenly had a home and stability. But it was always tenuous in mind, as though anything at any time could take me back to that place I feared. That's the Anne who cracked the slate over your head. That's the Anne who brutally ignored you for so long. I wasn't an ungrateful brat because I meant to be, it was because that day took me back to my life before, back to where I determined I would never return._

 _That was a heavy and unfair burden to lay at your feet, wasn't it? I made you pay the price for all the slights I had ever been dealt but was too powerless or scared to stop. And in an odd way I have to thank you for it. You became the who I poured my anger into, channeling a lifetime of disappointment into the hazel eyes of the boy too confident for his own good. I was a wretched thing. But you loved me anyways. It's almost unbelievable when I think of it. Because in truth, you were exactly the opposite of everything I had known until that point. I was the one who had become a terrible part of something I wished I had left behind forever. It's not enough to exonerate myself for treating you so abominable for five years, but given what you revealed to me in your letter I know you have forgiven me. And that you love me in spite of my many faults. If I could go back and change our beginning I would gladly do it._

 _Perhaps, then again, I wouldn't. You see Gil, I am finding that moments of blinding clarity bring other things into focus in pretty short order. My anger at you, my petulant reluctance to forgive you fueled me. In a way it made me into a stronger person. It forever etched on my soul that Anne Shirley could fight for herself, even if she picked the wrong battle. She was no longer the helpless little girl with no voice. In this brave new world of Avonlea, when Anne Shirley hurt, there was someone who cared. That someone was you. Do you know you were the first person to ever offer me a sincere apology? That day was the first in a long line of chains that linked our souls to another._

 _After that it was our rivalry at Queen's, you there always silently pushing me and encouraging me to be my best. No you didn't encourage me with words. You encouraged me by offering your very best for me to compete with. Without you there, I don't think I would have the Avery to my credit. I could name a hundred other times you made me better, the day you gave up Avonlea school, the day you took me to our apple tree, and yes, they day we spoke of Mr. Irving and Miss Lavender's wedding. That was the day that I should have started realizing that I felt something for you. For a brief moment I did. But it all seemed too absurd that I foolishly dismissed it. My heart tried for so long to scream at me to understand. But I didn't listen._

 _Do you remember when we talked about my castle, the one in Spain? I remember vividly the day I dreamed it up for the first time. It was beautiful and perfect. And there you were in my fantasy, helping me arrange flowers and decorate as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Oh was I vexed. I remember closing my eyes and trying to start over, trying to make sure you didn't appear again. But there you were, as much a part of my dream as you could be. Finally, I resolved to let you stay and continued about my dreams. I never bothered to examine why you insisted on being there. It never once crossed my mind that the castle was just window dressing to a fantasy that was really about you. But it wasn't a fantasy was it? It was a hope for the future. That castle in Spain holds no appeal for me now unless you are there to share it with me._

 _But that's the funny part about it, Gil. Even though my knowledge is new, my love is no less than yours. I bet you might not believe that if I told you. I understand the sentiments you wrote to me. A letter I was never meant to see. One that was meant purge me. Don't think I begrudge you that sentiment. Had I not read the painstaking details of your long-standing affection, I might feel slighted. Like I was not worth the trouble. But it's impossible for me to look back on the whole of our history and not realize after I read your words that your love for me was in every word, every longing gaze, every gesture, every touch. And not just in my recent memory. It's impossible for me to read your words and not feel their truth as it's written on my heart._

 _I can see the past now as you can, with my eyes now wide open. When I realized I loved you, it wasn't a shock that changed who I was. It was coming to the inevitable conclusion that I am not who I am without you. And if you let me, I will spend a lifetime making up for every one of those letters you dared to write me. I won't rest until the only letters you feel the need to write won't be to the ones you write to unburden your own heart. You will only need to write me letters that tell me how happy you are to love me and how happy I make you. Wouldn't that be a wonderful sort of letter to give and receive?_

 _But the wondrous thing about loving you is the complete peace and utter joy it brings to me. And I don't mean that as I think of one day being with you. I mean it as simple as it sounds, loving you is the greatest privilege of my life…my greatest achievement. That fact is as true as any words I ever said and any feelings I ever felt. It's true for the simple reason that you are the best man I know. If being your friend is the honor I know it is, then being your lover, wife, and confidant would be a distinction I would claim with humble gratefulness. It's true because the Anne that exists in my imagination is now, finally, in happy rhythm with the real me. You're the man who destroyed my fantasy only to show me something infinitely better, what true and lasting love really is. I only wish now for an enduring love, a love that forgives and grows, that overcomes misunderstandings and slights, that makes both of us better for it. I'll take that reality over any European castle, Gil. If you let me, I would follow you anywhere, bear any burden, share in every happiness with you all the days of my life._

 _I wish it had not taken me so long to realize my feelings. When I think of what we might have shared had this barrier not been between us, it makes me cold inside. When I think of how I never realized until this moment that you stepped in and filled the void the Matthew's death left in my life, I am almost shocked. He was the only other person who understood me the way you do. I see that now and I can't help but think that Matthew sent you to me that day at your gate, because he knew I needed you, and just maybe, he knew you needed me. Maybe he knew that we needed each other._

 _Let me just indulge my romantic silliness here a bit when I say that I love you, Gilbert Blythe and there's no degree to it. It's not more or less than it ought to be, it's just complete and enduring. It's just a simple uncomplicated emotion based on a fraught, wonderful, amazing, complicated history. My love for you is all consuming and unwavering. In truth Gil, my love for you, for what it has brought me, for what it has shown me, for what it has given me, is the best part of who I am._

 _My heart forever yours,_

 _~Carrots_

Gilbert dropped the letter to the bed and stared at his door, a feeling of warmth spreading all through him. His heart must have leapt in his chest, propelling him to stand up. With no thought to what he was doing, Gilbert put his shoes on, threw on this coat, grabbed the letter and ran out the door to his room at whatever ungodly hour it now was. He simply had to see her. Now.

* * *

Twenty minutes later he arrived at the now dark shadow of Patty's Place. He knew he could not knock on the front door at this late hour, but neither could he leave without seeing her. Walking around to the side of the house, he saw the sign he longed for. In the very last window towards the back of the house was a window that flickered with the faint light of a lamp still burning. It was Anne's window. He was grateful that the darkness and thick foliage that surrounded Patty's Place concealed him well enough form anyone who might have thought he had nefarious purposes.

Stopping below the window, Gilbert felt around in the dark for several small stones. Having about a half dozen in his hands, he began lightly throwing them towards Anne's window. It was an act of desperation probably more fitting a sixteen-year-old boy, rather than a man of college age, but he cared not. As his fourth stone hit the window he saw the drapes flicker as Anne's confused face showed itself.

He saw the surprise hit her face when she looked down and saw him standing there. She wasted no time in opening the window. "Gil," she said in a loud whisper, "what in the world are you doing here?" He could tell she was surprised, but not the least bit displeased.

"Anne, I had to see you, can you please come down for just a minute." He pleaded.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, its fine, but I just need to see you. Please?"

Anne smiled radiantly at him and shook her head. "Meet me in the orchard.

The window closed and Gilbert listened with haste as made his way back to the orchard and waited. What seemed to him like an eternity passed before he saw the back door open and Anne walk out into the night. The vision before him took his breath away. Anne's hair was down, cascading around he shoulders. The bright moon filtered through the trees to illuminate her ruddy trusses and give her eyes a sparkle that seemed to light the entire night.

She hastily walked towards him, "Gil, what is it? Is everything alright?"

He met her halfway, and before he knew what he was about, he reached her, wrapped his arms around her tightly, and kissed her.

That Anne was surprised by his gesture he could tell when her body tightened, but a second later she softened into him in abandon to his lips. The kiss was passionate and daring, with Gilbert's' lips seemingly wanting to convey the reason for his visit that words would not. For several minutes they stood locked in this embrace, when a breathless Gilbert finally pulled away and in a ragged breath asked her, "Anne," he began, only releasing her to reach into his pocket and pull out her letter, holding it up between them, "do you really mean all this? Is this truly how you feel?"

Anne looked into his eyes and searched them for a moment before answering. She saw the feeling within them. "Gil, I meant every word I wrote. Do you not believe me?" she asked softly.

Gilbert released her gently and ran a gloved hand through his hair. "In all the dreams, all the thoughts, all the hopes I ever had that you might one day love me, I never imagined... " His voice trailed off.

"You never imagined what?" Anne prodded him gently.

Gathering his courage, he replied, "I never allowed myself to imagine that the depth of your feelings could ever equal mine. I was content to think as long as I had part of your heart I could be happy because that would always be better than nothing to me. But, here, reading this, Anne. My God, I never imagined you could love me this way. I never allowed myself to hope. But now that I know… I mean, Anne, I can't truly comprehend it. It's such a gift. The best gift I have ever received."

Anne smiled and closed the distance between them again wrapped her arms around him and laid her head gently on his chest. He, in turn, enclosed her in an embrace. And there they stood for the longest time.

Gilbert let her embrace wash over him as the sincerity of her letter sunk into his heart. He finally had the feeling that now they both belonged to each other. It was as if Anne's embrace punctuated the words in her letter.

Anne finally lifted her head from his chest and looked into his hazel eyes, "I meant every word I wrote. Every single one of them. There is no part of me that doesn't love you, no part of me that is unequal in affection to you. I gave my heart to you completely long ago, and it's been yours ever since. It will be yours forever, darling. For as long as I draw breath."

For the second time that day, tears welled up in Gilbert's eyes. But he blinked them back. "I love you, Anne," was all he could say in response. He bent down again and placed a gentle, warm, and lingering kiss on her lips. She sighed contentedly and gave herself over to the happiness she felt in that moment. Nothing more unsaid lay between them now, nothing but honest feelings had been laid bare.

Once the uncertainty had left him, Gilbert felt rather foolish for coming all the way over at this hour. But he could not bring himself to regret it. He could not bring himself to regret a single moment in her company.

"Anne, I am sorry I disturbed you so late." His tone was slightly amused.

Anne chuckled, "Well, I have to confess this is all very romantic. Please don't apologize. This was just about the perfect ending to this day I could ever imagine. Who knew being courted by Gilbert Blythe would be so wonderfully impractical and passionate?"

He laughed, and then turned serious. "Thank you for this letter, Anne. I will treasure it always," he said sincerely.

"Thank you for never giving up on me, Gil. Thank you for never giving up on us." This time it was her turn to kiss him and as she did they both felt the complete peace of knowing there was no longer anything keeping them apart.

"Anne, you aren't going to be doing your Friday entertaining tomorrow night." Gilbert managed to say between kisses.

"Oh, I am not?" Anne replied cheekily.

"No, I am afraid you have plans."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do" he replied, gently caressing her back, enjoying the feeling of her shivering in his arms at his touch.

"And just what might those plans entail?" she asked, attempting not to be distracted by ministrations.

Gilbert smiled mischievously, "That's for me to know. You will find out tomorrow."

"Gilbert Blythe! That's not fair!"

"Oh it's completely fair! I get to decide where we go for our first date."

"Oh, really? And just why is it that you get to decide?" Anne smiled back at him with mock indignation.

"Because," he said simply, "I've been dreaming of this moment for ten years. Are truly going to deny the fulfillment of thirteen-year-old Gilbert's dreams?"

Anne laughed, "I suppose I can be gracious enough to let him have his way. Just be happy you're dealing with me now, and not eleven-year-old Anne."

This time, he laughed. "Heaven forbid I deal with her! Although, she doesn't frighten me near as much as she used to."

"Hmm, she must be losing her edge, I will have to talk with about that." They both laughed.

Gilbert then sighed, "I should go. I don't even know what time it is."

Anne was disappointed, but it had to be, they could certainly not stay standing in the orchard all night long. "Alright, Gil. Please be careful going home."

"Of course, Miss Shirley."

They gave each other one final kiss, sweet and light and filled with promise before Gilbert led her to the door. Goodnight, Anne."

"Goodnight, my love."

Gilbert turned and walked a few steps away before turning back around and looking at her. "Anne, I promise you, I won't let Matthew down."

At this sentiment, tears welled up in Anne's eyes and she knew that for all eternity, there stood the man she loved. With those simple words, her future happiness was sealed. She gave him a bright smile and after a moment she said, "I know you won't, Gil."

Anne walked inside and Gilbert started for the boarding house. The thoughts that ran through both of their minds were a jumbled mix of elated emotions that only a proper night's sleep could possibly sort with any clarity. But the happiness that filled both of them overshadowed any thought of sleep. The sun was just moments from bringing dawn before either of them knew rest. But upon that dawn, they somehow both woke refreshed and ready to greet the day, the first day of their courtship. The first day of that would mark the beginning of their future.


	18. The Beginning of Forever

_Now that we know what happened with Roy and what Anne's letter said, it's time for a first date. Honestly, I had the thought to end it here, but there's a few more things I have to say in this little story so on it will go for a little longer. There will be at least two more chapters. Enjoy!_

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

Anne dressed with much care, determined to look her best for her night out with Gilbert. It was strange to think of dressing up for the man who had seen her mud splattered and disheveled on countless occasions before. But it was different now. He wasn't just her chum Gilbert anymore; he wasn't just her best friend. He was the man she loved! She thought briefly back to his rashness last night, showing up so late and throwing rocks at her window. She never would have imagined that Gilbert had been such a romantic and it thrilled her to no end that she was the one who brought out that side of him. It excited her even more that there would more to discover about him, things they would learn together.

Even though she had the best of intentions to be ready by the time he arrived, she heard the doorbell ring before she had finished and hastily finished pinning her hair, desperately trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

Downstairs, Priscilla answered the door to a rather handsome Gilbert, holding a single red rose in his hand. Priscilla smiled widely before jesting, "Why Gilbert, a rose for me? You really shouldn't have!"

Gilbert smiled back and Priscilla was rather vexed when he walked in, took her hand in his and gave it a gentle kiss. "That will have to do, Pris," he said grinning mischievously. "This rose is for someone else entirely."

Priscilla laughed, "You always do have an answer for everything, don't you?"

Gilbert shrugged, "Call it a gift."

Walking in, Gilbert was met with all the familiar faces he knew well. He felt the color rise to his face as the ladies all looked at him with knowing smiles.

"Oh welcome, Gilbert," said Phil, beaming. "Your Anne will be down in just a minute."

Gilbert couldn't help but smile like a fool at Phil's words. But he recovered enough to say, "Where is The Rev this evening?"

"Oh, Jonas will be here in a bit." Phil looked at the door in anticipation. "Are you sure you and Anne don't want to stay behind and entertain with us this evening?"

"As much I would like to see Jo, I am going to have to leave you all to it."

"Phil," interrupted Stella, "leave poor Gilbert alone! They need time alone!"

Phil laughed, "Oh he knows I am just teasing, don't you, Gilbert?"

Whatever impertinent remark Gilbert thought to respond died quickly on his lips as Anne appeared in the doorway. She wore a pale blue dress that somehow made her grey eyes practically sparkle and around her neck sat the pink enamel heart, lying beautifully in the hollow of her throat.

Gilbert was struck rather dumb at the sight of her. He let his eyes wander over her entire body. The intimate look made Anne blush. "Hi, Gil." She said shyly.

Gilbert tried more than one time to form words but none would come to him. He simply stared at her, hardly believing that the day before had happened. Hardly believing he had read the words she wrote him in her letter. Hardly believing he had the audacity to come see her in the middle of the night.

Lost in his thoughts he heard Phil's amused voice in the background. "Gil, didn't you have something to give Anne?"

Shaking himself from his trance, Gilbert shot a sheepish glance at Phil and then turned back to Anne and stepped towards her, holding out the lone red rose.

"For you, Anne." Gilbert handed the rose to her and gave a slight bow.

Anne smiled, "Thank you, it's beautiful!"

He merely smiled back at her.

"So, where are you two off to this evening?" asked Stella.

"Oh, well we are going to have dinner and then I have a little something planned for afterwards," Gilbert replied, again looking at Anne.

They all made small talk for several more minutes. It was so obvious that everything and nothing had changed. Here stood Gilbert Blythe, just the same as he had as he had always been. Except that he wasn't the same anymore. The last twenty-four hours had seemed to transform him somehow. He practically radiated happiness.

Gilbert and Anne were both rather uncomfortable in the room with their friends, even though conversation flowed freely and easily enough. Perhaps it wasn't so much discomfort as it was anticipation and the thought of being away from prying eyes. It was Aunt Jamesina who finally took pity on the couple and called the ladies to dinner. Gilbert wasted no time in suggesting he and Anne should be off too, and he quickly helped Anne with her jacket and led her to the front door. There were stopped briefly by Phil who followed them, only to give Gilbert a quick hug as she said, "We all knew it would be you the whole time. And I have never been so happy to be proven right!" Then she was gone just as quickly, leaving an amused Gilbert and a flustered Anne in her wake.

"You'll have to excuse Phil, you know she talks too much," said Anne resigned sigh.

Gilbert laughed, "You know, Anne, the more I get to know Philippa Gordon, the more I am forced to conclude that Jonas Blake is one lucky man."

"Oh yes, just ask Phil, she'll tell you the same thing!" They both laughed at Anne's jest and made their way out the front door.

Once the door closed behind them Anne began to walk forward but was gently pulled back until she found herself in Gilbert's arms, wrapped in a warm and wonderful kiss. All her senses heightened and she felt rather dizzy. She knew not how long the kiss lasted but knew she was disappointed when he pulled away. "Sorry, Anne. But that's what I wanted to do the second I saw you tonight. And instead of just painfully dreaming of it, I get to now. You're absolutely stunning do you know that?" He spoke with such feeling it was as though he was kissing her all over again. She felt herself need to latch on to him a little tighter to maintain her balance. _How is it possible that this is Gilbert Blythe affecting me this way? s_ he thought. But it was indeed him.

"Forgive me, Gil. I am apparently going to have to get used to the effect you have on me sometimes. It's not an easy sensation to overcome I assure you."

Gilbert almost stopped breathing at her words and he could feel the smile form on his lips. It was said with complete honesty and trust. Gilbert could not think of another woman who would so readily admit so naturally to the passion that Anne felt. But then, Anne was like no other woman.

"Anne, believe me, you have the same effect on me, I assure you."

They stood for a moment, standing in each others arms. Finally, Gilbert pulled away, offered Anne his arm, and they set off on an official first date.

Fifteen minutes later they were seated at a small Italian restaurant, at a quiet table in the corner. It was a casual and comfortable place where Anne was instantly at ease. Whenever Roy had taken her to eat, they always ended up at some rather fancy places. Anne always felt a bit out of place. She laughed as she thought about Roy coming to restaurant like this. He would be horrified.

Gilbert saw the smile on her face, "And just what is so funny, Anne?"

"Nothing, nothing all. I am just thinking how perfect this place is that's all."

"Ah, yes, well I have to confess I haven't been here before, but I've had the food and it's fantastic. One of the guys at the boarding house works here and he's always bringing food home. I helped him with a few English papers so he always gives me first dibs."

Anne laughed, "Honestly, Gil, is there anyone on this campus that doesn't like you?"

He shrugged, "What can I say, I am a people person."

They perused the menu for a few moments, Anne making her decision based on Gilbert's recommendations. After a few minutes, the waiter left and they were alone.

An awkward silence fell over the table for a minute and they both seemed to realize that transitioning from friends to something infinitely more dear would be an interesting exercise indeed. Gilbert searched Anne's face for any sign of what she was thinking, and just when he had about given up, she asked him, "And just what are you thinking of, staring at me like that, Mr. Blythe?" Just like Anne to come straight to the point.

"I was thinking how wonderful it would be if I could read your mind right now."

"Oh? And why would you need to do that? I will tell you anything you wish to know." She said simply.

"Alright, then, Miss Shirley. Tell me what it is you're thinking of right now?" As he asked the question he reached across the table and took her hand in his. With his thumb, he began tracing small circles on the back of her hand.

Anne let out a shaky breath. "Now that's not fair, Gil. You want to hear my thoughts but then you seek to distract me completely."

"Is this really so distracting?" he smiled smartly.

"It is, but I won't give you the satisfaction of making me forget my thoughts you were so interested in only a moment ago."

"Alright then, tell me."

"I was thinking how honestly this going to take some getting used to."

Gilbert felt his heart lurch forward in a slight panic. His grip on her hand must have tightened because in the next moment she brought her other hand up on top of his as a sign of reassurance.

"All I mean is that I think it's going to take me a bit to get used to this." She said, her eyes motioning to their joined hands.

"Is this weird for you?" he asked, still slightly panicked.

She smiled and put him at ease, "Not at all, this is quite possibly the most natural thing in the world to me."

It took every amount of control he had not to reached across the table and kiss her. Instead, he smiled widely and said, "Then I don't understand."

"Oh, Gil, it's us! I mean I know you've known how you've felt for some time but I have gone from believing I saw you only as my friend to now knowing you're so much more. I am finding I don't know how to act on a first date when it rather feels like this was done long ago, at a time neither of us realized."

He was still a bit confused as to what she was trying to say, but was doing his best to understand. "Anne, I don't want to rush you. If this is all too sudden – I mean – I'll wait – for as long as it takes."

"Oh, no! You misunderstand me! There is no confusion or desire to wait. I am exactly where I want to be, with exactly the man I want to be here with. All I meant to say was that it's different now and it might take me some time, more than one date to get past this feeling that we should have been doing this a long time ago."

"Anne, we were, practically anyways. I don't think anyone on campus will be shocked to find out you and I are now, you know – together."

The smile left her face and it twisted to a slight frown, "Oh I don't know about that. I am probably not going to come off too well when word spreads about us. Consider Roy."

"Ah, yes, Roy! Anne, people might talk, but what does that matter to us. You're not the first person to ever end a courtship."

"I suppose that's true."

"Do you mind if I ask what happened with Roy yesterday?" Gilbert was curious about what happened, but he hesitated to ask at this moment in time. However, he reasoned it was better to have everything up front and in the open as much as possible.

Anne blushed. She knew this conversation would come up eventually. "Well, there's not much to tell I guess, other than he seemed to already know just about everything, including how I felt about you. About an hour or so after I left you, he came over to see me. He wanted to make sure I was all right after our fight. I had planned on breaking it off with him that night, but I saw no reason to wait. He knew already. He actually told me he realized I didn't feel what I should for him. He told me you were a very lucky man."

Gilbert took a sip of his drink, "And he would be absolutely right about that."

"How come you don't seemed surprised that Roy knew so much?"

"Well, after I made my way back to the boarding house yesterday, Roy showed up at my bedroom door."

"He didn't! Oh Gil, whatever happened?" Anne was shocked.

Gilbert held up is hand causally, "Calm yourself, we were quite civil. At least as civil as we could be under the circumstances. He came to set me to rights about how he knew about the Cooper. He told me what I had already begun to realize once I could think clearly."

"How did he know?"

"His family is on the board of the college. He's known for weeks."

"I see."

"But then we started talking about you, of course. He asked me how I felt about you and if your mood since being back from break had anything to do with me."

Anne paled at this "You didn't tell him-" but he cut her off. "Of course I didn't tell him. What I did tell him was that it was not his business. But he knew something was not right and that I was the cause. It didn't take him long to put two and two together. By the time he left my room, I knew he was bowing out."

"Oh. So that's why he made things so easy for me. Did you tell him about how you felt about me?"

"I didn't have to, Anne. He also says he's known that for weeks as well."

"My goodness!"

"Yes, Roy Gardner has proved to be one insightful man, I guess."

"Did he – I mean – did he say he knew how I felt about you?"

"Not in so many words, but your reaction to my accusation I think sealed it in his mind."

"How so?"

"He said he saw the look on your face when I walked away and that it was a look of sheer pain and hurt. He said he realized then that he had no power to make you look like that."

Anne started, "I don't understand, why would he want to?"

"Ha, yes that's what I said! But in Roy's mind, that meant he held no power over your feelings for better or worse. At least not to the degree he imagined I did."

"Gilbert, I can't tell you how astonished I am by this! I mean, I can't believe you spoke to him about me!"

"Not by choice, Anne. But I will always been a little grateful to him for setting me straight. He didn't have to do that."

"He's a good man," Anne said with a resigned sigh.  
"Yes, he is." It was easy for him to be gracious when he was the one who held Anne's heart. But Gilbert was not without genuine admiration for Roy. What Roy lacked in sense of humor and lack of understanding when it came to Anne, he made up for in the dogged pursuit of being an upstanding gentleman.

"He just happens not to be the one for me." Anne smiled so warmly at him as she spoke Gilbert felt a slight tingle down his spine. "And I suppose I won't be the only topic of gossip. You and Christine seemed to have made a bit of your own in such a short time," Anne mused, now quite at ease over Christine, although perhaps not over the feelings Christine had stirred in her.

"Anne, I told you, there was never anything, nor would there have ever been anything between Christine and I. Ever. Period. It is just tongues wagging."

"I know. But that won't stop those tongues from wagging."

He shrugged, "I suppose not, but why should we care? They'll be on to something else next week. How about we don't talk about Roy or Christine anymore?" Gilbert insisted. "Tonight is about us. I don't want any unpleasantness to mar this day. Thirteen-year-old Gilbert would never forgive me!"

Anne laughed, "Well we would not want to disappoint the lad, now would we? If he were here now, what do you think he would say?"

"He would probably ask what took so long!" They both laughed at this. "No, honestly, though, if thirteen-year-old me were sitting right here, he would be doing the same thing I am doing right now." Gilbert continued, his voice a little lower.

"And what is that? Waiting for dinner?" Anne asked cheekily.

"No, I am admiring how beautiful you are. I am thinking to myself that I am hands down the luckiest man in the world to be here with you. I am trying to stop myself from reaching over this table right now and kissing you silly in front of all these people." Anne blushed profusely. "And when you blush like that or when your eyes falter under my gaze, I am undone, Anne."

Anne tied hard to stop the blush from spreading to her neck, but she new it was a fruitless endeavor. "Well, you make me quite cross with myself for never giving 13-year-old Gilbert the time of day. He sounds quite romantic."

"Oh does he now? Perhaps worthy of residence at that castle in Spain after all, then?" Anne wasn't sure why, but his reference to her letter and long held fantasy left her feeling quite exposed. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, more like freeing. Here was the one person to whom anything could be said. He would understand the inexplicable.

"I am finding that he rather is, at least his older self seems to be. He writes beautiful letters and steals kisses at midnight. Which is funny because I never took you for a romantic, Gil."

"I guess you bring it out in me."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"The night of the concert, the one we held for the school Christmas night, Diana told me that you picked up a flower that fell out of my hair and she saw you put it in your breast pocket. Is that true?"

Now it was Gilbert's turn to blush, "Guilty as charged."

Anne was a bit stunned. "Even as far back as then?" It wasn't that Anne never had any idea how badly Gilbert wanted to be in her life. But the mounting evidence of his long-standing devotion continued to amaze her. And when she thought of those little things in connection with the over a dozen letters he had admitted to writing her, she was almost overwhelmed with love for this man.

"Even as far back as then, Anne." She was saved from an inadequate reply when the waiter arrived with their food. The next half hour passed off in wonderful conversation. They were as easy as ever with one another. To an outsider they would have looked no different as they always had when in each other's company. However, it was when they rose to leave that a change would have been noted. Gilbert helped her with her jacket and as he did so he placed the briefest of kisses on her cheek. They joined gloved hands and left with them intertwined together.

"Where to now?" asked Anne as they walked into the cold January night.

"The park," was all Gilbert replied.

"The park?"

"Yep!"

"And is that all I am to know?"

"No, but you only asked where we were going, not what we were doing when we got there?" he teased.

"Well then let me rephrase my question, what are we doing once we get to the park?"

"We are going ice skating."

"Ice skating?"

"Yep!"

"Oh."

"Oh?" Gilbert said with raised eyebrows. "That sounded suspiciously like a disappointed 'Oh'"

But Anne rushed to defend herself, "Oh no, not at all. I liked ice-skating the one time I ever tried it. But-" she trailed off.

"But what?"

"Oh I will never hear the end of it if I tell you."

"Well that's a risk you are going to have to take, because now I have to know."

"And you promise you won't tease me about it?" Anne pleaded.

Gilbert feigned shock, "Anne how could you even think I would!"

"Gilbert Blythe!"

"Alright, alright! I promise I won't tease you," he said holding up his hand as if taking an oath, "too much anyways." When the last words left his lips, he felt Anne's hand come to his shoulder and push him off to the side.

"Anne Shirley, did you just shove me? And here I thought you were raised better than that!" His countenance sparkled with mirth.

An answering smile lit Anne lips. "What can I say, the girl who cracked the slate is still in here somewhere very much a part of me."

"I'll remember that! So, back to your embarrassing confession that I promise I will not make fun of you for even if it kills me."

Anne let out a resigned sigh, "Alright. The first winter I came to Avonlea Diana and I went skating on the little pond they have behind Orchard Slope. It wasn't very large, maybe the size of the our old schoolhouse floor. We had to take turns because Diana only had one set of skates. So she went first and then I went. I had never skated before but Diana was very good about helping keep me steady. I got the hang of it fast enough and before I knew it, I was off in imagination land. I dreamed I was a Snow Queen, skating around her castle. My Prince was waiting for me across the pond and I was trying to get to him. By this time I was managing to skate on my own and I was so wrapped up in my fantasy, I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments."

"Uh oh!"

"Yes, uh oh, indeed! Minnie May was with us at the time, playing with her doll in the snow. She wasn't supposed to bring her dolls outside because they would be ruined if they got wet, but she snuck one out anyways. Well, the least of that dolls concern was the snow. When I closed my eyes, I didn't realize her doll was on the ice. I skated right over it, which threw me off balance and I fell and badly twisted my ankle. It was so bad I couldn't make it the house and Mr. Barry had to come carry back in. All the while Minnie May was wailing the likes of which I never heard before. She kept yelling at me as her father tried his best to carry me inside. I," she hesitated a moment, "I decapitated her doll with my skate, Gil."

A thousand promises would not have been enough to stop Gilbert from erupting in laughter at that moment. In fact, he laughed so hard he could feel tears prick the side his eyes. After a moment, and under the scrutiny of Anne's reproachful gaze, he managed to control himself.

"Are you quite finished with your laughter, Mr. Blythe." Anne said icily, but he could tell she was in good humor about it by the way her eyes smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, Anne. But you have to admit that was rather humorous. Honestly, classic Anne Shirley! That story just could not have happened to anyone else!"

Anne let out her own chuckle, "I suppose looking back it is rather funny. Minnie May ignored me for weeks after that. And we weren't allowed to skate for a long time. But I never wanted to do it again anyways so that was fine with me."

"And what became of that poor doll?"

"Oh, Mrs. Barry told a sobbing Minnie May that that's what she got for not listening to her mother. The doll was consigned to the fire after Minnie May held the proper funeral services."

At this Gilbert laughed again. "Oh this is too much, Anne! And your ankle?"

"It was restored to its proper function after a half hours of rest and some ice. We did manage to get hot chocolate and cinnamon cake before dinner out the ordeal so I suppose it wasn't so bad."

"Oh, Carrots! God bless you, honestly." Gilbert said as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. He didn't say what he really wished to in that moment. That it was his fervent desire that Anne would one day be able to tell these stories to their children, that one day she might have moments of mirth and antics with a little red-headed daughter who had Anne's spirit and zest for life. Instead he said, "So where does this leave us on the ice skating now, then?"

"Are you sure you are ready for what might befall you if you take me, Gil?" Anne asked earnestly.

"I think I can handle anything you can throw my way. Let's go give it another shot."

And so they did.

* * *

It was hours later, in the complete privacy and darkness of his boarding house room, that Gilbert was able to reflect on the magic that was courting Anne Shirley. She was without a doubt the most delightful, wonderful woman he had ever known. The entire evening was perfection, even down to those first awkward moments where they learned just how to transition from best friends to two people in love. Two people who belonged to one another. His heart raced as he laid away thinking of every touch, every look, every word that turned over in his mind. He had never imagined ice-skating could be as romantic and passionate as it had been with her. From the moment they first put on their rented skates, it was as if a wall had gone up around them, completely blocking them off from the rest of the world. There could have been five other people there or fifty, it had hardly mattered. They only had eyes for one another. Gilbert remembered the part of their conversation that now made his heart burst with such joy...

 _"Gil, you never told me what an excellent skater you were!" Anne said. They had held hands the entire time and Gilbert made sure Anne would not fall. The one or two times she had slipped, he was quick to catch her with his arms encircling her small frame. He always seemed to hold on a few extra moments than necessary to steady her before letting go. Neither of them seemed to mind those extra moments. In fact, had anyone asked them, they were best part of the ice skating excursion._

 _"Well, Diana wasn't the only one with a small pond nearby." After a few minutes Gilbert pulled Anne to the side of the rink and they stood facing one another. "I hope you're having a nice time tonight Anne." As he said the words he began pulling off his gloves._

 _"Gil, I am having a wonderful time. This is far superior to my first skating experience in everyway." Once his gloves were off and put in his pocket he took her hands and slowly, methodically, pulled her gloves off her hands. Her breath caught in her throat and she was unable to say more as his warms hands encircled hers and began again to massage her palms._

 _"Can I ask you something?"_

 _"Of course."_

 _"This is just for future reference, you understand. But how many dates do you think a fellow ought to take a girl on before he wouldn't be too presumptuous in asking her to marry him." Gilbert spoke in almost a tortured whisper. Anne gasped, her heart racing and suddenly warmth spread through her entire body._

 _Gilbert could feel her response and inwardly rejoiced, but Anne was quite good at hiding her reaction when she said rather reasonably, "Well I guess I don't know that there's a specific number where he ought to feel comfortable. He really should know her well enough and be assured of her affection. That might take upwards of fifteen or twenty dates, I imagine." She smiled so lovingly at him that he gave into the impulse to kiss her then and there, in front of whoever else was around. It was a soft kiss, tender and loving, but full of promise and passion._

 _"Fifteen or twenty, you say." he said with a ragged breath. "Good to know." Gilbert wondered why he hadn't felt disappointed that she said so many. But the prospect of that number of dates with Anne was not the least bit unappealing._

 _Later that evening he walked her home. She had asked him if he would like to come in for a come coffee or tea. It was late, but Anne could hear voices inside, indicating there were some stragglers to their Friday night callers._

 _But Gilbert was not interested in seeing or speaking to anyone else. "Not tonight, Anne. I want the last person I talk to, the last person I see, the last feeling I have tonight to be all you. I want only you to invade my dreams and I want to leave the rest of the world behind tonight. I know that sounds rather selfish but, honestly, I want to leave you here, freshly kissed and as beautiful to me now as you have ever been." Anne again felt the warmth spread through her. She stepped closed to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Mr. Blythe you continue to surprise me. I honestly had no idea you were such a romantic and I have to say, I would be happy to end our evening the same way."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Really. Thank you for tonight, my love. It was honestly the most perfect first date that I could ever imagine." Anne spoke with such feeling, there was no doubt she meant what she said._

 _Gilbert took the opportunity to tease her just a little when he said, "Interesting. So would you say it fulfilled an Anne Shirley fantasy then?" The mischievous glint in his eye almost completely undid her resolve. That was until she thought of the perfect way to perhaps silence Gilbert Blythe after all._

 _"Well, yes, I suppose it did. But there was one thing that felt rather strange," She mused with feigned sincerity._

 _"Oh, and just what was that?" Gilbert asked, intrigued._

 _"I guess I just have a hard time seeing this as our first date. We've known each other so long that, I don't know," she paused and looked deeply into his eyes, "I guess it sort of feels like the fifteenth or twentieth one already."_

 _Gilbert's stunned silence was all the encouragement she needed to bring her lips to his and gently kiss him at the doorway to Patty's Place. They both felt need wash over them instantly and the kiss deepened from gentle to intense. Gilbert's heart was racing miles ahead of him as he sought to make sense of Anne's words. But his desire to kiss her overrode every thought he could have in the moment and he then thought of nothing but the supreme happiness of having her in his arms._

 _Anne was similarly affected, somewhat embarrassed by her bold statement, but utterly blissfully happy in the intimate embrace._

 _It was several minutes before the kiss slowed and Gilbert pulled away to trail several small kisses on Anne's cheeks, stopping for a moment before placing a reverent and lingering kiss on her forehead. Such was the feeling of his warm lips on her cold skin that Anne felt of all the kisses they shared that evening, this last solemn respectful one was perhaps the most intimate. If all the previous kisses spoke of the here and now, this kiss seemed to speak of their future._

 _Their eyes met for one final time. Not wanting to break the magic of the moment with any further words, Anne merely said, "Goodnight, Gil."_

 _He smiled lightly at her, "Goodnight, Anne." Reluctantly, he let her go, walked backwards a few steps until he saw her walk in the house and close the door, and then he made his way back home._

...It had taken him no time at all to realize the import of the words she had dared to say allowed. Words that could not fail to give him the greatest joy of his life. It was a happy and contented slumber that Gilbert fell into that night. Anne did invade his dreams as she had for some time. But tonight was rather different. For the first time, he dreamed of their future. For when he awoke the next morning, he remembered vividly dreaming of Anne sitting in a chair, rocking a small bundle swaddled in blanket. The bundle cooed happily, completely unaware of the red curls that escaped her bonnet.


	19. Gilbert Finally Speaks

_Note the *. I used some_ _original canon text in this chapter that fit the scene. I hope you all enjoy! It's been fun finding new and interesting ways for Gilbert to propose to Anne! An epilogue will follow this chapter and close out this story._

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

Gilbert sighed contentedly as he sat in the parlor of Patty's Place, waiting patiently. If he had to explain how he had felt over the last several weeks in one word, it would have to be serene. Wrapped around the excitement, the happiness, even the romance of the last weeks spent with the knowledge Anne loved him was happy feeling of peace. As though whatever life may throw at him, he knew now he could bear it with her by his side. After their first date, life did seem to intrude on their happiness a bit more than either of them cared to admit. Classes called, study sessions loomed, and Gilbert was now in full chase after the Cooper.

It took them only a week to realize that they would not be able to see each other as much as they would want. But they managed as best as they could and had no trouble stealing little moments here and there between classes or engaging in a longer than necessary goodbyes at the front gate.

The awkward moments of transitioning from friends to more faded rather quickly. It was lost on both of them that aside from the differences in their physical gestures to one another, their relationship remained much the same in essentials. They still sometimes spoke a language only they understood, they still argued Shakespeare, they still rambled all over Kingsport together, and they still shared their dreams with one another. But what was quite different was that the both radiated happiness. It was the kind of happiness that only true devotion could bring about.

Letters had been dispatched to all corners of Avonlea. Anne had written to Marilla and Diana, giving them varying accounts of her break up with Roy and her courtship with Gilbert. Gilbert wrote to his parents with similar news. The joy these letters brought to the recipients could not be overstated. It was as though prayers had finally been answered. Gilbert wrote one other letter, which he had waited patiently for a response. The missive arrived only the day before and Gilbert could not help but think the timing was nothing short of perfect. It was this response that would direct his immediate future. He recalled the words he had read with so much anticipation. " _Gilbert, I would be pleased an honored to one day have you as a son-in-law. You have more than my blessing to marry Anne, you have my sincere hope and wish that you and Anne will one day be as happy together as I have always prayed your would be."_ Marilla's words touched him. He made a silent vow after reading them that he would never give Marilla Cuthbert cause to regret them, not ever, even for one single day.

All of this Gilbert thought about as he waited for the ladies to be ready for the dance. Stella had left hours ago, being on the committee she had last minute details to see to their completion. She resolutely vowed after this experience to never volunteer again. It was a vow she would break only a month later when asked to help on the committee that organized Convocation. Priscilla finished getting ready early and left to help Stella with last minute details. Gilbert was content to sit with Aunt Jimsie and wait for Anne to be ready. It surprised him when the doorbell rang, however. He told Aunt Jimsie he would see who it was and was again surprised to see man standing there with a small bouquet of flowers. Thinking it was Jonas sending Phil flowers since he was unable to be there for the reception, he took them, tipped the man, and closed the door. It was only after he returned to the sitting room that he noticed the name on the card. The flowers were for Anne. It took every ounce of restraint not to rip the card open to see whom they were from. Gilbert placed them on the table and waited, only with less patience now.

*Upstairs, Anne surveyed herself in the mirror of the blue room with girlish satisfaction. She had a particularly pretty gown on. Originally it had been only a simple little slip of cream silk with a chiffon overdress. But Phil had insisted on taking it home with her in the Christmas holidays and embroidering tiny rosebuds all over the chiffon. Phil's fingers were deft, and the result was a dress that was the envy of every Redmond girl. Even Allie Boone, whose frocks came from Paris, was wont to look with longing eyes on that rosebud concoction as Anne trailed up the main staircase at Redmond in it.

Anne was trying the effect of a white Lily in her hair. Gilbert had brought her lilies for the reception, and she desperately wanted to wear one in her hair. It was then that Phil came in with admiring gaze.

"Anne, this is certainly your night for looking handsome. Nine nights out of ten I can easily outshine you. The tenth you blossom out suddenly into something that eclipses me altogether. How do you manage it?"

"It's the dress, dear. Fine feathers."

"'Tisn't. The last evening you flamed out into beauty you wore your old blue flannel shirtwaist that Mrs. Lynde made you. If Gilbert hadn't already lost head and heart about you he certainly would tonight. I simply love lilies on you, Anne. It's like they were made for you, delicate and simple but also whimsical and dreamy."

"Oh, and don't forget they are the best smelling flowers! Gilbert certainly knew what he was about bringing these for me, Phil. With this dress and these flowers, I feel like a queen," Anne beamed.

"And you look it too, dear," Phil smiled back. "Jonas sent me some dear pink rosebuds for the evening - but - he isn't coming himself. He said he had to lead a prayer-meeting in the slums! I don't believe he wanted to come. Anne, I'm horribly afraid Jonas doesn't really care anything about me. And I'm trying to decide whether I'll pine away and die, or go on and get my B.A. and be sensible and useful."

"You couldn't possibly be sensible and useful, Phil, so you'd better pine away and die," said Anne cruelly, knowing full well Phil knew Jonas loved her.

"Heartless Anne!"

"Silly Phil! You know quite well that Jonas loves you."

"But, he won't TELL me so. And I can't MAKE him. He LOOKS it, I'll admit. But speak-to-me-only-with-thine-eyes isn't a really reliable reason for embroidering doilies and hemstitching tablecloths. I don't want to begin such work until I'm really engaged. It would be tempting Fate."

"Mr. Blake is afraid to ask you to marry him, Phil. He is poor and can't offer you a home such as you've always had. You know that is the only reason he hasn't spoken long ago."

"I suppose so," agreed Phil dolefully. "Well" - brightening up - "if he WON'T ask me to marry him I'll ask him, that's all. So it's bound to come right. I won't worry.*

"Nor should you, silly."

"Don't call me silly, Anne Shirley, we will just see how patient you are when you are simply dying for Gilbert to ask you to marry him, but he takes his sweet time, waiting for the perfect moment."

Anne threw a pillow at Phil, "My dear, Phil, isn't it about time to leave, and I believe you are missing your gloves."

Phil laughed and left Anne's room in search of her missing apparel. Anne finished arranging Gilbert's flower in her hair and then she made her way downstairs, trying _not_ to think of Phil's teasing words.

Anne made her way into the parlor and the sight of her once again took Gilbert Blythe's breath away. He wondered silently if that particular effect would wane over time. He doubted it possible.

"Anne – I –wow!" Was all he could manage to say. Her cream gown clung to her slender frame, revealing her curves and leaving Gilbert quite undone. Her hair was swept up in an intricate style Gilbert could not name if he tried, and one of his flowers was placed on the side, contrasting beautifully with her red locks.

Anne blushed as his eyes raked over her whole body and then stopped to bestow a meaningful gaze in her eyes.

"I trust this means you approve, Mr. Blythe?"

He walked over to her, took her gloved hand in his and bestowed and gentle kiss on it. He wished he could do more, but they were under the watchful gaze of Aunt Jamesina at the moment. "Anne, you are positively, radiantly beautiful."

"Thank you," Anne replied. "And you look as handsome as ever, I must say."

Gilbert merely smiled at the compliment.

Stepping back, he remembered the flowers. "Anne, um, these came for you."

He stepped to the side to reveal a bouquet of orchids. Puzzled, Anne said, "Who could they be from?"

He shrugged, "They sent a card, whoever it is."

Anne took the card and opened it, reading the note. Her face went white. "They're from Roy."

"What?" Gilbert replied, shock evident in his voice. "That doesn't make any sense."

Anne handed him the note so he could see for himself. They were indeed from Roy. He sent a brief sonnet with the flowers as well, one rather romantic and, under the circumstances, wildly inappropriate.

"What could he mean sending me flowers like this?" Anne was rather flustered and a little angry at the pretentiousness of it all. Gilbert himself was a little more than vexed, but seeing Anne getting upset, he put his uneasiness aside and tried to make light of it. "Anne, I am sure it was a mix up or something."

"How is that even possible, Gil? You don't just accidentally send flowers to someone. I mean, is this some mean spirited attempt to ruin our night or does he foolishly think this will sway my feelings?"

"Anne, please," he pleaded. "Please don't let this ruin our night. I am sure there's an explanation and even if there isn't, what does it matter to us? This is _our_ first dance together. Let's not let Roy ruin anything. " Gilbert gave himself credit for sounding more disinterested than he was. He thought he understood Roy Gardner, he had pegged him for a gentleman, he had hoped he was not wrong.

Anne sighed, "Oh, I know you're right. But this just doesn't make any sense!"

"I know it, doesn't, Sweetheart." Gilbert took her hand in his again. "But please just think of _us_ tonight. Not of Roy or anything else. I want to dance with you and know your heart and mind are with me? Can you do that?"

Anne knew he was right. If Roy was playing some strange game, she didn't care. She would have Gilbert by her side. That was all she needed.

"You're right. It means nothing to us other than I guess Roy is not the man I thought he was." Anne turned to Aunt Jamesina, "Aunt Jimsie, would you be a dear at get rid of these after we leave. I don't want them here when I get back."

"Of course, Anne." Aunt Jamesina had heard the entire exchange between Anne and Gilbert and smiled inwardly at the way Gilbert was able to calm Anne and help her see it was nothing to get worked up over. "You two have a nice time tonight. I will leave out some snacks for when you ladies get home. They never have enough to eat at these events if you ask me."

Anne smiled warmly at Aunt Jamesina, "Thank you! We will try not to wake you when we come in."

In the next minute, Phil entered the room and everyone was ready to leave.

Before Phil could even ask about the orchids, the small group was out the door and on the way to the reception.

The hall was beautiful and Anne gave credit to Stella as soon as she saw her. "Well, thank you, Anne. I did very little, but it all came together splendidly." Stella grudgingly had to hand it to Myra Russell. She was a blustering blowhard, but she put together a nice event, even if it was without new curtains from Stella.

"It's simply splendid!" Anne marveled. It was even more beautiful than the hall had been at the New Year's dance in Avonlea and the prospect of dancing with Gilbert again thrilled Anne from head to toe.

Gilbert came up behind her and put his arm around her waist, "Here, Darling. All filled out." He handed Anne back her dance card.

"Gilbert Blythe, five dances! I said a few, not five!" Anne whirled around at him.

"Anne a few is generally meant to be more than two, so it could very well be five," he replied with a smirk.

"Gil, that's half the dances!" Anne said exasperated, but not the least bit displeased at the prospect, even if he was being rather overconfident.

He pulled her closer to him so he could whisper in her ear. "Well Carrots, it's already taking all my strength not to kiss you silly in front of all these people for how beautiful you look tonight. So I beg you let me have my way or else I can't be responsible for what I might do if I don't get to wrap my arms around you throughout the evening."

Anne blushed crimson. She was still getting used to this romantic side of Gilbert that she never knew existed before. She had never been so happy to be wrong before. His words practically made her dizzy. But she was enough of herself to answer, "So you mean to blackmail me, then?"

"If that's what it takes!"

"You're insufferable, Gilbert Blythe!" But she could not help but smile radiantly.

"You know, I have been told that more than once so I must be a character flaw of mine."

Over the next half hour they walked around together and talked to friends and acquaintances. Charlie Sloane brought his blonde sophomore. Gilbert had told him about Anne and him being together. Charlie bore it with all the dignity a Sloane could muster and declared himself happy for his friend. In truth, he was happy for him, but as a Sloane he had more pride than he ought to and it was a bit difficult to remember Anne's sound rejection of him. But Charlie was happy now and could not begrudge one of his best and oldest friends the same happiness. To that end, Charlie condescended to ask Anne for a dance. Anne graciously accepted and their previous feud ended unceremoniously barely to ever be thought of again by either of them.

After several dances had come and gone, Anne finally spotted Roy. He was dressed fine and looking as handsome as ever. He was talking to a group of people and he almost sensed Anne's eyes on him and he looked over to see her. She was beautiful. It had been a difficult few of weeks, but he managed to put Anne out of his mind for the most part. He saw her around campus a few times, usually on the arm of Gilbert Blythe and she looked quite content to be so. Anne quickly looked away, remembering his impertinent and mean-spirited gesture with the flowers. It saddened her, not because she felt anything for him, but because she had expected better from him.

Roy excused himself from the group and walked over to her. Gilbert was just behind Anne, talking with a friend and he immediately excused himself when he saw Roy's intention. He was at her side in a moment.

Anne was relieved when she felt Gilbert's now familiar touch on her arm. And in another moment, Roy was standing before them.

"Good evening, Anne, Gilbert."

"Good evening, Roy," Anne said icily.

"I trust I may not be too bold in stating how lovely you look this evening, Anne." Anne's grip on Gilbert's hand tightened and she felt herself getting angry.

"Thank you, Roy. But I will have you know that your gesture with the flowers was not exactly appreciated. I really didn't expect you to be so mean-spirited or shallow." Gilbert was silently proud of Anne's quick and formal set down. She could have ignored it, but that was not her way.

Anne's harsh words caught Roy completely off guard and a look of confusion cast over his face.

"Anne, forgive me, but I am not sure I understand you."

"The orchids you sent Roy, with your inappropriate note. They arrived this evening at Patty's Place as you well know. I think you owe me an apology and an explanation."

As soon as Anne said 'orchids,' Roy remembered! _Oh, stupid idiot! How could you forget!_

He looked from Anne's angered face to Gilbert's protective one and tried to find a way to explain himself. Gilbert saw Roy's face contort to one of bewilderment and then his eyes close briefly as he let out a resigned sigh. "Anne, Gilbert, I don't know what to say. Those flowers were never – I never meant – it's all a mistake." Anne had never seen him quite so discomposed before.

"Roy, what do you mean?" Anne asked impatiently.

"The night we went out to celebrate our courtship I brought you flowers, do you remember?" Anne did, there were a dozen pink roses. She only nodded.

"I went to the flower shop to pick them up. I decided to order flowers for this evening too and I did so that day. I must have forgot to cancel the order after we," he paused looking for the right words, "ended things."

"Oh," was all Anne could say.

"Anne, I apologize for any embarrassment or aggravation they caused you. It was certainly not intentional."

Relief flooded through both Anne and Gilbert that Roy's gesture was nothing more than a mistake. Although Gilbert also had to confess to a measure of pity for Roy's obvious discomfort.

"Anne I can't apologize enough. What must you both think of me!"

"Oh, no Roy, please." Anne began hastily, "All is forgiven. It was a mistake and it wouldn't do for us to dwell on what, for the relief of all parties, would do well to be forgotten."

Roy gave Anne a shaky smile of gratitude. Then he looked at Gilbert. "Gilbert, I apologize to you too –" But Gilbert cut him off, "Roy, as Anne said, all is forgotten. It was an unfortunate mistake."

"Thank you, both of you. It's very gracious of you." Roy's relief was obvious and Anne couldn't help but smile at him and wonder how it took her until this moment to realize how truly formal and stiff he was in company. She may have been able to fake it for a while, but she never would have been truly comfortable in the life Roy would have offered her. She thanked heavens she realized her true feelings before things got out of hand.

"I just wanted to come over to wish you a nice evening." Roy said now fully mastering himself.

"Thank you Roy, you too," replied Anne.

"Gilbert, nice to see you."

"You too, Roy." Roy seemed about to walk away but he stopped suddenly, but said nothing.

"Is there something else?" Anne asked cautiously.

"Ah no, I mean, I was just going to ask if you would do me the honor of a dance this evening, Anne?"

Anne hesitated and looked quickly at Gilbert whose face registered nothing. "It would be a pleasure Roy." She handed him her dance card and filled out one of the remaining spots.

"Thank you." He gave a rather formal bow and walked away.

Anne turned to Gilbert just as he said, "Well that was interesting!"

"Indeed, I actually feel a bit bad for Roy. He was obviously quite embarrassed."

"Yes, well, let's just be happy that it was a mistake and not something else." Gilbert silently cheered that he had not read Roy wrong after all.

"You don't mind that I agreed to dance with him do you?"

"Not at all," Gilbert said. It was the truth. While it didn't bring him any measure of joy to know Anne would dance with a former suitor, he was secure enough in her feelings for him that the petty jealousy he felt in the moment did not render him an idiot. And even if it had, he would never dare tell Anne who she could or could not dance with. "I told you I thought Roy was a good man and it's clear he wants to make amends for his mistake."

Anne smiled at him, "You're too good, Gilbert Blythe."

"Oh really, that's interesting for only an hour ago I believe you thought I was insufferable." Anne did not get to reply because a voice cut in before she could.

"Well, Gilbert Blythe, I thought you would be here tonight!" Gilbert and Anne turned to see Christine Stuart walk toward them. Anne felt a little lurch of something in her chest as she watched Christine's tall figure maneuver through the room. Gilbert flashed a genuine smile, "Christine, I didn't know you would be here tonight."

"Yes, well it was rather last minute. My friend Kathleen came down with a case of something awful yesterday and asked me if I could keep Kyle Orson company this evening. Although, if you ask me, he is not at all pleased with the substitution. I guess Kyle has been pretty sweet on Kathleen for months and he finally got the nerve to ask her to the dance. But I am happy to be here anyways."

When she finished, Gilbert turned towards Anne. "Anne, you remember my friend Christine, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. It's nice to see you again, Christine." Anne was sincere but she could not shake the feeling that no matter how nice Christine Stuart was, they were not meant to be good friends.

"Oh the pleasure is all mine, Anne. Your Gilbert has told me so much about you, I practically feel like we are friends already."

"Yes, well Gilbert loves to talk doesn't he? I hope he hasn't bored you to tears with stories about me!" Anne smiled, wondering exactly what Gilbert had been telling her and just how much of Christine he had seen over the past several weeks.

Christine laughed, "Oh of course not. I hope I am not being too presumptuous when I say I am very happy for the two of you. I could tell from the first time I saw you together something was special." Anne blushed. It was official; she was the only person on the planet who had been blind for so long to the bond she shared with Gilbert. Before she could respond Gilbert asked Christine for the pleasure of a dance, which she accepted with delight. After a few more minutes of pleasant conversation Christine moved on after Anne gave her a standing invite to Patty's Place on Friday evenings. When she walked away Anne turned a raised eyebrow to Gilbert. "So, what exactly have you told Miss Stuart about me Mr. Blythe?"

Gilbert blushed slightly at being caught, but he set out to tease Anne anyways, "Are you asking about a private conversation I had with someone else, Anne? That seems a bit presumptuous doesn't it?"

"Gilbert Blythe, I don't care for your teasing me!"

"And why is that, Anne?" he asked with an interested smile.

Anne's gaze faltered under his and he wasted no time in pouncing on it, "Anne, tell me your not jealous of Christine?"

Anne squared her shoulders and met his gaze, "I am _not_ jealous."

"Oh?" he looked at her expectantly and she admired just how adorable he was when he was trying to vex her a little bit.

"I just wonder exactly how much time you spend with Christine talking about me?" Anne asked with mock indignation. Suddenly distracted by the hazel glint beaming from his dancing eyes. A familiar feeling began building in her stomach.

"Not so very much time, Anne. And I only ever told her about how beautiful and smart and funny and amazing you are."

"Oh really?" Anne said with another raised eyebrow.

"Honest, your temper and sensitivity about you hair never crossed my lips! Cross my heart!" His fingers crossed his heart and the mischievous glint in his eyes drove Anne to distraction. The feeling in her stomach now became almost painful and she had had enough. She grabbed his hand and led him out of the dance hall, into the hallway. She looked around quickly for a quiet spot and found a dark corner where no one else could see them. When she was sure they were alone, she put her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep and hungry kiss.

Gilbert's shock gave way to sublime satisfaction, as he tasted Anne's lips. She was nothing short of spectacular and he could not help himself from wrapping her in his arms and pulling her so close that there was no space between them. Their kiss deepened and Gilbert tried desperately to ignore the tiny voice in his head that told him he would need to be the one to keep their wits about them. After a few moments in a blissful embrace, Gilbert managed to pull away and as he did so he looked into Anne's eyes. She was radiant, even in this dark corner. He managed to speak first. "And just what did I do to deserve that, Miss Shirley?"

Anne laughed lightly, "Well to be honest, I have wanted to do that since I first walked downstairs this evening." Gilbert stood there, a bit of awe at her admission. Then he remembered that he had the exact same thought when he saw her. "And also because you might be right, I might have been a bit foolishly jealous of Christine."

"Anne-"

"No, let me finish, please. I am starting to realize a lot of things that I never had before and one of those things was this urge I have always had to kiss you when you looked at me a certain way or when you tease met like you do. I never realized it for what it was and even if I had I doubt I would have ever admitted it to anyone. But I felt it in there just now and I finally realized it for what it was. I realized I wanted to kiss you Gilbert Blythe and I wanted to see what it would be like to act on it. I have to say it was quite worth the effort." She smiled up at him shyly, waiting for him to respond.

"Wow, Anne I don't know what to say except that any time you have the urge to kiss me, please do!" He ran his fingers down her cheek and then down her neck. "This was absolutely perfect. I have always wanted you to kiss me."

"Really?"

"Really! And everything I told Christine about you is true. You are beautiful," he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Smart," he placed another kiss on her cheek.

"Funny," he slowly removed her glove and raised her hand to his lips, placing a lingering kiss on the inside of her wrist.

"And absolutely, shockingly amazing." Finally he placed a light gentle kiss on her lips and she sighed contentedly in his arms.

"And now Miss Shirley, we can't stay in this dark corner all night and I believe you owe me another dance!"

Anne put her glove back on an offered Gilbert her arm. They walked back into the ballroom and were indeed the happiest of all revelers that evening.

Phil stayed close to the couple most of the evening, but being the beautiful and engaging woman she was, her dance card was completely full. She managed to have a good time despite missing Jonas to distraction.

Anne approached her dance with Roy with a little trepidation, but her anxiety turned out to be in vain. Roy was, as always, a perfect gentleman and they managed a very friendly conversation. For Roy's part, he managed to control the one urge he had to caress her hand gently as they danced. He congratulated himself on a job well done. When his dance with Anne ended he found he more than likely had the strength to put Anne Shirley out of his heart for good. As he looked at her one last time, he had to admit how incredibly beautiful and how incredibly happy she looked on the arm of Gilbert Blythe.

As the evening waned, the last dance approached. Anne searched for Gilbert and finally found him standing near the entrance with his coat, hat, and gloves on. She walked hastily over to him. "Gil, what are you doing? There's still one final dance yet!"

"I know."

"So just what do you think you are doing?"

"Well, I am on your dance card for the last dance am I not?"

"Yes, of course you are!"

"So then let's go!"

"And just where do you think we are going?" Anne asked perplexed

"Oh you didn't think I wanted to dance with you _here_ , did you?" Gilbert exclaimed with feigned outrage. "Come on, Carrots. You carriage awaits." Gilbert assisted Anne with her own outerwear and led her outside, where a carriage did indeed await her.

"Gil, what is this?"

"Would you care for a moonlight stroll by the water?"

Gilbert assisted her into the carriage and ten minutes later he helped her back out again as they stood on the stone path that overlooked the water. It was a clear night and the almost full moon shone on the water, bringing an almost daylight shimmer. Both now foregoing gloves altogether, they walked hand in hand down the path, away from the carriage.

They stopped at small dock that looked out over the water. Still holding her hand, Gilbert took her other one in his and brought her in close. "Care to dance, Miss Shirley?"

Anne laughed, "But Gil, there isn't any music."

He gave her a shy smile. "Anne, since when have we ever needed music?" he said as he pulled her in close and kissed her gently.

"Point taken," was all she said when he released her. Gilbert wrapped his arms around her and Anne laid her head on his chest as they swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the lapping water. After a while, Gilbert's voice broke the silence. "Anne, are you happy?"

She took her head off of his chest and looked him in the eyes. "Gil, I haven't been this happy since the day Marilla told me I could stay at Green Gables."

He smiled at her, "Anne there was a question I wanted to ask you almost a year ago. Back then I hadn't given proper thought to what I should say or truly what it meant to ask you what I wanted to. I was a selfish fool who was thinking only of what he wanted. And when I realized you didn't feel the same way, it was devastating. Now, I want to do this right. I want to ask you the way you were meant to be asked. I want you to be asked by a man who is not only head over heels in love with you, but who dearly hopes you will accept with a full heart."

"Gil-" but he put a soft finger over her lips silencing her. It was his time to finally speak.

"Anne, I could say the romantic thing, which is that the last three weeks have been the greatest weeks of my life. And that would be the truth. Or I could also say that the last almost ten years knowing you have made my entire life worth living. If I died tomorrow I would consider my life well lived because I had your love. You have made me a better man. You were the one who helped me see that I wanted to be doctor. You were the one who pushed me at Queens and again when we studied our courses together. It's always been you, Anne. I know I said most of this in my letter and even before when I told you about the Cooper, but I can't ask you what I want to ask you without saying out loud that there has never been, nor will there ever, be anyone on this earth who means more to me than you do. I promise you that I will spend my entire life working to be worthy of you, working to make you happy and cherished. I don't know what the future holds. But I know I don't want to face it unless I have you by my side."

He stopped when he saw tears running down Anne's face. He lifted his had to her face and wiped her tears away gently with this thumb.

Gilbert then dropped to one knee, produced a red rose out seemingly thin air, and spoke the words he had wanted to utter for almost a year, "Anne, will you marry me?"

By now Anne was crying in full measure, happy tears streaming down her face as she looked at the man she loved more than life waiting for her answer.

She reached down and caressed his face gently and as she did so he shifted his face and kissed the inside of her palm. This simple gesture carried all the force of a lightning bolt that shot through her. "Oh, Gil, of course I will marry you!" They sheer joy on his face at her acceptance could not be mistaken. In a second he was on his feet. Wasting no time, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and embraced her as though he might never let her go.

"Do you really mean it Anne, you will marry me? Even if we have to wait four years for me to become a doctor?"

"Of course I mean it!" she replied hastily. "I don't mind waiting. We will do it together. We can wait and work for each other and I will be happy to do so knowing that at the end of it all I get to be your wife. That's worth working and waiting for, Gil! I would wait a lifetime for the privilege of being the mother to your children and the woman you wake up to every morning. I told you before and I meant it, loving you is the greatest accomplishment of my life. Anything that comes from that is worth whatever price I have to pay."

For second time that evening, Anne pulled Gilbert into a passionate kiss, one that lasted for far longer than either of them had thought possible. But neither of them dared pull away. They were too blissfully happy.

When it eventually ended, Gilbert's ragged voice managed only four words, "I love you, Anne."

Anne again rested her head on his chest, "And I love you, Gilbert, with all my heart."

It was some time later when the carriage pulled up to Patty's Place to deposit Anne. Gilbert walked her to her door and kissed her again, this time gently and reverently. And as he broke the kiss he whispered to her, "Goodnight, my future wife."

Anne smiled at the thought and responded in kind, "Goodnight, my future husband." Her words sent a shiver down his spine.

Gilbert had courted Anne Shirley for a paltry three weeks but in truth, he had truly done so for nearly a decade. To have secured her hand was nothing short of his own greatest accomplishment. Neither of them were the same people they had been when the day started. For now they new what it meant to truly belong to one another. At the front door of Patty's Place they finally and reluctantly parted, if only for the hours in which they slept. They were at the end of one amazing journey, but at the beginning of another that they would travel together, one that would last a blissful lifetime. They would just be happy now, waiting and working for each other and dreaming. Oh dreams would be very sweet now.


	20. Ending and Beginnings

_Here is the finale! Sorry, but I got a little long because apparently this story just did not want to end! I trust I will be forgiven for taking up a bit more of your time. Many, many thank to all my 71 followers and everyone who has reviewed my story. I hope you all have enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed writing. Thank you for giving me an audience. I appreciate it immensely!_

 _Much love and appreciation to all,_

 _~Lizzy_

* * *

The dawn brought a beautiful spring morning and Gilbert lay in bed listening to birds chirping through his open window. He smiled happily. Today was to be a great day. He had done it! Years of hard work and determination had finally paid off and today would be the day he stood before his classmates at Convocation and was recognized as the winner of the Cooper Prize for Sciences. He was the first in five years! It was credit to his brains and determination that he had accomplished it. But Gilbert, being ever modest, gave much credit, probably too much, to Anne. She had been there every step of the way, pushing him encouraging him, sacrificing with him so that he could take that stage today. When he thought of the long stretches of time he went without seeing her because he needed to study or when he remembered being caught in their moments together lost in thought because he just couldn't work a problem, he no longer had to feel guilt about any of it. Today was the day he could be free from all of it. Free to spend a perfect summer with the love of his life in blissful happiness knowing that nothing more stood in their way. Nothing now but time.

He thought back to all the times in the past year he was forced to think about what might happen had he not won the Cooper. If there were no Anne, it would have been a minor setback on the way to his dreams. But with Anne there, wearing his ring, waiting patiently for him, counting on him in every way, it became a more than a mere prize and scholarship, it became the achievement upon which his whole future rested.

He and Anne had spoken once or twice about what it would mean if he didn't win it. There were two options, go back to Avonlea and be a farmer or get a job and work his way through medical school. It would have taken even more time for the latter. Time Gilbert wasn't sure he could survive. Time where she still would not be his wife. How much easier would it have all been had Anne not been waiting for him? He shuddered at the realization that it would have infinitely harder.

But luckily he had to think of none of that now, none of it mattered. Because Anne had been willing to take on any of it. Whatever he had asked of her she would have done. Not because it was the choice she wanted, but because it would have been the choice that led to their future. In the last year, Anne had shown Gilbert the true strength of character and depth of devotion he had always known was in her. That he was recipient of that devotion he could still not quite believe sometimes. It hadn't been an easy year, but it had been the best of his life all the same.

And Anne had never doubted him. Not for a single moment.

Still lying in bed, he recalled her reaction when he told her the news that he had won. It was a little less than a week ago and the news had come several days earlier than expected. He had gone to Patty's Place as soon as he finished speaking with Professor Davenport and the Redmond board members...

 _Anne answered the door and gave a bright smile when she saw Gilbert. But before she could so much as utter a word, Gilbert pushed her gently back into the house. He then took her hand and guided her through the house, right by her housemates, through the kitchen and out the back door into the orchard. It was almost comical that the occupants of Patty's Place found nothing strange about that behavior. It was a common enough occurrence that Anne and Gilbert seemed off in their own little world._

 _As soon as he closed the door behind him he spun Anne around in his arms. "Carrots, I just wanted to tell you something."_

 _Anne was a bit breathless after her unexpected excursion, "I should say so Mr. Blythe. Whatever has gotten in to you today?" Anne's tone was light and cheerful but she was perplexed. She had not seen him this animated in weeks. It had been a fight to the finish for the Cooper and when she had seen him at all, there was a tired man looking back at her._

 _"I want to say thank you," he said._

 _"Thank me? For what?" she asked even more perplexed._

 _"For loving me. For bearing with me this past year. I know it hasn't been easy."_

 _"Oh, Gil," Anne said, placing her hand on his face as he turned his head and kissed the inside of her palm. "You don't need to thank me. We are in this together, you know that. No matter what happens, it will always be us."_

 _He smiled at her. My God how he adored her. "Can you do it for another three years?" he asked her earnestly, hoping she might understand him._

 _But his meaning was lost on her and she immediately thought he was having moments of doubt about them, that the pressure of waiting was becoming too much. She would stop at nothing to reassure him. "I could do it forever if you need me to."_

 _He laughed, "You won't have to, Anne," he began as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and handed in to her. "We did it!"_

 _Anne looked at him with a strange mien and took the offered paper, scanning in briefly before he saw her eyes fill with tears. She looked from the paper, to him, back to the paper. For perhaps the first time in her life, Anne Shirley was speechless. "Gil- I-Is this-" she stammered, finally meeting his eyes as tears over flowed in her own. His triumphs were hers and they belonged to each other._

 _Wiping her streaming tears, Gilbert pulled her in close to him and rested his forehead on her, "We did it, Anne!" he said quietly._

 _But suddenly, Anne found her voice, "No, Gil! You did this! Oh, my darling, I am so proud of you! All of that hard work, I knew you could do it!"_

 _"But, Anne don't you see, this was both of us. We did this. Together. Yes it was my brains, but I never would have been able to do this without your help. You pushed me, you supported me, you taught me, long ago, what hard work meant. What it meant to truly work for something."_

 _Anne was still crying as he spoke and her heart was so full of love for him as he tried to give her credit where none was due, but she let him have his moment. "Gil, it's awfully sweet of you to say that. And I will only accept partial credit now because I know that in six days time you will stand on the stage at Convocation and receive all the credit that is due to you. This is your achievement, my love, and I am only too happy to share it with you. I- I don't think I have been this happy since the night of our engagement, Gil."_

 _Finally he kissed her, a long awaited kiss that held all the promises they had spoken of for the past year. This kiss wasn't filled with dreams or what-ifs, it was filled with the sweet release of year of hard work and uncertainty. Gilbert felt a weight he knew he carried lifted off of him as he claimed Anne's lips. The knowledge he had won had done much to lift the strain, but only his beloved's kiss could truly release him completely._

 _Anne had felt no such release because in truth she knew this would be the outcome. She only felt tremendous pride and love._

 _When they finally separated, Gilbert said breathlessly, "You know you owe me dinner now, Carrots."_

 _Anne laughed, remember her promise from when he first told her about the possibility of the award. "Yes, I do! But right now I can do you one better. We are going to celebrate. Not just the Cooper, but the knowledge that in three years time, we will be married and you will be a doctor and we can begin our lives together…"_

And celebrate they had that night, with friends from all quarters in the small parlor at Patty's Place with anyone who could attend at the last minute. The secret they thought they could keep about Gilbert being in the running only managed to stay a secret for several months into Senior year. It somehow spread around campus that Gilbert was a finalist, in fact, the only finalist. Neither Anne nor Gilbert took time to care about how it became public knowledge, but Gilbert assumed with so many people on the board and his professors already knowing it was a miracle it stayed under wraps for as long as it had. But it ended up being all for the better. He had support when he needed it and not just from Anne, but from all quarters. He had told his parent's of the possibility, feeling disingenuous keeping it from them when so many others knew. They stood behind him as expected, his father most especially hoping his son was as smart as his dreams were ambitious. They would not know of his good fortune until he went home next week and he was thrilled to tell them.

And now, in the privacy of his room, a room that he would come back to when medical school started in the fall, he finally allowed himself to be a bit self-congratulatory. Not only had he won a prestigious award that had not been taken in some time, but he had been engaged to Anne for over a year. And while the prestige of winning the Cooper was currently all the talk on the Redmond campus, he still listed winning Anne's heart as his greatest achievement.

* * *

Several hours later, Anne, Gilbert, Priscilla, Stella, Phil, Charlie and countless other proud graduates walked across the stage at Convocation. Anne held a lovely bouquet of lilies of the valley in her arms and was glowing with a mixture of pride and accomplishment. Seeing Gilbert accept his award was one of the happiest moments of her life, paling only slightly to her betrothal and the night Marilla told her she would stay ay Green Gables.

She had watched with happy tears in her eyes and Gilbert flowers and handkerchief in her hands as her modest, hardworking, intelligent fiancé finally smiled in a way she hadn't seen him in months as the Redmond Dean extolled on his many virtues. It was not like Gilbert to be overly proud, but she could see he was enjoying his moment and she loved him all the more for it. He deserved the praise heaped upon him and more. She twirled the handkerchief in her hand and thought back to the day Gilbert had given it to her. What a fool she had been not to know back then what he meant to her. She remembered her words quite vividly from that day… " _I will be the one clapping the loudest and cheering wildly for you, telling everyone I know that my best friend won the most prestigious honor at Redmond!"_ And clap wildly she had as Gilbert stood on stage accepting his honor, his eyes never leaving hers as he looked down on her from the stage.

Anne, of course, was not without her own accomplishment and smiled just as brightly as they called her name on the podium to receive her diploma while also announcing she had taken high honors in English. _How had a no name orphan from Bolingbroke made it this far_ , she thought. It was truly a breathless moment of fulfillment.

After speeches had been made, diplomas handed out, and caps thrown high, the ceremony ended and Anne lost sight of Gilbert among the bustle of the crowd. She searched a little frantically for him and when she managed to find him, she saw he was speaking with the Dean and the Board President. They were shaking his hands and smiling. Gilbert managed to see her out of the corner of his eye and could barely contain the urge to he had to walk away form the conversation directly and go to her. Reason held him there by a thread and when it was polite, he excused himself most graciously and made his way to where Anne stood, herself now surrounded by friends and well-wishers. She smiled gaily and Gilbert thought she had never looked quite so happy before. She was absolutely breathtaking and he could barely stand it. Without another thought, he strode over to her with the confident steps of a man who knew what he wanted, quite rudely interrupted Anne's conversation by spinning her around to face him and there, in front of anyone who cared to see, he kissed her quite passionately. Anne was fairly surprised by his gesture, and more than a little embarrassed, but she surrendered to his kiss all the same and for more than a few seconds they were both lost to all else. Gilbert finally released her only to pick her up and spin her around wildly before placing her safely back to earth.

Anne laughed and looked at the sheer joy on his face and tried to think how it was possible that she ever thought this man was not her romantic ideal. They heard whispers and giggles around them, but neither cared. The whole of the Redmond senior class and beyond knew of Anne and Gilbert and none who saw it could say they were surprised at such a public display, no matter how improper. Even Dean Walters looked on with mirth in his eyes. He had been young and in love once too.

Once Anne had recovered well enough she ventured to speak, "Do you mean to make a spectacle of us again, Mr. Blythe?" She peered up at him with a raised eyebrow and an impertinent smile.

"Watch yourself, Carrots. If I have to, I will kiss you again and this time I won't release you nearly as quickly."

"Is that supposed to be a threat? Because it sounds rather wonderful," Anne's tone was a jest, but her words were perfectly serious.

Gilbert only smiled, "Can you believe it's over, Anne? We are BA's! Did you ever think back when we packed into the tiny Avonlea school room that we would one day be standing here at all, let alone standing here together?"

Anne nodded, "I do think our reality somehow outwitted our dreams, Gil." She ran her hand over his cheek. "I am so proud of you, my love."

"I am proud of you, Anne! High honors in English! That's quite a feat"

"I suppose not when one loves the written word like I do."

Gilbert laughed, "I can't argue that! You love words so much you probably read just as many books for my classes as you did your own."

"Well, how was I to quiz you if I didn't know the material myself?" she asked simply. He marveled at her. Gilbert thought deep down that if he had had to, he might have been able to win the Cooper on his own. He had drive enough. And the thought of not having Anne or watching her on the arm of Roy Gardner might have been enough to for him to pour absolutely everything into the only thing he would have had left. But the fact that he truly felt like it was something they accomplished together made him appreciate it all the more. Anne would never feel the way he did about it because Anne sometimes failed to see just exactly what purpose she brought to his life.

"I suppose you're right, Anne. I can't imagine how I will get along in medical school without you here." Anne made a face that conveyed her slight irritation at Gilbert finishing one challenge and then instantly moving on to the next without so much as a breath.

"Gil, we are not talking about that today! Today is ours to celebrate!" They had only spoken a little of her going to Summerside. It was by far the best option. She had had an offer to teach at a school near Kingsport. It was tempting. But the pay in Summerside as a Principal was almost double. And Anne found that as much as she wanted to be near Gilbert, the thought of being so far away from Marilla for another three years was too much for her. She felt as though she needed this time closer to home, if in fact in three years time she had to leave it for good. He has respected her decision, even hoped it was the choice she'd make. It was as great opportunity and the extra money Anne could save would help them along when they first got married.

"You're right, I am sorry. No talk of September in May." He brought her left hand to up to his lips, taking a minute to admire her circle of pearls, and kissed it. "We did it, Anne!"

"Yes, we did, Gil…" that was as much as she could say before they were swarmed with more friends. Phil came up behind them with Jonas on her heels and the foursome made a mini celebration.

"Can you even believe it! Me a B.A.," Phil gushed! "Tell me Gilbert, I know you're shocked for me aren't you."

"Oh, Phil, not even for a second. You hide your brains behind nonsense sometimes, but I never had doubt, I promise." Gilbert smiled, defending himself against her teasing. Her teasing was well deserved since the day at Patty's Place Phil had overheard Gilbert call her flighty. There had never been a hint of malice to it and Gilbert had only been joking when Anne relayed a story about Phil forgetting where she had left her books that morning. But ever since then she could not help teasing Gilbert for it.

"Well said, Mr. Blythe. Your wedding invite hung in the balance for a moment there." She laughed.

"I think it's too late to exclude me, Phil. What would your mother say to these last minute changes in seating?" They all laughed heartily, remembering the wailing an gnashing of teeth from Mrs. Gordon when she last came to Redmond a few months ago. It was endless talk of wedding nonsense that had Phil and Jonas seriously considering an elopement. The only thing that stopped them was Mr. Gordon. Phil could have brooked her mother's disappointment well enough, but not her father's.

"No, no," Jonas interjected, "no wedding talk today! We all agreed, did we not?" In fact they had. Jonas held out his hand to Gilbert, "Congratulations, Gilbert. Phil and I are both overjoyed for you. It's an immense achievement." Gilbert took the proffered hand and shook in vigorously. Over the last year, he had formed a kindred friendship with Jonas Blake and still remained a little amazed at his relationship with Phil. As different as they were, they went together stunningly well. "Thanks, Jo. I appreciate it."

Phil hugged both of them and they talked merrily for several more minutes. Phil and Jonas were eventually pulled away by Phil's parents who had made the trip to see their daughter graduate. The Gordon's invited Anne and Gilbert for their lunch plans, which they had accepted with pleasure

For the next almost hour, Anne and Gilbert went along a spoke to friends and acquaintances, offering congratulations and in some cases, goodbyes. It was a bittersweet exercise and Anne realized how dearly she would miss Kingsport come September. She had grown to love it here.

Just when they were about to depart, Anne spotted Roy Gardner coming towards them. In the past year, Anne had seen more of Roy that she had ever expected she would and she was surprised when he and Gilbert seemed to form an odd understanding that she couldn't quite call friendship. Gilbert always shrugged when she asked him about it. Anne had not been in his room that day in January. An odd bond had formed that neither gentleman understood or out rightly acknowledged, but it was there all the same.

"Anne, Gilbert, how nice to see you!" Roy said rather uncharacteristically enthusiastic. "Gilbert, again congratulations on the Cooper. You've quite impressed the board of directors."

"Thank you, Roy." Gilbert offered him a sincere smile.

"Anne, Congratulations to you as well, high honors in English is quite something."

"Thank you, Roy." Anne wondered at his temperament. "Is Emily with you?"

At this Anne thought she saw a slight blush paint Roy's cheeks. "Yes, she is, thank you for asking. I believe she's talking to a friend over there."

"I will have to go say hi to her," said Anne.

"Yes, please do, she would appreciate it. She's always been quite fond of you."

"And I her," replied Anne sincerely. Anne had met Emily Bates more than a year ago, near the end of junior year. She was a freshman at the time and took an advanced English course only to find it rather more difficult than she anticipated. Anne had volunteered to tutor her a bit to help her with her finals. They formed a fast friendship. At the beginning of current school year, Anne and Emily had quite literally bumped into Roy outside of the English building. Books flew every which way and Roy found himself quite properly horrified at almost mowing down two co-eds in his rush around campus. Anne and Emily had laughed heartily and Roy found himself rather inclined to laugh as he saw the sparkle in the deep blue eyes of the fetching blonde standing next to Anne.

It was only several weeks later when they began courting and they had been ever since.

"Can we ask your plans after graduation, Roy?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh, well yes, thank you. The plan has always been to get my degree and then begin running my father's business. However, certain things need to be settled first before I take that step." His eyes inadvertently looked towards Emily. Gilbert knew that look.

"Ah, yes, settled you say." Gilbert said knowingly. Roy looked to see Gilbert follow his gaze to Emily and smile. He held out his hand to Roy, "I offer my sincere best wishes that everything gets settled to your satisfaction, Roy." A similar smile graced Anne's face as she shook her head in agreement with Gilbert.

A rather stunned looked crossed Roy's face as he realized they knew his meaning. His shock gave way to a genuine smile of his own as he shook Gilbert's hand. "Thank you, both of you. That means very much to me. I can only hope my fortune is as providential as yours."

"I dare say it will be, Roy." Anne offered, reaching for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. After a few moments, the lady herself joined their conversation and only a fool would not see the mutual affection Roy and Emily held for each other. Anne had always known Roy to be rather reserved and somewhat uneasy in company. But when she saw him with Emily, it was like he was a different man. And Emily, for her part, looked at Roy as though he had hung the moon. After some time passed in pleasant conversation, the Anne and Gilbert sought to take their leave.

"Anne, please do me the honor and save a dance for me this evening?" Roy asked somewhat quietly with a brief glance towards Gilbert for his reaction. There wasn't one.

"It would be my pleasure, Roy." She smiled back at him.

Gilbert requested the requisite dance with Emily and they foursome parted in good cheer.

Anne and Gilbert took a leisurely walk back to Patty's Place, hands entwined, neither really saying much, but both enjoying just being together where no stress or uncertainty could cloud the moment. No words were needed for them to understand the meaning this day held for both of them and their future. At the convocation dance, they were indeed the gayest of all revelers. It was quite the perfect end to a rather perfect day. It was only when Gilbert said his goodbye to Anne at the familiar door of Patty's Place that the evening began to feel more like a beginning rather than an ending.

* * *

It was two weeks later when they were back in Avonlea. But what a two weeks it had been! Packing up four years of life had proved rather daunting for Anne and she was loathe to throw anything away, which had made Gilbert's task of helping all the more difficult when Anne kept rummaging through her garbage to save discarded items. They ended up in a bit of an argument where a rather vexed Gilbert sought to silence Anne's mouth with the only effective means at his disposal. Effective though it was, Anne still traveled home with more things stuffed in trunks than was strictly necessary.

Anne did keep her promise to take Gilbert to dinner before they left Kingsport and made a reservation at one of Kingsport nicer restaurants. It would have been a stretch to say Anne could afford a place like this, but having truly saved for more than a year for it, so confident she was in Gilbert's ultimate success, Anne thought nothing of the cost. But it was not to be. After they had their fill to eat and drink, the waiter had told them that the check had been taken care of. Completely surprised, they had inquired about the identity of their benefactor but were told only that the person wished to remain anonymous, although the waiter was asked to convey well wishes. They both looked around the restaurant to see if anyone they knew had been there, but they recognized no one. Completely stumped, but truly grateful, they endeavored to enjoy the gesture in the spirit in which it was intended.

Had they looked harder, they might have seen, in the far back corner of the restaurant, hidden almost completely from sight at a private table sat their mysterious benefactor. He had seen Anne and Gilbert walk in and was struck with the idea of doing something special for them. Roy Gardner had felt rather charitable and distinctly grateful to the lady who had introduced him to the woman, who only moments before, had agreed to be his wife.

From Kingsport, they traveled to Bolingbroke for Phil and Jo's wedding. It was an extravagant, elegant, exhausting, and strangely thrilling affair. But the good company with dear friends for several days was a most welcome end to their college experience. But saying goodbye to her dear friends was rather harder than she had imagined it would be and there had been no shortage of tears on the way back to Avonlea.

* * *

It was an exhausted couple that returned to Avonlea. Gilbert had sworn while in Bolingbroke he was coming down with something. So it was no surprise to either of them when in the first week back Gilbert did in fact come down with an aggressive and rather unexpected cold. He was abed for nearly a week. Caroline Blythe rightly blamed the stress and rigors of his studies, to which Gilbert had to grudgingly agree that while stress couldn't cause a cold, perhaps his body had been a bit too rundown to fight it properly. Caroline, with a little help from Anne (mostly distant help of course for proprieties sake), nursed Gilbert to health in no time.

Caroline had never stopped worrying about Gilbert since they had found out about the Cooper. She knew her son was studying too hard and working too long into the night. That he had come home unwell did not surprise her and she thanked the Lord above it was nothing worse. She had to give credit to Anne for that. She knew that in her own absence, Anne had taken care of Gilbert in the best possible way.

It was a week into June when Gilbert, fit as a fiddle, rambled up the dusty lane to Green Gables. He was met by two ladies sitting on the porch, one with a smile and the other with a frown.

"Good afternoon. Gilbert. Glad to see you are doing well again," declared Marilla as he came closer.

"Thank you, Miss Cuthbert. Yes, I am feeling much better." He replied.

Marilla's mouth formed a thin line, "Glad to hear it. And please, you are to be my son-in-law, can you not now call me Marilla?"

Gilbert smiled. She had asked the same thing when she heard of their engagement, but Gilbert's natural deference to elders prevented him from being comfortable addressing her so. But it was clear she wished it and he would not disappoint.

"Forgive me, Marilla. Addressing you so informally will require a bit of practice on my part, I assure you."

"Stuff and nonsense," was the playful reply.

"Well if you ask me," piped in Rachel Lynde, which of course no one had, "You shouldn't even be out of bed yet! What does your mother mean letting you leave the house so soon after your illness?"

"It was hardly an illness, Mrs. Lynde, really just a trifling cold," Gilbert protested.

"People do not stay abed for a week for trifling colds," came the retort. "You ought to be resting!"

"Rachel, leave the boy alone. He looks just fine from where I am sitting," Marilla rolled her eyes and shot Gilbert an exasperated glance as though this was not the first time she had heard this rant.

"I don't know why you young people have to go out and almost kill yourselves just for an education. You and Anne are both thin as rails. Did that college even feed you?" Rachel's rant continued for a few more moments, until Anne appeared like a savior at the doorway.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked lightly, seeing the look of restrained amusement on Gilbert's handsome face.

"I was just telling Gilbert that he ought to still be in bed. I can't see what Caroline Blythe was thinking let him walk all around creation."

Anne laughed, "Oh Mrs. Lynde you might be correct about that, but you see Caroline Blythe knows firsthand just what a terrible patient Gilbert is. It's no wonder she hadn't kicked him out days ago."

Gilbert screwed his face up into one of mock indignation as he replied, "Anne, I am right here. I can hear you, you know."

"Oh, so you are, I hadn't noticed," she teased. "Are you suggesting I am wrong?"

"Not at all, I am a terrible patient," he admitted with a chuckle. "But a man doesn't like to hear himself disparaged by his fiancé in company."

"Oh how thoughtless of me," and laughed. She then turned to Rachel and Marilla. "I assure you ladies, Gilbert is a model patient. He was never cranky or ungrateful and he always said please and thank you whenever anyone did something kind to take care of him." She turned back to Gilbert, "There, is that better?"

"Much, thank you!"

Marilla looked on at their teasing and could not help but smile. It had been a long time since the first hopes had crept into her heart that these two might make a match. And now that they had, there were times when she could hardly contain her delight about it. It was clear they were very much in love. _Perhaps some good has come out of my long ago mistake after all_ , she thought as she looked at Gilbert and marveled at just how much he resembled John Blythe. _Yes, indeed it has, an ultimate and grand good!_

"What brings you here, this afternoon Mr. Blythe?" asked Anne.

"Well, I thought I might ask you to go for one of our old-time rambles through the June woods and o'er the hill where the spices grow. Suppose we visit Hester Grey's garden."  
Anne was delighted at the suggestion. "Sounds quite perfect. Then how about to see Diana after?"

"Of course! Then shall we?" Gilbert asked offering her his arm.

Anne took it and off they walked leaving, Marilla and Rachel to their previous activities. Marilla smiled when watching them walk down the lane she saw their arms fall down at their sides. Gilbert then reached for Anne's hand, which she supplied readily, and their fingers entwined in a simple and sweet gesture.

Marilla might have been less inclined to approve when ten minutes later, quite out of sight, Gilbert pressed Anne against a large oak tree and kissed her fairly soundly.  
When at last he ceased, Anne gathered her breath. "And just how long do you think you are going to keep me pressed up against this tree, Mr. Blythe?" She was unable to hide the look in her eyes that suggested however he answered, the time would not be quite long enough for her.

Gilbert looked into her eyes and the saw the longing in them. Longing he knew would make the next three years a long time indeed. "Well that depends, Miss Shirley. Are you prepared to apologize for calling me a terrible patient?"

"Not at all! For I only spoke the truth."

He laughed in response. "Yes, I suppose you did." He stepped back from her and she felt the loss rather keenly. Suddenly he got a very thoughtful look.

"And just what are you thinking now?"

"I am just thinking how hard the next three years will be, Anne. I won't be able to do this with whenever I want."

Anne stifled a giggle.

"And what's so funny?" he asked.

"Oh nothing really, I am just thinking that with the two of us, periods of separation until we are married may not be the worst thing." And by the look she gave him Gilbert knew very well where her thoughts tended.

There was no doubt they were both of a passionate nature, so it should have come as no surprise that a time or two in the past year their desire for one another went beyond the bounds of propriety. But for Gilbert's good sense and Anne's desire for a proper time and place, they could have made a dangerous and foolish mistake. But they hadn't. In truth, that hadn't even come anywhere close. But they both understood just how easy it would have been to fall into that trap. Luckily, they had no qualms about discussing these matters and they both quite agreed they needed to be strong for one another. Couched in terms of not letting Anne down, Gilbert found it much easier to resist the temptation. And when Anne thought of the possibility of ruining Gilbert's chances at becoming a doctor, her love for him overrode any other consideration.

"Yes, well, you might be right about that. But pressing you up against trees and kissing you silly aren't quite all I am going to miss, Anne."

"Oh? And just what else will you miss?"

"Everything about you, Carrots," was his simple honest answer. But then he elaborated, "I will miss your voice the most I think. It's the most wonderful and soothing sound in the world to me."

She rewarded him with a wonderful smile. "I believe that might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," Anne replied, a tear in her eye.

He smiled back at her, a little speechless at how beautiful she looked when she was truly happy. As the tear rolled down her cheek, Gilbert marveled at the honesty and trust of the woman before him. Anyone else would have wiped the tear away before it had the chance to escape. But not Anne. Not in front of him. She let him see all of her all the time. He reached up and wiped her tear away gently with his thumb and then took both of her hands in his as he looked intently in her eyes.

"Three years?" He asked expectantly.

"Three years, my love." She replied, laying her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Three years," he said again. "Promise me?"

Anne looked up at him, "Haven't I already done so?"

"No you've promised to marry me someday. I want you too promise me now that on this date or very near it three years into the future, you will be my wife."

Anne raised her head a looked up at him and smiled. "My dear future husband, I promise you."

"And I promise you too," he said kissing her forehead.

"But I am afraid it might be quite an exercise in mere formality by that point."

Pulling back from her he looked at her with a frown, "Anne, how could you think our wedding a mere formality?" He was somewhat astonished she could treat it so irreverently.

But in the next moment she astonished him, "Gilbert you know well that am not one to do things by half measure. When I fell in love with you I gave you my whole heart completely and irrevocably. I am as devoted to you as any wife is to her husband. Our wedding will be a blessing because it will start our life together. And we will be able to be together in every way. But it won't be that day I think of you as my husband, for you must know, as improper as it may be, that I already do."

In that moment, Gilbert felt as if he could not breathe as he looked down at Anne, his chest constricting tightly. What had he ever done in his life to deserve her? How was it even possible she now loved him as he did her?

"Anne," he whispered, "I can't," he choked up, a tear welling in his own eye for a moment. "I can't easily make speeches like you. Mostly because often just looking at you leaves me quite tongue tied. And I guess because I am not as brave as you are. You are so honest. You always help give me voice to those things inside me that I feel but cannot name. Without realizing it until this moment, I have long thought of you as my wife. And marrying you will do little to change that. But on the day we are finally married, I promise you it won't be a formality. It will be, quite easily, the happiest day of our lives."

Anne smiled a bright smile and leaned up to kiss him. "Three years until forever, Gil."

He pulled her in tighter and kissed into her hair. "Three years until forever, Carrots."

They turned and walked hand in hand to Hester Grey's garden, both quite certain that three years seemed like no time at all when forever waited at the end of it.

 _The End_


End file.
